Everyday Courage · Courage in the Mirror · Part 4

0:00 So about 20, I can't remember, it's over 20 years, 20 plus years ago, I ruptured a disc in my lower back, but I didn't know that's what I did, so I self-diagnosed. Only men do this, I think. Women, you're so much smarter, you actually go see the doctor, but we're like, I've got this figured out, you know. I was an English major, so I'm pretty sure I know what's going on, you know, with my physical body, right? Just men. Okay, just men. How many of you have ever missed, not missed, but self-diagnosed? It's like, I got this. Is it just me? Yeah, yeah, we got this. We don't need anybody to tell us what to do. So I self-diagnosed, and shocker, I misdiagnosed. I labeled my ruptured disc something entirely different, so I treated it as if it was something entirely different. And you will be surprised to know it didn't get better. In fact, it got worse.

0:52 It got so worse, so worse. It got so worse. It got so much worse. I passed out twice. And if you've ever had ruptured disc, you know, when it hits, it's like you're just out. The pain, it just knocks you out. I had to cancel a family vacation. Sandra's here today just as a witness. We had our suitcases for our whole family sitting at the garage door to leave the next morning. And that next morning, I couldn't get out of bed. And it had been getting progressively worse. But, you know, I got this. I got this. You know, and I didn't got this. and then at one point I'm laying on my back in our bedroom with a pillow under my knees and I finally found a place where I wasn't like in agonizing pain I'm laying there looking up at the ceiling and I start having this conversation with myself I'm not making this up and the conversation went what kind of career can I have from this position because this is the only spot in the only position where I'm not in excruciating pain. And I just, I mean, I just started thinking, and now if you're not a Christian or not from a church world or church background, or maybe you're a different faith or different faith tradition, by the way, we're so glad you're here or watching.

2:01 This is going to sound weird to you, so I'm just admitting it. And I thought, well, I could be an intercessor. So you don't know what that is. Okay. So an intercessor is somebody that just prays for other people all the time. So I thought I could just lay here and Sandra could like bring me little cards and I could be like, I want to pray for Susie and her thing at the deal. And I could just, I could just, but that's all I could do because it was, it was so, it was so bad. And finally it dawned on me because I'm smart. I do not think this is what I thought this is. And that's bad grammar, but it's kind of my, my best I'm princess bride thing. Anyway, Anyway, so one MRI later and an outpatient surgery later, an outpatient surgery, I sit up on the table and the pain is completely gone. And just because I know what happens when I say things like this, my surgeon retired years ago.

2:57 So please don't email me. It's like, get Andy's surgeon. Okay, he retired. But my goodness, it was miraculous. Now, the point being, when you misdiagnose things, they don't get better. And to the point of this series and what we've been talking about for the past few weeks, if you misdiagnose fear, it's actually fear, but you decide it's something else because nobody's afraid. You know, I'm not afraid of anything. Misdiagnose fear, label it something other than what it is, and you're stuck. You're stuck with the consequences of your fear and you can't move forward. And the thing is, you don't want to be stuck. I don't even know you, but I don't want you to be stuck. But most importantly, your heavenly father doesn't want you to be stuck and controlled by fear. So getting a bead on it and recognizing it for what it is and responding to fear as if it's fear is the way forward. So that's what we've been talking about. Today, we're wrapping up this four-part series entitled Everyday Courage.

3:51 And the big idea behind this series, if you haven't been here, I'm gonna catch you up real quick before we move on, is this, that a single act of courage, and you've seen this, read about it, maybe you've experienced it, a single act of courage is often the catalyst, often the catalyst for something extraordinary, often the catalyst for extraordinary. And we can all point to or know about or read about or celebrate periods of history or events in history where somebody stepped up and did something, that one act of courage by that one person that set things in motion and things got better, a revolution, a good revolution began, a new movement began because somebody decided, hey, I'm just, I can't take this anymore, this has to change. But the same dynamic doesn't just play out in history. It plays out or has the potential to play out in our everyday lives. That's why we've called this everyday courage.

4:43 But regarding the examples that come from history that make movies and shows out of and historical fiction and history, if you love to read history, the names that come to mind when we think about those epic expressions of courage, the names that come to mind, they come to mind because of this. Those people did not wait for their fear to disappear. because fear doesn't disappear. You pick up your fear and you move into the gap. You move forward. Anyway, they acted not because their fear disappeared. They acted because something needed to be done and they acted in spite of their fear. And when you read those stories, hear those stories, see those stories played out in movies or series, you think to yourself, I think we all think to ourself to some extent, I hope that if I were them in those circumstances or if I ever faced something that epic, that I would have the courage to step into the gap and to do the thing, say the thing, respond to the thing, confront the thing, change the thing like they did. But most of us aren't going to face any kind of challenges that require courage that changes the direction of a nation or starts a movement that changes the world. For us, it's the everyday thing. While we don't, as we said throughout the series, while we don't face literal Goliaths, we all from season to season, in different times in life, we all have our own giants, things that need to be addressed, sins that need to be confessed, habits that we need to admit to, relationships that we need to take the first step in repairing. But as we've said throughout the series, we hesitate. We're reluctant. And what happens is we manufacture reasons for why we hesitate.

6:27 We manufacture reasons for our reluctance. But the truth is, we're afraid. We can imagine what's going to happen, and we project into the future, and it just doesn't seem like it's worth it, and we're afraid. And the reason that it's so important for us to acknowledge this is if you don't correctly diagnose fear, you will respond as if it's something else, and you will be stuck. And here's how we know it's fear. And again, we've said this in every part of the series. The way we know it's fear is this. When you know what needs to be done, when you know what you need to do, when we know what needs to be said, when we're confident that this needs to be confronted, but we hesitate because of a potential outcome, that's fear. That's what fear is.

7:23 It's projecting into the future and deciding I just can't do it. So in part one, real quick, in part one, I made the point, and we spent the whole time talking about this, that Jesus followers, that Jesus followers are not to think in terms of outcomes and are not to be so focused on outcomes that we're afraid to do the thing we need to do. Now, if you're a person of another faith tradition or you're not a Christian or maybe you used to be and somebody dragged you to church or is making you watch this, I don't have any right to tell you what to do with your life at all. This is all optional for you. But in the first part of this series, we said, for those of us who claim to be Jesus followers, not just believers, Jesus followers, our responsibility isn't to manage or predict outcomes. Our responsibility is to say yes to our King. That the when is not what happens. The when is the fact that we said yes in spite of what might happen. And we say, God, outcomes, you are controlling outcomes.

8:19 you're responsible for outcomes. I can go to bed tonight with a clear conscience because I did what I knew you wanted me to do. Then in part two, we talked about a specific expression of courage, and this was kind of a surprise to connect these two things, but we talked about the courage to forgive and that forgiveness is courageous because you're giving something up, you're making a sacrifice, and you don't know what the outcome's going to be. And we said that forgiveness is a way independent of the person who hurt you to ensure your independence from the person who hurt you. But it takes an act of courage to forgive. Then in part three, last time we were together, we discussed the courage to admit and to own our share of the blame. Then when it's mostly their fault, when it's easy to build a case against the company, against your ex, against your fiance, against your friend, against whoever it might be, a parent, it's easy to build a case. But courage says, you know what? I might own a slice of that blame pie, and I have the courage to admit to my part, admit to my role, even if my part is small by comparison. So here's my hope for the whole series. Here's the big takeaway. I hope that you will begin correctly diagnosing what's going on in the background of your life, and that if it's fear, you'll admit it, and then you'll address it for what it is that you'll, this is your opportunity, my opportunity to literally step up and be the hero in our own story. Because the hero is the person that is willing to pack up their fear and move forward anyway, and they don't wait for fear to disappear. And if you do, you'll look back on this season. You'll look back on whatever's happening now that you're struggling with. You'll look back on the decision to acknowledge your fear and to address it, and you'll be so glad you did.

10:12 Because this episode that's happening right now with you is not your life story. It's just a chapter in your life story. And to respond to fear and to acknowledge fear is a good story to tell. And whatever's going on right now in your life or my life, at some point, it's just gonna be a story that we tell. And what story do you wanna tell? And what story do you want told about you? What story do you wanna tell your kids? What story do you want your kids to tell their kids about how you handled, managed, stepped into the gap, did the thing, said the thing, confronted the thing, did the hard thing. That's the story you want to tell. So that's a good story. So why not live a good story, a story again, that you are proud to tell. So as we wrap up, I want to talk about one more specific fear. And this specific fear, actually, this is one we all have a tendency to mislabel and misdiagnose, but this particular fear has three faces. So today I want to talk about, I want to talk about the fear of admitting we need help and the fear of asking for help and the fear of submitting to the help that we need. The fear to admit to ourselves, I need help. The fear then to go public somewhere and ask for help. And then the process, the fear of submitting to the help that we need. Now, if there's any consolation, if maybe this will make you feel a little bit better. For those of you who are at any of our churches, any of our campuses today, this one included, you are, I would guess, no more than 30 feet away. You're probably more like 20 feet away, but you are no more than 30 feet away from someone who, if they had the opportunity, would look you in the eye and say, been there. I've been there. And you know what else they would tell you? They would tell you that their courage, that their courage to admit

12:19 that they needed help and their courage to go public somewhere and ask for help and their courage to submit to the help that they needed was literally, literally the catalyst for extraordinary in their life. That it brought about extraordinary change. That it brought about extraordinary change in themselves and in their lives of their family members. It brought about extraordinary change in their relationships. It brought, it set them up to have it create a better future for themselves. that it was the catalyst for extraordinary in their future family. And they would assure you that the real problem is, because it took them a minute to get there as well, is that you're afraid. And that your fear will not disappear until you admit that you're afraid, till you're willing to ask for help, and until you're willing to submit to the help that you need.

13:27 And then they would tell you this, that once you do, you will wish you had not waited so long. And they'll tell you something else as well, if they had the opportunity. They would let you in on a secret. And here's the secret they would let you in on. The fact that you need help is not a secret. the people closest to you already know it's a secret that you are keeping it's a secret that you keep from yourself it's a secret you keep from yourself that the people closest to you will hope you'll find the courage to let yourself in on but it's not a secret to them they may not know exactly what's going on with you but they know something's going on and they've tried to get you to talk about it. And they've tried to address it. And you just keep waving them off and waving them off. And I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. There's nothing going on. I don't want to talk about it. Everything's good. And the reason you do that is because, and the people who are 20 to 30 feet from you would say, hey, been there. I understand. I get it. You've convinced yourself that you got this. But the truth is, it's got you. And whatever it is, isn't the only thing that's got you. The other thing that's got you is fear's got you. Fear has become your master. And we've never met. You do not want fear to be your master. In fact, if it was ever an option out there, what's going to be your master? Nobody chooses fear. But because of what you've allowed to happen in your life and what you've allowed to evolve in your life and what you haven't confronted and what you haven't made public, fear has become your master. And fear is a merciless master.

15:14 Fear is a ruthless master. Fear is a liar that will eventually turn you into a liar. And perhaps it already has because fear is the one whispering, you got this. You got this. You don't need any help. Your situation is unique. You don't need to ask anybody for help. You don't even need help. And besides that, this is fear of whispers. You're not like everybody else. Besides fear of whispers. What are people going to think? What are the people at work going to think when they find out? What are the people at home? What are your kids going to think? What are your friends going to think when he gets out in the community? I mean, what are people going to think? Now, look up here. I can answer this one for you personally. And here's what I mean by that.

16:07 I can tell you what I would think if you go public. Because having done this a long time, I think that the men and women and the teenagers and the college students and the parents, I think that people who recognize their fear for what it is and the people who are willing to pull back the curtain on their lives and ask for help, I think those are some of the most courageous people I've ever met in my life. And I'll tell you why. Because I'm not sure I would have the courage to do that. And the people who love you, that's exactly what they're going to think about you. You see it as weakness. They will see it as strength. You see it as weakness. They will see it as courage. You see it as weakness, and they see it as somebody who has finally come to grips with something that needs to be addressed. So it's time. It's time for you to admit that you need help. And it's time for you to ask for help. And it's time for you to submit to the help that you need. And until you do, and you know this, you know this better than I do. Until you do, you're going to continue managing and navigating outcomes. You're going to try to manage outcomes. They're hard to manage. You're going to continue just navigating the outcomes of your behavior, which is exhausting, right?

17:45 It can be expensive. It's so distracting and ultimately it's destructive to you and to the people you love and to the relationships that matter most to you. And as I said, ultimately, navigating this, refusing to acknowledge what's happening and refusing to acknowledge your lack of courage, it will ultimately make you a liar. And you don't like liars, which is why some of you, if I can be really personal, which is why some of you don't like yourself anymore. You don't like liars and pretenders. and you've become a liar, and you've become a pretender, and you don't want to live that way. Now, go a level deeper. If you're a person of faith, and I don't mean just a Christian faith, of any faith, again, I would bet my truck that you've already prayed, right? You've prayed like crazy. You've asked God. In fact, you're not even specific. It's like, I got a star of David, and I got a cross, and I got a rabbit's foot. If anybody's out there listening, I don't want to make anybody mad. I need somebody to do something for me. You have prayed. And here's the good news. Today may be an answer to your prayer. Now, it may not be the answer you've prayed for, because I know how you've prayed. We all do this. You've prayed, if you've prayed, you've prayed that tomorrow morning you would wake up free, free from that dependence, free from that addiction, free from the temptation. I don't even desire that anymore.

19:29 I don't even desire any of that anymore. You've prayed that he or she would magically disappear from your life so you wouldn't have to do the courageous, complicated thing. But that's not how life works. In fact, that's not how your creator created the world to work and didn't create your life to work or mine. Here's how God the creator created life to work. You sow and then you reap. You sow and then you reap. And when you reap, you reap later and you reap greater. You sow and then you reap. You sowed your way into whatever it is that you're facing and dealing with and having to navigate. And here's the thing. Your heavenly father who loves you is inviting you to begin sowing your way out. And as we're going to see in a minute, And if you will begin, he will honor your sowing and he will lift you up and he will lift you out.

20:37 But that process requires courage. It requires the courage to admit to yourself that you need help. And it requires the courage to ask for help because you don't got this. and it requires the courage to submit to the help that you need. Now, here's the amazing thing. This is why I'm always telling you, read the Bible and for sure, at least read the New Testament. Peter, who knew Jesus personally and camped out with him and spent three and a half years and heard everything Jesus taught and then did the most ridiculous, embarrassing thing at the end and just kind of ruined his whole story. And I mean, Peter, he weighs in on this tension. The other person that weighs in on this tension is James. James, the brother of Jesus who grew up with Jesus. Imagine Jesus as your oldest brother, older brother.

21:32 Having an older brother is hard. Having Jesus as your older brother, are you kidding me? In fact, that's what he said his whole life growing up. Are you kidding me? Okay, so James, who becomes a Jesus follower, believes his brother, his older brother was his Lord. He weighs in on this in a document he wrote in the first century that's in your New Testament. The apostle Paul, who was transformed by Jesus, weighs on this as well. In fact, Paul says the most amazing thing. He says, when I'm weak, then I'm strong. When I'm weak, then I'm strong. In other words, he says, the weaker I acknowledge, the more strength I have. And here's what's important about him saying that. He didn't whisper that. He didn't say that to God. He documented it. He wrote it and passed it out to say to everybody, I just want you to know, I'm not a superhero. I'm not super spiritual.

22:24 I mean, he wrote half the New Testament, but he was quick to say, no, no, no, no. I'm not strong. I am weak, weak, weak. And anything good that comes from me or through me, it is from my Father in heaven. When I'm weak, then I'm strong. All three of these gentlemen, to summarize what they're going to say or would say about what we're talking about is this, that admission is an invitation. Admission is an invitation. It's an invitation. The courage to admit you need help, the courage to admit weakness, the courage to admit our need is an invitation for God to intervene and to enter our lives because God is attracted to humility. And I'll just be, you know, frank with you. Part of your problem, I know we've never met. Part of your problem is your pride. and all three of them address that as well.

23:18 So here's what James says. James, the brother of Jesus. He's so graphic. These are the kinds of things that if you read the New Testament, you read right by them because it's like, what is he even talking about? He's talking about this. Listen to this. He says to his audience, nobody in particular, this is general. He could have written this to us. In fact, we believe he did. Come near to God and he will come near to you and to which you're like, okay, I already tried that. I already tried to come near to God and I prayed and I asked God. James is like, no, no, no, not like that. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners. We have an English idiom or an English phrase that captures what James is saying. Ours is this, come clean. Come clean. You've said that to people, you need to come clean. You said that to your kids, you need to come clean. I know you're lying to me. I know you're not telling me the whole truth. You need to come clean. James says, this is what you do. If you wanna draw near to God, this isn't a private thing.

24:13 He says, no, you need to wash your hands. You need to come clean, you sinners. Admit it and be done with it and then get the help you need to make sure you don't quit quitting. He says, and not only are you going to wash, not only are you going to do the public part, and purify your hearts. Look at this phrase. You double-minded. What's he talking about? He's talking about people who are pretenders. He's talking about people who have a public life and a private life. People who have a public life and a dual life. People who have a life that the people who know them the most don't even know about. They're living a dual life. They are double-minded, a secret life that's characterized and protected by lying and pretending and hiding. He says, come on, come out of that. Walk out of that.

25:05 Wash your hands of it. Come clean. Then he says this. This is why we know he's talking about going public. Listen to these words. He says, grieve. Have you ever, I mean, you have, I've done, I've been, you know, people who do what I do, you show up at somebody's home you've never met before and they've lost a son, they've lost a husband instantly, tragically, and you walk in and they're grieving and they're not embarrassed to be seen grieving. They can't help it. It's coming from the inside and it's coming out and they're just grieving and they're crying and sometimes they're on the floor. Some of you've been there. Grieve and mourn. You've heard people mourn? And then he's like, okay, if I haven't been clear, and wail. In other words, bring it all out and decide. I'm less concerned about who knows than I am spending another season of my life a slave to this and a slave to fear. And he says, we say, well, James, why is that so important?

26:13 Listen to what he says. He connects these ideas. These aren't different ideas. He says, because when you go public, when you come clean, when you wail and mourn and acknowledge, I'm a fraud, I've been living a double life, I'm addicted, I'm, you know, whatever it is. He says, in that moment, you have done the thing that attracts God into the details of your life. You have humbled yourself. Look what he says. He says, humble yourself. He equates these eyes, grieve, mourn, wail. He said, this is how you humble yourself. Humble yourself before the Lord. And as you sow, as you take those steps, he will lift you up. Look at the picture. He says, this is you and this is the Lord. I want you to humble yourself under the Lord, which feels like being pressed down and being humbled. He said, but in due time, he's going to lift you up and he's going to lift you out. And the people sitting around you who have been through this, been there, done that, they would say, that's exactly what happened.

27:16 It was not overnight, but it was over time and it was worth the process. Now, Peter, again, Apostle Peter, here's how he says it, similar. He says, all of you, general audience, clothe yourselves with humility. In other words, you should be characterized not by pride and arrogance and hiding and pretending. You should be, if you're a Jesus follower, you should be characterized by your humility toward, not toward God, toward one another. That is, you don't have to hide from people. You don't have to pretend with people. You're characterized by humility toward one another because God, and this is harsh, but you've already experienced this. God opposes the proud. And the thing in you, the thing has been in me and the thing would be in me again that would resist letting people know. Coming out in public with whatever it is I'm hiding, whatever it is you're hiding.

28:14 It's my pride. I'm embarrassed. I don't want people to think of me that way, which is really like saying, I don't want people to know the truth about me. And God says, okay, I love you, but I can't enter into that. I'm not going to facilitate your pride, and I'm not going to facilitate your fear. But when you come clean, when you step out, I am all in. God is attracted to humility. This is why the apostle Paul, again, the church planner of church planner, again, wrote half the New Testament. Says, don't, I don't want anybody to be confused. When I'm weak, that's when I'm strong. Because when I'm weak, I am dependent on my Father and heaven. He finishes up.

29:05 God opposes the proud, but shows favor, not to those who pray hard, but to the humble. Then he says this. So humble yourselves. It's proactive. It's something you can do. Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand. There it is again, under God's mighty hand, that he might lift you up as you sow your way out in due time. And then he says this, a famous verse, but I put a Greek word in here not to show off it because the English term just doesn't capture it. And if you took all the English translations and put them together, maybe. But here's what he says. Peter says this. Here's what I want you to do. This is Peter who spent time with Jesus. Peter, who spent his life casting nets on the Sea of Galilee, he uses a fishing term. I want you to cast, like throw it as far out there as you can, as big and as wide a net as you can. I want you to cast all of your merimna. Merimna is the word.

29:58 Which means all of your fear and your concerns about the outcomes associated with what you're afraid to do. Some English translations say anxiety. Not the anxiety that's diagnosed that's a medical term. But the anxiety, because anxiety is, in essence, it's responding to what hasn't happened yet. It's fear of the future. He says, I want you to bring all of your fear of what might happen, what she might do, what he might say, where they might go, what happened. I want you to bring all of that, your anxiety, your fear of what might happen. And as you cast yourself on the Lord, I want you to cast all of that on him because he's the one who controls the future. and as you consider what you might lose and as you consider who you might lose, go ahead and bring it out and cast your cares on him because, look at this, he cares for you. In other words, expose your self-destructive behavior to the light and allow the transformation to slowly begin.

30:56 That single act of courage, that single act of courage may in fact be the catalyst for something extraordinary. Now, let me ask you, this is kind of a silly question, but then we're gonna wrap up. I'm gonna show you something cool. Are you ready for extraordinary? Or let me ask you this way. Have your secrets, has your pretending, has your double life led to extraordinary?

31:28 Have your secrets and your double life Has it made your life less complicated? No, more. This is why God who loves you says, come on out. Admit to yourself, you don't got this. Ask for help. Submit to the help you need. Some months ago, a couple months ago maybe, or so weeks ago, I was in Brazil. I told you about this. We launched a partner network, a church network in Brazil in Portuguese. And while I was there, I spoke at the conference, then I stayed for the Sunday morning service, and I preached in English with a translator. And I was out in the lobby, just surrounded by these amazing people. This is Big Church, Red Church, that's our partner there, that you've helped build, by the way. And I was just out there, surrounded by people saying things I couldn't understand any of it, but it was just amazing. Thousands, I mean, several thousand people attend this church.

32:22 And a woman walked up to me, her name's Bruna, and she walked up and she had a letter with my name on it. and she said, Andy, this letter is my story and I wanted to give it to somebody to give to you and I didn't know I'd actually be able to talk to you and basically she lives in Alpharetta and she attends North Point Community Church but she's from Brazil. She was there visiting her family and she heard about the conference and heard I was gonna be there and thought, well, maybe it's hard to get to him. But anyways, there we were and I said, well, I took the envelope but I said, well, tell me your story and she'd already written it out and then she told me her story And then she gave us permission to share her story with you. So I'm going to let you watch this. Two things real quick. In her story, she references Renew. Renew is an environment or a ministry we have here that helps people who are stuck and are trying to get unstuck. Regardless of what's happening. These are people who say, hey, here's my thing.

33:15 I want to move past it, and I'm ready to invite somebody into the process. So she references Renew. She also references connections. So for those of you who are watching or at a different church, Connections is a room that we have here in our lobby for people who are looking for next steps. People walk in and just say, I just need prayer. I just need to talk to somebody. So these are the two things she references, but I want you to listen and be inspired by.