"I'll Never Be the Same" | Rev. Dr. Howard-John Wesley

0:03 Beloved, I'm excited and grateful to God for the opportunity to close out this year with a word from the Lord. And I'm going to ask you to be in prayer with me as we prepare our hearts to receive whatever it is God would speak to help us make sense of this past year and give us hope and encouragement for the new year. Won't you bow with me in prayer? Lord, on this New Year's Eve, at the end of another year's journey, we come to you having heard a whole lot of things. We've heard a lot of political analysis. We've heard word and commentary about vaccine. We continue to hear a word about racial and political divide within our nation. But right now, oh God, we need a word from you. I ask now, Lord, that you would speak, that you would take this faulty, frail flesh and let your glory be made manifest. Speak, Lord, for your servants are listening. In Jesus' name we do pray. Amen.

1:06 On this New Year's Eve night, if you are able and whatever version you have and however you are able, will you turn with me in your Bibles to the book of Genesis, the 32nd chapter of the book of Genesis, and it is my prayer that you have no difficulty locating the book of Genesis, chapter 32. I want to begin reading in verse 22 of the New International Version of God's Holy Word. Listen for God's voice. That night, Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female servants, and his eleven sons, and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. After he had sent them across the stream, he then sent over all his possessions. So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower Jacob, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip.

2:09 so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, let me go, for it is daybreak. But Jacob replied, I will not let you go unless you bless me. The man asked him, what is your name? Jacob, he answered. Then the man said, your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome. Jacob said, Please tell me your name. But he replied, Why do you ask my name? Then he blessed him there. So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared. The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip.

3:06 Therefore, to this day, the Israelites do not eat the tendon attached to the socket of the hip because the socket of Jacob's hip was touched near the tendon. Let me reread verse 31 on this 31st day of December. The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel and he was limping because of his hip. Do me a favor, if there's anybody near you or someone you can text or chat with, simply share with them the title of this last message. I'll never be the same. I'll never be the same.

3:50 Mark, it was a typical fall day in London in 2019. On that day, the annual marathon was to be run. And in the field of marathon runners was an elite runner named Haley Carruthers. Haley was out that morning believing not only that she would finish, but that she would win the London Annual Marathon. After two hours of racing at a blistering speed of six miles, six minute miles, Haley Carruthers had distanced herself from the field and found herself only second to the eventual winner. Thirty minutes later, at two hours and 30 minutes, the finish line of some 26 miles was right in front of her. and Haley Carruthers took off to cross the finish line.

4:50 The crowds had gathered. Her family was cheering. The media was there snapping photographs and capturing her sprinting towards the finish line. Then all of a sudden, out of nowhere and without warning, Haley Carruthers fell down. right in front of the finish line, weary, exhausted from the miles that were behind her, the speed at which she had run. She fell right in front of the finish line. She began to crawl her way to the finish line and then finally laid flat down on the ground and began dragging herself to the finish line. I want you to envision Haley Carruthers on that day, body barely across the finish line, laying on the ground, panting out of air, weary and worn from the miles she had had to run, knees bleeding, whispering, calling out for someone to come and help her.

6:00 envision if you will a body barely across the finish line weary and worn bruised bloody beaten crying out for help if you can get that image in your mind then maybe you understand how I and some of the people listening tonight have come to the end of this year barely making it Across the finish line. Here we are on December 31st, knees hurting from so much prayer. Weary and worn from the emotional roller coaster that we've been on since January 1. never envisioning that we would end the year like this, end the year without celebration. No one's gathering in New York, counting down, watching a ball drop.

6:57 Not in the gathering of friends and family with formal attire on and champagne toast. Not even here in the sanctuary for watch night service, hearing testimonies of praise and thanksgiving of how I got over and how the Lord has carried us through another year's journey. Here we are at the finish line bloodied and bruised barely making it across asking for God to give us strength for one more journey. The amazing thing is that a year ago we were in this place? Talking about how 2020 would be a year of vision. How 2020 would bring great things into our lives. And never did we know that 2020 would be a hell of a year. And since I know that offended some of you, let me remix it and simply say it like this. 2020 has been a year of hell. We've had to go through things we never envisioned at the end of 2019. We never envisioned a pandemic with mask wearing and social distancing and screen fatigue and travel restrictions that have kept us locked up in our homes.

8:21 We never envisioned that the cries of Black Lives Matter would introduce us to the voice, the violence and the vulgarity of the Proud Boys and Trumpites. We never envisioned such political divide in our nation and a rush to put people on the Supreme Court. We never thought we would see the great disparity of race and economics that has plagued our nation. We never envisioned dealing with the antics of white privilege. That's not to mention at all the elections, the wildfires, online schooling, and now domestic terrorism in the bombing of Nashville by a white man, Anthony Warner, whose face has yet to be blasted on media. It has been a hell of a year and a year of hell.

9:23 And to make matters worse, it seems like we have been on an inescapable journey through the valley of the shadow of death. Death has been at every turn. It started with the tragic death of Kobe Bryant and his daughter and all those on board that plane. And since then, we've had to add names like Lewis and Ginsberg and Brianna and George and Ahmaud and John Crawford and Velma Perkins. and Willard Jasper and Naomi Brooks and Clayton Mack and Faye Gunn and Rosette Graham.

10:19 And all of us have some names and events that we can add to the list of the toll that this year has taken on us. And I think I can say without fear of contradiction and with an early amen that this has been the most emotionally exhaustive year of my life. And I don't think there's anyone watching tonight who's not ready for 2020 to pack its bags and get the up out of here. This has been some kind of year.

11:13 This pandemic and this year will mark this generation the same way the great wars did the baby boomers. the same way the Great Depression and the recessions mark their generation, the same way social media and the Internet has marked Generation X and Y and the millennials, this generation will be marked by COVID-19. And in the words of one sociologist, we will never be the same again. beloved I came by to tell you tonight that if you find yourself at the end of this year like Haley Carruthers if you are barely making it if you know you've got to scratch and pull your way into 2021 if you have limped through this year if you've gone through the valley of the shadow of death if you are sick and tired of all the sick and tired if you've come to the end of this year weary and worn, I've got some good news for you. That maybe, just maybe, this year that you thought was breaking you down was really building you up. This year that you thought was stripping you was really strengthening you. This year that you thought left you with nothing, gave you everything you needed to make it in a new year. That if you take a step back, that maybe, just maybe, God has been doing something through this season and this struggle and this pain that you did not appreciate.

12:46 But at the end of the year, I want you to see how God may have been using this year to change your life. God is doing something here. And in order for you to appreciate it, I need you to look at your life and this past year through the lens of one of our brothers in the Bible. His name is Jacob. And in this 32nd chapter, his name is also given as Israel. Jacob is the grandson of Abraham and Sarah. Jacob is the son of Isaac and Rebekah. Jacob is the fraternal twin of Esau. It is from Jacob that we get the name Israel, whereby the nation is known, and the 12 tribes of Israel correspond to Jacob's sons. Jacob is the name by which the people of Israel are known. But it might surprise you to find out that Jacob is not a man of integrity.

13:53 Jacob is not a man of righteousness. Jacob doesn't have an ounce of holiness in his heart. As a matter of fact, if you remember from Sunday school, the name Jacob literally means trickster. That's exactly what he is. A con man, a trickster. He tricks his brother out of his birthright. He lies in his dad's face as his dad is dying on his bed. He manipulates people. He tries to control things. Jacob is devious. Jacob is a liar. Jacob will take your money. Jacob will use you with no thought. Jacob likes to have his way. And by the time we get to chapter 32, everybody is sick of Jacob. His parents have died. His uncle has kicked him out. His wives have gone on up the road.

14:51 his brother hates him to the point of wanting to kill him everybody is done with jacob except god but i came by the pause and put the car to the side with the engine running and just tell you this that those who have been rejected by others can be recycled by god i feel a little amen right there that when you've been dejected by others god can repurpose you reuse you recycle you that when others have had enough of you, God is just getting started. So God declares, Jacob, I'm not done with you yet. Esau doesn't want to have anything to do with you. Laban doesn't even want to see you. Your wives have left you, but I've got a plan and a purpose for you, and I'm going to change your life. But in order to do it, God has to release Jacob into a struggle at night that will literally change the way Jacob walks forever. And I want you for a moment to look at this struggle of this past year through the lens of what God does with Jacob to hopefully help you understand how God through the midst of all we've been through is yet making our lives better and that you can come to this year declaring, I'll never be the same again.

16:21 Look, look at what the Lord has done in Jacob and see how it resonates and aligns with your life. The Bible says that when this struggle begins, God has Jacob send his wives and his possessions away and Jacob is left alone. And I would suggest to you that the very first thing God is doing to make Jacob stronger and to make Jacob better is to teach Jacob the value of being alone with the Almighty. That God has a way of putting you in a place where he's all you have. and you've got to learn the value of being alone with the Almighty. Barbara, come here. Let me tell you something. I've read this and I found out something about Jacob. Jacob has a problem and Jacob's problem is that he doesn't know how to be alone.

17:23 Jacob yearns for community and company all the time. When Esau would be out hunting by himself Jacob couldn't stand it Jacob stayed in the kitchen with his mama When he runs from Esau He doesn't handle it himself He runs to his uncle's house Because he's got to be around somebody And when he gets to his uncle's house He lays eyes on Rachel He winds up with Leah and decides I want Rachel as well Because he needs women around him Then he has concubines around him Then they begin to have children Jacob always needs the company of other people. As a matter of fact, it started in the womb. Go on back to his birth story because the Bible says that when he's in the womb, he's not alone. He's with Esau. And when Esau is born, Jacob is so attached that he's holding on to his brother's ankle because Jacob does not know how to be detached from people.

18:22 He's always connected to somebody. And the Lord says, I can't work on you when you are so addicted to the presence of other people. That there's a work God wants to do in me. But in order for God to do it in me, God's got to detach me from the people I've been connected to. Yeah, I got side order scripture for you. That's why the Bible says that when that woman was caught in the act of adultery and they brought her to Jesus. Jesus says, I can't work on you till I get rid of all the people who are trying to condemn you. Bible says that when it gets to Jairus's house and Jairus's daughter is laying dead, Jesus has to kick some folk out the house because everybody can't be in the house when God is trying to work on you and fix you and mold you and make you better.

19:21 It's kind of like when you go for surgery and you get to the hospital in the waiting room, all your family can be there. Then they escort you into a family room where only a few people can go. But when it's time for the surgery, when it's time for the healing, when it's time for the doctor to lay his hands on you, All the people you brought with you have to stay where they are because in order to change you, I've got to get you alone.

19:54 So the Lord orchestrates seasons where we are left alone with the presence of God. And allow me to tell you, nothing is more terrifying than being left alone with God. Nothing is as terrifying as being left alone with God. Say that a third time. Nothing is as terrifying as being left alone with God. Why? Because when you're left alone with God, you got to deal with who you really are. While you watch this, God gets Jacob alone and watch what this man, this angel, this theophanic image of God says to Jacob. He says, what's your name?

20:50 Now, may I suggest to you that whenever you see in Scripture the divine asking a question, it's not because he does not know. God knows good and daggone well your name is Jacob. But the reason Jacob is asked his name is because in the presence of God, God says, I need you to acknowledge who you are and who you are not. I need you to be real with where you are and where you are not. I need you to be honest with yourself as you stand with me. Hear me, beloved. You can lie to other folk, but you can't lie to God. You can hide stuff from your therapist that you can't hide from God. When you stand in the presence of the almighty God, there's no faking. There's no fronting. There's no pretending. There's no lying. There's no hiding. You are who you are. And God says, that's how I change you.

21:49 Because in the presence of others, you can wear your mask. In the presence of others, you can act like what you ain't. But when you stand alone with God, you've got to deal with who you really are. And could it be that God has ushered us into a season where all you can do is be alone with him so he can work on you?

22:21 I come by to tell you that Jacob's problem is one that many of us have, including myself. we prefer the comfort of community rather than the struggle with God. We search for the comfort of being around people rather than sitting in the struggle with God. And I just believe that the Lord has sent us a message in this new year to remind us you can't run from God. When you try to run from God, God will run after you. If you think you can avoid God, God knows how to get your undivided attention. If you won't put your life in God's hands, God will put his hands on your life. God has a way of putting you in a place where he says to you like the man from Verizon, can you hear me now? Can you hear me now that there's no party to go to?

23:22 Can you hear me now that you can't shop your way out of this? Can you hear me now that you're left alone with me and got to look in the mirror and deal with who you really are? Can you hear me now? God has put him in a place where the only one he can talk to is God. God knows how to isolate us in prayer corners.

23:55 No party to go to. No vacation spot to run to. There's nothing left on Netflix for you to watch. The only option you have now is to pray. and I'll suggest to you on December 31st of 2020 that if your prayer life hasn't grown in this last year you've missed the lesson if your walk with God is not stronger now than it was in January you missed the lesson if you don't spend time with God every day you've missed the lesson if your worship is not more faithful outside the building than it was in the sanctuary, you have missed the lesson that God has brought us to a place where we have to learn the value of being alone with God. And once you learn to love being alone with God, you'll never be the same.

24:56 Once you learn to pray before you talk to your friends, you'll never be the same again. Once you learn to search for God's will above your own desire, you'll never be the same again. Once you run to God, before you run to anything or anyone else, you will never be the same again. Jacob learns the value of being alone with the Almighty. But let me give you another thing that happens in this struggle that makes him better, that makes you and I better. not only is he left alone with the Almighty, but watch as Jacob learns how dependent he is on the divine. He realizes how much he needs God. Beloved, watch what happens. The Bible says, Tevin, that they are wrestling, that God through this angel, this theophanic appearance is wrestling with Jacob.

25:57 And as they wrestle, something curious happens. The Bible says that the angel, God's divine presence, realizes he can't overpower Jacob. It almost reads like they fought to a draw and that Jacob was able to hold his own weight. And therefore, the angel breaks Jacob's hip. let me suggest to you that the issue was not that the angel the presence of God could not overpower Jacob the issue is that God chose not to overpower Jacob don't you miss this it's not that God couldn't it's that God chose not to and as you come to the end of this year there ought to be at least one amen in your mouth because you realize the only reason you are here right now is because there are some things God chose not to do. God chose not to take everything.

27:01 God chose not to leave me destitute. God chose not to leave me naked in the street. Somebody ought to praise God for what he chose not to do. The Lord chose not to kill me. They're wrestling It seems like it's a draw and scholars are held up on the question, how could God not overpower Jacob? They missed it. The issue is not that God couldn't overpower Jacob. The issue is that Jacob realizes he can't overpower God. You've got to remember who Jacob is. Jacob's a trickster. Jacob's a con man. Jacob is a deceiver in his whole life. He's never met a man. He couldn't get over on He's never found himself in a situation. He couldn't lie himself out of he's never been in a struggle He couldn't manipulate in his own favor and now God has him in a struggle that humbles him to realize you can't control everything And the one lesson we have learned from January to December is that we cannot control everything.

28:34 No matter how smart you think you are, no matter how connected you claim to be, no matter what your influence and affluence, we cannot control everything. You and I are not in control. and so the Lord breaks his hip. Now, I want you to know that in Jewish culture, that hip is a reference to the thigh, the quadricep. It's where the strength of a man or woman lies. That's your strongest muscle. And the Bible says that God somehow incapacitates Jacob's strongest muscle. So God deals with where Jacob thinks he's strong to reveal where he's really weak. Because we have a tendency in our strengths to deny our weaknesses.

29:33 And you can be so strong in one area that you don't deal with a dozen areas where you are weak. And so the Lord has a way of ushering you into a season where he handicaps your strength to force you to deal with your weakness.

29:55 God has a way of removing the things that make you pat yourself on the back to realize the areas where you're stabbing yourself in the foot. God has a way of putting you in places where your strength is not there. So you have to deal with where you're weak.

30:15 What this year has revealed to us is how weak we really are. How not in control we really are. How racist we really are. How divided we really are. how selfish we really are, how much money we spend that we didn't need to spend. God has been revealing our weakness so that God can change our source of strength. Oh, I like this right here, that God will handicap where you think you are weak, strong, so he can reveal where you are weak to then change where you believe you're strong. Don't you miss this. He will handicap where you think you're strong to reveal where you're really weak. So you'll change the source of your strength. What Jacob realizes coming out of this struggle is that my strength is not in my trickery.

31:15 My strength is not in my devious nature. My strength is not in my manipulative maneuverings. My strength is in the fact that I'm holding on to God. Watch how Jacob survives. I want to give you some good news. Bible says that he's struggling with God. He's wrestling with God. He's fighting with God. God breaks his hip. And then Mark, the verb changes. Then it says he's holding on to God. When it starts, he's avac. He's wrestling with God. But after he's been broken, he's shalak. He's holding on to God. in case you missed it, what started as a fight ended as a hug because all I can do to get through this thing is hold on to God and trust that God will see me through. I don't know who I can't preach to at the end of this year, but I got some gospel good news for you.

32:13 Now is not the time to let go of God. Now is not the time to begin doubting God. Now is not the time to walk away from God. I wish I had an old saint who could sing that hymn, time is filled with swift transition, not on earth unmoved can stand. Build your hopes on things eternal and hold to God's unchanging hand. Then my strength is not in my money, my education, my connection, my followers, but in my faith in God. God is making our lives different by learning to be alone with him. God is changing our lives by reminding us how dependent we are on him. Can I give you this last one? I'm sorry, I'm Baptist. I had to find a little amen, a hallelujah shout somewhere.

33:09 I came by telling you that the last thing Jacob learns that changes his life, that will change yours, is you've got to learn how to worship while you're wounded. You've got to learn how to worship while you're wounded. The Bible says that Jacob renders God some worship right here while his hip is broken, while it's still sore, while it's fresh, while he's still hurting, he still learns to worship. And I know somebody, you're reading your Bible. You say, Reverend, I don't see no worship there. There's no sanctuary there. There's no choir there. There's no drums there. There's no sanctuary. There's no temple. There's no steeple. There's no cross. All we see is the limp. All we see is the broken. All we see is the pain. And there is no church. Can I be honest with you for a moment? Living with a limp and being broken is hard when there ain't no church.

34:13 Listen, I seem to be honest for a moment with you. I would have come to the end of this year stronger if I could have been in worship. I may have had more faith right now if I could have gathered in here every Sunday with the people of God. My joy would have been higher if I could have heard royal priesthood, voices of triumph, psalms of praise, trinity, gospel inspirers, male chorus. Heck, I'll even take King's Kids. I'll take anything right about now. And God, forgive me for every Sunday I complained about overflow. God, forgive me for every moment I was mad about four worship services. God, forgive me for being upset for having to park down the street and walk on cobblestone. God, forgive me. Because the one thing I could have used was some church. but Jacob teaches us a lesson that even when I don't have church I can have worship when I can't get in the sanctuary I can still have worship when there is no choir I can still worship God and I'll suggest to you that if your worship hasn't grown this year you missed the lesson if you still need a praise team to give God praise, you've missed the lesson.

35:36 If you still need a preacher to get into the word of God, you've missed the lesson. That God has been ushering us into a place of learning how to truly worship. Watch what Jacob does, because I know you're still looking. You're still looking for the worship. I'm going to show it to you. Bible says that he stops where he is and he names the place Peniel. I won't get too deep complicated, but I will tell you this, that in the Bible, naming something with the presence of God is an act of worship. When Jacob is in Bethel and sees God coming, he says, this is Bethel, the house of God. When Samuel sees how God has brought them the victory over the Philistines, he names it Ebenezer. Here's where the Lord has brought us. When Hagar sees God, she names him El Roy. and the well becomes that name because it's an act of worship to name something Peniel.

36:34 He worships God while he's hurting. He worships God while he's broken. He worships God while the pain is still fresh. And he names it Peniel. Somebody say Peniel. Peniel. Peniel, literally translated, don't miss this. pineal means I saw God. He stops where he was broken and says, I saw God. He stops where his pain was inflicted and he says, I saw God. He stops where it all went down and says right there is where I saw God. Now, do me a favor. Think about all the names Jacob could have given to that place. He could have stopped right here and said, this is where all hell broke loose.

37:30 He could have stopped right here and said, this is where I lost everything. He could have stopped right here and said, no, this has been the worst year of my life. But he makes the declaration that even though it's been rough, even though there was some breaking, even though it hurt, This is where I saw God. I don't know who I came to preach today. I came out to tell you, I know 2020 has been rough. I know we've lost a whole lot along the way. We've gone through things we never thought we'd go through. We've experienced hurt at a level we never anticipated the righteous would experience. But I want to double dog dare you on the last night in the last moment of this year to look back over your life and find your Peniel. Find your moment where you saw God move, where God's hand was on you, where God spoke to you, where God made a way, where God opened a door, where God showed up in your life.

38:30 Is there anybody here that has a Peniel moment? I saw God right there. I felt God in that moment. I know, I know you may be struggling to find your Peniel. So let me tell you how Jacob found it and I'm done. Jacob says, this is why I call it Peniel. Watch this. He says, I call it Peniel. I saw God. Number one, because my life was spared. You just read that last little verse in verse 30. Jacob says, when I realized that my life was spared, That's how I knew I saw God. Listen, can I tell you how you've witnessed God this year? Not just in blessings and not in open doors, but there's some things God spared you from. Whenever you realize your life has been spared, you are the jalapeno.

39:29 Whenever you realize your sins didn't catch up with you, you are the jalapeno. Whenever you realize that God's mercies were brand new every morning, you ought to jalapeno. Every time you realize your faults were not fatal, you ought to jalapeno. God has spared me. Somebody say God spared me. But that's not it. The verb used in verse 30 for spare is this verb not saw. And watch this. It doesn't just mean spared, Angie. It means to be rescued. That God didn't just spare me. God rescued me. Now, in case you ain't got it yet, there's one level of praise when you realize what could have happened didn't happen. But there's a whole other level when you realize that it did go down and God brought you out anyhow.

40:28 I'm looking for somebody who can praise God right now. Not because of what God kept you from, but what God brought you through. He brought me through the sickness. He brought me through the pandemic. He brought me through the issues. He brought me through the valley. He didn't just spare me. He rescued me. Can I push it? It's Peniel because he spared me. it's Peniel because he rescued me. But he says, watch this, I name it Peniel because right there the Lord blessed me. Not only did he spare me this year, not only did he rescue me this year, but somebody ought to be a living witness that he also blessed me this year.

41:23 I don't know who I came to preach to tonight, but I want somebody to know, yes, there's been some breaking, but there's also been some blessing. Yes, there's been some pain, but there's also been some prosperity. Yes, there've been some valleys, but there've also been some mountains. And I know we've gone through the through it, but I need about five of y'all online right now to just pause and declare the Lord is blessing me right now. God's been blessing meeting. There have been some prayers answered. There have been some doors open. There have been some ways made. There have been some enemy dealt with. There have been some finances coming. God has blessed us and we've seen his face. I've seen God in what he spared. I've seen God in what he rescued me from. I've seen God in what he blessed me with. Oh, but here's the last one that makes me want to shout. Bible says that Jacob got up from that wrestling match and Yah-Yah, he begins to limp.

42:33 He stands up and realizes I can still walk. I may not walk like I used to walk, but I can still make and he begins to cross over Peniel. This gets a little deep. He's crossing over that place and the question I had to ask Tempor, where is he going? Now that he's been broken, where is he going? Now that the Lord has changed him, where is he going? Where is Jacob going with his limp and self? Bob says if you read back he's on his way to go meet Esau he's on his way to Canaan you missed the shout he's been broken and now he's limping to Canaan he's been broken but now he's limping to Canaan. You look slow. Canaan is the promised land. I've been broken, but now I'm making my way to walk into the promises of God. I don't know who needs to hear this as we go into this new year, but there are still some promises ahead of us, and I'm going to limp my way into every promise that God has made over my life.

44:01 I'm going to limp my way into all things work together for good. I'm going to limp my way into no weapon formed against me shall prosper. I'm going to limp my way into greater is he that is in me than he that is in the world. And I came by to tell someone, limp your way into this new year. Limp your way into the promises of God. Walk yourself into the faithfulness of our God. Worship while you're wounded. I got to leave y'all. I got to wish you a good night and a happy new year. But watch what the Bible says. The Bible says, and he limped. And he limped. And he limped. I'm really glad the Bible doesn't say, but he limped. Because you know, and and but are related, but they have two different functions.

44:55 They're both conjunction junctions. What's your function? They hook up phrases and and and and and clauses together. However, the word but negates whatever was on the front end. So, you know, whenever someone uses the term but you can ignore everything they said ahead of that. If I owe you money and you ask me for it and I say, you know, well, I really want to pay you. But that's the end of that. You ain't got to worry about whether I'm a pay you or not. You know, I'm not. But erases what came on the front end.

45:28 Jacob testifies that God spared me. God rescued me. God blessed me. God was faithful and I limped. If he said, but I limped, that would erase the sparing. That would negate the rescue. That would devalue the blessing. Jacob learns to say and. Beloved, I came by to tell you that's a word. because there's some of us, we can only worship if we get but God. I was sick, but God. I lost it all, but God. And ain't nothing wrong with praising when you have a but God. But I came by and tell you, after 2020, I've learned that sometimes you've got to praise not when you have a but God, but when all you have is an and. I'm broken and I'm blessed. I'm trusting God and I'm worried. I don't know what's gonna happen and he's gonna make a way. Is there anybody here who can worship God with an and?

46:35 I'm laid off and I'm at peace. I'm alone and I'm strong. I'm falling apart and I'm holding it together. I don't have what I used to have and I still got more than enough. I don't know what God is doing and I trust him. He didn't answer my prayer the way I want it and he's still worthy. He didn't move the way I asked and I still give him praise. Is there anybody who can worship God with an and? I've got to release you into this new year now. It's time to limp our way to 2021. And I wish I could give you some prophetic promise that tomorrow morning, the world's going to be different. I wish I could tell you at the end of January, the cancer would be gone. I wish I could give you some prophetic promise that by Easter, this pandemic will be over. But what we see with Jacob is that he's making his way into the promised land to meet Esau. And he has no idea what Esau is going to do.

47:46 Esau wants to kill him. And Jacob gets up and walks his way into an uncertain situation. He moves into a new season without any promise or assurance that Esau won't kill him. but this much he knows because I can worship when I'm wounded because I know how to be alone with the Almighty and because I know how much I need God that whatever is in front of me I can handle it. I don't know what 2021 will bring but this much I know I need God And God, if you walk with me, if you hold me, I can handle whatever comes my way. I need you, God. We need you, Lord.

48:47 More than the rain, more than sun, more than money, more than friends. God, we need you. That that's the song that takes us into this new year. how deeply I need you, God. And I want you now to confess your dependence on God. The one thing you've learned in this last year is that without God, you can do nothing. But with God, you can survive it all. How deeply we need you, God. Here is my heart I give it Lord to you And here is my life I lay it before you Where else would I go And what else would I do If I did not know you, how deeply I need you, my Lord.

50:17 My Lord, how deeply I need you. I need you My Lord I know. Like the desert needs the rain. The rain and the ocean needs the stream.

50:40 And the morning needs the sun. I need you, Lord, you are my only one. Here is my heart I give it Lord to you And here is my life I lay it before you Tell me where would I go And what else would I do If I did not know you How deeply I need you How deeply I need you Every day I need you I know How deeply I need you.

51:50 How deeply I need you. Every hour I need you. Oh Lord, how deeply I need you. How deeply I need you. In my heart and in my mind I need you. Oh Lord, I need you Jesus. How deeply I need you. I need you like the desert needs the rain. And the ocean needs the streams. Just like the morning needs the sun. I need you because you are the only one.

52:40 Just like the desert needs the rain. The desert needs to rain. So my soul needs you. Yes, God. Every day and every hour. I need you like a morning. Jesus, Lord. I need you, Lord. You are my only one. Yeah, just like the desert needs to rain. Yes, God, I need you like a morning. Every day and every morning. every hour. I need you, Jesus. I need you, Jesus. Because you are the only one that can do it for me.

53:24 Come on, lift your hands and say, Just like I needed you yesterday. Just like I need you now. God, I need you forever. I need you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. God, we need you right now. I need you. Yes, we do, Jesus. I need you. We know you to be a healer. I need you. You're Jehovah Rapha. I need you. We need you now. I need you. To heal our land. I need you. We need you in the White House. I need you. We need you. I need you. We need you in the church house.

54:16 I need you. God, we need you. I need you. We take our children in the school house. I need you. We need you. I need you. Even in the house, Jesus. I need you. I need you. I need you. I said, I need you.

54:55 How deeply I need you, my Lord. I need you. How deeply I need you. My Lord, I need you.

55:19 God, here we bow before you. The last moments of this year and the beginning of the next. And there's a lot, Lord, we don't know. Don't always know why things happen the way they do. We don't always know when they'll be over. the one thing God we know is that we need you like the desert needs the rain like the morning needs the sun God we need you hear the cry of your daughters and your sons as we declare our dependence upon you God that without you we can do nothing that with you all things are possible somebody today as you bow and you get ready to limp into this new year go into a declaring God how deeply I need you and I tell you that whenever you declare to the Lord how much you need God God will always meet you there you can have as much of the Lord as your heart desires so Lord I lay my whole life before you I lay this next year before you I lay this new day before you God I put it in your hands and say Lord have your way Give me the strength oh God for whatever awaits me with Esau Give me the strength for whatever's awaiting in this new year this new day But God whatever you do don't take your hand off of me I need you God We need you Lord we thank you for sparing us and rescuing us and blessing us and being faithful to your promise now we move out declaring how deeply we need you in this year of 2021 Lord don't leave us or forsake us and we'll be careful to worship you while we're wounded

57:25 we'll always declare our dependence on you, Lord, and you can have as much time alone with me as you need. Thank you God for bringing us through and for now setting us into this new year. In the name of Jesus, by the power of the Holy Spirit, in gratitude for your grace, in all of your mercy and thankfulness for your unconditional love. We thank you, God, and we say we need you.

58:08 Now, as we go into this new year, if you know how badly you need the Lord and Christ is not at the center of your life, if you've never made a confession of Jesus as your Lord and Savior, if you don't even know what that means, but you know that something is missing and something is wrong. It's the presence of Christ. You need that in this new year more than a vaccine, more than your candidate sitting in the White House. You need the Lord. And if that is not your reality, if that is not your righteous walk, it's not your declaration of faith, do us a favor, reach out right here, right now. Let the first act of this new year be your declaration of your dependence on God. you can send us an email, deacons at Alfredstreet.org. And before the day is over, we will reach back out to you and share with you how much God loves you and how much better your life will be when you receive the Lordship of Jesus Christ.

59:13 And now, unto the Almighty, the all the wise, the eternal, the sovereign, the omnipotent God, who alone is creator of heaven and earth. To the God who's made himself perfectly known to us in Jesus who alone is our Christ, our loving Lord, our sacrificial savior, our resurrected, risen, reigning, returning redeemer. To the God who chooses to dwell in these earthen vessels of clay through the sustaining power, promise, presence, purpose, and person of the Holy Spirit. To the God who has spared us, rescued us, blessed us, and been faithful. To that God be glory and majesty, dominion and all power as we lift our way into this new year. In Jesus' name, amen. Happy New Year, Alfred Street.