This Is My Vow | Chad Veach

0:05 We are concluding a series that we've been in today called Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places. We're going to jump in in just a moment. Open up your Bible or your Bible app. We're going to start today and look at the scriptures for how to receive and how to give love. and before we do I just want to say thank you it's the first Sunday of the month and on the first Sunday of the month we thank all of the givers thank you for giving to and through Zoe Church we are so thankful for the impact that you're making if you'd like to give you can go to our website and you can give there but let's jump into the conclusion of this series called this is my vow go in your bible go to Genesis chapter 2 we are concluding today we've been talking about marriage and dating and relationships. And I want to conclude this series. If you have not been here, I want to encourage you to go back and read through, listen to these messages.

1:09 We started in week one talking about direction, looking for love in the wrong place. You can't find love in a spot that won't last. You got to find love from God first. So we started with direction. Last week, we talked about reflection. How could I give away what I do not have? So I've got to receive before I reflect. Before I can reflect the love of God, I got to receive the love of God. So let me say amen to that. Okay, this week, I want to conclude with decision. So we went from direction to reflection to decision because relationships at the end of the day are a choice. Relationships are a decision. And this is God's plan. God designed marriage. And he designed for us to meet somebody, find somebody, and marry them. I'll never forget when I was in Bible college. I was in class one of the first days. And this Bible college professor, she says, how many of y'all believe that there is one person out there in the whole world for you to meet and you are destined to be married to them? And you've got to meet that person because it's God's plan for your life to marry them. If you believe that, raise your hand. Oz is the only guy that raised a hand, class of 60 people. Oz is the faith guy. And she went on to teach this wonderful professor of rebuke.

2:30 there's not one person out there that you have to marry no it's a decision it's a choice love is a choice love is a decision and this is all God's idea look at Genesis chapter 2 it says therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh. So no longer are they two, but they are now one. Marriage is God's idea. All the way back to the second chapter in the Bible, marriage is God's plan. And I want to encourage you to make the decision, I want to get married, I want to find the right spouse, and I want to root for the Dodgers as one. Glory be to God. Somebody say amen. in. Write down the title of today's message as we conclude. It's called, This is My Vow.

3:28 This is my vow. This is my covenant decision. This is my decision. Have you noticed how fast you are to make promises? Have you noticed how quick you are to make vows in your life? You don't even realize how fast you're like, I promise I'm never going back to McDonald's. I promise I'm never parking in that garage again last night I was trying to feed my boys they're at our counter and uh you know we're trying to develop men of God so I put on their plates a little bit of slaw because I'm introducing them to vegetables they're 12 10 and 8 now and they're and and so I'm like just it's just a little dabble of coleslaw and I was like you cannot leave these stools until you eat your veggies till you eat the slaw. And one of them was distraught. One of them was, you would have thought that I'm like, you have to eat nails. And he's sitting there, he's like, I promise, I promise, dad, I promise you, I'll pay you a billion dollars not to eat this. And I'm like, I run your checking account, you got $171. If you had a billion, I'd take the deal right now. But we're just fast to make vows. Make decisions. I'm just here to tell you today that you've got to make a choice in sickness and in health, in rich or for poor. I made a decision. Remember, when you're born, you look like your parents. When you die, you look like your decisions.

5:07 We got two ladies down in the South Bay that are helping build the South Bay, Jasmine and Jen. Clap for Jasmine and Jen down there. By the way, pregnant with their first children, due on the same day. So I don't know what y'all are doing in Highland Park, but I know what they're doing in South Bay.

5:29 Revival. and when these babies are born, they're going to look like their parents. When they die, they're going to look like their decisions. You've got choices to make every day. You've got decisions to make in your relationships, and I want to encourage you to find somebody to build your life with. Find someone to make a covenant commitment with. Find somebody to say, in sickness health, rich, poor, Laker Dodger.

6:03 Sorry, I'm kidding, Laker Clipper. You guys get it? I'm making this decision. I want to give you six things you need to decide today. Write down number one. You need to decide to put God at the center. Invite God into the center of this relationship. And I just love this because, listen, God is not a part of my life. God is the foundation of my life. God is not a part of my house or marriage. God is everything to my marriage. The Bible says the stone that the builders rejected for us is now the chief cornerstone. I'm building my marriage on God. Read from the screen, Ecclesiastes 4. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. A cord of three strands.

6:55 It's God in the middle. It's me, Julia, and God. A cord of three strands. You don't just need you two. You need God at the center of your relationship. A cord of three strands is not easily broken. I've got to put God at the center of my house, at the center of my relationship, because I know, listen, marriage is an opportunity for pressure. Marriage is an opportunity for storms. Remember, storms don't take out houses, weak foundations do. And so you got to get that foundation strong. No matter what gets thrown our way, no matter what trial, no matter what storm, the wind could howl, the rain could pour, the thing could go upside down, but I got a foundation that's built on, come on, clap if you believe it today. God's at the center. A lot of you know, Pastor Julie and I, our story, our oldest, our 14-year-old, Georgia. When she was born, we left the hospital.

7:56 They said, congrats, a healthy baby. And we left, man, I'm telling you. This is when Instagram first came out. I was so excited. I posted a photo holding that car seat, walking to the van. We were so excited. But very quickly, we could tell something's wrong. Something's not right. and just the indicators that she's not healthy. So at three months after a lot of tests, we finally sat down and received her diagnosis.

8:26 I'll never forget because we came in, our whole church loved our daughter so much they held a prayer meeting just for our child. We fasted, we prayed, our family prayed. We went into this meeting. I was believing, I knew God was gonna give us a good report. I just knew it. She's all right. She's our child. We're going to be okay. We sit down with the doctor, and the doctor tells us the worst case scenario. He says, your daughter will never walk. She will never talk. She will never crawl. She will never roll over. She'll never live to this many years. Anybody thankful today that doctors do not have the last say? But come on, anybody believe that Jesus?

9:08 Oh, come on, y'all got to clap and thank God. Come on, South Bay. anybody believe that Jesus, son of the living God, come on, clap if you got faith today that God is bigger than your circumstance, greater than your scenario. Come on, clap and give him praise today. Don't matter what the doctor says. and when this doctor gave us this report, if that bomb wasn't bad enough, he proceeds to say, oh, and by the way, the statistics of marriages that end in divorce because of what you're about to walk through. If the child diagnosis wasn't big enough, now you're trying to talk to me about divorce? Something rose up on the inside and said, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. I made a decision. No matter what a doctor says, no matter what a bank account says, come on, clap if you believe it. God is at the center.

10:08 when you've got God at the center, you can go through hell on earth and still smile. When you've got God at the center, you can go through any sickness, any poverty, any situation. God is at the center of our home. And if he's not today, let's build once again God back at the center. By the way, if you're dating right now and God is not at the center, what makes you think Once you get married, it's going to be at the center. You're practicing for forever right now. So let's just go ahead and bake it in. We're building our lives, our marriages, and our homes on God. Come on, clap if you agree with that today. Write down number two. You've got to give and forgive like your future depended on it. Give and forgive like your future.

11:04 The person you should be most generous to is your spouse. The person you should be most generous to is the one you love. The one that you love. I tell my boys all the time, it would drive me crazy if you were nice to your classmates, your teammates, your teachers, your coaches, and everybody out in the world, but you are the devil at home. No, the people we are the nicest to is our own family. Same thing about marriage. Ain't nothing worse than a guy that is kind on social media and kind to everybody else, but doesn't know how to serve and love his spouse. No, the person I am most generous to and the person I forgive the most, a great marriage requires giving and forgiving. generosity, forgiveness, and if it doesn't have forgiveness, resentment sets in, bitterness sets in, emotional withdrawal. How are you going to have a healthy home and you're bitter, resentful, and you're emotionally withdrawn? I have to forgive just so this whole thing can move forward.

12:08 I've got to walk in the power of forgiveness. In fact, put this on the screen. Faithful are the wounds of a friend. Ain't nobody that can cut you more than the person that you're married to. Ain't nobody, Julia would be like, yo, you're breath nasty. Okay, let's break it down a little bit nicer than that. Just give me a piece of orbit.

12:29 Nobody will hurt you more than the one that you're closest to and you got to make the decision, you know, I choose to be generous and I choose to forgive. Forgiveness is not an emotion. Forgiveness is a decision. It's a choice. And by the way, let's just watch the gospel. The gospel is, watch, I was wrong, I'm forgiven, I'm restored. I was wrong, I am forgiven, I'm restored. Guess what marriage is? I was wrong, I'm forgiven, I'm restored. And you've gotta make that decision right there, right now. I am going to forgive. I receive forgiveness from God. I give away forgiveness from God. And the person I have to do that with the most is my spouse. Read here, Matthew chapter 16. Read it on the screen. For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you of your trespasses.

13:28 But if you do not forgive men of their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive you of your trespasses. So I have to choose to make the choice to forgive. And this is, do you realize how much forgiveness I require from Pastor Julia?

13:49 Every day I'm asking. So stupid, right? I was wrong. I'm forgiven. I'm restored. What do I restore? I restore trust. I restore communication. I restore respect. The foundation of all relationships are trust, respect, and communication. I was wrong. I'm forgiven. And now, what's the third one? I build back respect. And the more that you do that, the more you walk in the power of that practice, you will see God do great things in your life. You will watch God do great things through your life. I choose to be generous and I choose to bring great forgiveness in my relationship with my spouse.

14:42 Somebody say amen to that. So guess what? God is at the center of my marriage. Guess what? Number two, I am generous and I am forgiving to my spouse. Write down number three. I am grateful. I am filled with gratitude. Stay rooted in gratitude. Oh, there is nothing like waking up going, man, I am grateful for what God's given me. Anybody feel blessed today? Come on, South Bay, clap with us. Anybody feel thankful today? This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and what? Be glad. And I'm grateful. And you know what I'm grateful for? A knucklehead like me landed a beautiful woman like her. Hallelujah. Proof of miracles. You're like, I've never seen a miracle.

15:34 I have. 17 years I've seen a miracle. The fact that that's my wife is a miracle. Men of God, I'm telling you, if you worship and serve the Lord, you will outkick your coverage. Glory be to God. I see some dudes in church, lance some girls, and you're like, bruh, bruh. I know it was the blood. Could have only been the blood. I'm not trying to be disrespectful. I'm trying to speak the truth in love. Could have only been the blood. I'm rooted in gratitude. And you want to know, just put this on the screen. I love this. If you celebrate your spouse, you won't crave somebody else's.

16:20 How do affairs begin? Affairs begin when someone's not satisfied. I'm not getting enough attention. I'm not getting enough intimacy. I'm not getting enough respect. I'm not getting enough love. I'm going to go find it on the internet. I'm going to go find it on the Instagram. I'm going to go TikTok my life away so I can get some. No, that's direction in the wrong spot. I got to get to my house, look at my wife and say, thank you, Jesus. Come on, clap, everybody. The grass is not greener on the other side. The grass is greener where you water it. I've got to make the choice to be satisfied, to be fulfilled, to be thankful. I'll put it on the screen. Whatever you affirm, multiplies. Whatever you criticize, magnifies.

17:15 Let me just speak to all the ladies in the house, all the ladies. If you want to get the best out of your man, you want to get the best out of your dude, shower him with praise. Whatever you affirm, multiplies. you tell him man smell good today You think that aqua de Gio is strong today? You wait for tomorrow. It's going to multiply. Because whatever you affirm multiplies, whatever you criticize magnifies.

17:52 You know, a dude on the inside is just kind of wondering, am I what you think I am? And if you speak to the fool, you're going to receive the fool. But if you speak to the king in your man, you're going to receive the king. So I choose in my marriage to be thankful. I'm thankful. I shower. The Bible says the power of life and, where are they? In the tongue. I wonder if you're saying things over your spouse that heaven would approve of. I wonder if you're saying things that you're speaking life over your children, your city, your church. Life and what's the other opposite? Death. So many of us wonder why we're getting the worst from our spouse. It usually goes back to what you're criticizing or affirming. Constant criticism creates constant insecurity. So do you want your spouse to be insecure or rooted in love, rooted in belief, rooted in gratitude.

18:49 Oh, I just, this is the Bible. Proverbs chapter five, put it on the screen. May your fountain be blessed. May you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer. May her breasts satisfy you always. May you ever be intoxicated with her love. Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man's wife? Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman? Woo! That's just good reading right there. Some of y'all read the screen like, I'm reading the Bible to you today. You know what it just said? Emphasis on the word satisfied. May you be satisfied in your marriage. If you're not satisfied, we gotta fix some things. We got to get God back to the center. We got to forgive what's been broken.

19:42 We got to come together in gratitude. We got to speak life over one another. Why? Because I should be satisfied and fulfilled in the marriage that God gave me. I'm blessed. I'm favored. I'm married. Come on, clap and give him a praise. Come on, just praise himself, babe. I'm thankful. And I'm just telling you, when you get this going in your marriage, Pastor Julius, you'll be like, man, thank you so much. I see that you, you know, went to Orange Theory and you worked out. I saw you trying to lift those weights.

20:21 I'm like, you saw that, girl? I was trying. I was trying. Try my best. Gratitude attracts miracles. Why would God give you more miracles if you're not thankful for the ones that you do have?

20:43 You remember when you got married, you're like, And now you walk by each other in your house like. nothing changed but your perspective you don't need a new person you need a new perspective you got to get back to the place where you shower that person with gratitude and thanksgiving I'm rooted in gratitude. I'm rooted. Satisfaction is a choice. It is a decision. I choose the attitude of gratitude. Culture says upgrade your marriage. Find somebody new. Scripture says invest into your marriage. Write down the next one. This is what happens when you got gratitude. Kill your comparison.

21:35 Nothing steals the joy of a marriage like comparison. Trying to compare your marriage with their marriage. Well, you know, look at what he does, and you know, look at how she says that, and look at what they, no, no, no, no, listen. Why would you compare your marriage with theirs? Every marriage has its own unique set of circumstances and issues. You don't know what it's like to live in that house. You don't know what it's like behind closed doors. Don't compare your marriage with their marriage. Listen, I'm too old and dumb to solve your problems. I'm trying to solve my problems. Anybody else? So I'm just, I'm not, I pray you do well, but I'm trying to solve me. And when I stop comparing, I start focusing on my family, start focusing on my calling, start focusing on what God has asked me to do. Exodus 20, you shall not covet your neighbor's house.

22:34 You shall not covet your neighbor's wife. Why would God put this into scriptures if he didn't think it was pliable to happen? No, he put this in, don't commit adultery. Why? Because you could commit adultery. Don't murder. Why? Because you could murder. Don't steal. Why? Because stealing could happen. Why does he say don't covet? Because he knows that our eyes go to what they got rather than to what we got. And so listen, if I get my eyes on them, wow, look at them, wow. Look at what they got in the South Bay.

23:09 I'd love to walk on the beach. You know, down there in the South Bay, we're meeting at a high school. It's beautiful. And the high school that they got, the green room for the worship team is bigger than Highland Park Church. the green room is bigger than this whole church just i think pastor jeremy i think jeremy chose it just for the green room this morning the worship team in the castle had a spread of food i'm talking about fruit and cheese and crackers just a spread of food and the team from south bay sent a photo to the team at Highland Park. Look at what we got.

23:53 And Koi Fusion, the Seattle Supersonic hat, sent a photo back of what we got at Highland Park. He sent a photo of a cough drop. I think he's trying to say, oh yeah, y'all got fruit and cheese? We got cough drops. Holler at your boy. See, it doesn't matter what those guys have, South Bay.

24:21 What matters is what you got. what matters is what when I stand before the Lord I will not be held accountable for your life when I stand before the Lord I'll be held accountable for my life And I want to kill comparison in your life. Comparison is stealing your best days. Comparison, some of you need to delete social media. Some of you need to get off of those apps. Some of you need to stop stalking people on Find My Friends like psychopaths. Kill comparison.

25:21 Your eyes are not on them. Your eyes are on him. And when you do that in your marriage, you go, I love you. I'm grateful for you. Thank God for you. Thank God for our friends and our family and our life and our health and our city and our church and our day. Come on, anybody thankful today for what God's given you? Hallelujah.

25:49 And what happens is, write down the next one, you become each other's greatest supporters. Most of us do not feel supported by anybody. Most of us, if you were asked, do you feel supported? We don't have a support system. Where you should find the most strength and the most support is in your marriage. I got your back. You got my back. Whatever you do, I do. I'm for you. That's why whatever Pastor Julia wants to do, I'm in. I'm down. She's like, I want to do this exercise. I'm like, yes, absolutely. I want to do this diet. Yes, you go. You do those things. 100%. Yes. Kill it. Years ago, she's like, I want to run the New York City Marathon. I'm like, yes. You are gonna run that, and I'm gonna fly with you and get the hotel, and I'm gonna show up at mile 17, 14, 21, and I'm gonna root for you, and you're gonna kill it, but I'm not running.

26:46 You gotta support that person. Most people, I don't know a person in the South Bay, Highland Park, anybody online, I don't know anybody that's like, my biggest issue, I just feel way too encouraged. it's like it sucks it's like oozing with encouragement all the time most people are like am i enough am i doing good do people like me is god listening to my prayers and that person should be it's not about intimacy as much as it is about companionship we're building for this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and the two shall become how many now one why are they one because we're one in vision we're one in values we're one and if you try and build your marriage on God's foundation you'll flourish if you try and build your marriage on what the world says about marriage you'll fail we're not building our marriages on what YouTube or podcast guys have to say. We're building our homes on what God has to say.

28:10 Just look here, Ephesians 5. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. His body of which he is the Savior, now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. You know what the Bible's teaching us? Exactly the role of a husband and the role of a wife. And if we go to the Bible and we go to God's kingdom and we say, God, how do we have a great marriage? God will teach us exactly what to do. Remember, the word is at conflict with the world and the world is in conflict with the word. I am not caring what the world says, but I do care what the word says.

29:05 I'm going to build my marriage. Come on, everybody, clap. I'm going to build my marriage on God's truths. So I hear this from guys, all the guys, just both locations. Make some noise if you're a dude. All right. That was encouraging.

29:28 That's the best I've ever heard. I hear this all the time. And God's like, you know, I just, I want, you know, whatever she wants and she can lead and I'm just going to serve. I'm just going to serve. Some of us, you've been abdicating your responsibility to be the spiritual leader of your home. You are the protector. You are the spiritual priest. God has designed you. Put this on the screen. You don't lead by serving. You serve by leading. that's how you serve your home by being a leader in your house and most dudes are like dude dude you're just lucky i'm here today we're i'm glad you're here but come on we got a merit we got a family to build and you serve your family by leading your family and if you're a guy you're like i don't know how to be the spiritual leader.

30:29 Let me just give you some hacks. Find a worship playlist. Put it on in the car or in your house. Find a devotional. Maybe read it before bed with your spouse. If you have children, pray over them. Bless them with a short prayer at night. God, thank you for this child. Amen. I met with this couple in our church the other day, and we were getting ready to leave lunch. I was like, come on, guys, let's pray together. You ever want to mess with somebody, tell them you want to pray for them. Yeah, yeah, uh-huh. I was like, what just, what did you guys just do? I was just like, hey guys, come on, let's pray. 100%. and I just put my arm around their shoulders and I go God thank you so much for today amen and they they opened their eyes they were like that's it you're supposed to be the man of god it doesn't have to be long to be spiritual we're inviting God into the conversation.

31:36 We're inviting God to be the center. We're asking God to come in and be. You ever have a friend that you can't really bring up maybe one or two subjects around because it would be. he's like when we invite God into our lives we're saying God you can talk to us about anything all of it is yours all of it belongs to you all of it is for you we so want to have a home that reflects your love and reflects the gospel message of Jesus being good come on clap if That's your prayer today. Worship team, come join me.

32:21 Write down the last one. It's about faithfulness over feelings. It's about faithfulness over, decide today, I'm gonna be faithful no matter what I feel like. And the Bible put up this scripture, I love this scripture, and I'll tell you why. Malachi 2.16, for the Lord God of Israel says that he hates divorce.

32:45 And I'll just ask you today, why do you think our God hates divorce? God hates divorce because he loves covenant. By the way, notice that it doesn't say God hates divorced people. Because God is clear in the scriptures the times that he allows for divorce. To give a certificate to permit divorce. Adultery, abandonment, death. God is clear when divorce is permissible. But at this core, God hates divorce. Why? Because he loves covenant. he's a covenant creating covenant keeping God and he made you and I come on clap if you believe it he made you and I to be in covenant And if God is going to work hard to keep his covenant, we've got to work hard to keep our covenant.

33:46 This is my vow. I didn't make it in haste. I didn't make it under compulsion. I didn't make it with a gun to my head. I didn't make it because my parents made me. I made it in sobriety. I made it in conviction. I made it standing in front of this girl on September 21st. Do you remember the 21st night of September? You know I do. Thank you. and I said in front of our friends and family, in front of God as my witness, I'm in this. No matter what a doctor says about our kids, no matter what a bank account says that we're going through, no matter what friends are here or gone, whether it's good times or bad times, I'm building with you. Come on, clap. It's faithfulness. it's faith and you know what it's the same as following jesus isn't it if you follow jesus our feelings you'll be around every once in a while but if you follow jesus our faithfulness you'll walk with him all the days of your life and you'll say god i've been praising you through the storms i've been praising you through my tears oh come on clap somebody thank the lord i will choose to be faithful Thank you.

35:02 And I'm just here to tell you today, life is not about feelings. You've got feelings? We got kids, man. My kids got big feelings about coleslaw. maybe you feel angry disappointed frustrated you feel some kind of way you don't need a new spouse you need a new perspective you need to put God back at the center you need to kill that comparison between what they got next to what you got. You gotta get that gratitude back like you did on your wedding day.

35:46 You gotta get generosity back into your home. Why would you be so good to your coworkers and so mean to your spouse? You gotta get that bitterness, that unforgiveness, that emotional withdrawal. You gotta reengage again. I'm just praying and believing, because I know that the greatest testimony we have at Zoe Church to LA is not our services, it's our marriages. Our marriages will tell the gospel story. It's the way that God designed it. Come on, stand to your feet.