9/13/26 Blind Spots: Anger

0:01 Welcome to Sunday homilies with me, Father Mike Schmitz. I hope today's homily inspires and motivates you, and I also hope that it leaves you hungry for the one who gave everything to feed you. If you want to get this and other Sunday Mass resources sent straight to your inbox, sign up at ascensionpress.com slash Sunday or by texting Sunday to 33777. You can also follow or subscribe in your podcast app for weekly notifications. God bless. The Lord be with you. A reading from the Holy Gospel according to Matthew. Chapter 18, verses 21 through 35. Peter approached Jesus and asked him, Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive? As many as seven times? Jesus answered, I say to you not seven times, but 77 times. That is why the kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king who decided to settle accounts with his servants.

1:01 When he began the accounting, a debtor was brought before him who owed him a huge amount. Since he had no way of paying it back, his master ordered him to be sold along with his wife, his children, and all his property in payment of the debt. At that, the servant fell down, did him homage, and said, Be patient with me, and I will pay you back in full. Moved with compassion, the master of that servant let him go and forgave him the loan. When that servant had left, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a much smaller amount. He seized him, started to choke him, demanding, pay back what you owe. Falling to his knees, his fellow servant begged him, be patient with me and I will pay you back. But he refused. Instead, he had his fellow servant put in prison until he paid back the debt. Now when his fellow servants saw what had happened, they were deeply disturbed and they went to their master and reported the whole affair.

1:54 His master summoned him and said to him, you wicked servant, I forgave you your entire debt because you asked me to. Should you not have had pity on your fellow servant as I had pity on you? Then in anger, his master handed him over to the torturers until he should pay back the whole debt. And so will my heavenly father do to you unless each of you forgives your brother from your heart.

2:19 The gospel of the Lord. Wait to have a seat. so um unfortunately i unfortunately i see my physical therapist a lot just falling apart um but fortunately my physical therapist is awesome and at one point so she was uh she was a high school athlete she became a college athlete up at css she still is an athlete she still competes and one of the things she always does is she reminds me whenever all of our patients about like whenever you go into something you know it's going to be hard you know it's going to be tough you know it's going to be a challenge, that your mindset can change everything. And I had a fact checker, so I looked it up a little bit, and I'm like, actually, it's true. They did the study at Harvard Business School of students who had an experimental group when they were taking a test that something that they knew was not only difficult, but high stakes.

3:14 If they had talked to themselves like, okay, I'm nervous, I'm stressed, that's one thing, but they had themselves talk to themselves and say, no, I'm excited. It's a high stakes test, really difficult test, but I'm excited. They performed significantly better than if they just let themselves be nervous, let themselves be afraid. In fact, they've even done this with physical testing. For example, they had some elite level cyclists, you know, bicyclists, and they had to do this kind of a time trial where you had to go as far as hard, as hard as you could for as far as you possibly could. They tested it and then they had them go back. And during that hard test where they went as hard as they could for as far as they could, they had them have this positive self-talk where there's kind of a sense of um they would say okay this is hard but i'm but i can do it like this is tough but i've trained for this that this is difficult but i love doing this they performed 18 better when they had the right mindset when they looked at it and said yes in fact that's my pt she says she said okay here's a secret before you do something hard it's one word whether that be like a tough workout whether it be like a big challenge you know you're going into something that is going to be difficult just one just remember one word and say this one word and it changes everything she says you're going through the hard thing just go like this just say yes I was like I try it it's awesome you should try it it works even Monday morning it actually works the alarm goes off I sometimes say another one word but but if you switch it and just say yes it actually shifts things to look at life and say okay, it's going to be hard, but yes. No, I bring this up because last week we started a whole new series, right? Last week we had this series called Blind Spots. The idea behind this is based off Psalm 19, where the psalmist says, from hidden faults, O Lord, acquit me. Now, there are some sins that we know of. There's some sins that we're ashamed of. There's some sins that we're just like, gosh, we're so embarrassed by them, but there are other sins that we're not embarrassed by.

5:11 they're they're what you might call acceptable sins now the kind of sins that if you were to give an example of I went to confession and confessed x y and z they're the ones you'd use right so last week we talked about the acceptable sin of gossip like gossip is we're not embarrassed by it typically we're not ashamed of gossip but that doesn't mean it's not deadly in fact deadly gossip is very deadly but it become an acceptable sin so it's remains an invisible vice so it's in our blind spots and so for the next today including today for the next five weeks we're looking at some of these blind spots now before we go any further I want to highlight this someone asked me they said okay so father do I have to like dig up my blind spots are there things like I don't know these aren't the same that's not that kind of blind spot these are these are not blind spots in the sense you don't know they're there you know they're there we just give ourselves a pass on them if that makes any sense like I know if I gossip I just give myself a pass because it's an acceptable sin.

6:09 Today, we're looking at another one. Like last week, gossip is an action. You know when you do it, you know when you don't do it. But there's other blind spots that aren't actions, they're more attitudes. They're not decisions, they're more kind of dispositions that we approach life by. And the one we have today is the one from the first reading. It's the book of Sirach. The first line, in fact, Sirach writes this, he says, Anger and wrath are hateful things, but the sinner holds them tight.

6:40 Today we're going to talk about anger as a blind spot sin. And again, not anger like in the sense of rage, like you flip tables and not anger in the sense of like you lose your temper or you have a short fuse or you just fly off the handle, although that's real. And if that's you, deal with it. But that's the kind of sin that we're embarrassed by. Like if you lose your temper in public, we feel ashamed about this. We're talking about a different kind of anger. But before we look at that kind of anger, I want to highlight two things quick. Number one, emotions, anger is an emotion. Emotions are not sins. We have to understand this. Emotions are just, they just are. They're what they call, they're amoral. Like they're neither good nor bad. So the emotion of fear, of stress, anxiety, worry, anger, it's not bad, it just is. What we do with it is either good or bad. The second thing is this.

7:32 Second thing is sometimes people, you know, we have negative emotions and positive emotions. I think sometimes we want to be happy. So being happy means for us is I need to eliminate the negative emotions. I know a man, his name is Dr. Arthur Brooks. Arthur Brooks is a, he's like a happiness scientist, happiness doctor. And he says, that's what people want. They think if I'm going to be happy, I will only have positive emotions. I need to eliminate negative emotions. But he says that is a very, very bad idea. not only because it's impossible, but because negative emotions actually serve a function. We need negative emotions. If you didn't have any negative emotions, you'd be dead. So if you didn't have the negative emotion of fear, you'd walk down that dark alley that you should stay away from. If you didn't have the negative emotion of stress in anticipation of the test tomorrow, you wouldn't study. And if we didn't have the negative emotion of anger, when you saw an injustice, you wouldn't be moved to take action because there are some things, right?

8:29 There are some things, we see them, and they make us angry, and that's good. I don't know if you've ever seen the bumper sticker, if you're not angry, you're not paying attention. Maybe you've seen this. Kind of a hippie's put on the back of the car, you know. And to a certain extent, that's right. To a certain extent, that's true. But we know this. We know that there are things worth being angry about, and there's things not worth being angry about. There are things worth being angry about. Two days ago, we just commemorated the 25th anniversary of terrorist attack on the United States of America. That's worth being angry about.

9:02 If that anger moves us to do good, it's worth being angry about. But we all know that there are things that if we're going to be honest, we don't need to be angry about. I was debating whether or not I would share this, but here we go. I guess it's church, this is confession. Two weeks ago, two Sundays ago, we had a big event over at Newman. It was our main event. In fact, it was an afternoon. We had like a kind of an epic block party, kind of a carnival situation. So there was inflatables. We had a bunch of food games. We had cotton candy. We had warm pretzels and cheese. That's not really made out of cheese. And then we had tons of burgers. And so here's the thing. Whenever we grill at Newman, like I'm the guy on the grill. Like this is how it goes. Like I'm the spiritual father, dad grills. That's how it goes. That's the rule. And so we had a bunch of other adults helping us put on this event.

9:54 They manned the games, the cotton candy, some other things. and at one point one of the adults showed up and he goes over to the grilling section his name's Brett and Brett goes over to the grilling section I'm like okay Brett's over at the grilling section yeah and then Brett puts on an apron I'm like Brett's put on an apron then Brett takes out a hat on the hat it says meat master I was like what is going on why is Brett he Brett thinks he's grilling. Brett thinks he's grilling. And I just, I was like, I didn't flip a table. I didn't fly off in a rage. I just, I just did what we do, which is like. and then I went and walked around and said some snide things who's organizing this thing who didn't tell Brett that I'm the grill master I'm the meat master you know I was basically a turd and I got past it but I remember looking back at this going wait a second oh my goodness there's at least four things I need to keep in mind number one we have to grill hundreds of burgers tonight it's good to have some help number two I could have been an adult I walked up to Brett who's actually another adult and said, Brett, we have to grill hundreds of burgers. We're both assigned to the grill. How do you want to make this work? Number three, this is the worst part.

11:11 Brett and I are actually friends. Like I've hung out at his house. We've shared a sauna together. Like Brett is the most casual, laid back, easygoing, kind man. I could have said, hey Brett, my friend, we have to grill hundreds of burgers together. We're both assigned to the grill. How do you want this to work out. And the fourth thing I could have done is realized it's only burgers. There are some things, some things that are not worth getting angry about. This is what Ben Sirach is talking about in the first reading. It's what Sirach says. He says, anger and wrath are hateful things, but the sinner holds them tight. He's not talking about rage. He's not talking about people seething. He's not talking about passion. He's talking about something else. He says the sinner holds them what he's describing is what we might call an angry person.

11:59 Like, you know, we know angry people. What he's talking about is this subtle chronic disposition towards life, which is not strictly speaking an action, but it's an attitude. It's the kind of person... who you'd say well there's there's something always wrong isn't there and there's always something wrong it's the kind of person when you meet them and you before you see them before they come over or you go over to the house you kind of have to brace yourself you're like which version are we going to get are they are we going to get the the fun version of them where we can relax okay good or we're going to get the version where okay they're angry again something's always wrong we have to be on eggshells you know it's the it's the kind of person who they walk into a room and they start aggressively cleaning? Like they're picking up stuff as if each item has personally offended them. Or maybe they're cooking in the kitchen and long before you can smell the meal, you can hear them banging away, slamming the cupboards, banging the pots on the table. Like what is going on in there? Or the kind of person, have you ever seen someone fold their clothes as if each t-shirt has murdered their entire family? You're like, what is happening? No, they're just, they're just, something's always wrong. They're just, they're just angry. And all those things, of course, are just things that have to get done. You have to do your laundry. You have to pick up. You have to eat. Or another example is that person, if everyone else on the road is always in the wrong, maybe anger is one of your issues. If every person on the road falls into one of two categories, they're either a moron or they're crazy. Guy driving so slow. What a Moron. Look how fast he's going. That guy's crazy. Like maybe it's possible that the guilty one is the one in the driver's seat. You know, it's the kind of, it's kind of person who can say, well, you know, if I'm not happy, no one gets to be happy.

13:53 And I imagine pips of people are like, I'm not like that. Like, okay. How about this? If I'm not happy, everyone gets to hear about it. That might be more us. When we hold on, again, the anger and wrath are hateful things, but the sinner holds up tight. There's something always wrong. If I'm not happy, everyone gets to hear about it. Now, of course, someone could say, but Father, I need to be me. Like, should I just fake it? Should I just pretend like everything's fine? I say no, but I would also say this. There's typically one reason why people are angry. There's typically one reason why people are not happy. Yes, there is sorrow in this world. There's grief in this world. There are horrible things in this world. But I think when it comes to the kind of person that just nothing's ever good enough, something's always wrong, I think the main reason, if there's one reason why people are not happy, and it's because they don't let themselves be happy. there's a reason why so many people are angry why because i want to be remember the the blind spot remember the blind spot of anger is this subtle chronic disposition it's an attitude towards life and the attitude is this i wanted things to be other than they are i wanted things to be different no the problem is traffic the problem is the mess the problem is other people no this is the thing your problem isn't traffic.

15:15 Your problem isn't work. Your problem isn't the mess. Your problem isn't other people. Your problem isn't your circumstances. Your problem is reality. My problem isn't that things keep going wrong. My problem is that things keep going not the way I want. My problem is that reality refuses to consult me before it happens. and the reality is that reality wins 100% of the time.

15:43 I used to think that getting old was the cure. I used to think that just, you know, age out of that kind of thing. I used to think, like, you know, when you get old, you're just like, it's fine. Sit down in a rocking chair, everything's fine. Until I met old people for real. And you realize, oh, there's no cure. because you get old, you just have more could have's. You get old, there's more should have's. You know, there's more would have's. I would say this, you get old, all you have is more reality. There's more things wrong with less chance of fixing them. and yet something has to get fixed.

16:24 In all of our hearts, if we hold on to this blind spot of anger, Sirach goes on to say, he says, can anyone nourish anger and expect healing? Something has to get fixed in our hearts. So what's the remedy? That's the question, what's the remedy? If something's always wrong, what's the remedy? There's a priest, his name is Father Romano Gordini. He died a number of years ago, but he wrote a great book. it's one of my favorite books of all time. It's living the virtues that lead you to God. And in this book, he spelled out the two remedies for this chronic blind spot of anger. He said these two things, acceptance and patience. Now, when we hear acceptance, sometimes we think acceptance, you mean resignation? Like just accept him and just like give up? He said, no, he said, Gordini said this, he said, acceptance is the necessary starting point for any real change.

17:16 She said, before any real effort, for any attempt to change what's wrong, I have to first have acceptance of what is. She said, I first have to accept reality, your own, that of other people, and of the time in which you live. so I have to accept wow I wish I was different but I'm not I have to accept it in order to become someone God wants me to be I I want to love this person in my life I wish they were different but I have to first accept the fact they're not different then I can start loving them I have to accept that no this is the time that I live this is the age in which I live these are the realities in which I live and I have to have a posture towards this in other words it's this In other words, the posture is this, I have to say yes to life. in order to let go of that anger, the first thing I have to do, I have to say yes to life.

18:12 I have to say yes to the fact that reality is real before I can do anything with it. I have to stop resenting what is true so that we can begin responding to what's true. I mean, it's the person who gets a flat tire on the side of the road. And what's the temptation? The temptation is just like hit the steering wheel, get outside, kick the tire, complain about the fact I'm going to be late now instead of, I don't know, changing the tire. It's going back to your apartment, to your dorm tonight, and being like, oh, telling all your roommates, well, I've got a big test tomorrow. I've got a big test tomorrow. I've got a big paper tomorrow. I've got a big thing. And just repeating it over and over again versus like actually doing the test, taking this time to study, writing the paper. It's happened to me like this. Twice this happened to me in the last year where I was making coffee and I put the coffee pot and thing, all the grounds and everything, set the button, walked away. I could smell coffee coming from the kitchen. I was like, this is great.

19:05 I walk into the kitchen, and unfortunately what happened was I did not put the carafe all the way into the thing, so coffee was being made. It just wasn't going into the carafe. It was going onto the counter all over the floor. I walked in in disbelief. How does this happen? I didn't believe it. I was outraged. And I stood there in disbelief and outrage. And funny, no amount of outrage put one drop back into the carafe. that was a moment of just okay yes this is reality let me do something so when someone is late and you're sitting there sitting going like they should be here they should be here they should be here yes they should be here but the question is no longer should they be here yes they should the question is now what is my response to the fact that they're not now none of this is saying this is good, all of it, all it's saying is this is real. And this is the Christian lens. This is where the Christian lens is so important. This is where we have to look at this. We look at this and say, okay, this is God's providence. This is God's goodness. Because all of this we're talking about tonight, all of this has to do with God. Why? Because every moment belongs to him. All of reality is his. That's under his dominion. And so the angry person keeps demanding a different reality.

20:20 but the accepting person begins working with the reality that God has given. That's called patience. To say that yes to reality, that's acceptance. To begin working with the reality that God's given, that's patience. without that the blind spot of anger is so deadly especially for us what I mean is especially for church people why not just because we know better,

20:53 but because we've been touched by grace. Think of the gospel today. Here's this man who owes this massive amount, this huge debt he could never pay back in multiple lifetimes. And the master says, I release you. His life has completely changed. He was dead, now he's alive. And the next thing, what does he do? The next thing he does is he meets someone who owes him a much smaller amount, refuses to forgive. That's us when we hold on to anger. When anger and wrath are hateful things but we hold them tight, it's as if we've never experienced what love really is like.

21:31 It's as if we've never experienced grace. One of the reasons why anger can't be the blind spot of us is because it means we're living. as if God's grace has had no effect on us. but to be touched by God's grace means we have to then give grace. To be moved by God's patience means we have to be patient. In fact, where Dini says this, he says, God is the preeminent patient one. I love how he said this. He said, God's the preeminent patient one. Why? He said, because God created this whole universe. God continues to sustain this universe and God does not grow weary of a moment of it.

22:14 God doesn't get tired of keeping this universe in. God doesn't get frustrated with us. But again and again, every day he says, again, sunrise, again, new day, again. And this is so good because if God is the preeminent patient one, with each of us, he says, it's okay, again, I'm not tired of helping you. I'm not tired of loving you.

22:39 We can resist or change many things according to our wishes. but basically we have to accept reality as it comes to us and to accept that and to live accordingly is patience and this is the last thing The blind spot of anger is so deadly, but acceptance and patience are so powerful. To live like this is to continually say yes to life. And this is the last Gordini quote. He said, he who does not love life has no patience with it. he who does not love life has no patience with it and in this case what does he mean what does he mean by life he means all of it the ups and the downs I love life the laughters and the tears we love life the the rest and the chores we love life the day of rest on Sunday and the work of Monday. The tidy spaces in the home and the messes in the home. When you're holding your child and they're just laughing and smiling and googling and giggling and the kid won't stop crying. Like all of it. To say yes to all of it means that's, I now am free to love life and I'm free to not cling to anger.

24:04 I'm free to stop resenting reality. I'm free to accept reality. to have the patience to love and to be cheerful when reality is not what I want.