Why Singleness Matters | J.D. Greear | October 24, 2021

0:03 Well, Summit Church at our Garner campuses and Alamance County campuses all the way to our Chapel Hill campus and our North Durham campus and everybody in between. Welcome and happy Lord's Day this morning as we gather together here. Our mission at the Summit Church is, we always say, following the Holy Spirit. We exist to create a movement of disciple-making disciples who seek the good of the city, both in Raleigh, Durham, and then around the world. We've tried to summarize being a disciple as adopting five identities, pursuing these five identities that we see lived out in the life of Jesus. They are worshiper, family member, servant, steward, and witness. In that testimony you just saw, Gideon and Alex beautifully illustrate what the identity of a steward is really all about. They see all that they have, their time, their treasures, and their talents as gifts of God to be offered first and foremost back to God for His purposes.

0:58 Summit family, listen, generosity is one of the greatest privileges of the Christian life. It adds more joy and more enjoyment into your life than just about anything else that we get to be a part of. It's why we often say here at the Summit Church that generosity is not something that God wants from you as much as it is something He wants for you. So over the next several weeks, we're going to explore that more. Here's some testimonies, look at some great promises of Scripture. But for today, for today, 1 Corinthians chapter 7, if you have your Bible, 1 Corinthians chapter 7. I warn you, this is a long chapter. It does not correspond to a long sermon on that chapter, but it's a long chapter. It's got a lot of great stuff in it, but it is quite a challenge to tackle. It is about singleness and sex and divorce and other sundry matters. The only man in human history that was fully able to understand what Paul taught here is Nicolas Cage.

1:55 But unfortunately, he is so focused on the 35 movies that he is filming right now that he could not be here with us to share his brilliant insights. And so unfortunately, you're just stuck with me. And let me say, I struggled a little bit with whether or not to give this message a PG-13 rating or not. And in the end, I decided not to. It's not very detailed and you should be fine. Maybe I should give it like a PG-10 rating or something like that. My 11-year-old will be in here and he will be fine. But I did want to let you know, you parents know, so that you can make whatever decision you feel comfortable making. As always, if you get up now and you quietly slip out to the lobby at your campus, a representative from our family ministry team will meet you there, and they will take you to one of our fantastic kids' ministry places where they will not be talking about sex and singleness, I assure you, okay? If you remember, 1 Corinthians 7, if you remember, Paul's letter to the Corinthians is not so much a composed work of theology as it is Paul just answering a bunch of questions that the Corinthians had been asking and dealing with some of the issues that he'd heard the church was dealing with. Do you see how chapter 7 opens?

3:01 Look at it. Chapter 7, verse 1. Paul says, now in response to the matters that you wrote about, talking about the letter they sent to him with all the questions, quote, it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. That part in quotes is what apparently is from their letter. He quotes the statement they made in their letter, and then he responds to it, just like we saw him do in chapter 6 a couple weeks ago. Apparently, there was a group in the Corinthian church who, probably in response to the widespread sexual promiscuity in Corinth, there was a group of believers in the church who were saying absolute celibacy is the way to go. Sex is bad. At best, sex is a necessary evil for the propagation of the species, but truly holy Jesus people, they're no sex people. So Paul in this chapter talks about how marriage and singleness are both gifts and how God has a plan for both. I want you to note this. Christianity has an incredibly high view of both singleness and marriage. But here is the dilemma that we are in. We live in a church culture that is obsessed with marriage. Like, that's the goal for everybody. That is the varsity level. And if you don't get married, well, something's gone wrong in your life, and you're kind of stuck on the JV squad. And so a lot of times in the church, single people often feel marginalized or talked down to single people. Am I speaking truth here? I know of one church, in fact, that called its adult social group, Pairs and Spares, as if the single people were spares. I mean, it's terrible. On the other hand, we've got a church culture obsessed with marriage.

4:47 We've got a secular culture that's obsessed with singleness. Not biblical singleness, mind you, which means remaining sexually celibate, but a no-commitment singleness where you can have sex whenever it's convenient for you with no strings attached. Since 1960, the percentage of adults in our country who get married has dropped from about 72% to just above 50%, and every year it keeps going down. Every year in our society, the average age for a first marriage goes up. Right now, it's about 30 years old for men and about 28 for women. In fact, over half the people that come to our church this weekend, over half of the people here this weekend are single, about 7,000 of you. And we love you, by the way. In fact, many people put your hands together. We love this part of the body of Christ. Now look, if that's you, in fact, let's do that. If you're single, would you raise your hand this morning? If you're just, just raise your hand. All right, how about this? If you're, keep your hand up. If you're single, but you will be really excited about meeting the one sometime soon, just keep your hand up. Keep your hand up. Okay, just doing this in response. Now look around, look around, see who else is in. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just trying to be a blessing to you. Paul, the apostle Paul wants to show you, He wants to show you God's plan for both singleness and marriage.

6:06 He begins by championing the goodness of sex within marriage. Look at verse 2. He says, he says, but because sexual immorality is so common, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman should have sexual relations with her own husband. Translation, sex is a good desire. It is a God-given desire. Through it, God gives some beautiful illustrations of the gospel. We looked at those a couple of weeks ago, and it's also God's way of propagating the human species on earth for us to be fruitful and to multiply. He created marriage for that relationship. Verse 3, a husband should therefore fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband. A wife, verse 4, does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. Now, that would have made total sense to the average Corinthian man. It was just assumed In Greek culture and Jewish culture, it was just assumed that the wife was the man's sexual servant to fulfill his desires.

7:06 But then Paul throws a total curveball at them. He says, in the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does. That would have blown their minds. Corinthian men, Greek men, Jewish men, they held all the cards in marriage in those days. They had sexual mastery over their wives. Sometimes her wife was thought about almost like it was a kind of property. They could divorce her for any reason or no reason at all. And so now Paul is saying to the husband, you should see yourself as her servant as well. That was like a grenade he threw in there. Paul was overturning that whole system. In marriage, both husband and wife offer their body in service to the other. By the way, sometimes these verses get pulled out of context, like they are some kind of sexual trump card that one spouse can play whenever they want. Hey, I want to have sex. And Paul says, I have authority over your body. So you can't say no without sinning. But that is not what Paul is saying here. You know this, or at least I hope you know this. The sexual relationship is a lot more complicated than that. And in fact, reminds me, our premarital counselor actually showed me this little chart, this little picture. He said, this is sort of how many couples find the experience of sex within marriage. And he gave me this picture here. I'll show it to you. He said, just sort of think through that for a little bit.

8:29 So it's a lot more complicated than you're going to think about it. Maybe that does or doesn't apply. Maybe it's reversed in your marriage. I don't know. Paul is not saying that you just like, you know, you're like, hey, this is, I got property. You know, he's saying that in marriage, all he's saying is that marriage, both partners should see themselves as the servant of the other. And so he says, verse five, do not deprive one another, except when you agree on it for a time to devote yourselves to prayer, and then you should come together again. Otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control. So bottom line, Paul completely debunks the idea that celibacy is some kind of spiritually superior state. He is commanding you married people to get after it. Some of y'all are like, this is the best sermon I've ever heard, right? Well, amen. Okay, verse 6. Then Paul says, but I say this as a concession, not as a command. In fact, I wish that all people were like me.

9:23 And what is he? Not married, he's single, right? I wish all of you were like me, but each has his own gift from God. One person has the gift and this gift and another has that one. The word that he uses there for gift is the word charisma, one of the words that we use for spiritual gift. Paul said marriage is good. In fact, it's a gift, a spiritual gift. But I'm single, and that's also good, and that's also a charisma, a spiritual gift. And actually, I wish if I could have my way, I wish more of you had this gift. But wait, Paul, isn't it necessary to find that special someone and have sex in order to feel fully alive? Isn't that the message of every Hallmark movie we've ever seen is that once you find the special someone, life is amazing. And not until then, Paul says, nope. In fact, the most fulfilled person ever to walk the face of the earth was a 33-year-old single man who remained celibate all of his life.

10:17 That was Jesus. And Paul would say, I, as also the leader of the church, God has called me to singleness, celibacy, at least for the foreseeable future. So verse 8, I therefore say to the unmarried and to the widows. Stop there for a second. Unmarried and widows would be Paul's way of saying that he's talking to people who are single for whatever reason. Those of you who are single because the right person has not come along yet, or to those of you who are single again because your spouse passed away. Maybe they walked out on you. Or maybe you proposed and they rejected you. Or maybe you find yourself with a same-sex attraction and you just have no desire to be married to somebody of the opposite sex. And for whatever reason, you find yourself single to all of that group. Paul says, it's actually good. It's actually good for them if they remain single like I am. Let me give you a handful of completely counter-cultural statements on sex and singleness.

11:17 This is like the Apostle Paul in the Bible against the world. Completely countercultural things on sex and singleness gleaned from this chapter. Number one, Paul is saying singleness is not an inferior state to marriage. Single people get a raw deal sometimes. And married people in the church are always trying to fix them up as if there was something wrong with them. I had a pastor friend, I've told you about this, who was single until his mid-30s. He said, I always got so tired as a pastor of these little, sweet little old ladies who were well-intentioned, but sweet little old ladies at my church who would come up to me at every wedding that I performed and say, don't worry, you're next. He said, I got so fed up with it, I would go to these same little old ladies when we were at funerals, and I would say, don't worry, you're next. And he speaks for a lot of single people I've talked to. Sometimes we talk, like the reason single people are single is because they're not mature enough for marriage yet. And y'all, I know that's not true because some of the most messed up, immature, dysfunctional people I've ever met are married. Amen? Amen? We single be like, yep, that's exactly right.

12:21 But instead, what we say in the church, we say things like, well, as soon as you're satisfied in God alone, God will bring someone special into your life as if you earn God's blessing by achieving some spiritual Jedi state. Or how about this one? God just has to do a little bit of work on you before he brings you that special someone. You got to become someone wonderful before God gives you someone wonderful, as though God grants marriage as a reward to the satisfactorily sanctified. Friend, I will tell you, if that's true, he made a lot of bad calculations in our church, right? Tim Keller says this, he says, under all these statements is the premise that a single life is a second-class life, a state of deprivation for people that are not yet fully formed for marriage. These statements are not true, and that is because marriage is not some superior state. In fact, any marriage is just a temporary gift that God gives to some for the fulfillment of His purposes. In fact, look at what Paul says in verse 29. It's a very confusing verse. There's actually several confusing verses in here. I'll try to show you a few of them, but a really confusing verse, but it actually makes sense once you understand it. Verse 29, the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, those who have wives live as though they had none.

13:39 Sometimes people read that verse and they think, what in the world? Paul is telling men with wives to live as though they didn't have one? That's like the patron verse of people going to Las Vegas. Let's live like we have no wives for a weekend. That is not what Paul means. He explains what he means in verse 31. He says, you see, the present form of this world is passing away. And along with marriage because marriage is just a temporary state. It's a temporary gift. Both married people and single people, he is saying, should realize that their situations are not ultimate. Both marriage and singleness are temporary gifts for the fulfillment of God's purposes. Throughout the Gospels, Jesus would say the most fascinating things about marriage that would totally confuse all of his Jewish listeners. For example, one time in the Gospel of Mark, Mark chapter 12, he gets asked this really complicated question about marriage.

14:33 This woman who had seven husbands because each of them died, and so she got remarried seven times, and like in heaven, whose wife is she actually going to be? And Jesus just straight cuts him off, and he says, you are wrong in your premise because there is no marriage in heaven. You're like the angels who neither marry or are given in marriage. There's no marriage in heaven. Marriage, he says, is an earthly thing. Thank you. it's a temporary means by which God populates the earth. It's a good gift, but soon it will give way to the relationship to which it pointed, and that relationship is Christ and the church. In fact, just a few chapters before that in Mark 3, Jesus had been teaching, and somebody yells out, hey, Jesus, your mother, Mary, and your brothers, they have come to see you. And Jesus looks around the crowd like this, and he says, my mother and my brothers, whoever does the will of God, you're the ones that are my mother and my brother and my sister, which means that relationships in the church are for him even more binding and ultimate than biological ones. Do you let that sink in for a minute? I mean, how cool would it be to be blood-related to Jesus? Yeah, yeah, you know, one of my great, great, great uncles is Jesus. If you have somebody famous in your family tree, you brag about it. That's why some of my friends right now are snickering, because they know that that you give me half a second and bring up either Texas, the Alamo, or something in American history, and I'll point out that according to Greer family legend, my great, great, great, great, great uncle is Davy Crockett. I just always work that in, right? Even like here in the sermon. I just did it right now.

16:06 See that? Right? If you're related to Jesus by blood, that's all, you're going to work that in anywhere you can. And Jesus said, that's not that big of a deal. Being blood related, not that big of a deal. Being biologically related, no biggie. It stops on earth, but being connected to me through the spirit of God and the body of Christ, that's an eternal thing. I love how John Piper says it. He says two singles, God promises you blessings in the age to come that are better, that are better than the blessings of marriage and children. Marriage is temporary, but what it stands for, what it points to lasts forever. Marriage is a temporary institution that finally gives way to the relationship to which it was pointing all along Christ and the church, at which point marriage fades away, becomes unnecessary. Well, you no longer need a picture of somebody when you finally see them face to face.

16:58 You stare at the picture of that special someone when you're separated from that. The moment they walk up and see you, you put that picture down, you don't need it because now you got the real version of it. Or Rebecca McLaughlin, who was here just a few months ago, she said it this way, at its best, I love this, At its best, marriage and sex are like the gateway drugs that point us to a far more fulfilling relationship. They're just a taste of something far better that goes beyond the temporary earthly thing. So we go back to 1 Corinthians 7, 29. Do you understand the verse now? Your point in time has been very short. We're all going to die soon. It's not that long. From now on, so let those who have wives live as though they had none. For the present form of this world is passing away. Both married people, in other words, both married people and single people should reflect on the fact that their situations are not ultimate. Both marriage and singleness are temporary gifts, light and momentary gifts for the fulfillment of God's purposes, which leads me to number two.

17:57 Number two, Paul says the gifts of marriage and singleness both have their advantages. Marriage is a gift. To state the obvious, right? Why is it a gift? I'll give you one reason. It was God himself who looked down at the man by himself and said, that's not good. I'm going to make a helper for him. And the book of Genesis says that God then fashioned a woman to be the helper. The first word used to describe the woman was Edzer Konegdo, right? It's not a romantic sounding word. I don't suggest you adopt that as your pet name for your spouse or your wife, but basically it's a Hebrew word that means same but different. She was made in the image of God, just like him, his equal, same, but she was made different from him, complementary to him. She's different, same, but different. Now, I realize this, even though every single person is an individual and stereotypes sometimes, you know, harm as much as they help, there are general patterns to men and women and how we function that go back to how we are created.

18:56 Most women are more nurturing by nature, and thus they're better at creating a stable home environment. I will tell you for one, like many guys, I was not good at creating any kind of home environment. For most guys, their dream pad includes a waterbed, a black leather couch with a TV and a PlayStation and surround sound, and that's it, right? That's the entire dream pad. Before I got married, to move out of my house into another one took me one buddy, a Ford Mustang, a few bungee cords, and 15 minutes. Now, it would take a full-size SUV just to haul the pillows that sit on top of my bed. And another one, just to haul the toiletry products in our shower. I mean, I look around our bathroom and I wonder, what is all this stuff? Who knew there were so many different kinds of soaps? My bathroom used to have just one bar of soap, one. And I cleaned everything in the bathroom with it. My face, my hair, my teeth, the floors, all of it, one bar of soap.

19:55 Now again, I realize not everybody's like that, but God made the man and the woman complimentary so that the two of them together would be a more complete reflection of the image of God than one gender would have been alone. And when he brings these two complementary pairs together in marriage, it is a gift. Even more importantly, marriage is a gift because it teaches us experientially about the love of God. C.S. Lewis compared his marriage, which was relatively short because Joy Davidman died not long after they got married. He got married when he was quite older. C.S. Lewis, he compared his short marriage to like a ray of the sun, a ray which he said warmed my face and made me look back up along the ray to the sun from which it emanated. I will tell you, marriage has taught me more about the gospel than probably anything else in my life with the exception of having children. The kindness, the tenderness, the forgiveness, the security, the unconditional love of God.

20:51 These were doctrines I learned in seminary, but I experienced them in marriage. So marriage is a gift. Singleness, Paul says, is also a gift. You say, well, how so? Well, Paul actually explains it in verse 33. Take a look at it. He says, you see, the married man is anxious about worldly things. About worldly there, he doesn't mean sinful. He just means things of the earth, things of the world. He worried about worldly things, how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In case you don't know this, okay, single or married, a healthy marriage takes time, a lot of time. Sometimes you're late up at night working things out. Your wife needs time. Your kids need time. As a married man, I am not able to go on all the mission trips that I want to go on anymore. One of our singles here told me recently about the most amazing ministry that a few of our singles have been engaged in, hanging out with a group of Muslim refugees until after 10 o'clock on multiple nights of the week. I can't do that anymore. I got to run little people to soccer practice and help them do homework and help them get ready for bed.

22:02 And so after I spend my day at full-time ministry, I'm guzzling five-hour energy drinks on the way home from work because I know my real work is about to start. People sometimes ask me like, oh, JD, what are your hobbies? I'm like, do you mean what did they used to be? My hobbies now are named Karas, Allie, Raya, and Adon. Those are my hobbies. Like, well, do you have pets? Yep, Karas, Allie, Raya, Adon. I do not need any more living beings depending on me right now. Marriage puts a lot of demands on your money. I have people to take care of. I wanna bless them and take care of them. I'm the stand-in for the heavenly father. And so, yes, I want to bless them. Guys, okay, again, understand this. Being married and having a family is expensive. My wife and I will sometimes, you know, call our kids Tesla, Hawaii vacation, and beach house, because that's what they cost me, okay? Having a family limits my generosity in some ways. Sacrificing my time, sacrificing my money, there's a limit on it, a divinely appointed limit because of the responsibilities God gave me to my wife and children. Of course, it's not just limiting for the man, Paul says, limiting for the woman too. Perhaps even more so. Verse 34, he says, and the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord. She can sit around all the time, think about what God wants her to do, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman, she's got to be anxious about worldly things. Again, not sinful things, but things of the world, namely how to please her husband. That's God's command to her. If you get married and you have kids, it affects your career, husband or wife. And for many of you, it may stymie your career altogether. I asked an older pastor, mentor kind of man that had written a number of great books. I really looked up to him, and I was like, hey, of all the books you've written, what was the favorite book that you ever wrote? He said, what are my favorite books? He said, it's all the ones I did not write when my kids were young. So stop asking me questions about writing books and focus on your family, is basically what he told me. The freedom of a single person to pursue certain things, both recreational and career-wise and ministry-wise, is astounding. Single ladies,

24:11 you get to listen to and follow the Holy Spirit with so much freedom. For a married woman, so much of her ministry is assigned to her. My wife is a full-time missionary to the unreached people group known as the Greer Kids. And they're pretty savage, okay? It is no easy assignment, I grant you. But that's her assignment. Now, if you're not married, you get to choose where you get engaged. When a refugee family comes into RDU in the middle of the night, and we need people to help them, meet them at the airport and help them get settled in, do you know who it is that usually shows up? Single women. There's some single men, but it's especially single women. By the way, for you guys, if you were looking for a great place to meet somebody, I would highly suggest you get yourself on that list and show up in the middle of the night to help a refugee family because the kind of girl that shows up in the middle of the night to move a family in like that, that's the right kind of girl, okay?

25:04 That's just from Uncle JD right there. That's all I'm gonna say. Y'all listen, the majority of our best volunteers here at the Summit Church are single women. I've told you before that the International Mission Board says that three out of four applicants to go to the most unreached places on the earth, three out of four of them are single women. Now, I usually use that statistic to admonish the guys. I'm like, guys, get with it. But one of the reasons that is true is what Paul is saying here. Singleness is a gift that can free you up for mission. So it's no wonder Paul says, verse 7, I wish that all people were like me. There would be so much extra bandwidth in the church for ministry. So singleness and marriage, both are gifts. They both have their advantages and disadvantages. Number three, the first consideration for should I get married is do I have the gift? That's the million-dollar question, right? How do you know if you have the gift? I've told you before, lamented that right after my wife and I got engaged. We took one of these spiritual gifts tests. I was so excited about it. We're going to figure out where we fit in ministry. Her number one gift comes back as singleness.

26:10 We just got engaged. I was like, that doesn't bode well. All right. I don't, not against spiritual gifts tests. We even use them here sometimes. But first you need to realize that most people have a wrong conception of spiritual gifts in general. Most people assume that a spiritual gift is some kind of lifelong assignment, like an identity that God stamps you with when you leave heaven, like a personality trait. You know, like, oh, this person's going to be an evangelist, this person's going to be a prophecy, this person's going to be, you know, it's not what he does. And especially is not true of the gifts of marriage and singleness. I want to show you this more when we study 1 Corinthians 12, but a spiritual gift, charisma, or there's another word in 1 Corinthians 12, the pneumatakos, is a special empowerment that comes on you for a time for some spiritual assignment. It's going to change throughout your life, most of these gifts. They come on you for a time and depend on your assignment and they go out. All of us are single for a time, which means that all of us for a time have the gift of singleness and God will give us the spiritual empowerment, the gifting to do it well.

27:10 You're not supposed to look within and mystically try to discern if you've got the gift of singleness. Don't make it complicated. If you're single, you have the gift of singleness. At least for the moment. How do I know? Because you're single. and God will empower you to do it well. And if you're married, you have the gift of marriage and you can know that because you're married. Even if you feel like your marriage was a mistake, you have the gift now and God will give you the spiritual power to do it well. You say, well, okay, wait a minute. I'm single now, but I'm wondering if marriage might be a gift that God is planning to give me in the future. How can I tell that? Well, there's no sure way to know, But Paul does give you a clue in verse 9. It is better, he says, it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion. Paul says, he says, if as you pray about it, your desires to be married burn inside of you, it's okay to ask God for a spouse to meet those needs.

28:06 But it could be that in praying about it, God answers that prayer by giving you the ability to control yourself without marriage, or he might take away the desire to be married altogether. Or he might have another desire grow stronger in your heart than to be married. And it would actually be advantageous to be single to pursue this other thing. I had a friend who prayed about getting married because she thought that's what good Christian girls do. She said, but the more I prayed about it, the less desire I had to get married and the more my passion for a particular ministry grew. She said, I always felt guilty about that and I never wanted to talk about it. Like there was something wrong with me. She said, but then I studied 1 Corinthians 7 and realized that this was all from God. And she said, it felt like such a relief. Paul, who had the gift of singleness, describes himself like this, verse 37. Whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity, but having his desire under control.

29:04 You see those phrases? Firmly established, under no necessity, being able to control his desire. He will do well. If you're single, is that you? Do those phrases describe you as so? Well, you might have the gift of singleness, at least for the time being and maybe for the future. You should take advantage of that. If you're not like that, yeah, it's okay. Ask God for a spouse. Paul's like, look, this is not mystical. This is really between you and God. In fact, when you read this chapter, he's kind of flipping about it. Look, verse 36, if any man feels like he should marry, he can do what he wants. Verse 39, but if a wife, husband dies, she's free to be married to anyone she wants, but she's happier if she remains as she is, in my opinion. Right? Translation, don't make it hard. Pray about it. Let God lead you through your desires and your circumstances. Sometimes you may desire it and God just, you know, circumstantially it's not happening. And that's like him. You're in a fasting season, fasting from, you know, marriage. And God's going to work in that like he does. You need to trust that where God leads you, he will also gift and empower you because they are spiritual gifts. No, you don't have the ability to be single well. You don't have the ability to be married well. Like the Holy Spirit has the ability in him for you to do both those things well. So number four, the second consideration for should I get married is, is it the right time? The second consideration for should I get married is, is it the right time?

30:26 There's a really, another interesting verse in this chapter that really confuses people. But when you understand it in context, it totally makes sense. All right, hang with me, because it's gonna be like, what in the world does this mean for me? I'll show you. Verse 26, I think, Paul says, that in view of the present distress, it's good for a person to remain as he or she is. So he goes on to say, if you're married, stay married. If you're single, remain single. And at first, it sounds like Paul is telling all single people everywhere, don't ever seek to get married. But that's not what Paul is saying. Paul says, the key phrase, in view of the present distress. Remain as you are. Paul was writing this in a particular era of history where persecution against Christians was at a fever pitch. Christian families were being torn apart and sold into slavery. They were about to be blamed for, you know, the burning of Rome. They're going to be fed to the lions. It's difficult to go through persecution as a single person. But when you are married and you've got kids, your worldly troubles multiply. So Paul was like, look, in light of all this persecution, in light of families getting torn apart, now is not a great time to get married and have kids. So I'd say it'd be better if you just kind of stay where you are. But that was then, and this is now. Currently, we are not in a particularly persecuted moment. The mass mandate is a little annoying. I understand that, but this is not a particularly persecuted time. And so I believe, based on what I read here in 1 Corinthians 7, that in this context, Paul would encourage marriage more than he did in that Corinthian one. You say, well, that's great. What does that mean for me? Here's what it means. Watch. There can be situations, eras, seasons in your life that may make it more advantageous for you to wait, even if in another situation you might desire to be married. The whole group was in one last night, but it could be true for you individually. For example, in a season where you're trying to finish your education or trying to get established in your career. The book of Proverbs says, you know, establish your work in the field, afterward build

32:33 your house. In other words, guys, get a job. Get a job and establish your career. Then it's actually easier to bring somebody that you're going to be a support to and all that. You bring them into that. Maybe God has called you to focus on a mission assignment. Or maybe you need time to heal from something. Maybe there's some kind of trauma, some kind of past devastation, some breakup, and you just need time to heal. And during those seasons where it is wise to wait, you can trust that God is going to give you the spiritual gifting to wait. One of the reasons, by the way, that it's helpful to be involved in a close church community, like we want you to have here, is that other people can help you see when those times are so that you can live wisely within them, which leads to number five. When it is time, Paul would say, don't wait. I love what Paul says in verse 36. Verse 36, if anyone thinks he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, toward the girl that he's going to marry, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes. Let them marry. It is no sin. But whatever you do, whatever you do, verse 37, Paul says, Whatever you do, be firmly established.

33:46 Now, let me follow Paul's lead here for a moment and talk to the guys, since guys are typically the ones to take initiative in relationships, and that was true in Corinth, and it's mostly true today. Guys, Paul is saying to you, listen, be firmly established. Are you going to marry her or not? Don't be a jerk and flirt and call and hang out with her and lead her on if you don't even know what your intentions are. Well, I'm just figuring it out. No, you are leading her on. You are being cruel. You are keeping her close enough to enjoy her without having to commit anything to her. That is the opposite of Jesus-like love. You are taking and not giving. Stop it. Make up your mind. Be firmly established. And if there is a girl that you want to ask out, ask her out. A lot of our Christian sisters have complained to me about what they call the Christian sneak-a-date thing.

34:41 Ladies, you know where they figure out how to go out with you and how to be a part of your small group and how to show up in social circles without ever having to man up and go through the danger of asking you out, oh, look, we're here together again. The sneak a date, right? Or I've heard it referred to as the friendationship, where you spend so much time together that it's like your boyfriend and girlfriend, but you've never actually talked about it because talking involves risk and potential awkwardness, and you're not man enough to go through that awkwardness. Stop it. Be a man. Be firmly established. Part of me does not even want to know who is clapping right now, but we're just going to let it be, okay? And if you are engaged, don't keep a ring on her finger with an elusive promise of marriage way out there somewhere in the wild blue yonder. Either marry her or don't. Don't string her along. Be firmly established. And guys, if you know it's not time for you to get married, be firmly established and don't lead her on. Get on with what God is doing in your singleness and let God get on with what he's doing in hers. Girls, you also don't lead the guy on. Dating is a road that leads to marriage. And if you're not ready for the destination, stay off the road, okay? Paul would say, be firmly established. And when it's time, don't wait. Now, guys, lest you misunderstand me. This is one of those caveats that I feel like I have to say, so I'm going to say it. I'm not saying you need to move super quickly and drop the marriage card on your first date. Being firmly established and being creepy are not the same things. Amen?

36:13 And if she says no, if she says no, you got to respect that. Right? Listen, Christian, we can take creepy to whole new levels. Hounding a girl after she says no and then playing the God card? Oh, God told me to ask you out. God's not asking her out. You're asking her out. Okay? That is not the way to the blessing of God. It is the way to get slapped with a restraining order, one that I will be in support of, okay? So be wise, be wise. I'm not saying that. Number six, number six, Paul is saying reject the e-harmony myth. Now, he didn't use those words. Those are my words. And let me explain this. There's nothing wrong with e-harmony per se. But the myth behind e-harmony is that if you can just find the perfect person, oh, you'll be happy, right? And so you see the pictures on the website, people smiling, and I want that life. Oh, if I could just find the right person, then I'd be happy. And if you're unhappy right now, oh, I'm finding the perfect person, that will fix all that. And if you're married and unhappy right now, well, that's because you got married to the wrong person. But here's the truth. Romance and marriage will never satisfy the deepest needs of your soul. I have said this before. Let me say it again. But for most single guys, it's like in their singleness, they're drowning in a sea of loneliness and insecurity and despair and boredom, and along by floats a five-foot-two blonde-headed life preserver. What does a drowning man do with a life preserver? You cling to it, and you hold it tight, and you can't let it go.

37:42 Here's what I've noticed after a couple decades of just watching marriages. Lonely, insecure, bored, unhappy single people become lonely, insecure, bored, unhappy married people. In fact, they usually get worse. Because problems like loneliness and boredom and insecurity and unhappiness, they're not cured by another human being. They're only cured by the love of Jesus Christ. The arms that you are searching for in your life to find all these things, they're not his arms or her arms. They're his arms. And let me let you in on a little secret, okay? And I'll say this with Veronica's permission. You always marry the wrong person.

38:22 You're like, I married the wrong person. Of course you did. First of all, the person you married is a sinner. That person that you are so infatuated with right now, if you're dating, that person was so bad that Jesus had to die a gory death to save them. Pretty soon, you're gonna figure out and it's not gonna be awesome. I mean, if something in them was so messed up that it took Jesus's blood to fix it, you don't think it's gonna cause you some mild irritation in your life? So yes, you married the wrong person because you married a sinner. Second, psychologists say that even in a lifelong monogamous marriage, you end up being married to at least five different people over a lifetime because they change. You ask Veronica, you're like, did you marry the, it was JD the right guy? She's like, which one? Which one? So if you married the right person at the beginning, soon they're going to change and then they're not the right person. You see, it's, you always marry the wrong person because marriage is not about giving you some kind of soulmate that completes you, that's for Jesus. Marriage is about learning to love another sinner like Jesus has loved you. And see, if you're the e-harmony myth, if your marriage depends on finding the right person, that's going to lead you to a terrible captivity.

39:37 Because you're always going to be terrified that you're never going to find the right person. And if you believe the e-harmony myth, if you are married, you're going to be terrified that you married the wrong one. So reject that e-harmony myth. Paul would say that's not even true. Just Get that out. Number seven, last one. Paul says, never settle. Never settle. Verse 39, Paul tells these singles, you can marry, but only in the Lord. Only in the Lord. If you get married, you should only do it in the Lord. Means to another believer. Translation, you cannot and you should not marry a non-Christian. So duh, you should not date a non-Christian. Why on earth would you lead each other on when it literally cannot work out? I mean, it's almost kind of cruel, right? You can't control who you fall in love with, but you can control who you spend time with. And who you spend time with is who you're gonna fall in love with.

40:31 So if you don't wanna fall in love with them and marry them, don't lead them on and date them. So yeah, if you're not gonna marry a non-Christian, Paul said you shouldn't do that, don't date a non-Christian. Ladies, let me talk to you specifically for a minute. This guy is going to be the biggest influence on your children. I would say maybe even more than you, he's going to be an influence on your children. Do not settle for a guy who will not lead them spiritually. Do not connect yourself to somebody who is going to one day, if you can look into the future and see the faces of your kids, who is going to take them away from the thing that is most important to you, which is Jesus. Just about any married person will tell you it is far better to be single than to be married to somebody who does not share your core commitments. And I know, listen, I know that if you're sitting here right now and you're not a Christian, you might feel like I'm being mean to you. Like I'm saying that you're not good enough for them. I am not saying that. In fact, I'm just trying to be practical, okay? I mean, for your sake, if you are not a Christian and you have no intention of becoming a Christian, do you really want to marry a Christian? I mean, here's why I ask.

41:41 You realize that that Christian that you're dating right now really wants to convert you. Like, how do you know? You're here. Am I right? Wasn't your idea. It was their idea. And that's why the whole time while I'm talking, they keep cutting their eyes to see how you're reacting to what I'm saying. That's what they're doing right now. And I'll take it up a level. Right now, right now, their parents are praying for you. Their whole family's praying for you. They all know you're here this morning, and they're all praying for you. In fact, their mom and dad are probably fasting for you right now, hoping that you'll become a Christian. And nobody in the family is ever going to be really happy until you become a Christian. If you're not a Christian and you've got no intention of becoming one, do you really want to marry into a situation where nobody is going to be happy with you unless you become a Christian? Look, I'm just being honest with you, okay? I've observed this now for a lot of years.

42:36 So see, there we go. There we go. Those are seven countercultural statements that Paul would give us on sex and singleness. So let me just bring it right back around to where we started. Marriage and singleness are gifts. They're temporary gifts for the fulfillment of God's purposes in your life. If you are looking for something to satisfy the deep needs of your soul, it's not going to be found in marriage. It's not going to be found in a new marriage. You're going to find it in Jesus and his love for you. You say, well, yeah, that's good, but I don't want to be alone right now. wow, I'm tired of being alone. You're not supposed to be alone. God created you for relationships, true. He created you for companionship. But the only place, in fact, you might even argue not the primary place that you're going to find that is not necessarily in marriage or biological family. The place that you find it, according to Jesus, is in the church.

43:29 Again, remember this statement from John Piper. Marriage is temporary, but what it stands for lasts forever. Christ in the church, at which point marriage fades away, becomes unnecessary. The way a picture of somebody, you no longer need it when you finally see them face to face. If I could just say for my brothers and sisters, fellow believers, who struggle with a same-sex attraction, who feel like you can't be married. First, I want you to know that I know a lot of people with same-sex attraction who've gotten married to somebody of the opposite sex. God has enabled them to do that, and they found a measure of healing. But for those of you that you just feel like, I can't, I can't. I want you to know that you can still have a full and meaningful life. Like I said, the most fulfilled, happy, joyful, perfect person who ever walked the face of the earth was 33 years old and celibate. God wants you to have deep and meaningful connections in the church.

44:27 Rebecca McLaughlin, who I quoted just a moment ago, whom we've had here at our church, who, you know, if you remember when she was here, had a same-sex attraction, still has one. She's now married to a man, and they have kids, but she said in college and when I was a young professional, I struggled with the same-sex attraction. God gave her the grace to do what I'm talking about. She says this. She says, you will not wither without sex. You will wither without friend and family connection. And see, that's available here in the church. So I'm telling you, invest deeply here and to the church, to the married in the church, let me say this to you. We have a responsibility to singles in our midst, and that is to invite them into our families. First of all, to see them as the treasures that Paul said that they are. Do not treat them like a project that you need to fix, but you should be aware that their particular calling has some particular challenges, just like yours does, and so you should invite them into your family to experience relationships there. Invite them to join you in key moments, not just to come over and babysit your kids or help you move, by the way. And all God single said, amen. That's right, okay? That's not the, oh, I got a single friend, it's time to move. Oh, we need a babysitter. Oh, let's have a single friend. In our family, we have had single friends from the church go on vacation with us. We've had them do Thanksgiving with us. We even had one a couple of Christmases ago, spend last Christmas with us, stayed at our house on Christmas Eve, got up with us on Christmas morning. Singles, let me say to you, single people, they say the greatest predictor of whether a child will continue on in the faith after high school, the number one predictor, whether that child, as they go into college, has at least five adult relationships in the church outside of their parents. If you've got five or more, that statistically, it's probably going to turn out okay. So what I'm saying to you, if you're single, a little. If you don't have kids, be that for some other kids here. I guarantee you there's a lot of parents that would love that. It could be by something formal like joining our student ministry or our kids ministry. It could be informal. By being a part of a small group where you're just

46:36 able to get involved in the family rhythm. See, I want you to understand that God has a plan for you. This is the body of Christ. This is the eternal family. This is what everything pointed toward. all these things were temporary shadows, but Christ, his relationship with you and his church, that's the real thing. We could get every head bowed if we could, every head bowed at our campuses or if you're joining us there at home. I told you this is a big chapter and there's a lot of stuff in it. So at some point, I just need the real preacher, the Holy Spirit.

47:15 I need him to speak to you. so can we just sit here for a moment in silence what's the Holy Spirit saying to you let me prime you with a few things maybe you're single and you're angry with God God's given you a second class life you've thought right now to say, Lord, I trust you.

47:49 I trust you. It is so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take him at his word. just to rest upon his promise. The Lord has promised good for you. is grace your peace secures. Surely goodness single will follow you all the days of your life in mercy. you can never go anywhere from his presence. Could you just say, I trust you.

48:23 Show me how to live out this season by the power of the Spirit. Maybe you're married and you've idolized marriage and it's broken your heart. Maybe you're single and you idolize marriage. Maybe you're single and you idolize your singleness. Because you just realize that Jesus is who you're created for. He's the love you're created for, the arms you've been searching for in romance. are actually his arms. One last one. You ever given your heart to Jesus? You ever given your life to Jesus? like I'm telling you the love that you've been searching for guy or girl the love that you've been searching for is in Jesus and the good news is you can receive it right now you can receive the love of God by receiving Christ as Lord and Savior the gospel is that Jesus came to earth looking for you he died on a cross for your sin to restore you to God I got good news for you whoever you are whatever you've done God is ready to receive you right now into his family he sent his son to die on a cross to pay for your sin and he offers forgiveness and new life if you will be reconciled to him are you ready to stop running you ready to stop running and receive him and so right now pray with me pray with me just right now from your heart say lord oh jesus i'm ready to come home i'm ready to come home i'm ready to stop running I receive your invitation to save me.

50:04 and I acknowledge that you are the Lord. if you prayed that with me or you'd like to or you have questions about it would you right now just take out your phone and text the word ready R-E-A-D-Y text it to 33933 text the word ready right now wherever you are text the word ready to 33933 that'll allow us to start a conversation with you this is not about praying some prayer moving on It's beginning to walk with Jesus. And we want to show you how you can begin that journey with Jesus. Father, I pray this morning, this is a place of brokenness, a place of longing and yearning. I pray, God, that you would use this church to speak into the life of broken singles, broken married people everywhere, that there's healing and there's love in Jesus.

51:04 Make this a place, God, of love that overflows the eternal love of God in Christ. We thank you for that in Jesus' name. Amen. Would you stand to your feet at all of our campuses? Stand to your feet if you would. in just a moment, I'm going to send all of you, I'm going to commission all of you to go and carry the gospel and the healing power of the Holy Spirit. But I have something special for single young adults first, and that is I want you to know that on November 19th, we have our next young adult gathering. We do this periodically, about once a month or so. The next one is November 19th. It's at our Briar Creek campus. It actually meets in what they call Summit en Español, which on the south side, it's clearly marked. We'd love for you to come to that. Like I said, it's fairly regular, but the next one is November 19th. So you can find out more about that. They've also got a retreat, a retreat coming up in January that they're really excited about.

51:58 And so you can go on our website, front page of our website. We'll have links to show you more about these things. You can also, by the way, if you're, you know, do Instagram, do SummitRDU underscore young adults on Instagram. SummitRDU underscore young adults on Instagram. and they'll give you the latest updates on other gatherings and events besides just these. So do that right now. And one more thing, you should volunteer. Volunteer, that is the best way to get connected to people in our church. So if that's you, I want to extend those invitations to you. I'm going to ask right now at all of our campuses, I want our prayer teams to begin to make their way down here. Pastors, prayer teams, men and women are going to come down here. I've told you before, this is kind of the most important part of our service. Because this is a time where some of you, you've heard from me, hopefully God's speaking through me, but now you just need to bring your brokenness and your need to the Lord. It doesn't have to be around issues of singleness or marriage or sex, but that's a good place to start. There's a lot of people in our church that are broken over this thing, and so maybe you just want to come and take the hand of one of our men or women down front and just say, let's pray together. Maybe you need to pray for somebody else's marriage. Maybe it's your own. Maybe you just need to say, I'm having trouble dealing with what I'm doing right now, and let's take these burdens together. So at all campuses, we've got prayer teams that are down there. Summit family, Summit Church, guests, you and I have been given the message of healing and reconciliation to a world that is broken, and there's nowhere they're more broken than when it comes to sex and romance.

53:24 So go, go with the words of eternal life and the power of the Holy Spirit that makes them come alive. Summit Church, at all of our campuses, you are sent.