Growing a Love That Lasts - Part 3

0:39 You don't change bad behavior into good behavior by telling somebody they're bad. you change bad behavior by helping them see a picture of what they could become somebody could say to me Rick you're not good at this I go yeah you're right let me show you how bad I am at it but if they came to me and said you know Rick I think you could really be good at this if you just do this you could be this you could be a man that your wife honors and loves that the community respects that your friends and relatives want to be around this is the kind of man you could be if you would really give your heart fully, 100% to Jesus Christ. That gets me excited. Not telling me, you know, people say, I've heard preachers say, well, I just tell it like it is. Well, that's a lousy way to preach.

1:30 Because telling it like it is only reinforces the negative. You can hear that on TV every day. I don't tell it like it is, folks. I tell it like it could be. That's preaching for faith. That's preaching for expectation That's preaching for what God wants to do in your life So here's the key You want to be a great lover Treat people the way you want them to become You want your wife to treat you like a king Treat her like a queen the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13 7 if you love somebody I love this in the living if you love somebody you'll always be loyal to him no matter what the cost you'll always believe in him always expect the best of him and always stand your ground in defending him 1 Thessalonians 5 11 encourage each other and build each other up do you know what Satan's favorite four words are?

2:26 you can't do it. Satan loves to say that to people. He whispers it in your ear thousands of times in your lifetime. You can't do it. So every time you encourage somebody you are defeating Satan in their life. Every time you just encourage them. You can do it. You can do it. Do you know what is the number one killer of love in marriage? It's not financial debt. It's not adultery. It's not anger. It's not hatred. The number one thing that kills marriages is neglect. it's neglect.

3:15 If I knew this was the last time I'd see you fall asleep, I'd tuck you in more tightly and pray your soul to keep. If I knew this was the last time I'd see you out the door, I'd hug and I'd kiss you one more time and call you back for more. If I knew this was the last time I'd get to share your day I know that I'd make certain it didn't slip away. We assume we'll always have tomorrow to correct an oversight. We'll always have another chance to make everything all right. There will always be another day to say that I love you. There will always be another chance to ask what can I do? But just in case that I might be wrong, I'm not going to be wrong.

4:09 today is all I get I want to say that I love you so that you will not forget tomorrow is not promised that we'll see another night today could be my last chance to love and hold you tight instead of waiting for tomorrow show your love somehow for if tomorrow never comes you'll wish you'd done it now. That you didn't take the extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss. Instead you were too busy for that one that you now miss. Hold your loved ones close today and whisper in their ear.

4:59 Tell them that you love them and why you hold them dear. And say, I'm sorry. please forgive me you're the best and it's okay so if tomorrow never comes you will not regret today as a pastor who's done thousands of funerals I've just seen that one in spades too little too late if you're going to give flowers give them while they're alive Don't wait for the funeral. I want you to write this down I must choose to expect the best from them every day I must choose to expect the best from them every day and then I want you to write down the name of somebody that you could choose to expect the best from this week because lasting love extends grace and lasting love expresses faith and lasting love expects the best.

6:15 And finally, the fourth thing this verse tells us in God's word is, and this is not, see this is not self-help advice I'm giving you, this is from the Bible. This is what God says makes love. Lasting love, it doesn't just expect, it doesn't just extend, And it doesn't just express, it endures. Lasting love endures the worst.

6:46 And this is where a lot of people fall out. It is persistent, it is determined, it is diligent, it is resolute, it refuses to quit, it is stubborn. The Bible says it like this in verse seven. Love never gives up. The Bible says love endures through every circumstance. The Bible says love always perseveres. The Bible says love never looks back but keeps going to the end. When Kay and I got married at 21 years of age, we closed the escape hatch on our marriage and we threw away the key. And we said, we are in this for life. We're going to make this work if it kills us. It nearly did.

7:40 Kay and I have been married 40 years, 38 wonderful years. The first two years were hell on earth. and many of you know this story that I was making what was it? $400? No, no, I think I was making $800 a month teaching at a college and we were so miserable in our marriage we said we're going to go get counseling and I never understood people say I can't afford counseling. How much is your happiness worth? so we went out and we spent for 15 weeks $100 a week for counseling that's what it cost and I was making $200 a week so half of my income was going to counseling I've often thought I should do we put it on a MasterCard $1500 I've thought I should do a MasterCard commercial a saved marriage?

8:40 priceless I'd pay a million bucks for what I got today. My wife's my best friend, my lover, my partner, my companion, my ministry associate. I can't imagine, you wouldn't even be here. There would be no Saddleback Church if our marriage had fallen apart. That was the best $1,500 I ever spent. You can't afford not to get counseling if you're going through a tough time. I would encourage you love the Bible says never gives up it always endures through every circumstance it always perseveres it never looks back some of you are in a marriage right now that's not very happy and you are ready to give up and I came here as a man of God to tell you this don't, don't you do it you have no idea what you'll miss it is always more rewarding to restore a relationship than to run from it.

9:44 It is always more rewarding to restore a relationship than to run from it. I know people who got divorced and got remarried in this church. I'll give you a dozen examples of that one. I know what somebody's saying, Rick, you just don't know I have endured so much pain. Well, don't waste it.

10:04 Well, I put up all this pain, so I just then ran away from it. at least get something from it I was in a Rouse grocery store this week and a woman came up to me and said you know Pastor Rick 10 years ago my marriage was on the rocks and we were headed for disaster and destiny was divorce court and I started coming to Saddleback Church and I would come to the Sunday night service at Lake Forest where on Sunday nights you would have pastors of the church line up at the front and after the service was over anybody who wanted prayer could come down and receive prayer from one of the pastors of the church she said I was there every week month after month after month those prayers saved my marriage it says 10 years later we're happily in love things are going great I'm so glad we didn't quit it's always more rewarding to restore a relationship than to run from it now I don't know why but I want to just close with two verses and I don't know who these verses are for but these are the last two verses I want to share with you Hosea 3.1 then the Lord said to Hosea go and get your wife again bring her back to you and love her even though she loved adultery I don't know who that's for, but that's for somebody.

11:36 Then others of you, some of you have a spouse, or you've got a friend, or you've got a loved one or a partner or somebody who's walked away from God. And they have walked away from God, so I don't even believe in God anymore. And God says, I do not want you walking away from them. They need you now more than ever. Let me show you a couple verses that will blow your mind. Look at this verse on the screen.

12:02 Job 6, verse 14. This is the Bible. A despairing man should have the devotion of his friends even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty. You know what this verse says? When you are in such a place, you go, I don't even know if I believe in God right now. I am in so much pain. I don't even know if I believe in God. You need a small group that goes, that's okay. We'll believe God for you.

12:28 We'll just hang on to you. Lay down on the stretcher. We'll carry you on the stretcher. A despairing man should have the devotion of his friends even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty. When a friend, a husband, a wife, or somebody walks out on God, you do not walk out on them.

12:49 They deserve the devotion of the friends even though we forsake them. Let me, last verse on your outline, the same verse in another translation. when desperate people give up on God almighty, their friends at least should stick with them. And that's a verse for somebody here today too. And I want you to notice that these four things, these loving choices, extending grace, expressing faith, expecting the best, enduring the worst, you know what these are? This is how Jesus loves you. This is how Jesus loves you.

13:30 Jesus extends grace to you. He died for you. Jesus expresses faith in you. You say, how's that? Well, in the first place, he gives you the freedom to make choices. And that's risky, because you could reject him. He didn't force you to love him. He gives you the freedom of choice. He expresses faith in you. He expects the best from you. He knows your potential. Nobody knows it more than God does. And he never gives up for you. Never gives up on you. And he's waiting for you to come home. Some of you have been away from God for a long time. You're coming home this weekend. Today. Right now. Time to come back to God. Now let me give you a little secret. If this is the way God loves you. This is the way Jesus loves you. If you want to learn to love people the way Jesus loves, here's the secret.

14:25 Get Jesus in you. Ask God to put the spirit of Jesus Christ in you. Nobody can be Jesus like Jesus. So you don't need to imitate him. You just need to inhabit him. And let him inhabit you. and only with him in your life will you ever be able to treat people the way that God says everlasting love does. Let's bow our heads. Father I know that there are many people hurting here today there are people who are lonely and they want desperately somebody to love them they want to love and be loved and we honor that and I ask you to bring somebody in their life that would cherish them and give them that love they deserve and they need.

15:24 I know that you love them. I know that this church loves them. I know that this is the family that loves. We ask you to bring people into the lives of those who want to love and be loved. And Lord, whether we ever marry or not, we need to learn this lesson of love because you've called us to love everybody, even our enemies, even the foreigner the immigrant the people who are different from us in religion lifestyle Lord we are not allowed to not love anybody if we claim your name I pray that we would feel your grace so we can extend it to others I pray that we would understand the freedom that you've given to us so that we may express that faith and freedom to others.

16:22 thank you Lord that you don't drag us down and nag us down but you build us up help us to do that with others thank you that you've never given up on us God I thank you that Kay and I never gave up on our marriage but I'm more thankful that you never gave up on our marriage and for those who are just teetering and wavering right now some who are on the verge of an affair some of them are out in a full blown one right now bring them back to you lovingly in a new sense make Saddleback Church be known as that's the place where they build marriages where they build relationships where they build families where they build friendships where they build small groups where people learn the relational skills they didn't learn in school or at home or anywhere else if you've never opened your life to Jesus Christ you can't do this so you need to say this Jesus Christ as much as I know how I ask you to put your love in my life to say that Jesus Christ as much as I know how I ask you to put your love in my life take away the distrust and fill me with trust take away the shame and guilt and fill me with grace take away the cynicism and the hurt and fill me with faith take away the despair and fill me with hope and even when I have to endure the worst Lord would you give me the strength to go through the valley of the shadow of death and to fear no evil. Father, thank you for those who are making decisions for you today. We commit them to you in your name. Amen.

18:46 You know, we get letters and emails from people all around the world and from all ages. And here's one that I got from a listener in Indonesia. His name is Stephen, and he's 12 years old. He wrote, Dear Pastor Rick, thank you for the powerful way that you've impacted my life. I'm just a 12-year-old schoolboy in Jakarta, Indonesia, but I listen to the broadcast every morning on the way to school. My life has changed completely this year. I'm at a new school, and my family's just about recovered from some financial problems, but I'm still having to learn a whole new way of life. Some days I really feel bad and I ask God to help me, but then the Daily Hope broadcast comes on the radio and you always say something that helps me feel better. And I know that at that moment, God is trying to speak directly to me through you. So thank you ever so much. Well, thank you ever so much, Stephen. I love hearing from people like you literally all around the world who've been impacted through Daily Hope.

19:50 You know, by the way, I want to thank all of those of you who support us regularly with your financial gifts every month. We can't do this without you. But because of you, we're able to minister to people like this 12-year-old boy, Stephen, in Jakarta, Indonesia. You're never going to know this side of heaven, the number of lives that you have impacted because of your gifts to Daily Hope.