Your Integrity, Our World, Part 2 - "Straighten Up!"

0:01 Hi, everybody. Welcome to Your Move, where we help you make better decisions and live with fewer regrets. I'm Andy Stanley, and I'll be your guide. And now here's something that's true of all of us. We want the people we depend on to do what they ought to do, right? What they said they would do. But what about you? Are you willing to do what you ought to, even when it costs you? If not, do you know what that makes you? So uncomfortable, right? So let's all be uncomfortable together right here on Your Move. So today I want to begin with this question and please don't raise your hand, don't elbow anyone. And I already know the answer. The answer is yes. But it may take you a moment to remember why the answer is yes. And I'll try to prompt your memory. Here's the question. Have you ever lied? That's not the question. That's not the whole question. We all know the answer to that, right? Have you ever lied in an attempt, in an attempt to assure someone that you can be trusted?

0:59 Have you ever lied in order to assure someone, oh yeah, I can be trusted? Let me ask you the same question maybe another way because this kind of goes to the heart of what we're talking about today. Have you ever compromised your integrity? It's the same idea. Have you ever compromised your integrity to protect your reputation as someone who has integrity? Have you ever actually compromised your integrity? You covered it and tell the whole truth. You decided not to share that. you just flat out lied, to protect your reputation as someone who can be trusted or who has integrity. Now, we all, I think most of us live with this pressure somewhere in our lives. I do, I live with it with you because I want you to trust me and I don't wanna lose your respect because if I lose your respect, then whatever I'm up here talking about, you're like, well, he doesn't do that. So if I really mess up in some way or shape or form that would discredit me with you, of course I would be tempted to lie and I would be tempted to cover up if that's what's required to maintain your respect.

1:57 For me, we just live with this pressure. And unfortunately, sometimes, if we're honest, sometimes we're willing to be bad if that's what it takes to look good. Isn't that weird? So today we're in part two of our series, Your Integrity, Our World. Your Integrity, Our World. And the reason we're calling it this is because my personal integrity impacts my world, my family, my community, and your personal integrity or lack of it impacts the people around you as well. And I'm gonna give you our official definition for integrity next time, but in general, we know what integrity is. Integrity is the will or the courage to do the right noble thing just because it's the right noble thing to do, regardless of the consequences. In fact, especially if there are consequences, especially if there was a less noble thing to do that would keep us out of trouble, but we decided, you know what? I'm just gonna do the right thing. Why? Well, it doesn't benefit me.

2:48 I'm gonna do the right thing just because it's the right thing, even though it costs me. And as we said last time, we are all pretty quick to excuse our personal lack of integrity or a breach in our integrity, but we are not quick to excuse it. And other people, right? We expect it of our leaders. We expect it of our teachers. We expect it of our employers, our employees, our friends, our kids, our husbands, our wives, our fiancees, boyfriends, girlfriends. We just wake up every day expecting them to be people of integrity, even when at times we're not. I mean, everybody expects it. It's a universal expectation. I mean, even thieves and cheaters do not expect to be stolen from and cheated on. And last time we said, this brings us to kind of the big idea. And it's where we spent a lot of our time last time we were together. This big idea that there's an overwhelming and overarching sense of ought to that stands outside of us. There's an ought to that we appeal to, that we hold others accountable to.

3:44 It stands outside of us. We didn't make it up. It stands outside of us. It judges us. It presses down on our consciences. And we know that we didn't create it and we can't seem to shake it. And so we said last time it stands out over us. And again, we appeal to it and we feel like we've been mistreated or someone we love is mistreated. But we know it didn't originate with us. If it originated with us, we would just get rid of it because it gets in our way from time to time. And even though we may not look like we believe there's an ought to because we don't always do what we ought to. Our reactions when other people don't do what they ought to is a dead giveaway that, well, we think there's an ought to that you ought to live up to. Again, we didn't create it. We can't shake it. Last time we saw the apostle Paul came along and said, well, actually what that is, that is the law of God written in your hearts, that there's a divine element to this, that the law of God is written in your hearts, not like the traffic laws, but there's something in your heart God put there that says you should probably obey the traffic laws because they're good for you and other people.

4:45 It's that thing that informs our conscience when our conscience bumps up against something in our modern world that we struggle with, that creates a tension around, which means that integrity, and this is so important, and especially if maybe you're not a religious person or you used to be, or you've kind of dismissed all of that, the implication is simply this, that integrity, if it exists, unless we just made this up, unless it's just a useful tool, We talked about that last time as well. That integrity is actually anchored to something. That integrity is actually grounded in something. There's a foundation for integrity that goes beyond my fluid opinions and your fluid opinions. It even goes beyond majority rule. Again, it stands over us and it convicts us and it judges us and sometimes it condemns us. And even though we don't like it when it makes us feel bad about us, we are quick to appeal to it when somebody mistreats us.

5:43 In fact, we said the moment, this is such a powerful idea, the moment that we attempt to justify a behavior in our minds, the moment, and before this day is out, we're gonna do this, right? The moment you find yourself wrestling with, I shouldn't, but I will anyway. You know, I really shouldn't, but I think I will anyway. I should, but I'm not going to. I should tell her, I'm not gonna tell her. I should tell them the rest of the story, I'm not gonna tell. the moment we find ourselves wrestling internally with an ought to, we actually acknowledge the divine. The moment we attempt to justify a behavior in our minds, the moment we find ourselves, we're essentially acknowledging that there is an ought to that stands over you, that stands over us, that somehow we're accountable to and we can't shake it. And we know we didn't create it because if we created it, we would just get rid of it. When you do, this is what's so powerful.

6:37 When you do what you ought to do and it costs you, when you do what you ought to do and it costs you, you may not acknowledge this season of your life, but you're actually acknowledging God's rule over you. When you do what's best for someone else and it costs you, that's being like your father in heaven. You are intentionally or unintentionally acknowledging God's rule, his kingdom over you. But we said too, integrity is not just about us because my personal integrity or a lack of personal integrity always impacts some other persons, doesn't it? In fact, your story growing up is the reason you kind of had to dig your way out of a hole maybe because of the family that you were raised in is because mom or dad or maybe both, they just lacked integrity. And you started off with a deficit. Their personal lack of integrity impacted some other persons, specifically you. But our integrity always impacts other people.

7:33 Again, it's your integrity. It's our world, it's my integrity, but it's my world. In fact, we could spend a lot of time on this and we'll come back to this toward the end of the series is that I don't think it's an overstatement to say that our integrity or integrity determines the health and the depth of our relationships, the health and the depth of our relationships. Integrity is essential to relational contentment and fulfillment. Have you ever tried to have a relationship with somebody who lacks integrity? Can you even have a relationship? I mean, some of you unfortunately are in relationships you can't get out of right now, and they just lack integrity. They don't always tell the truth. They cover, they blame, they shame. They won't have difficult conversations. You're always off balance. So this topic, it's not even a religious or a spiritual topic. It's human nature. It's every single day of our lives. But we're making the point, the reason we can't escape it, the reason we hold other people accountable to it is because there is a divine element to it as well.

8:32 and it impacts every component and every facet of our lives. One more quick illustration or application. So if you're single, and I mean, maybe high school, college, graduate school, post-grad, single, maybe single again. If you're single, your looks or your money may win him or win her, you know, get him, get her, get the relationship going. But you know this, it's your integrity that determines the health and the longevity of the relationship, right? I mean, falling in love is easy and I'm gonna ask you to fill in a blank to see if you've been listening. Falling in love is easy, right? Falling in love requires, anybody know? A pulse, thank you, front row. Yeah, that's exactly right. We've got two folks that have been listening. Falling in love is easy. Falling in love requires a pulse, but staying in love requires other things. And one of the essential ingredients of staying in love is integrity. I mean, raising, you know, having kids, that's biology.

9:26 Raising them together, it requires integrity for both parents, right? you know, landing that job, that requires a GPA and, you know, a good GPA and a resume. Keeping that job, excelling in that job, building a sense of community at work, it requires integrity. So integrity, a lack of integrity is gonna cost us relationally always. It could cost you professionally. It could cost you in the relationships that matter most to you. So the question we're trying to answer in this series is how do we get it? How do we guard it? How do we keep it? And maybe in your case, you know, how do you get it back? And that's again, why we entitled the series, Your Integrity, Our World. But here's the challenge. Then we're gonna dive into our key verse for this series. Here's the challenge. If you wanna improve your looks, not that you need to, but I'm just saying, if you wanted to improve your looks, there are so many places you can go, so many things you could. If you wanna improve your skin, there's so many things you can do, so many places you can go.

10:20 If you wanna improve at work, if you wanna improve your financial situation, if you wanna get stronger, if you wanna develop a new skill, if you wanna get better at golf or a hobby, whatever you wanna improve in, however you wanna advance in life. In our culture, there are dozens and dozens, almost endless ways to get better at just about anything. But when it comes to integrity, which is far more important in terms of the long run, long-term relationships and health and happiness and satisfaction and contentment, when it comes to integrity, where do you go? Who's even offering to help? I mean, once we left home, it's kind of like you're on your home. I hope we got it right. And maybe we were a bad example or a good example, but we're example of something. So good luck, get out there. Who's offering to help? Who's offering to help us? I mean, and to make it worse or to actually say to make it more complicated, the external pressure, and you know this, the external pressure to compromise rather than preserve our integrity is relentless, right?

11:21 I mean, compromising your integrity in some fields or some industries is kind of how you get ahead or stay ahead of the competition. It's almost a key to succeeding. Or maybe you feel like, hey, if I don't compromise a little bit, I'm not even gonna survive. But maybe even more disturbing, and this is kind of the focus of our time, the internal, not just the external, the internal pressure to compromise rather than preserve our integrity is relentless because shame avoidance, failure avoidance is strong. And all of us, none of us wanna look bad publicly. So when it comes to maintaining our integrity, the deck is stacked against us. There is nobody out there to help you. So good luck. God bless.

12:09 It's just a mess, right? Now, actually there's a way forward, but be honest, it's kind of up to you. It's kind of up to me because nobody's gonna help us with this except the people who are closest to us and love us, but they're kind of wrestling with their own issues as well, right? There is a way to begin. And the way to begin, I'm confident, and we'll see this as we move along, is to embrace a big North Star idea, kind of an overarching big North Star idea. It's found in several places in the Bible. The one we're going to look at that I think is most direct is actually found in the Hebrew scriptures. It's found in the book, what's called the book of Proverbs. And you're familiar with what a proverb is. A proverb is basically a pithy saying that points to a specific truth or maybe a piece of advice. You know, like a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. That's a proverb that's not in the Bible, but it is true. And there are several contributors. There were several contributors to what we call the book of Proverbs in the Hebrew scripture, the most famous being King Solomon. So here's the proverb that we're going to use as we continue to navigate this important, important topic. Proverbs 11, three. Integrity, there's our word, obviously. The integrity of the upright guide them. The integrity of the upright Guide them.

13:24 In other words, integrity, for people of integrity, integrity becomes the guide. It becomes the North Star. It becomes the decision-making filter. It highlights the best option and the options that are off base. It informs their decisions. The integrity of the upright will guide them. Now, we're gonna unpack the whole verse, but I just wanna go ahead and launch this uncomfortable question that you may not have an answer to, and that's okay for now, but we all need an answer to this question. And that's this question is what guides you? The integrity of the upright guides them. In other words, it's the person of integrity. The way they make decisions is the reason they're a person of integrity is because their integrity is what guides them. It's the filter through which they decide which options are appropriate, which aren't, what to do, what not to do, how to respond, even if it makes them look bad. But what guides you? What's your North Star?

14:18 I mean, pleasure, profit, looking good, financial security, status. I mean, the list goes on and on and on, right? And I would guess that you hope that integrity guides you. That's what we're gonna talk about. But here's the challenge. Here's the challenge. We don't know. We don't know if integrity guides us until maintaining our integrity costs us. We don't know if integrity actually guides us or it's just kind of a good idea, like, well, of course it does. We don't really know until maintaining our integrity costs us. And we're gonna talk about this, I think, in week four, but let me just throw this out there. This is why, and this sounds like a terrible thing for me to say, this is why I hope all of you, and some of you have been there, done that.

15:12 I would hope for all of us that at some point along the way, our integrity would be so tested. And it's not really a test. It's more of a pop quiz. If it was a test, we could prepare, you know, but it's usually like, there it is in the moment. Do I tell the truth or not? Do I tell the whole thing? Do I, you know. I would hope that somewhere in your life in the near future, that your integrity would be tested and that you would pass that test and that it would cost you and maybe even cost you dearly because in that moment, You will know something about yourself. You can't know any other way. That's when we discover what's really most important to us. And on the flip side, it's why we should be very careful before we judge other people whose shoes we've never walked in. I mean, you've thought this or you've said this.

16:05 I mean, I know I have, I would never do that. Do you say that? I would never do that. You don't know that. you don't know that. And somewhere out there, there's a that that you think sitting here or listening today, you think I would never do that. And then suddenly there's a pop quiz. And if you don't do that, you're gonna lose something. You're gonna miss out on something. They're not gonna call you back or they're not gonna say yes or you're not gonna go to your dream school, whatever it might be. And in that moment, you discover, it's the only way to know. you'll discover if integrity is actually your guide. So one more time, what guides you? Now, there's a fascinating word picture built into this verse. So I wanna point that out, then I'm gonna read the rest of the verse. Here's what it says. The integrity of the upright will guide them. Now, the Hebrew word for upright is a lot like the English word for upright.

17:00 It just means to be upright. Literally, it means to stand up straight, to put your shoulders back and to put your chin up and to look forward. versus, as we'll see the second part of the verse, versus living your life like this. Because when you live your life like this, you are most aware of what and who is right in front of you. Right? When you live your life like this, you are most aware of what is right in front of you. You're most aware of what's right in front of you. And when you're just looking at what's right in front of you, it limits your options and it limits your perspective. When you're living like this, it's immediate versus ultimate. It's now versus later. When you walk in integrity and when integrity becomes our guide, there's a posture. You stand up straight, you live standing up straight and you take the long view. You look up and you look out.

17:53 You take the long look because you realize, the person of integrity realizes, you know what? Later is longer. Later is longer. Now and immediate is now and immediate, but later is longer. And when I look back on this decision and this season of my life, it goes back to the question we ask all the time. What story do I wanna tell? And the person of integrity, they are upright. They are looking way out and they're making decisions based on later, not now. That they weigh their options with their future in mind and the future of the people they love in mind. So again, what's guiding you? And just to dig on this a little bit, if your trigger response when you're under pressure is to lie, if our trigger response when we're under pressure is to make excuses and to blame and to cover and to point at other people and to try to deflect, you know, it's not all my fault.

18:55 If your trigger response and my trigger response is any of those things, those are clues. Those are clues that perhaps integrity is not in fact. In fact, those are clues as to what really and truly guide you. And at this point in the series, I'm not suggesting you make any changes. I just think you should know. I'm just suggesting that we all face up to actually guiding us and then ask this terrible question. If I'm quick to abandon my integrity, if I'm quick to abandon my standards, I said I'll never and I'll always, and then I met him, then I met her and suddenly it was like, yeah, yeah, whatever, okay? If in the past I just had standards, I mean, I wanted to live an upright, long view life and if you are quick under certain circumstances or with certain people to abandon your integrity, then you need to ask, this isn't a religious question, this is just a make you a better person question, what's really driving me?

19:59 You should know the answer to that question. I should know the answer to that question. And discovering the answer to that question may motivate you or embarrass you into doing something about it. And if you're like a lot of people, you may discover, and please don't see me pointing my fingers. We all, I think we all wrestle with this. I know I wrestle with this. You may discover that you're more concerned with looking good than being good. Now, quick question. I promise we're gonna move on because this is terrible, I know. It's like, what about the happy part of heaven? Talk about Jesus, I know, okay.

20:39 What, don't answer this out loud. What do you think about people like this? What do you think about people who just defend and excuse and lie and look around? I mean, what do you think about, you know people like this, you work with people like this. Unfortunately, you might live with somebody like this. What do you think of these people? you're not like oh they're just so great i want to be more like you no it's almost impossible to have an actual relationship with that kind of person so don't be that kind of person discover what's really guiding you face up to it it's terrible it's a necessary step to getting to where not only you need to be but probably you want to be well you know flip side what do you think about these kind of people the people that when they mess up They own up, clean up. I'm not gonna leave you dealing with my irresponsibility. I made an irresponsible decision.

21:33 It left a mess. I'm gonna clean up my own mess. You're not gonna have to worry about it. In fact, I'm gonna report back in to make sure you don't ever have to deal with this again. I'm owning it. Now, this is so important, I gotta move on. Please remember this, especially if you're a parent, grandparent, if you're married, if you're engaged, if you have somebody you just love and they love you back and you're hoping to spend your life together, or if you have a team at work and you just love working with those people, this is so, so, so, so important. The health of your relationships, the health of your relationships and dive into family and even the respect of your children is contingent upon your integrity, not your infallibility. The respect of the people you want, the respect of your kids, your husband, your wife, the people close to you, their respect hinges not on your infallibility. It is okay to make mistakes and it is okay to be wrong.

22:31 It's not okay to cover and to lie about your mistakes. That the health of that relationship, the respect of the people closest to you, it is contingent, not upon the fact that you're perfect and you get it right every time. You're not gonna get it right every time. But your integrity, your integrity being guided by your integrity, that's what sets the standard for the people around you and the people looking up to you. And that's what maintains the relationship. The point is this. Look, your integrity is more important than your fallibility. So own it, own it, own it. And when you find yourself wrestling, you've just discovered something else may be your guide. So here's the second part of the verse. The integrity of the upright will guide them, but the crookedness, here's the contrast, the crookedness, the bent, is what it really literally means. but the crookedness of the treacherous, and this is a really interesting Hebrew word.

23:25 The root of this word means to throw a blanket over something, to cover it so you can't see it, to act deceitfully. The people who lack integrity, it's like, don't look over there, cover that up to operate in the dark. He said, ultimately, the crookedness of the treacherous will destroy them, literally lay waste to a landscape. The crookedness of the treacherous will destroy them. Eventually, it catches up. Eventually, there's a price to pay because they wouldn't straighten up, because they wouldn't take the long look, because it was all about immediate, not ultimate. It was all about now instead of later. They refused to take into account the harm they would do to themselves and the people around them. So they did themselves harm and they did harm to the people around them. Now, I'm not gonna insult your intelligence to say, which kind of person do you wanna be, right?

24:22 I mean, we all wanna get this right for our sake and for the people we love. So here's the verse. The integrity of the upright will guide them, but the crookedness of the treacherous will destroy them. The integrity of the upright will guide them, but the crookedness right here, right now, what's right in front of me, will ultimately destroy them. and as we know, perhaps destroy the people around them as well. So this is where we're gonna leave it today. What guides you? What informs your decisions? Ought to, is it ought to? Or is it want to? Or is it protect you? Or is it maybe a combination of the two? And again, I wanna circle back around as we close. I wanna go back to those of you who are single. And by single, I mean from high school, college, grad school, single, maybe single again on. This is so important. And I'm not trying to be facetious.

25:15 So if you're not married, when you catch yourself thinking or you hear yourself saying, well, once I get married, says all the married people, mm-hmm. Let me just share, this is pretty brilliant insight. I don't know how I come up with this stuff, but. Once you get married, the only thing different about you is you're married.

25:46 See, anybody write that down? Yeah. When you get married, nothing changes about you except you're married. Okay. Just to be specific. Okay. This is not a magic ring, Frodo. Okay. Okay, it doesn't come with any superpowers. Okay, listen, it doesn't make you powerful. It just makes you accountable. Saying I do doesn't mean you can do. It only means that you intend to. And everybody intends to. So here's my point. Integrity, I'm gonna do the right thing even if it costs me. I'm gonna do the noble thing even if people don't understand. I'm gonna do the honorable thing even if nobody even gives me credit for doing the honorable thing because it's the honorable thing to do. Integrity is a muscle.

26:35 And the longer you exercise it, the stronger it gets. You should start now because the folks who exercise their integrity muscle, they're the ones who don't just say, I do. They're generally the ones who are ready to can do because they've been walking up right. They've been opting for ought to over want to, later over now, ultimate over immediate. So wrapping up integrity, it's just the will and it's the courage to do the right thing because it's the right thing. The honorable, the noble thing because it's the honorable and it's the noble thing to do, even when it costs you, especially when it costs you because that's when you know what truly guides you. And we will pick it up right there next time, part three of Your Integrity, Our World, where we're gonna talk about the primary obstacles to integrity and what to do about them.

27:38 This is so important. We're gonna talk about the primary obstacles to integrity and what you can do about them beginning immediately. So don't miss part three. Well, thanks so much for listening to the Your Move podcast and be sure to check out our website where you'll find your next step, including resources like our free conversation starters based on today's episode. You can access those by simply clicking on the link in our show notes. Also, if you enjoyed today's episode, take a minute to subscribe, rate, and review this podcast. Join us next time and we will continue to explore how to make better decisions and live with.