Rev. Dr. Otis Moss III | “Wrestling with Myself and God” 6PM 08/23/26

55:33 and know my heart. Try me and see what destructive way is in me. Cut it out and cast it into the sea of forgetfulness. As far as the east is from the west that it may never return again. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight.

56:09 O Lord, you are my strength and without a doubt you are certainly my redeemer. Holy Spirit, do thy will, do thy will, Holy Spirit. We offer this prayer in the mighty and magnificent, blessed, healing, salvific, marvelous, peace-filled, liberating name of Jesus who is the Christ we collectively pray. And the people of God who love God may say, Amen. Amen. Amen. I want to invite us to take a look at Genesis chapter 32. Genesis chapter 32. Beginning with verse 22 through 31. I'm going to read from the new revised standard version, the updated edition. I will also place a few other translations as I read. Whatever translation you have is certainly the Word of God, or you may also look at the Scripture reading that is on the screen.

57:30 Genesis chapter 32, beginning with verse 22. It reads this way. The same night, he got up and took his two wives, his two maids, and his eleven children and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. He took them and sent them across the stream, and likewise, everything he had. And Jacob was left alone.

58:16 And a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he struck him on the hip socket. Another translation is, he touched him upon his hip. And Jacob's hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. Then he said, let me go, for the day is breaking. But Jacob said, I will not let you go unless you bless me. so he said to him what is your name and he said jacob then the man said you shall no longer be called jacob but israel for you have striven another translation for you have struggled with God and with humans and have prevailed.

59:30 Then Jacob asked him, please tell me your name. But he said, why is it that you ask my name? And there he blessed him. So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, for I have seen God face to face, yet my life is preserved. The sun rose upon him as he passed Peniel, limping because of his hip. Limping because of his hip. Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. Jacob was left alone and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. May the Lord add a blessing to the reading and hearing of God's holy word.

1:00:36 You may be seated in the presence of the Most High God. For the next several Sundays, we're going to be in Genesis as we were last week, looking at the story of Jacob and Jacob's family. And for today, as we place a tag here for our teaching on today, I want to, for us to deal with this idea, this has been pressed on my heart, this idea of wrestling with myself and God. Wrestling with myself and God. And if you'd be so kind as to turn to your neighbor at this time, even if they don't want to look at you.

1:01:21 Just go ahead and look at the side of their head. Whatever it may be, just look at your neighbor and give them a nice smile too. And just say, neighbor, oh neighbor, I want you to know, I have wrestled many times with myself and with God. Wrestling with myself and God. I want to begin, I want to begin this way. One of the greatest theologians, thinkers, mystics, writers, and preachers of the 20th century. A person by the name of Howard Thurman.

1:02:20 There is a meditation that he has that every time I read it, and especially when I hear him recite the meditation, his voice, his voice, it seems to penetrate and strike my spirit in a particular way. And as Howard Thurman in a meditation entitled The Self-Encounter, he says these words, When was the last time you had a good session with yourself? or have you ever had it out with yourself? Most often you are brought face to face, he says, with yourself only when such an encounter is forced upon you. Usually it is in connection with a crisis situation.

1:03:20 There is a death in the immediate circle or close friends and family with the result that definitive changes must be made in the way in which you live. He goes on to say, there may be other causes of self-confrontation. You may discover that in trying to make a decision involving a course of action, you are utterly incompetent to do so because you've never claimed your mind for yourself all through the years you have drifted from one position to another letting your meaning be determined by your response to others and their demands not determined by what you believe truly believe he goes on in in another piece about this encounter to raise the question he says who am i really how can i get to know me among all the wide ranges of images projected on me by others who don't even know me. Who am I? This is the spiritual challenge before us all, the spiritual challenge before Jacob. And Jacob interests me. His biography is one that reflects the totality of the human spirit, the spiritual journey, the interior life we must all wrestle with. Jacob has, as I stated last week, Jacob is unique. He is a unique person. He is a beautiful burdened contradiction, a Creole gumbo spiritual amalgamation. He's blessed plus brokenness.

1:05:25 He's triumph plus tragedy. He's wisdom plus ignorance. He's arrogance coupled with humility. The easiest way to describe Jacob, as I did last week, is that Jacob is a man who has horns and wears a halo at the same time. And the problem that we witness within the Word and the problem that we struggle with spiritually is the problem of identity without authenticity. Some may say, what is this, this idea of identity? Are they the same thing? No, they are not. they are two different things. What is identity? Identity, that's your family name. That's your social context. That's the geographic location. That's where you graduated from school. If you went to Wendell Phillips, Whitney Young, DuSable, that's where you live. You say I'm on the south side of the west side, or you say I'm from Trinity. I'm unashamedly black. I'm unapologetically Christian, that is identity. But authenticity is who you are beyond any labels. If you remove all your titles, if you remove everything, who are you really? Not what others say about you.

1:06:46 who are you at the ground of your very being? Jacob, this wrestling child. You remember the story that Jacob comes out of his mother's womb holding upon the heel of his brother by the name of Esau. That he wants what his brother has. Jacob, who is a descendant of the patriarch Abraham, he has the weight of a family name upon his shoulders there is a weight on him the community has expectations of him before he even knows who he is and he makes the decision as a young man to steal his brother's birthright it's often lifted up this particular story that about him stealing his brother's birthright, but we need to raise the question, why? Why would you steal your brother's birthright? Now, here's the thing that you must understand, that within the ancient tradition, that if you are born, if you're born to Isaac, if you're born to Abraham, every child is going to get a blessing. Why do you want your brother's blessing and don't want your own blessing?

1:08:16 Well, why do you think your brother's blessing is better? Why can't you accept the blessing that was coming to you that you have to steal, deceive in order to get a blessing that's not even really yours in the first place. Because part of the thing I believe, I believe is that Jacob confuses the blessing as an indicator of his self-worth. This man does not know who he is. He knows his identity. I am the child of Isaac. I am the grandchild of Abraham. I'm from a particular family. I know where I live and exist, but I don't know who I am. And if I steal my brother's blessing, my older brother, I will be worthy. The blessing is a gift. A blessing is a gift passed on to you because of the sacrifices of your ancestors. You didn't do anything to get it. You just happened to receive it. The blessing is not because you're so wonderful and so good. You just happen to be in a lineage and somebody did something before you and you are now able to receive the blessing because of the work of someone else. You jumped the line, Jacob. You were going to get a blessing, but you decided that your blessing wasn't good enough.

1:09:55 Yet God still allows you to have the blessing even though you don't understand the blessing. Because you think the blessing gives you self-worth. Because you are focused on the exterior nature of the blessing. Not the interior work of your own spirit. And so he collects this blessing. He ends up with the blessing of his brother. But it doesn't even stop there. You must understand that Jacob receives his wealth not from anything that he's done, but from things that have been passed on to him by someone else. and this is what Richard Rohr calls that when you focus on everything that is exterior to your life, this is when you develop a false self and think it's your true self because you've been focused on everything exterior.

1:10:57 A false self is defined by the exterior life, projections, empty, thin concepts of life. Your worth is all about the exterior. Identity issues here of Jacob. who are we without the exterior? You cease to be associated with the title. Who are you? If I remove the title, who are you when you no longer have the name? Who are you with you don't have the job? Who are you when you are not mother or you're not father? You're not uncle. You're not grandfather. You're not a husband. You're not wife. You're not son of. You're not daughter of. who are you without the identity? Can you live in your authenticity? In other words, can you live on the ground of your being of who God made you to be? Or do you need all of these other things as a fig leaf in front of you?

1:11:56 See, here we have the problem of identity without authenticity. Don't know the difference between being this. He doesn't know the difference. This idea, this identity without authenticity. He not only steals his brother's birthright, but I said at 730 that he establishes his other blessings, his wealth through marriage. He goes to the household of Laban. he sees this young sister by the name of Rachel by a well, and he says, that is the woman for me. He goes to her father and says, I want to marry her. The father says, sure, no problem. And on the wedding night, on the wedding night, on the wedding night, the next day after the wedding night, he realizes because the woman he married had a veil that he ended up marrying not Rachel but her sister Leah.

1:13:07 Now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, I don't know what happened, but I can say it wasn't that dark. when the sun went down even if the moon was out but he stayed with her all night.

1:13:52 And if you know anything about Scripture, Leah, who it says he loved Rachel, but he was deceived in marrying Leah. He had more children by Leah Here we go. I don't know. what was going on but scripture says that he went to Leah and Rachel's daddy and said now I told you I wanted to marry Rachel and Leah showed up in my tent Leah was had a veil on her face And he said, well, don't you know, Jacob, you have to marry the oldest daughter first. If you want to be with Rachel, you got to work for me another seven years.

1:14:58 So he works seven years, so thought he was marrying Rachel, marries Leah, then works another seven years to marry Rachel. Now, this is the man who stole his own brother's birthright, deceived his own family, and now what goes around comes back around. because what you do in the dark will come to the light. So now he experiences the feeling that his brother probably felt when he was deceived by his own blood.

1:15:58 So now he now has married Leah and Rachel. his money, his wealth is expanding not because he's such a great businessman, but because he married into a family that already had wealth. So he sees himself as expanding and having more blessings, gifts that are coming from God. According to Richard Rohr, this is when the false self develops, when you begin to define yourself by everything exterior in your life, projections and empty, thin concepts, identity issues, who are you when you do not have these things, the problem of identity without authenticity will create this. You don't know the difference between being driven and being called, or you confuse your drive with your calling. Jacob's life is centered on the status of being the heir apparent, the next in line, the patriarch. He receives a blessing he did not earn. He receives wealth through marriage and his name. There is a constant drive to build his life and his family. It's Parker Palmer, the writer, in this wonderful book entitled A Hidden Wholeness, The Journey Toward an Undivided Life.

1:17:28 He says this, as we become more obsessed with succeeding or at least surviving, we lose touch with our souls and disappear into our roles. We sense that something is missing in our lives and search the world for it. We feel fraudulent, even invisible. And the light within us begins to dim. We taint the world we live in with the duplicity and depraved spirit we now live with. It is a tragic, a tragedy, a man who lives into his name as deceiver. He wants more but knows not how to get his relationship with his brother back. His relationship with his brother is broken.

1:18:25 His relationship with God is transactional. I lift this up several things to bring us to the centerpiece of the story. Just get us to chapter 32 to give you the framework of how Jacob ends up alone by a river. He hears after he leaves Laban, his father-in-law, with his two wives and his children, and now all of these goats and rams and his wealth has expanded. he hears that his brother is on the other side of the river. And immediately in his mind, he remembers the last thing that he heard from his brother, that if I catch you, I'm going to take you out. You stole from your own brother.

1:19:19 And that is why he left home. And now he is going to have to face his brother. He does something. He does something. He's going to try and do Jacob's stuff again. Because when you read in Hebrew, it's interesting. It says that Jacob sends his goats and camels and everything to Esau. But the Hebrew word is he sends them to place a mask over Esau. In Hebrew, he's saying that I want to deceive him so he won't kill me. So maybe I can placate him and send what I have, material stuff, because that's what I've been chasing all my life, material stuff. And if it fed me, maybe it'll feed my brother so my brother won't try to take me out.

1:20:19 he thinks his wealth is his protection i'm gonna leave that right there because there are those who exist in this country who think that their wealth is their protection they have everything on the exterior but their their souls have been dimmed over time because they do not know who they are, they are defined by what they have. That's why you got to put your name on every building. when your soul is small and your spirit is dim you've got to build buildings to compensate for the smallness of your spirit he does not know he thinks that his brother is like him And so scripture says, listen to how wealthy he has become.

1:21:30 He sends Esau 220 goats. He sends him 220 rams, 30 camels, 40 cows, 10 bulls, 30 donkeys, and all the servants to care for them. finally as he is on by the river Jebok just means it's just a stream of water he then finally sends his wives his children and his final servants his entire family his family trust all his assets everything he schemed for across the river and now he is finally alone. The first time in Scripture that he's finally truly alone. And this is where I want to land. If you do not remember anything else, he begins to wrestle with a man. Over the years, you have heard preachers, have you not, say that Jacob wrestled with an angel? It never says that in Scripture. It says he wrestled with a man. Scripture does not say this. We have even said Scripture says he wrestled with God. Scripture does not say he wrestled with God. It says he wrestled with a man. So let me help you because when I saw this, It blessed my spirit.

1:23:20 One translator, Robert Alter, giving the different ways in which in the Jewish tradition they have tried to understand who Jacob wrestled with. One group of priests, ancient priests, rabbis, said that he was wrestling with the spirit. But a whole nother group said he was not wrestling with the spirit. He was wrestling with himself. Because when you wrestle with yourself, yourself knows every move you're going to make. When you wrestle with yourself, you can't take yourself down because yourself knows every counter to every punch you throw. When you're wrestling with yourself, And until you wrestle with yourself, you will never move from your identity to your authenticity.

1:24:24 Until you have a session with yourself, you will never truly know who you are. And it can only happen in the quietness of the night of your soul. He had to face what had to be done. He was remembering what he did to his brother. But here is a thing you must see. Everything he thought was important, everything he'd worked his life for, all of the blessings and all of the wealth and all of the exterior things, he gave away in that moment. there are moments when God will give you exactly what you want and you will find out what you want is not what you wanted and it's not what you needed and you find out that when you are released from the stuff you thought you wanted you find out that you are more grounded and stronger and better without all of the things that are around you holding you down. Sometimes it's better to have everything removed so you can hear the voice of God in your life. There's too much stuff.

1:25:54 Now in the quietness of his soul, in the night, by the river, only the moon and the stars are out. he begins to wrestle and fight with a man. I believe he was fighting with himself. He was fighting with himself, wrestling with himself. And it says that he was wrestling all night with a man. And the man couldn't overcome him. Because when you're fighting with yourself, you can't pin yourself. You just continue to wrestle with yourself. But here is the blessing, the final blessing that he's given. The blessing that you need to see that is within the text is simply this. As he is wrestling, unable to pin this man who is fighting with him, and the man is unable to pin him, the man pulls a smooth Bruce Lee-esque move on him.

1:27:06 Like enter the dragon and just touches his hip and knocks his hip out of socket. And when your hip is out of socket, it means that you can't stand the way you were standing before. Phil, can you help me out real quick? If I was wrestling with Phil, I'm not going to wrestle with Phil. But if I was wrestling with Phil and Phil knocked my hip out of socket, what would turn from wrestling would turn into holding. I'd have to lean on him instead of fighting him. I'd have to depend on him and allow my weakness to be transferred to his strength.

1:28:05 Thank you. And what happened is, is that Jacob's hip was now knocked out of socket. And the man says, you got to let me go. And Jacob says, I'm holding on to you. I'm not going to let you go until you bless me. I need the blessing that I really need in my life. I need a blessing that will change my life. You see, I was chasing after the exterior stuff. I was chasing after my brother's blessing. I was chasing after Laban's blessing. I was chasing after Rachel's blessing. I was chasing after Leah's blessing, but I need something tailored for me, not a blessing that belongs to somebody else. I need the blessing of Jacob. And the man says, what's your name? And he says, Jacob. He said, no longer shall you be Jacob. Your name shall be Israel. Israel means one who struggles.

1:29:16 You missed your shout. He started out with the name deceiver and now has the name struggles. You missed your shout. He started out as one who was the con man scammer and hustle brother on the corner. But now his new name is Israel. Israel means struggle. You struggled with God and man. In other words, struggle means I'm not done. I'm still in process. I'm not all that I should be. But I have grown enough that I'm out of the immaturity of my Jacob-ness to recognize that I'm moving toward my Israel-ness.

1:30:14 In other words, I'm not all that I should be, but I'm thanking God that I'm not what I used to be. And though I have not achieved all that I should be, I am able to examine my life and see that God has moved me a mighty way. And I don't know if there is one here that you can say you are just like Jacob, that you struggle with yourself. You struggle with God. But each day you are moving and you are struggling and moving higher and higher. When you come to the place where you struggle, this is the place where you meet God. and where, no, no, no, not where you meet God, where God meets you.

1:31:13 It is the poet Naomi Nye who writes this poem about kindness where she says, before you know what kindness really is, you must lose things. I would add and say change kindness to blessing, that before you know what blessings are, really are, you must lose some things. Feel the future dissolve in a moment like salt in a weakened broth. what held in your hand, what you counted carefully saved, all this must go so you know how desolate the landscape can be between the regions of blessings. Jacob is called to authenticity. This is our calling, but we must first journey to our calling. Not called, but calling. Let me say it again. His name is Israel. He has a calling to become Israel. And the truth is that this message is a part of, I don't even know if you can call it a series, but the close of this message, you're really not going to hear for another two Sundays. Because what happens in his life when he is an elder man symbolizes the way in which he is growing and developing. But this is the thing that I want to give you, and I will take my seat. His hip was knocked out of socket.

1:32:37 And I thought originally his hip is not out of socket, is knocked out of socket. That is one aspect of what God was marking him. But I realized that that was actually the blessing in his life. And I remember that when I was in Israel and Palestine, the same areas where where Jacob was walking. I realized that even if you are in good shape, you got to take your time where you step if you're in good shape. But if you have your hip knocked out of socket, and it says that he had a limp, it means now that he has to be extra careful when he walked. In order to get to his destination, he had to walk slower than he'd ever walked before. And there are moments when God will knock some stuff out of you in order for you to slow down enough.

1:33:48 Because you're trying to get to the destination. but God is not calling you to the destination. God is calling you to the journey so that you begin to notice everything around you. And so I can imagine in my sanctified imagination that Jacob, now Israel, is taking a step. But each step that he takes are different from the steps that he used to take. because now he takes conscious, intentional steps. Every step he takes and he feels his hip, but he says, Lord, thank him that I've got a new name. Thank you for ordering my steps. But I think he took a step on some uneven ground. And as he was on the uneven ground, He began to look about and he saw the river in ways he'd never seen it before.

1:34:52 He could say, Lord, I thank you that I'm able to step in the water. I'm able to step over the rock. And then stops and begins to look at the birds and the mountains and all that is around him. He is not looking at the destination, but he is now for the first time taking the fullness of the journey. And so often we have spent our lives rushing to the next stop, to the next meeting, to the next moment. And we have missed out on what is in between, that God has given us a journey that we are taking. It is not about the arrival. It is about the traveling of what you will see as God is taking you to where God desires to take you. Each step he takes.

1:35:49 And there he is with a limp. Permanently for the rest of his life. when people see him, I can imagine his children saying, I see somebody on the horizon. It looks like dad, but he ain't walking like dad. The dad I know is Jacob. Dad I know has been accumulating wealth, but this man has a different walk. And when God touches your spirit, God will change the way you walk. You will not walk the same way anymore. We give thanks to God that God is still knocking some hips out of socket. slowing you down enough so you can see the beauty before you.

1:36:54 And there will be moments for the rest of your life where you will wrestle with yourself. You will wrestle with God. But I tell you, when you look back over your journey, you will thank God for where God has brought you to. The ancestors say he brought me a mighty long way if it hadn't been for the Lord on my side. Where would I be? So I thank you for every mountain. I thank you for every valley.

1:37:50 I thank you for every storm. I thank you for every troubled time. Because as I examined my life, every valley taught me something. Every valley blessed me. Every mountain blessed my spirit. So I thank you, Lord, for the good days. I thank you for the bad days. And guess what? I won't complain. Because you've been too good to me. You set my soul. I thank you, Lord. I thank you. I won't complain. I won't complain. Good day.

1:38:43 May the Lord bless you real good. But I want you to know that God is calling us to the journey, a journey where you will slow down enough And just enjoy the journey. and if you slow down enough stay in the moment watch the sacred synchronicity what you couldn't see before will suddenly appear before you like a miracle that God has been trying to get your attention all this time slow down.

1:39:41 Let God knock your hip out of socket. And walk with your limp. The door of the church is open. And we welcome you to be a part of this community. Trinity United Church of Christ.