Paper Walls, Part 3 - "Free to See"

0:01 Hey, everybody. Andy here. Welcome to the Your Move podcast where we help you make better decisions and live with fewer regrets. Before we jump into today's content, I wanted to say thank you to all of you who support Your Move financially. It's the generosity of people like you who make this podcast possible. So if listening to the podcast has inspired you to make better decisions and hopefully live with fewer regrets, would you consider supporting Your Move with a tax-deductible gift? To give, just visit yourmove.is slash give. That's yourmove.is.

0:34 And now here's this week's podcast. So you may know the answer to this. I don't know, I should say, I'm not sure when it is that we begin lying to ourselves. I think it's probably earlier than we imagine. And again, some of you may know the answer to this. I don't know when we stop lying to ourselves. It may coincide with our breathing. It's like when we stop breathing, we finally stop lying to ourselves. and it doesn't take long. I mean, by the time you're in middle school or high school, we get pretty good at catching other people when they're lying, but we're not so good at catching ourselves when we're lying, not lying to other people. We're not so good at catching ourselves lying when we're lying to ourselves. Now, lying to others, and please don't misunderstand this, lying to others is somewhat understandable. It's not excusable, but at least it's understandable.

1:29 But lying to ourselves, Lying to ourselves, it's confusing. Lying to ourselves, I mean, how many selves do we have? I mean, who's lying to who, right? Now, if you're listening to this thinking, well, Andy, I don't lie to myself, perhaps you just did, okay? So that's the point, is like, I know. And the reason you did and you don't know about it is because you're really, really good at it and we're all really good at it. And one of the reasons we're so good at deceiving ourselves, which is another way of saying lying to ourselves, One of the reasons we're so good at deceiving ourselves is we don't call the lies that we tell ourselves lies. We call them something else. We dignify them, right? We call them reasons. We have reasons, which is reasonable. And we wanna be reasonable because we don't wanna be unreasonable because you work with somebody who's unreasonable and perhaps you have some friends who you don't wanna be unreasonable.

2:21 So when we decide to do something we know we shouldn't do or something that we know there's probably another reason we're not doing, another reason we're actually doing it, Instead of throwing our hands up in the air and say, I don't know why I did this, we come up with reasons. The reason I was late to work is it was traffic. It was traffic. Now, I did get up a little late and I did piddle around and I went down to Twitter rabbit hole. Then I went down to Instagram rabbit hole and then I looked up and oh my goodness. But really the reason I'm late is traffic. I'm just gonna stick with traffic because traffic is reasonable. So we come up with reasons and then we believe these, right? I'll just let you fill in a blank. The reason I too much, don't elbow anybody or say it out loud, but the reason you do, and if I were to ask you, why do you so much? You have a reason, but the reason you would give me and more importantly to our conversation today, the reason you give yourself may not actually be the reason because the actual reason that you too much. Maybe a secret, this is the crazy part, a secret that you're keeping from yourself.

3:32 I know, to keep you from having to face the truth about yourself. It really is crazy and we all do it. Instead of telling ourselves the truth, we just make up stuff and that's what we've been talking about. We manufacture or we make up or we create excuses and we disguise our excuses as reasons because we wanna be reasonable. So maybe, just maybe, here's where we're going today. Maybe we should call it not like it is. Maybe we should call it like others see it because I hate to break it to you. The people around you and the people who know you, they know when you're lying. They know when you have lied to yourself and bought your own reason and made it, your own excuse and turned it into a reason. They know when you're manufacturing excuses and the reason I know that they know is because you know when the people around you are doing it as well.

4:27 And we think nobody's catching on to our excuses that we've disguised as reasons. They see our reasons for what they really are. Excuses. Paper walls. So today we're in the third part of our series, paper walls, moving beyond the excuses that hold you back. Moving beyond the excuses that hold you back. Excuses, as we said, are like paper walls. From a distance, they look impenetrable. From a distance, they look like they're actual obstacles. From a distance, it looks like, hey, the reason I can't move forward, the reason I can't stop, the reason I don't start, the reason I don't go back, the reason, the reason, the reason. Well, the reason is it's this. But as we get closer and as we get honest, not with the people around us, as we get honest with ourselves, we realize that many, many, many of our reasons aren't really reasons.

5:18 They're just excuses. they're just paper walls and they're paper walls that are holding us back. And then over time, as we've said, our excuses, and this is when you know that you got work to do because you hear yourself. Our excuses, they become our becauses. These are the becauses that we retreat to when somebody confronts us. The becauses that we run to and hide behind when somebody brings it up. You know, why don't you? Well, because we always have a because, but this is the, come on, this is This isn't a religious thing, regardless of what you think about God or religion. Come on, this is a human thing. Sometimes our because isn't the cause. Our because is just an excuse masquerading as a cause, and we all do this. In fact, probably all of us have some of those that we're carrying around right now.

6:12 So in this series, here's the question we're asking. Is it possible, that is, Would you be open to exploring? Is it possible that you are missing out in life because you've walled yourself in? Is it possible that you are living behind a paper wall or paper walls that you explain and you've bought into personally and you've lied to yourself? You believe these really are actual obstacles that you can't move beyond, but they are walling you in and they are keeping other things and other people out, opportunities out, relationships out, better relationships out, your physical health out. Is it possible, is it possible, possible that you're hiding behind self-imposed, lie-infested excuses? And they're constructed of all kinds of things.

7:05 They're constructed sometimes of things people have said about us to us, things that people have called us when we were younger, the things that people have branded us. and the real dilemma or not the dilemma, the real problem, the thing that should really bother us is that over time, a single excuse can actually become a king in our life. A single excuse can become a tyrant. A single excuse can become the boss of you and because our lives are not as compartmentalized as we think, okay? Excusing one area of one health or excusing unhealth in one area of life often creates unhealth in other areas of life, that everything is fluid, it all flows together. You can't compartmentalize an excuse and think, well, this is gonna only affect this one arena of my life. Life isn't that way. Life isn't, you're not as compartmentalized as you think. Excusing your overreaction, like when you blow up or lose your temper, you're like, well, the reason I lose my temper, the reason I lose my temper, it's impacting your relationships, right?

8:04 It's not just one area. Excusing or making excuses financially or making excuses in terms of taking care of your health. It impacts your credibility. People hear you making excuses about your health or making excuses about your finances and they draw conclusions about you. Your kids draw conclusions about you. Your kids know when you're just making up reasons and trying to hide behind them. So it all flows together. So here's the problem. There is perhaps in your life, a single excuse that you have lived, a wall you've lived behind for so long, a single excuse you've made for so long, I mean, you just go there, you're because they just flow and you've convinced yourself and it is impacting your entire life and it is keeping you from moving forward relationally, forward spiritually, forward in terms of just personal growth, forward financially. I don't know what it is. Is it possible, is it possible that there's something that you've turned in to a reason that's actually just an excuse?

9:03 And this is why we're talking about it Because as we said in the first two sessions, the first two episodes of this series, if there is a relationship between our excuses and our ability to follow Jesus, because an excuse can't be the king of your life and Jesus be the king of your life. And you can't, I can't, we can't follow our excuses, make excuses Lord of our life and follow Jesus at the same time. And here's what's so cool. This is what we're gonna do today for a few minutes. when you follow Jesus through the gospels, and I mean when you sit down and follow Jesus through Matthew, follow Jesus through Mark or Luke or John, when you follow Jesus through the gospels, do you know what you discover him doing? There's all these narratives, there's all these conversations. You find Jesus bringing light into dark places. He was constantly leading people out of darkness, their personal darkness, into light.

9:57 But the problem is, is we're gonna discover today as well, light can be terrifying. Light can be frightening. Light shown in our dark places can be threatening. It can be embarrassing. It's that moment when you realize, okay, I really am afraid. This whole time, I've had all these excuses for why I won't, why I should and couldn't and wouldn't and wouldn't start. The truth is, I'm afraid. The truth is, I'm just really insecure. The truth is I'm terrified of what I might feel if I chose to move through and move past the excuses I've been giving for years. Light can be terrifying, but light can be liberating. Just ask your AA friends or your NA friends. Lies, especially the ones that we tell ourselves, those lies will always, always hold you back.

10:55 They hold us back because they leave us in the dark. And let me tell you how you can know for sure this is true because you see it in other people all the time. Isn't it true that you watch people at work, you watch people at home, maybe you're watching your kids right now in a difficult season, or maybe your husband and your wife, and here's what you think but you're afraid to say. Can't you see what you're doing to our marriage? Can't you see what your behavior is doing to your relationship with your son or your daughter? can't you see what you're doing to your health? Can't you see what you're doing to your finances? Can't you see what you're doing to your academic career? Can't you see what you're doing to your reputation? That's the word we actually use in our mind. And then when we talk about them to other people, they just can't see it. They just can't see it. They just can't see it. It's like they're wandering around in the darkness. And if you have the opportunity or the courage or the relationship to sit down with them and say, hey, maybe this is none of my business, but I wish you could see what you're doing to your husband.

11:58 I wish you could see what you're doing to the people at work. I wish you could see how your behavior is, what your behavior is causing with your kids. I wish you could see it. And if you've ever had those conversations, they can't see it because they immediately run to their, well, the reason, the reason, the reason, the reason. And you know, those aren't reasons. Those are excuses. but here's the thing. It'd be fun to talk about them the rest of the time. What's true of them? It's true of me. It's true of you. I can't see it. You can't see it. Other people see it about me and other people see it about you. And this is why when you follow Jesus through the gospels, he presents us with an invitation we're gonna get to in a minute that is so powerful. It's life changing.

12:51 When you hear Christians talk about, oh, it changed my life, this is what they're talking about. In fact, if you think Jesus changed your life, this is what you talk about. So lies will hold you back. Truth, flip side, is truth sets you free. And how amazing, this is amazing, how amazing is it, how amazing is it that 2,000 years ago, this is the very point that we discover Jesus making. And he makes this very point right after he makes this, I don't know, kind of over the top statement about himself. Here's where the conversation begins. Jesus is teaching. John's, you know, writing all this stuff down. Here's what Jesus says. This is so over the top. I am the light of the world. Who would say that? I mean, who says things like this? I am the light of the world. No wonder people just kind of smirked and shook their head and walk off. You're the light of the world, right?

13:44 But before you write him off, what if that's true? What if Jesus, think about it. What if Jesus really came to lead the people of this world and every generation, including you, including me? What if Jesus really came to lead us out of darkness into light? What if he really came to light up your excuses and expose them for what they truly are so that you can become everything God has called you to be, everything he knows you can be so you can reach your full potential, so you can get to the other side of this instead of living shut down and bogged down in the things that you've told yourself? what if it's true? What if Jesus really is the light of the world? And then he says this, whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have with them always the lamp or the light of life. Jesus saying, look, I wanna light up the dark places.

14:41 I wanna lead you through your paper walls. I wanna expose the things that are keeping you back from fully engaging with your family, fully engaging with your potential, fully engaging or overcoming your fears and your insecurities. But for that to happen, it's not enough to sing songs about me. It's not enough to admire me. It's not enough to believe in me. It's not enough to, you know, in some intangible conceptual way, I trust you. He says, you gotta follow me because I'm taking you somewhere. And it was the men and women who followed Jesus that turned the world upside down. It was the men and women who followed Jesus, not just admired Jesus, who would shape Western civilization. Now, when he said this, his first century audience, you know, there's all kinds of people there and there's always religious leaders taking notes, trying to trap Jesus. And John tells us that when he said this, the Pharisees challenged him and they said, ah, you know, just write him off. Here you are, because, you know, here you are appearing as your own witness.

15:34 Your testimony is not valid. You're claiming things about yourself and you can't claim things about yourself. There's no way to prove that. You're not the light of the world. Folks, this guy is crazy. But the crowd didn't leave. because they suspected something about Jesus. Later in that same conversation, he says this. This is so powerful. He says, if you hold to my teaching, this is conditional. What's gonna follow? It's a conditional clause. If you remain in my teaching, if you focus on embrace, if you organize your life around my teaching, if you will do what I am teaching you to do, then and only then you are really my disciples or my learners or my followers. And if you will do what I ask you to do and if you will embrace what I've asked you to embrace, if you will follow my teaching, that means you're my follower.

16:31 And then, and only then, then you'll know the truth. Then you'll recognize what's true. Then you'll quit making excuses. Then you'll quit rationalizing. Then you'll quit resisting. Then you'll receive. And when you know the truth, when you have that aha moment, when you have that, oh my goodness, my whole life I have been hiding behind these becauses and they're not even real reasons. They're just paper walls. He says, in that moment, if you'll follow me and you become my disciple, you're gonna know the truth and the truth will set you free. it will set you free to, ready for this? To see, to see, to see yourself the way God sees you. To see your potential the way God sees your potential. To see your family the way that God sees your family. To see God the way that God really is.

17:24 Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall, ready for this, they shall, there it is again, they shall see God. Jesus says, I'm the light of the world and I'm not in some just big intangible ethereal way. I wanna be the light of your world and if you follow me, you will discover the truth and the truth will set you free. And you will begin to see your paper walls for exactly what they are. And do you know how his audience then responds to this amazing statement? They begin making excuses. It's unbelievable. Here's what the Pharisees and the teachers of the law say because they're trying to make sure the people don't follow Jesus. They answered him, what? Be free? You're gonna set us free? We are Abraham's descendants. We have never been slaves of anyone. How can you say we shall be set free?

18:20 You can't set us free. There's nothing to set us free from. Now this is ridiculous, okay? When they say this, they currently in that moment had a Roman governor, Roman governor. Who's your governor? Pilate okay but you don't think you're slaves no we're not slaves before the Romans it's the Seleucids the Assyrians the Babylonians the Egyptians it goes on and on and on so the whole idea of these people say oh we've never been slaves to anyone it's just so ridiculous and it's easy to criticize but we are often equally as guilty I mean when I come along and say you're a slave to your excuses. You're a prisoner to your excuses. You are walled in. You sit here and you think, not me, not me, not me. If somebody implies that, you know, this is true of you, I mean, we all just want to fold our arms as we invent, we just start making excuses. And we're tempted to say what they say. So let me, you know, if we were sitting there, here's how we would say, oh no, Jesus, I've never been a slave of anyone or anything. That's how we feel. I've never been a slave of anyone. I've never been a slave of anything. Jesus, what do you mean you're going to set me free? Set me free from what? And I think Jesus would respond to me and to you the same way he responded to his original audience when they said, oh, we've never been slaves of anything or anyone. He says, very truly, instead of reading them their history, their national history, he reads them their personal history. Very truly, I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave of sin.

19:53 Everyone who sins is a slave of sin. And they're like, wait, I thought, why are we talking about anyone who sins is a slave to sin. In other words, what he's saying is this, do you ever do what you ought not do? Yeah. And then you regret doing what you did? Yeah. Then you get upset with you because you did something you knew you shouldn't do? Yeah. And you say to yourself, I can't believe I did that. Yeah. Well, who made you did that? And why did you did that again? And why have you been didding that? I mean, what's wrong with you? It sounds like you're a slave to me. And they're like, oh, well, I mean, there's that. And Jesus is going, that's my point. You have deceived yourself into thinking you are far more free than you actually are because you hide behind your excuses. And Jesus says that I'm the light of the world and I'm inviting you. I'm not going to force you. I'm inviting you to bigger and better way of living. Then after a couple of comments about his unique relationship to the father. He concludes this way, he says this.

20:58 So talking about himself, if you follow me, if you embrace my teaching and you allow me to set you free, if the son sets you free, if you allow me to light up the lies you've believed, you will be free. Indeed. You will actually be free. You will be free to recognize your paper walls for what they are. And you will be free to move forward in life to the life that God has called you to live. Because following Jesus will make your life better. And following Jesus will make you better at life because he's the light of the world. And he's come to light up all of our personal darkness. And here's the thing, whether you believe Jesus is the son of God or not, following Jesus will make your life better and he will light up your life.

21:55 The invitation to you today, regardless of where you are on the spectrum of faith, would you lean in and would you choose to follow Jesus? And he's going to lead you to the freedom to where you can acknowledge your fear and your insecurity. You'll be free to see what the people around you wish you could see that you genuinely can't see. and most importantly, you will be free and I will be free to engage. See, here's the problem. We talked about this the first week. Our excuses, our excuses excuse us from engaging with others. Another way of saying that is this. Paper walls make you small. Paper walls give you excuses.

22:47 In fact, paper walls excuse you from loving other people as well. Let me prove this to you. Again, let's just turn it around and look at it from a different perspective. This is so important. Isn't it true that the people who hurt you, isn't it true that the person who mistreated you, isn't it true that the person who lied to you, who left you, who abandoned you, isn't it true that every single one of them had a reason for what they did? Yeah. Every single one of them manufactured an excuse for what they did. Every single one of them, None of them said, I have no idea why I treated you that way. I have no idea. No, they all had a reason and they couldn't see it. And the reason they never came clean with you is they really genuinely can't see it because they've created a paper wall and they've lived behind it and they've defended the way they've mistreated you or mistreated your husband or wife or one of your children.

23:41 So here's the question. Do you wanna be like that? Do you wanna be like that? Do you want there to be people in the world who have been so hurt by you. And when it comes to mine, you're like, well, of course I did that. Of course I said that. Of course I responded that way. Of course I lost my temper. Of course I took that. Of course, of course, of course. And they're locked down because you can't see. Here's something that should scare you into activity. If you can't see that you're wrong, you'll be wrong your entire life. if you can't see why can't she see why can't he see if only he could see if only she could see come on back to you if you can't see if you are unable if you never get to the place where you can see what you currently can't see where you there's if you never get to the place where something lights up the lie that you've believed about yourself or the inaccuracy you could be wrong your entire life which means you could excuse your whole life away you could excuse that bad habit away your health away your family away your peace away you could excuse your faith away. But there's a better way. Jesus said, I'm the better way. I am the way. I am the truth.

25:00 And that's why I am the life. In fact, in the first century, you know this, they called it the way. Because Jesus invites us out of darkness into the light. I am the light of the world, he said. whoever follows me, follows me, gets up every day and says, yes, where are we going? What are we doing? What do we need to change? Who do I need to call? Who do I need to forgive? Who do I need to contact? I'm the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life. Do you know what this looks like? It looks like this. I see what's wrong with him, but I'm gonna begin by looking in the mirror to see what's wrong with me. And you're gonna admit you're really afraid and you're gonna admit you're really insecure. And that's okay. It'll be terrifying and you'll be free.

25:53 Isn't that how you wanna live? Isn't that how we all wanna live? So here's Jesus' invitation, it's so powerful. And again, regardless of where you think Jesus falls on, the God, not God, savior spectrum. I mean, again, he invited all kinds of people, extended this invitation to all kinds of people. It's the starting place. If you hold to my teaching, then you really are my disciple. and you're gonna know the truth, whether you like it or not, I'm taking you there. And it'll be terrifying, and it'll be uncomfortable, and you'll have to have some conversations you never imagined having, and on the other side of them, you will be free. Follow Jesus, and you'll be free to see. You'll be free to be the husband, the father, the employer, employee, the son, the daughter, the grandparent, the citizen that God's called you and set you up to be?

26:54 Is it possible that you're missing out because you've boiled yourself in? Is it possible, just possible, that you are disguising excuses as reasons? And are you willing to admit what you've come to suspect, that they are just paperwills? Every time you tell your story, the people who tell your story go, oh yeah, you're justified. But there's something in you. It's like, I think there's something more. I don't know when we begin lying to ourselves, but we all do it. Jesus invites you, invites all of us to leave our fact-free excuses behind. and to face up to and embrace the terrifying but liberating truth about ourselves, our interior lives, our attitudes, our fears, our insecurities, our past.

27:54 And he says, if you will allow me to set you free, I love this, you will be free indeed. You know what that means? That means no matter what anybody else does to you and regardless of how anybody else treats you, They will never force you to live behind paper walls because you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. And we will pick it up right there next week as we conclude the series, Paper Walls, Moving Beyond the Excuses That Hold You Back. Hey, everybody. Thank you so much for listening. Before you go, I wanted to take a minute to personally thank everyone who supports Your Move financially. It's the generosity of people like you who make this podcast possible. If you would like to make a tax-deductible gift to Your Move, you can visit our website at yourmove.is slash give. That's yourmove.is slash give.

28:58 Thanks ahead of time for your support.