Just the Two of Us, Rev. Dr. Howard-John Wesley

0:09 which means if you've ever been blessed, it was not because you worked hard. It wasn't because you went to the right school or had the right connections. If you've ever been blessed, because there was a God who opened up the window of heaven and let some things flow in your life, So praise God, from whom all blessings flow. We praise you, O God, for your blessings. We praise you for the gift of your word, a lamp to our feet and a light unto our path. Speak, Lord, for your servants are listening. In the name of Jesus, our Savior, we do pray. Amen. In this month, as we contemplate the presence of God that has protected us as a church family and honor the 216 years of this church, there's a word from the Lord, I believe, today that emanates from one verse of scripture that is yet sufficient for preaching and teaching on a way that continues to protect and preserve who we are as a family of faith.

1:23 I'm going to ask you to journey with me in your Bibles to the New Testament. to that first book of the New Testament, the Gospel of Matthew. If you're able to navigate your way in your Bible or on your device to the 18th chapter, I want to read in your hearing one verse that I believe is sufficient and adequate for the hearing and the living of God's Word. It is our custom to ask those who are physically able to stand with us, that together we might reverence the reading and the hearing and ultimately the living of the Word of God in Matthew chapter 18, beginning in verse number 15. In the 15th verse of the 18th chapter of the Gospel of Matthew, no matter what version of the Bible you carry, it reads a little something like this. If a brother or a sister sins against you, commits a fault against you, offends you, here's what you do.

2:17 Go to them directly and share the offense, the fault, the problem between the two of you. And if they hear you, then you've gained a brother or sister in Christ. If somebody does you wrong, here's what you do. You go to them, just the two of you. Talk it out. And if they hear you, you've gained a brother or sister in Christ. I know some of you may be too young, but I want to plagiarize today's sermon title, Patrick from a Bill Withers song. Bill Withers went popular by saying just the two of us. You may be seated. We can make it if you try. Just the two of us.

3:12 Just the two of us. I was in a clergy gathering a little while ago, and as part of the icebreaker, the presenter asked us a question that I'm passing on to you this morning. She asked a question, in this season and stage of your life, what teaching of Jesus is most profound in impacting who you are today? In this season and stage, what saying of Jesus is causing you to stretch beyond where you are to what you think God is calling to be? Given where you are in your walk with God and your maturation with the Lord, what teaching of our Lord and Savior resonates and resounds with the relevant realities of your life? What do you find yourself clinging to out of the words and the mouth of Jesus that are causing you to grow in your walk with the Lord? What teaching of Jesus impacts you most right now?

4:13 For somebody, your answer may be that teaching on forgiveness. Because you know what it's like to have to learn to forgive and to hear Jesus challenge us to forgive 70 times 7. For somebody else, maybe it's your prayer life. is you realize that your prayer life is a little insufficient, a little deficient, and you hear Jesus talking to you about that persistent widow that kept knocking on the judge's door to remind you that sometimes you got to pray and pray and pray and pray and keep on praying until the Lord answers. Somebody else, maybe it's you learning to walk by faith like Peter getting out of that boat hearing Jesus say come. For somebody else, maybe it's learning not to worry when Jesus said, seek ye first the kingdom of God and everything else will fall into its rightful place. What teaching of Jesus challenges you most where you are right now? Marcia, when it came my time to answer, it was real simple.

5:11 There's one teaching of Jesus that resonates most with me in this stage of my maturation. There's one verse of scripture that grabs my heart. One verse that causes me to stretch and grow into what God wants me to be. It's right here in Matthew chapter 18 and verse 15. Let me set the context, if you will. I would argue with you, my brothers and my sisters, that God is intimately concerned about how you relate to other people. That God's concern for your life is not simply about how loud you shout on Sunday and how many scriptures you memorize, but God watches how you treat other people. I would suggest to you, beloved, that religion without relationship is hypocrisy. That you cannot claim to be in renewed relationship with God and not learn to live in reconciled relationship with other people.

6:13 God cares about relationship. Christianity is not some personal, pious, me and myself and God existence. but Christianity is a calling on your life to be in connected, loving, fair, just relationships with all of God's people. Relationships matter to God. As a matter of fact, they matter so much. Here's what the Bible says. You can't say you love God whom you've never seen and not love the people you see every day. How can you be so sanctified that you can talk in spiritual tongues, but you can't say good morning in English to the people who sit next to you on the pew every Sunday.

7:02 When the disciples ask Jesus, how will folk know we're anointed? Mary, here's what Jesus says. Here's how folk will know you go to church. Here's how they gonna know you love the Lord. Here's how they gonna know you got a Bible. Not by your shout, but by your ability to love one another. my brothers and my sisters the word of God is so clear that when God shapes Israel and brings them out of slavery he gives them 10 commandments the first four are about their relationship with God the last six are about their relationship with each other because you cannot call be claimed to be in relationship with God and not then know how to be in relationship with everybody else relationship is so important to God that in the first days of the church whenever they had communion like we're about to have Marcia they couldn't just come to the table if they had issue with one another they were forbidden from having communion until they worked out the issues they had in the pew because you can't come to the table until you got the pew right I wonder how long communion would take this morning.

8:16 If you are not allowed to have bread and cup until you and that brother worked your issues out. If you look at Jesus, Jesus' biggest issue with the Pharisees was not that they claimed to be in relationship with God, but that their relationship with God did not affect how they treated people. Jesus looked at them and called them hypocrites. How can you say you know the word of God and love God and you're as mean as you are, as ugly as you are, as nasty as you are. Don't look at nobody. Don't, don't, don't. Relationship matters to God. As a matter of fact, if you take a step back, Dr. Gentry, and you look at the teachings of Jesus, the bulk of what Jesus teaches has nothing to do with how you get to heaven.

9:07 The bulk of it has nothing to do with how you ought to operate in church. The bulk of Jesus' teaching is how you ought to deal with people on the street and how you ought to love and live among those who say they love the Lord. It's about relationship. Relationships matter to God. And because relationships are so important to Jesus, he lays out some principles to help us deal with what he knows is inevitable in relationship. Jesus knows what you and I are mature enough to understand, that in any relationship, offense is inevitable.

9:51 You cannot be in relationship with any other human being and at some moment not be offended. I don't care how well y'all know each other. I don't care how long you've been friends. I don't care if it's your spouse, your child, your coworker, your supervisor, your boss, your fraternity sister, your out-told member. I don't care who it is I came by to tell you. At some moment in every relationship, you're going to get a bad taste in your mouth. At some moment, they're going to say something you think they should not have said. At some moment, they're going to do something you think they never should have done. At some moment, somebody's going to mistreat you in a way that you think is disrespectful. I don't care how much you love your boo or your bae. at some moment every human relationship is going to deal with offense. As a matter of fact, just to make sure you groan, tell somebody to tell them offense is inevitable.

10:50 This is inevitable. And since offense is inevitable, the presence of offense is not what destroys relationships. It's how you handle it that does. You can't avoid being offended, but how you choose to handle it will determine whether the relationship remains or not. And realizing that relationships matter and offense is inevitable, Jesus lays out one verse of Scripture that's meant to help resolve just about everything. Jesus knows you're going to be offended, knows you're going to be hurt, knows you're going to be mistreated. And so he speaks to us here in the 18th chapter in one verse that is meant to help resolve half of the mess you go through.

11:43 One verse will diffuse that passive aggressiveness with your coworker. One verse will help deal with that issue in the soprano section. One verse will rectify church and make church a better place. One verse will make your family reunion yet less awkward. One verse will help resolve that pettiness that destroys friendships. One verse. And if you put it to practice, it'll change everything. The one verse goes a little something like this. If somebody does you wrong, go to them directly and tell them how you felt just between the two of you. I call this the 1815 principle.

12:37 Chapter 18, verse 15, hashtag 1815. Tweet it when you leave. 1815, here it is. If somebody leaves a bad taste in your mouth, and they will. if somebody offends you and they may if somebody mistreats you and that might just happen in your life don't just sit on it don't just stew on it but go to that person directly and tell them how you feel now you can take it or leave it but it's written in red so i suggest you probably pay a little attention to it this is how jesus says we ought to handle things and notice it's the last way we choose to handle offense we choose the easier roads it's easier just to cut somebody off and tell them i ain't messing with you no more i don't deal with you i don't talk to you like that i am through i wash my hands of you and then we get spiritual and hit them with some scripture now may the lord watch between me and thee, while we are absent one from another.

13:44 We don't practice 1815. We would rather go find some other folk and tell them what they did because it's easier to talk to other folk than it is to the one that actually hurt you. We would rather go out on Facebook and Twitter and post all of our feelings and our emotions because you got more courage to type than to talk. We would rather be super spiritual and act like nothing bothered us, that you just so saved and sanctified and your skin is so thick that nothing gets underneath you. It just rolls right off. Girl, I ain't worried about that. Hey, you know that's not true. we would much rather let it fester in our spirit and disturb our joy and ruin our peace so that every time you see him, you just feel some kind of way.

14:51 And it's sitting right there underneath your skin. And so the very next person who dares look at you the wrong way or not speak, they catch all the hell of what you really want to share with somebody else. and now you're damaging relationships with people who have nothing to do with what happened to you. Tell somebody to tell them, I'm glad you came to church today. I'm glad you came to church. And yet Jesus says, no, no, when someone has done you wrong, I need you to go to that person directly, just the two of you, and share with them how you felt. 18-15, it's hard to put into practice. See, I kept wondering, why do we run and tell other folk? Why do we post?

15:43 Why do we let it fester? Why don't we just do what Jesus told us to do? Part of the answer is that some people are addicted to victimization. Some people love playing the victim. Some people love putting themselves in a permanent pathetic place so that they can always be the victim and therefore have an excuse to respond any way they want. Because when you're the victim, you can excuse yourself from maturity. You can excuse yourself from obedience. You can excuse yourself from godliness and say, well, they did me wrong, so now I can do whatever I want to have done. And I have found that people who are addicted to being the victim hate being called out. they want to pass on bad behavior and don't like it when you tell them whatever she did to you does not justify how you are choosing to respond to it your victimization does not give you an excuse for ungodliness I knew you wouldn't like it so I brought some scripture the bible says in John chapter 5, Jesus comes to the pool of Bethesda and Patrick, there's a brother that's been laying there sick for 38 years.

17:13 Jesus comes up to him and asks him a question. Do you want to be made well? The man gets an attitude. How you going to ask me that? I've been here 38 years and you want to know, do I want to be made well? But Jesus wants him to know, I understand that everybody who's down don't want to get up and I need to know, do you want to stand on your feet? Do you want to be more than a victim? Do you want more? Some people love laying down. They're addicted to playing the victim. Some people don't practice 1815 because they love being a victim. Some people don't practice 1815 because you're afraid of confrontation. I don't like to argue.

18:12 It just ain't worth it. I don't feel like going through all that. It's going to lead into a fight, and if it go left, then I'm going to go right. I suggest to you that what Jesus prescribes here is not confrontation.

18:34 And someone here needs to know that avoidance never leads to deliverance. Avoiding how you feel never makes it get better. Avoiding the conversation never makes it go away. Avoidance never leads to deliverance.

18:54 Maybe you like playing the victim. Maybe you're afraid of confrontation. Or maybe for most of us, it's the fear of the consequence of the conversation. Because if I allow myself to be vulnerable and share with you how you hurt me, you may find out that you care more about him than he cares about you. And the consequence of 1815, watch this. This is what Jesus teaches. Don't get mad at me. Jesus taught the consequence of 1815 is that when you decide to share with someone what they did that hurts you, there's only one of two directions it can go in. Don't miss it. Jesus teaches it. There's only one of two directions it's going to go in. Either you will gain a brother or sister or you're going to lose somebody.

19:49 When the offense comes and you mature up and decide to put it out there, there are only one of two outcomes. Either the relationship will be reconciled or it's someone you've got to let go. And yet Jesus tells us to practice this because Jesus understands what some of us haven't yet, that some people bless you in their presence and some people bless you in their absence. and that you are not called to be in relationship with everybody. And sometimes God allows the offense to open your eyes to help you realize who you are called and who you are not called to be in relationship with. Thank God for the offense. It triggers the conversation. So watch what Jesus says. I'm almost done. He said, listen, go to them and tell them this is how you made me feel.

20:44 Go to them and share your feelings. Listen, this isn't confrontation. This isn't cussing somebody out. This isn't getting somebody told. This isn't condemning someone. This is maturing up to say, I need you to understand how what you did made me feel. Y'all, feelings are just feelings. They're not indictments. They're not guilty verdicts. Feelings don't condemn you to hell. Me telling you how you made me feel doesn't mean you don't know the Lord.

21:28 But Jesus says, listen, you've got to share your feelings. Watch this, because it's not healthy for you to suffocate in your own pain. it's not wise for you to carry the burden of a hurt in your life that you could alleviate if you just spoke now listen I listen I know everybody gonna take this well and please forgive me but but but at this stage in my life I gotta let y'all know something I'm too daggone grown for me not to tell you how you made me feel you may not like it you may not want to hear it baby girl I'm really sorry about that but what I ain't gonna do is lose sleep in my life because I've decided that I'm not gonna share with you what's really going on in my head and in my heart. I am too grown not to express myself. Is there anybody grown up in Alfred Street that declares I just got to tell it like it's he is. I got to let you know how I feel. It's just feelings.

22:31 and when you put it out there, Christopher, it's going to go in one or two directions. It's only two options. When you tell someone how what they did made you feel, it could wind up with someone who doesn't care. It's highly possible that they don't care that they hurt your feelings. It's highly possible that doesn't mean a darn thing to them that you're walking around offended. And praise God if that's the case. Because God just revealed to you the people you need to distance yourself from because I cannot be in a relationship with someone who hurts me and does not care. Someone who's mean and does not want to apologize if you don't care about how I feel.

23:26 I can't subject myself to that abuse and you can hear it in their language if you share with them how you feel and this is the way they respond let them go I'm gonna help you if you say this is what you did and how it made me feel and this is the response you get time to say bye-bye you ready here it is if they say I'm sorry you feel that way I'm sorry you feel that way does not acknowledge that you care. I'm sorry how I made you feel that way. That does. Make sure you listen real carefully to their first response. Because the first thing out their mouth is, I'm sorry you feel that way.

24:21 Thank you. because it's possible that you're going to encounter someone who doesn't care so you keep reading in matthew 18 jesus and listen if that's the case treat him like a tax collector you know you know how much you want to hang out with tax collectors you know how you like the irs treat him like an irs agent no offense to Thank you. that's what Jesus says or you can find out in most cases it's not that they don't care they don't know I'm going to argue with you that the majority of people who've offended you don't know they did.

25:14 I didn't know my joke offended you. I didn't know my actions left a bad taste in your mouth. And if you don't come to me and share with me, you rob me of the opportunity of knowing what I did that's offensive. I was just being me. I didn't mean no harm. But if you don't tell me, I can't grow.

25:37 When you're offended, y'all, this is so mature. Why does Jesus put the ownership on the offended party? Because God is using the offended party to be a mirror to the offender so that I can look at you and see what I did and grow myself. So when you come to me and share with me what I did that offended you, it's God's way of helping me see how my words and how my actions may have hurt somebody else, and I can grow because you allowed the Lord to use you to make me better. Ooh, wee. And if you don't share with me, you rob me of the opportunity to grow. And if you don't come to me, you rob me of the opportunity to help you to grow.

26:21 Because it's quite possible you misunderstood. It's quite possible you misheard. It's quite possible you're too sensitive. Come on, this church, this ain't Oprah. Come on, this church, this church. It's quite possible your real issue ain't with me. It's quite possible your real issue is something you had with your daddy back in 76. And since you never addressed it and got over it, you're now venting it on me. And so this is an opportunity for you to identify what your real problem is. And in the interchange and in the exchange, we are making each other better. When you share with me, I'm growing. When I can share with you my intention, you're growing. and we're establishing what is necessary in any relationship God has called you to. The benefit of the doubt.

27:19 That any relationship God has called you to maintain requires that I give you the benefit of the doubt. The regime you talk to me and I talk to you and I know you and you know me. So I'm not going to let Satan put something in my ear to cause me to think I don't know you when I hear it rather than being upset and telling somebody else, I'm coming to you directly because I know you. We've talked. I know your heart. I know your mind. And I'm not going to let Satan drive a wedge between us because there's too much we can do in the body of Christ if we don't allow Satan to get in our ears. Who is the Lord calling you to talk to?

28:00 you're harboring some offense and some hurt. The Lord says, I need you to go talk to them. Now, before you're afraid, before you're afraid of having the conversation, I want you to keep on reading in these verses. You're going to hear a verse that sounds real familiar to you. If you've ever been in Baptist church, you've heard this verse. Jesus says, wherever two or three are gathered, Now, Dr. Gentry, you know what we always hear that? We hear that at low church services. You come to a program, there's only about four or five people there, right, right. And the MC gonna get up and say, well, you know, only about four or five of us, but the Bible says, wherever two or three are gathered together, God says, I'm in the midst. That passage ain't got nothing to do with low church attendance. That passage is at the end of this, where Jesus says this, where if you go to a brother or sister, wherever two of you are gathered, God is already in the midst.

29:06 So before you are afraid of the conversation, know that the moment you decide to obey 1815, God is already in the conversation before the conversation even begins. you'll find that you'll go talk to someone and the Lord has already prepped their heart and their mind to receive and that relationship is reconciled the devil is defeated your family is strengthened your friendship is restored the church is made stronger because wherever ...