Keep Your Cool When Things Get Hot – Secret #9

3:03 Right now, let's get started with our study in Proverbs. I've titled my message, Keep Your Cool When Things Get Hot. Is it just me, or do you find that people seem to be getting angrier every day? I mean, open up a newspaper and you're likely to read a story about an employee who's been terminated, who returns back to his workplace and opens fire on his fellow employees. or a story about a driver who gets cut off by another motorist and catches up with him and pulls him out of the car and beats him senseless or a story about a mother tired of the incessant crying of her infant daughter who drowns her not long ago I read in the newspaper a story true story about a guy who was ordered by a judge to attend an anger management workshop for assaulting his girlfriend. He arrived at the workshop drunk. And that so infuriated the leader of the anger management workshop that the leader began to punch him and beat him senseless. He ended up dying as a result of it. Let's be honest. Anger is difficult to control, even for the so-called management experts. And yet the Bible says that controlling our anger is just as important to success in life as containing our lust or controlling our speech. In fact, we see that over and over again in the book of Proverbs, the premium that Solomon places on controlling our anger. Listen to Proverbs 14, 29. He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly. Proverbs 15.1, a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 16.32, he who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit is better than one who captures a city. Did you catch that last

5:10 sentence? A wise person, Solomon says, who really wants to be intent on success in life, learns how to turn away from his anger. How do you do that? How do you control the anger that we all feel from time to time? We all feel it from time to time. Let me give you this definition of anger that may help you. And it's going to be the guide for our study today. Anger is a natural, physical, and emotional response to perceived injustice. Let me say it again. Anger is a natural physical and emotional response to perceived injustice. Is anger right or wrong? Well, it depends. It depends on how you express that anger. In Ephesians 4, verses 26 and 27, Paul says, be angry and yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger and don't give the devil an opportunity. Did you know nowhere else in the Bible does it say, be greedy, but don't sin. Or be lustful, but don't sin. It doesn't say that. But here it says, you can go ahead and be angry. Why he says that is that's a natural response. You're not going to stop feeling angry.

6:23 The question is, how do you express that anger? In Colossians 3 verse 8, the passage we read just a few moments ago, Paul gave us some negative ways to respond to anger. In Colossians 3 verse 8, look at it again. Paul says, but now you also put them all aside. Anger, wrath, malice, slander, abusive speech from your mouth. Notice he didn't say quit feeling anger. He said instead, know how to put it aside. Now this word anger is a general term, but these next two phrases, look at verse eight of Colossians three, wrath and malice refer to two different responses to anger. Now jot this down on your note. What's the difference between wrath and malice? Both are expressions of anger. Wrath, write this down, wrath is anger expressed. Wrath is anger expressed. That word wrath in the New Testament is the Greek word thiamon. And literally it means rage. That's what wrath is.

7:27 it is an outward volcanic explosion of anger. We talk about sometimes people who go into a blind rage. Maybe you've gone into one before. Somebody pushes the wrong emotional button or the right button, whichever way you want to look at it. And all of a sudden you let loose a string of words that pour from your mouth and you can't stop it no matter how hard you try, or at least you feel like you can't. And many times wrath, blind rage doesn't stop there. Many times it results in violence and even death. And that's why Solomon said in Proverbs 14 verse 17, a quick tempered man acts foolishly and a man of evil devices is hated. Wrath is anger expressed, but malice, that's the other word Paul uses in Colossians 3.8, that is anger suppressed. Wrath is anger expressed. Malice is anger suppressed. Sometimes when we get angry, good sense prevails. And instead of unleashing a torrent of negative words against the person, we decided to be in our best interest not to, especially if that other person is our employer or our maid or somebody we care about. So instead of expressing our anger, we turn it inwardly. But remember, malice, anger suppressed is just as dangerous as wrath, which is anger expressed. Whenever we turn our anger inward, what happens is that anger turns into bitterness that becomes a corrosive agent that eventually destroys the container in which it's stored. And that's why Solomon said, we need to deal with anger that is suppressed and deal with that just like anger that is expressed.

9:11 In Proverbs 30 verse 33, Solomon warned, for the churning of milk produces butter and pressing the nose brings forth blood. So the churning of anger produces strife. Well, if we're not to express our anger in a rage, if we're not to suppress it and keep turning it over in our hearts, how do we effectively deal with anger. I want you to notice in the book of Proverbs, Solomon gives us five simple principles for dealing with the anger that we feel toward others. Principle number one, whenever you feel angry, call an emotional timeout. If you're in a conversation with somebody and you feel yourself getting more and more angry, ask for a timeout. If you're arguing with your mate, remove yourself and go to the other room. If you're arguing with your boss, just ask if you can go back to your office and reconvene the meeting again. If you're in a telephone conversation, ask if you can call the person back so you can collect your thoughts. By the way, removing yourself from a volatile situation is not a sign of weakness. It's a sign of wisdom.

10:21 Listen to Proverbs 14 verse 29. He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly. Or Proverbs 16 verse 32. He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who captures a city. Proverbs 19 verse 11. You know, we think anger is a sign of strength, not the Bible. Solomon says a man's discretion makes him slow to anger and it is his glory, not his weakness. It is his glory to overlook a transgression. Call an emotional timeout so you are slow to get angry. Number two, analyze the cause of your anger. You know, the purpose of an emotional timeout is not to avoid your angry feelings, but to analyze them so you can deal with them appropriately. And during that time out, ask yourself two questions.

11:15 Number one, what is the real cause of my anger? Why am I feeling this way? Is it because of a right I expect has been violated? Is it because I really feel angry over an injustice towards somebody else? Exactly why do I feel this way? And second question to ask yourself is, do I have complete and accurate information? Remember, a lot of the times we feel angry is because we don't have all the facts. Number three, learn to overlook minor offenses. Learn to overlook minor offenses. You know, you can't go through life every day without suffering minor emotional bruises from other people. Maybe an unreturned telephone call or a forgotten birthday or some other slight, like somebody being late for an appointment. Those injustices are real, they're painful, but they're also temporary.

12:08 And a wise person learns to overlook those minor offenses. Proverbs 19 verse 11 says, A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression. That's the way we ought to deal with minor transgressions that we all experience every day. Number four, learn to forgive major offenses. And fortunately, God has given us a surgical procedure to deal with the major hurts in our life. It's called forgiveness. But let me just remind you the three steps of forgiving those major offenses. Number one, forgiveness admits that you've been wronged. True forgiveness is not about sweeping something under the rug and playing like it never happened. If you're really going to forgive somebody, you have to admit that what they did was wrong to you. is I say often, you can only forgive people you're willing to blame.

13:04 True forgiveness actually blames a person for what they've done to you. Secondly, true forgiveness acknowledges your offender's obligation to you. Offenses create obligations. And if you admit that somebody's wronged you, then it also means you need to acknowledge they owe you for what they've done to you. Thirdly, and most importantly, true forgiveness releases your offender of his obligation to you. That's what the word forgive means. It means to let go, to release. When you forgive somebody, you're giving up your right to hurt them for hurting you. That's what you're doing. You're not giving up your right to justice. But what you're saying is, you know what? This guy may deserve this or that, but I'm not the one to be the executioner. I'm gonna turn this jerk over to God or to the authorities or somebody else, but I'm gonna let go of my right to hurt them for hurting me. And of course, the reason we're to forgive is because of the great forgiveness that God has extended to us.

14:01 Ephesians 4.32 says, Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ has forgiven you. Remember what Jesus said in Matthew 6.14? If you forgive others, Jesus said, My heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, neither will my heavenly Father forgive you. It's pretty clear, isn't it? Forgiveness isn't optional. It's essential for anyone who wants God's forgiveness. Number five, how do you deal with anger in your life? How do you keep from allowing anger to get out of control, either through wrath or malice? Number five, don't associate with angry people. Now remember this, if you associate with angry people, you're going to become angry as well. I'm going to give you the best piece of advice you're going to hear this week. If you are single and thinking about getting married at some point in your life, don't date and certainly don't marry someone who is habitually angry. Don't marry or even date somebody who has a problem with his or her temper. That's what Solomon said in Proverbs 22 verses 24 and 25. Do not associate with a man given to anger or go with a hot-tempered man, lest you learn his ways and find a snare for yourself. Now, if it's somebody who acknowledges he has an anger problem and he or she is dealing with it positively, that's one thing. But a person who is continually blowing up all of the time, if you marry that person, you're going to be miserable and you're going to be the object of his or her anger at some point. Now, we've talked about how to handle the anger that we feel, but how do you deal with anger that is directed toward you? Listen to what Solomon says about how to handle angry people in your life. First of all, listen carefully to an angry person. Gary Chapman wrote a great book on anger called The Other Side

16:11 of love. And he said, there are seven steps for dealing with an angry person. Step one, listen. Step two, listen. Step three, listen. When somebody comes at you and they're angry, resist the impulse to argue with them. Just listen, listen, listen. Solomon said the same thing in Proverbs 17 verse 27. He who restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. You know why listening is so important? Listening to your adversary accomplishes three things. Jot these down. They're not on your note. First of all, listening diffuses your adversary's anger. It gives a chance for your adversary's anger to be diffused. You know, a volcano is much less dangerous after the eruption than before the eruption. And it's the same thing with angry people in your life. Give them time to blow off the steam before you try to respond in return. Secondly, listening gives you a chance. It gives you time to collect your thoughts before you speak. You don't want to speak hastily. You want to measure your thoughts. Listening gives you time to decide what you're going to say. In fact, if you haven't thought of it yet when he finishes, say to him, do you mind telling me one more time why you're so mad? Believe me, they will be happy to oblige that request. Listen to it again. And if you still don't have your thoughts, ask him one more time, do you mind telling me so I can be sure I've got all the information correctly? It's a wise way to gather your thoughts. Thirdly, listening gives you an opportunity to collect important information. As you listen to the person, you may discover that they're acting from incomplete or inaccurate information. Number two, how do you handle angry people? Try to identify with the other person's anger. You might say something like, I understand how disappointed you are. Or you might say, you know, if I were you and thought that's the way it happened, I'd be just as angry as you are as well. Proverbs 10 verse 12 says,

18:21 hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions. One practical way we demonstrate love toward an adversary is by understanding rather than invalidating our adversary's feelings. Number three, answer softly and slowly. Answer softly and slowly. Whenever somebody is spewing incendiary words towards us. Just imagine in one hand, you have a bucket of water. In the other hand, you have a bucket of gasoline and you get to decide which buckets you're going to throw on those angry sparks. You can throw a bucket of gasoline and then flame and cause a complete explosion, or you can douse that spark with water. You know how you douse angry words of another person? By making sure that when it comes your time to speak, just think to yourself, speak more slowly than your adversary and speak more softly than your adversary. Just speaking slowly and softly has a way of dousing the anger. Solomon said that in Proverbs 15, 1, a gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger. Number four, in dealing with an angry person, ask forgiveness if necessary. Nothing will take the wind out of an angry person's sails any quicker than your responding, I'm sorry for what I did. Would you forgive me? I mean, what's he going to say after that. He may accept your forgiveness and you've restored a relationship. He may say, no, I'm not going to forgive you or I'll have to think about it. That's okay too, because at least you know you've done the right thing. You know, over and over again in the New Testament, the Bible talks about having a clear conscience, that it's essential to living the Christian life. Do you know what a clear conscience is? It's the knowledge that there is no one who

20:27 can accuse me of a wrong I've not attempted to make right. We all need a clear conscience. It's that assurance that there is no one out there, not that can accuse me of anything, we're all sinful, but knowing that there's no one out there who cannot accuse me of a wrong that I've not attempted to make right. When you ask for people's forgiveness, you know you've done your part. Proverbs 28 verse 13 says, for he who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion.

21:03 One of my favorite episodes of the old Amos and Andy TV series. Remember that? I know I'm revealing my age when I talk about Amos and Andy. There was an episode in which Andy was walking around with a little bottle tied around his neck. And his friend Amos said, what is that bottle around your neck. And Andy says, oh, it's a bottle of nitroglycerin. And Amos says, why would you be carrying a bottle of nitroglycerin around your neck? And Andy says, well, I've got this friend, and every time he talks to me, he pokes me in the chest, and it bothers me. So I decided to put this nitroglycerin around my neck. The next time he pokes me, he's going to get his finger blown off. Well, that's not all that's going to get blown off, is it? Listen to me. Whenever we have anger that is undealt with in our heart, it's like walking around with a bottle of nitroglycerin around our neck.

22:03 And whenever we deal angrily with somebody who is angry, it's just like punching old Andy right in the chest there and exploding that bottle of nitroglycerin. You see, Solomon has another way, other advice for handling anger. You know what Solomon says about anger? He says, get as far away from it as possible. And whatever you do, don't wear it around your neck or in your heart. Don't associate with it. And most of all, when confronted with it, make sure you handle with care. Solomon said it this way in Ecclesiastes 7 verse 9. Do not be eager in your heart to be angry, for anger resides in the bosom of fools. Keep your cool when things get hot. In this sacred moment of application, I'm always impressed to remind you that it's no mistake

23:22 success. In addition to a full chapter on keeping our cool when things get hot, Solomon also provides wisdom on nine other practical topics. When you give a generous gift to support the ministry of Pathway to Victory, you're invited to request a copy of my book. Your support keeps Pathway to Victory on the radio, on television, and online, reaching people all over the country. So these resources are our way of saying thank you for your generous support. There's something else I'd like to send you, and it's yours for the asking. No cost or obligation. I'm referring to the two-disc set that we've called In God We Trust. On one disc, you'll enjoy a patriotic concert by the First Baptist Dallas Choir and Orchestra, and the other contains my teaching on America's Christian heritage.

24:18 Here's David with all the details.