Rev. Dr. Otis Moss III | "Living Between Grief and Grace" 6PM 04/12/26

1:02:34 to the reading and hearing of god's holy word you may be seated in the presence of the most high God. I want to, for the time that we have together, for us to deal with this idea and this topic of living between grief and grace. Living between grief and grace. If you would be so kind just to turn to your neighbor at this time. I didn't say say anything. just look at your neighbor and just say neighbor, oh neighbor Thomas would not believe until he saw it for himself turn to another neighbor And say, neighbor, oh neighbor, Thomas was living between grief and grace.

1:03:47 Living between grief and grace. Beloved, many of us have knowledge of God, but have never had an experience with God. we believe in God but have not scaled the ladder to and to quote Reverend Clyde White we have not scaled the ladder to believe God there is a difference between believing in God and believing God. Often in life, we choose to stay on the shore of faith. We would rather feel the water upon our feet than step into the depths and the deep of the ocean currents of belief, for we fear we might be swept away by the undertone. Our church attendance, Our church attendance or streaming worship experience often indicates a knowledge of God or a belief in God, but does not translate to I believe God.

1:05:18 For one, to step into the deep end of one's spiritual journey. For others, you come to this space known as the village of faith because someone brought you here. It has become a cultural activity, an obligation, a ritual. and you continue to light the candle even after the person who introduced you to the practice has gone on to become an ancestor. Hear this. Faith is not a destination, but a journey. Faith is not a straight line. Faith is not even pavement. But to paraphrase poet and writer Cole Arthur Riley, our call is not a straight line, but is a landscape.

1:06:21 We walk on uneven ground, journey upon sand, jagged rocks, loose soil, slippery ice, and at times we just wade through muddy water. If you choose this journey of spirituality, the only thing that can be guaranteed is the diversity of topography you will witness as you walk this journey. This word we explore today, I offer a different reading. Traditionally, Dr. Rice, preachers have explored the casting or castigating of the person by the name of Thomas in a negative light. He's simply just a doubter. The term doubting Thomas made its way into the American lexicon because of the Gospel of John and Thomas saying, I need to see it before I believe it.

1:07:23 According to the lectionary, this is what is called a post-Easter scripture. I believe it has a lesson for us, all of us, we are to speak honestly of our faith journey. It dares to teach us how we live between grief and grace. So let's explore this first portion of this word. The death of Jesus almost broke the disciples. The truth is death changes you when it shows up. The permanence of a loss. the truth of this is felt even here today in this room. There is, in the words of Martin Luther King Jr., there is a democratic nature to death. We will all sit with this unwanted angel, no matter your station in life.

1:08:23 And it's only through time plus distance, peppered with acceptance, that is able to turn the pain of death into a sonnet of peace or a quiet symphony where we are able to face the reality and the lessons learned in a loss. No matter who we are, where we are on our journey, at some point you'll find that death will leave a tattoo on your heart reminding us of his visitation. the disciples were almost broken by the death of Jesus. These disciples who walked with a man by the name of Jesus, a chief rabbi, a sacred sage, a wielder of otherworldly wisdom, a healer, an extraordinary revolutionary saint, a spiritual director, an unapologetic son of man, an unashamed Messiah of humanity, a nonviolent zealot, an unorthodox liberator, a savior.

1:09:34 These disciples, men and women, gather across the plain of Palestine right now, locked in a room with the shadow of death looming in their consciousness. Mary Magdalene had already preached the sermon, I have seen the Lord. But these disciples had not witnessed what Mary witnessed. I can see the mourning and grief sprinkled across the atmosphere. How could Jesus be gone? How could the Messiah leave us? The state took him. The empire murdered him. And our very own colleague assisted in his death. This is where the mourning, to quote the psalmist, turns into dancing. And the doors were locked.

1:10:30 Let me say it again. Somebody said, lock the doors. For the doors were locked. For the disciples feared, not, not, it's wrong, it's not correct when we say the Jews. The disciples feared the fundamentalist religious nationalists. Because all that means is when you are fundamentalist religious nationalists, it means that you are aligned with the state. That you just want proximity to power. You want to pray over Caesar. Not because you believe in Caesar. You just want some benefits that come from standing next to Caesar. So you'll show up in Caesar's circular office. I didn't say oval, circular office and you'll pray over Caesar so that you get some residue that falls off of his desk I'm trying Amen.

1:11:49 But yet the doors were locked. And yet Jesus stood among them. And in his smooth, brotherly south side way, said, peace be with you. You missed it here, that simple idea. I'm sorry, it's so simple here. I don't have much else, but the doors were locked. And God showed up. Don't you know our God will show up behind some locked doors? When you try to shut everybody else out, God will show up anyhow. They shut everyone out, fearful of others, but God was in the room. When we attempt to shut the world out, look at God.

1:12:46 But this speaks, this speaks here of the power of community while you are struggling with your grief. They were together. This is the principle and power we need to understand when we need someone to hold us up. When walking through the valley of grief and death, the presence is the present. That God shows up behind closed doors, but they are gathered together. Just being together is sometimes the greatest blessing. I remember reading a writer talking about grief. He said the greatest gift that he had ever received was this. I quote, I had a friend who sat with me for two hours and said nothing. It was the greatest gift he ever gave me. You don't have to grieve alone.

1:13:40 You do not have to explain anything. Just sometimes you need somebody just in the same room, just sitting with you. They don't have to ask you how you're doing. They don't have to say, let me pray for you. They don't have to get all in your business just to know that there's somebody in the room with you when you are going through your most difficult moment. And maybe there is somebody here that knows what I'm talking about. You ain't got to say nothing. Just sit in the room with me. While I'm crying, just sit in the room with me. While I'm in pain, just sit in the room with me.

1:14:26 This is church. Some of us grieve today, but I'm here to let you know that we are grieving collectively, that we are part of a community, that you are part of a community. They were gathered together. They were grieving together. They locked the doors, but God shows up behind the closed doors. But this is what I love so much, is that when Jesus shows up, shows up just like a brother, he doesn't, yeah, he just says, peace be upon you, and then does something that is so extraordinary, this encounter with the spirit in the midst of community that sometimes sometimes when we are in community the spirit shows up in a way that blesses us and what Jesus does Jesus speaks and then breathes on them upon the whole group now one needs to know that the word pneuma that's Greek, it means spirit, but spirit in Greek means breath of God. And ruah in Hebrew means spirit, but also means breath of God. In other words, when you breathe the breath of God, something happens.

1:15:50 And we often speak of the spirit and possession and the spirit possession in a dramatic demonstrative term, but this is the breath of God indwelling. There was no speaking in tongues. No one started shouting. No one started running. None of that. What God was doing, God was breathing upon the people. God was giving spiritual CPR. And you know when you are receiving CPR, it means that somebody has to take their breath and put it in your body. And their breath will bring your body back to life. And the spirit, when the spirit possesses you, it brings you back to life. In other words, God was exhaling and the people were waiting to inhale. That sometimes all you have to do is just inhale and realize that God is dwelling in you. They were probably praying. I'm not sure what they were doing. It does not say they were talking. It seems to be that there's nothing to suggest that there was this conversation. Maybe there were silent prayers. They were probably praying.

1:17:11 And there are moments when we pray, we love to run our mouth and say, Lord, do this and do that. But I like what Howard Thurman says. Sometimes the best prayers are prayers when you keep your mouth shut. The best prayers are when you don't say anything. Howard Thurman says the secret temple is the place of meditation. There is a need for such a temple in every person's soul. A need for setting apart of some portion of each day where we enter the sacred edifice and to the holy place undefiled by the intrusion of the world. that we may be renewed. A breath prayer. A breath prayer. God exhales and the people inhale. And exhaling, you can imagine you are breathing and Jesus comes up behind you and says, Peace be unto you.

1:18:05 There is a grounding when we learn this kind of praying. That there are some prayers that you do not need to say anything. that all you need to do is put your feet on the ground. Just breathe in and out. And the breathing is your prayer. Because as you breathe, it reminds you that something's beating in you. That as you are breathing, it grounds you. And the disciples receive the Holy Spirit. But that is not where I want to focus. I want to focus on this gentleman by the name of Thomas. Thomas was not in the room. Thomas, who has been called the Doubting Thomas. I don't know where Thomas was.

1:18:59 I don't know where Thomas was hanging out. There is no record of where he was. I can only use my imagination. But Thomas is doubting. So often preachers have castigated Thomas for his doubt. But I would suggest to you that Thomas' doubt is driven by his grief. Doubt is not wrong. Doubt is inevitable. Doubt is a part of the faith journey. Faith and doubt is necessary and connected to faith. If you have no doubt, it means you have certainty. and certainty is not faith because faith is connected to risk. Inherent in risk is the idea of doubt, but I take the risk anyway because I have faith. I'm willing to take a leap of faith even though I am not certain, but I hold on to the hand of the one who has kept me all of these years.

1:19:59 It is risky. But if I remove doubt, I have certainty. Certainty is not faith. It requires work to be a person of faith. Certainty does not require any work because you are certain. It does not develop nor deepen our spiritual sensibilities. Everyone, if they are honest, has doubts. Now, I know you're trying to be holy. You are in church today. You were told that you are never to doubt, but doubt is connected to faith. Because even when Jesus was on the cross, he had to say to his own father, My God, my God, why has thou forsaken me? I know you want to be certain about your journey, but you need to be faithful about your journey. You don't know what's around the corner, but you got to be faithful about walking around the corner.

1:20:58 You don't know what tomorrow's going to bring, but you got to be faithful about what tomorrow will bring. You cannot be certain, but you can walk in faith. If everyone is honest in this place, we have all doubted. And Thomas was not present with the other disciples. I do not know where Thomas was. Maybe he was at home weeping, possibly walking along the shores of Galilee. Maybe he made his way back to the Jordan River to remember those magnificent moments that Jesus participated in. Maybe he went to the field where Jesus took a few pieces of fish and bread and fed over 5,000 people. Maybe he went to the tomb of Lazarus and remembered that a man who was dead was now alive again. I'm not sure what he did.

1:21:51 But I can tell you this. When you are disconnected from community, grief and doubt intensifies. So I say to you, you've got to stay connected. Just turn to your neighbor and say, stay connected. Even when doubt and grief are intense, I say, stay connected. Your isolation is tragic, but we are made to be in community, not to be in isolation. Your strength is not in isolation, but in community. Your strength is when someone whispers in your ear and says, I'm praying for you. Your strength is when someone calls you out of the blue and says, the Lord put me on my heart. And I've got to pray with you right now. Your strength comes. Your strength is not in isolation, but your strength is found in community. When you are connected to people, it will allow you to get through the most difficult moments in your life. Stop holding things in isolation.

1:22:50 We are not the only one. You gather in this place not because everybody has gotten everything together, but you are sitting next to somebody who is bruised and battered and hurt, but yet they continue on. I'm here to let you know you are stronger than you know. You are more powerful than you know. You are powerful. You need to know you are in a space. There is power in community. Your spiritual journey is a journey that you do not have to walk alone. You are sitting next to somebody who's been through hell and back. You are sitting next to somebody who's already been through the fire and every storm, But they don't look like it because they've been walking in faith and not certainty.

1:23:49 And I want to say, is there anyone in here who's ever been through hell but found out heaven's on the other side? You've been through a dungeon. You've walked through the valley, but yet you're here. Somebody ought to say, thank you, God, that I've been through so much, but I'm still. stop walking by yourself and know that there's somebody next to you ah if we were in a pentecostal church they would say it this way make a little room for me the reason you got to make a little room for me is because when i think about the goodness of god and all that God has done in my life. You need to make some room because if you won't shout, I'm about to shout because you have no idea, baby, all that I've been through.

1:24:52 I don't look like it, but I've been through it. I'm telling you right now and every once in a while, I've got to say thank you, Lord, that I did not walk this journey by myself. There's power in community. We gather together in community. And know that your experience is your own. The challenges that you have faced are your own. But you ain't the only one who's been through. You've got some partners on this team. People who've been down this road. There are people who have been through this. And that is the power of community.

1:25:47 To know that you must stay connected. Jesus showed up behind closed doors. Okay, you missed it. You missed it. Jesus, this thing made me shout. I almost couldn't finish at 730. because this thing makes me shout. Jesus shows up behind closed doors. You missed it again. I said Jesus shows up behind closed doors. Okay, let me help some of y'all out. He already showed up when the disciples were together a week ago. But Thomas wasn't there.

1:26:43 Thomas shows up and they try to tell him their experience, but he can't experience their experience because he never experienced their experience. He says, I need to touch his hand. I need to touch his side. And until that happens, I'm not going to believe. This is the second week. Thomas is there this time. The doors are locked. And Jesus shows up. Again, behind. but wait here's what messed me up when jesus shows up the second time see he only talks and breathes the first time but the second time he says speaking not to everyone but specifically to Thomas and says, bruh, come here. Put your hand in my hand. Put your hand in my side.

1:28:02 And Thomas says, oh Lord, my God. So it took you for to touch me in order to believe. But here is the shout. Sometimes God will curate a blessing that is unlike anyone else has experienced. The other disciples only heard Jesus, but Thomas got to touch Jesus.

1:28:29 Sometimes God will shape a blessing that is only for you that no one else will experience but you. But if you don't show up to the room, you'll miss out on what God's trying to do. And now Thomas has a ministry that no other disciple has. He has the doubt ministry for everybody who's been isolated, for everybody who's struggled with grief, for everybody who's had issues and couldn't come back to the community. Thomas can go out and say, I've been where you've been. I know what you've been through.

1:29:22 And I want to tell you that we serve a faithful God. Thomas had an intimate interaction unlike any other disciple. Jesus curates an encounter just for Thomas. There are moments when God will curate something just for you. There was a song by the Miami Mass Choir in 1997. It says, what God has for me is for me. What God has for me is for me. I know without a doubt that he's going to bring me out. What God has for me is just for me. And I'm here to let you know our God is a curator. God will prepare a recipe just for you that is unlike any other recipe for anybody else. Okay, you're still missing what I'm saying.

1:30:20 There was a young brother who was fussing on the radio. He was stating, why are there so many denominations? Why are all these denominations? It doesn't make any sense. I don't believe in all of this. I don't believe in all of this, all of what's happening in faith because there are too many denominations. There should be one. Only one church. That's it. everybody should be going to the same one, everybody should be teaching the same thing, because this proves that faith is false. But the answer came to him from a story that was told about a grandmother. And the story about a grandmother was simply this. There was a grandmother, and she had her favorite grandchild. She has all her grandchild her favorite, but you know how grandmothers roll. They make each grandchild feel as if they are the absolute favorite, and she decided that she was going to make some food for her grandbaby. She was going to make some fish and grits because her grandbaby loves fish and grits because her grandbaby lost a game the night before.

1:31:17 So she made some fish and grits. But when her son got up that morning and saw that there was fish and grits, he was a little bit annoyed. He said, Mom, you know that I can't eat fish. I'm allergic to fish. But you are making fish. I can't eat that. And she said, baby, you know I'm making them for my baby. These are fish and grits over here. But I made something for you. I got some chicken and rice for you. You see, I've curated for my baby, but I've also curated also for you. And that's what I love about God, that God will give an a la carte menu in terms of your blessings, that you don't have to order what everybody else is ordering. You don't have to receive what everybody else is getting. God has something specifically for you. And I love this because people are always raising a question. How come we've got so many different types of churches?

1:32:12 It's because God is always curating the different blessings. Why is there AME and UCC, ABC, DOC, Apostolic Baptist, Kojic, Lutheran, Presbyterian? Why are there so many? Well, there's so many different recipes because not everybody can handle the same recipe. Some people need fish and grits. Some others need beans and rice. Some people need cornbread and greens. Some people need baked chicken and shrimp beans. Some people need fried chicken. Mild sauce, please. And some people, and if you come to Trinity, because we have a spice that we like to put on things called unashamed and unapologetic, not everybody can handle our liberation hot sauce. So you've got to be careful, and you've got to find a place that fits your palate because God is always curating a blessing for God's people. Everybody, everybody, everybody has a particular taste.

1:33:16 I know you holy on Sunday. You like your spirituals and your hymns and your gospel. But I know in your playlist, you got some blues, jazz, funk, R&B. You got some hip hop, high life, reggae, house and go-go because there is a curation that happens that there are some who like strings and some who want to hear the piano and some who want to hear the organ and some hear the drums, different sounds and different curated blessings. That's why when you are reading a writer, sometimes you need to read some Walter Mosley. Sometimes it's a Toni Morrison or a Percival Everett or an Honoré Jeffers or an August Wilson or a Zadie Smith or a James Baldwin or an Alice Walker. You need a different writer to speak to you in that moment. That's why we have four gospels. We've got Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.

1:34:09 They are curated in such a way to be able to speak to people in different moments of their walk. And I'm so glad we serve a God who is willing to curate blessings that are specific for you. I don't need to eat what's on your plate. You don't need to eat what's on my plate. God made my plate. God made your plate. Enjoy what you got. Stop worrying about what's on my plate. You need to go ahead and eat what the Lord has given you. Is there anybody in here? Can you give God faith that the Lord has blessed you and given you exactly what you need?

1:34:54 Thomas was living between grief and grace. I've got to bid you good day. But when you're living between grief and grace, it just depends which way you turn it. In your left hand, grief. In your right hand, grace. In your left hand, sorrow. In your right hand, a shout. In your left hand, pain. In your right hand, possibility. Most of our lives we are between a moment of grief and grace. But the beautiful thing is, is that if you are willing to turn in God's direction, you will experience the grace of God.

1:35:52 The grief doesn't leave, but the pain will subside. That when you turn toward God, the memories won't disappear, but the lessons will show up. And there are moments in our lives where we've got to give thanks unto God that though I'm in between, I'm glad that I can turn from my pain to God's possibilities and power. Faith is an uneven journey. Faith is a journey, not a destination. And often, not until we have looked over our lives over a time, are we able to witness and understand that God has been strengthening us the entire time. I said this at 730.

1:36:44 I said this. I said there's a reason why the Jamaican National Track and Field Team is pretty much better than everybody else in the world. It has everything to do with the ground they train on. Everybody else trains on even ground. But in Jamaica, they taught that if you want to be a star in this sport, you got to learn how to train on uneven ground. And so when they train, they don't train in the big facility. They come out to creation, go down to the shore, and they run on the beach because sand is uneven. And they were trying to study Jamaicans about why are you so fast and faster than everybody else.

1:37:43 And they found out that their ankles were stronger than everyone else's. And the reason their ankles are stronger is because they spend so much time running on the sand that they've got muscles developed in their ankles that no one else has because they run on the beach. and I stop by here to let you know some of you have been running on some uneven ground. You've been annoyed by the fact that God left you in the sand but I'm here to let you know when you get out of the sand and run on regular ground you'll find out that you've got more power than everybody else because you've been used to running on uneven ground. good day trinity may the lord bless you real good is there anyone in here did you find out that the ground that you were running on was uneven but you found out that it strengthened you on your journey good day may the lord bless you real good is there anyone in here that can give thanks to God that you're stronger now. You've got more power now. You've got a testimony now because you ran on uneven ground.

1:39:08 Good day! May God bless you. May God keep you. But I say to you, keep on running. Keep on fighting. Keep on serving. Keep on praying. Keep on worshiping. And you will see how God has been working with you when you're living between grief and grace. Thomas doubted. Thomas was experiencing grief. Thomas was not present when Jesus showed up. But Jesus gave Thomas an experience that no other disciple had. And as a result of that, Thomas is unique as a disciple, meaning that he has the ability to minister to people in a way that other disciples cannot.

1:40:13 The question for us today, what ministry has God given you so that you may minister to people that no one else can minister to. What has God given you? You don't have to be like everybody else. You don't have to be a copy of anyone else. You weren't in the room. But when you did, when you decided to show up, You had an experience that no one else had. An experience, an encounter, an intimacy with God that ended up shifting your life forever. And now you have a Thomas ministry.

1:41:12 All of the doubters, you have the ability to say, I was there. I was where you are right now. I lived in isolation. I gave up on community. I cried my tears in my closet. I didn't want anyone to know what I was going through. But I want you to know that once I regained connection to community, it changed my life. because we are not meant to be in isolation. God has called all of creation to live in an ecosystem where we are interdependent, that we depend on each other. You can try to live in isolation, but everybody needs somebody.

1:42:10 Everybody needs to be connected. And the experience of what we call church is about being connected. They ain't got to know your business. But I'm here to let you know you are on a row. Your row, whatever row you own, you on a row. If you knew what the person next to you has been through. you would shout for them to say our God is a mighty, mighty, mighty, mighty God. You have no idea.

1:42:58 You are next to people who have been through some challenging circumstances, But yet, they show up and they continue to press on in spite. And they don't look like what they've been through. get up every morning, take care of themselves, then they show up. If you knew their story, you are on a row of incredible testimony,

1:43:42 extraordinary testimony. You're on a row of people who were supposed to be dead. You're on a road with people that came in close contact. with some destructive circumstances. You're on a roll with people who are in the most toxic of toxic of toxic relationships. And guess what? They said, and they're still here. You're on a roll with someone with deep addiction, but they broke that addiction. And every day they give thanks unto God. You're on a road with someone who spent a good portion of their life being one of the great street pharmaceutical cell reps in Chicago.

1:44:43 And they made a decision to take the skills that they learned in the street and they built another hustle that blesses their family and that is morally framed. You don't have to know your business, but when you come into church, you need to know that we are a collection of people who have come through. We are just a collection of people who have come through, and we come here collectively together as people who have come through. And here's the thing. There are some who've come through and some who are just still going. We're still going through. We have not come to the other side. And we want to believe that our experience is unique, but it is not. That there are other people who are also on your team, or I should say they were drafted by the same team.

1:45:48 and have had these same experiences. When we come collectively into the house of God, we come as a people who have been through, and we worship together, we lean on each other, we pray together, we support each other. All of us, our imperfect humanity, serving a beautiful and perfect God, we come collectively. All of our brokenness and possibilities all of our brilliance and our failures. We are this and that. We are not one or the other. We are rhythm and blues.

1:46:35 We are joy and pain. We are sunshine. Y'all act like you know Frankie Beverly around here. That is the truth of who we are. And we have been given a call. We have been given a ministry. Just like Thomas, when you have your experience with God, what God has for you is only for you. But in the process, you will end up encouraging, blessing, lifting, and being a companion prayer warrior with others. We all live between grief and grace, between sorrow and the sacred,

1:47:28 between despair and the divine, between the blues and the gospel. we live between all of these spaces this is who we are and the door of the church is open God is waiting for you we welcome you