Can I Have a Hug?

0:00 Brace yourself and buckle up. You are about to hear a life-changing, history-making, world-defining message from the New Birth Podcast. Tell everybody you know, things will never be the same. Come on, clap those hands. Come on, clap those hands.

0:27 Lift that hand for just one moment. The presence of God is in this room. Come on, just open up your mouth and just begin to bless him. Speak well of him. come on cry out on down gone We give. Glories we worship You are Lord You are worthy to be great Come on one more time everybody We worship you That's what we came to do you are worthy to be with no music let me just hear you we give Hallelujah.

2:03 Hallelujah. Glory. Give us a praise and we worship you alone. You are worthy to be praised. Clap your hands if you love him. Come on, I said, if you love him, clap your hands. Amen.

2:39 Bless the Lord. Would you open up your Bible apps and join me in the Old Testament book of Judges. Judges chapter 16 Vaughn good to see you Beanie good to see you Judges chapter 16 verse number 4 Judges 16 verse number 4. Thank you so much. Amen.

3:23 Let's read together with uplifted voices. Sometime later. Let's read it again with a little bit more Vim Viggin Vitality. Come on everybody. Sometime later. Sometime later he fell in love with a woman whose name was Delilah. You may be seated. Amen.

4:08 I'm going to preach on this men's Sunday. I'm going to preach using as a subject, Can I Have a Hug? Yeah. It's in Avaha. By the day I was in a restaurant by myself, ear hustling. to the table next to me. I overheard a woman confiding in her friend that she and her husband had a deeply intimate night the night before. I stopped everything. Put my phone down, put the fork down.

5:00 I leaned in. I naturally assumed that she was talking about sex, which would explain the Colgate smile on her face. But hidden in my presumption was that being intimate and being sexual were the same thing. I intermingled the two when in fact it is possible to have sex without intimacy and intimacy without sex as evidenced by jump offs, only fans, porn, and one night stands.

5:58 Intimacy seeks to be known and to be understood, to see and to be seen, to share and to disclose. women generally do it face to face whereas men do it side by side men will share with who they work with who they pledged with who they served in the military with who they in the barber chair with but it is more difficult for us to do it face to face. It is interesting that in the physiological, biological wiring of humans, God created humans are the only ones who have sex face to face.

7:10 Something is to be said to people who claim to love you but cannot make love to you facing you. A lot of women would rather intimacy more than sexuality, but a lot of men prefer sexuality over intimacy. Because intimacy requires vulnerability, where sexuality requires availability. sexuality wants your body but intimacy requires your heart A lot of saints' souls are in jeopardy because they gave Jesus their heart, but they give random people their body. Samson had the strongest body recorded in scripture, but the weakest discipline in world record.

8:31 His problem was not that he couldn't defeat men. The problem was he didn't know how to deal with his inner man. too many of us are strong publicly but anemic privately what do you do when your biggest enemy is your inner me you make money, you started a business, you can command a room, you're the life of the party, you have degrees, you make babies, you have a roster, but you can't manage your heart. A strong body can't compensate for an unhealed heart.

9:32 if we had half as many men in therapy as we have in the gym, the world would be a different place. We have reduced strength to physicality with no requirements of strength to our mentality. The enemy no longer has to attack what you carry. The enemy now only has to figure out what you crave. because if he can figure out what you crave you will end up fumbling what you carry If the enemy can manipulate your appetite, he can short circuit your assignment. Samson knew his assignment, but had no emotional intelligence.

10:41 The imbalance is glaring. What happens when you are anointed and angry? How do you juggle being successful and insecure? People are amazed that you are powerful and petty. It is mind-blowing how you are that gifted and that gullible.

11:18 I want you to look at exhibit A today. It's a gentleman by the name of Samson. And I want to stalk and trace the footsteps of his life to see where it is, brothers, that maybe we have crossed his path. in judges 14 the bible says that he sees a woman and wants her now what is amazing is that samson is the embodiment of jeremiah because he was anointed and called while he's in his mother's womb before he's ever born the spirit of god through an angel tells his parents what's on his life and what he carries. And in Judges chapter 14, the Bible says that Samson went down to Timnah.

12:16 He went down to Timnah to go find a woman and he is anointed. And he has purpose. And he is called. And his parents are saved. but he does not want a woman who lives on his level. The Bible says he goes down to Timnah. How many of us who are anointed, gifted, intelligent, and called willfully connect with people we know are not on our level? you don't even understand going down is going to bring you down. They can't carry a conversation. They can't conjugate verbs. They don't know where a subject and a predicate agree. They have no vision about a future.

13:12 And yet you are going around on a carousel with somebody who can't take you nowhere. but you knew it because you connected with somebody who was beneath you when you started you look absolutely crazy being hurt by somebody you should have never been with in the first place you have lost your mind knowing they should have never had your number they driving your car living up in your house have to live on your allowance as a grown person and yet here you are trying to coax yourself off of the deep edge with somebody who never was verified by God. You have never seen pray. You've never seen worship, never been on a fast. Don't read the word of God and you don't even realize the enemy has assigned them to take you down. Judges chapter 14, he goes down to Timnah and says he sees her.

14:17 Turn the page. I'm now in Judges 15. In Judges 15, Samson now finds a prostitute and sleeps with her. You have to understand, prostitutes no longer stand on corners. prostitutes are not just found in dark allies whoever you are involved with that will cost you a piece of your anointing and your sanity whoever is going to cost you your relationship with God whoever is going to cost you the progress you have made before you got to that point is pimping you because they realize it that you don't even understand how valuable you are people have no idea when it is that you got to this point folk are jealous of your material stuff but they don't know what it costs you to be at this place in god how you jealous of me but you don't want to deal with my attacks you don't want to deal with my enemies you don't want to deal with my betrayal you don't want to deal with my abandonment you want my favor but you don't want my warfare it cost me too much to give you all of that Joseph goes into his master's house, Joseph does, and Potiphar's wife shows up and says, I want to sleep with you.

15:51 And Joseph says, why would I do that when the master has given me access to everything in the house but you? Can you imagine that maybe who you are with is jeopardizing your favor with God? maybe who it is that you have reduced your standards for is what is holding you back can you imagine God already got the house for you but won't give it to you because he don't want them to move in maybe God won't give you that opportunity because he don't want them to take advantage of it when it is that they weren't with you when you were trying to get it out the mud the real sense of who God has for your life is who will pray with you when you got nothing who will stand with you when you got your back up against the wall you telling me with all of that anointing all of that favor your only standard is a shrimp dinner and a louis bag and red bottom shoes you better find somebody who can get in the trenches and fight with you and make up in your mind i'm not gonna let the devil interrupt what god has over your life in Judges chapter 14 he goes down and gets a woman that is less than him in Judges chapter 15 he pays the price being with somebody he should have never been with turn the page I'm in now chapter 16 in chapter 16 the Bible says look what the Bible says in Judges chapter 16, verse number four, sometime later, he fell in love with a woman named Delilah.

17:46 Now, all this time, we have been dealing with Delilah, but we never talked about chapter 14 and chapter 15. He says that he's fallen in love, but we hear no attributes, no characteristics, and no virtue. The question we gotta ask is how you know you in love when all of your previous experience is a prostitute and somebody who's a lowlife. Please do not take it on face value when a Negro tells you they love you. If they ain't never been with nobody at your level, they don't know what real love is and they won't know how to safeguard it, they won't know how to protect it, and they will not know how to invest it. every chapter of samson's life every chapter of samson's life he got a different woman every chapter of his life he's got a different encounter we have no record of samson having a healthy relationship what your sunday school teacher never told you what your vacation bible school instructor never told you is that nobody ever preaches on the fact that Samson was engaged before. Samson was engaged to be married and then slept with one of his groomsmen. Nobody deals with the broken hearts of men who have in fact been thrown under the bus, who have been left in a corner, who have been trying to figure out how to pull themselves together, and a lot of men still subscribe to the caveman mentality in order to get over somebody I gotta get under somebody and so they try to sleep their way into healing they try to sex their way into wholeness and they're still broken and fractured because now they just look at women's bodies the same as matchbook cars it is just something to play with but nothing to invest in y'all done got quiet on

19:53 me today, I'm going to keep on trucking until I get to your stop. You got to be careful because sexuality is attraction and expression. Sexuality is attraction and expression, but intimacy is trust and responsibility. Pastor, say that again. Sexuality is attraction and expression, but intimacy is trust and responsibility. Genesis 2 and 25, Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed. Ladies and gentlemen, you got to get to a place. Can I come to you free to tell you who I really am? I am not really intimate with you until I can tell you the stuff that brings me shame and brings me embarrassment.

20:46 Y'all ain't saying nothing. You got to be able to talk to them. This is why I don't deal with my family. This is why I've had a hard time growing up. This is why I've had trust issues. And be careful when you start sharing your stuff and they don't say nothing, you better back that thing up and make sure that the intimacy is on the same level. I need some real people in here. I need to know, do you really see me? Do you really understand where I am? When I tell you don't yell at me, it's because you don't know the trauma I carry, that all abuse is not a closed fist. Sometimes it's an open mouth. Y'all ain't saying nothing. You got to understand why it is I got so many questions. It's because I never had trust.

21:39 I never had accountability and responsibility. So it is not about suspicion towards you. It is about the healing, the brokenness that is inside of me. But if you are intimidated by my questions, I am not your answer. Because you got to understand that I am somebody who's got to know something. I ain't going to go along to get along. If you want a silly woman, go back to your ex. But if you need somebody that'll stand ten toes down, you have found the right person. Beware. Beware.

22:31 Beware when the same kind of pain. Listen to me. Beware when the same kind of pain appears with different names. Examine the pattern. Isn't it amazing that Samson could recognize armies, but not illegal attachments. You keep going through the same cycle, same heartbreak, same cheating pattern. Everything good the first two months. Y'all better be careful. I'm trying to help y'all before the holidays come. them folks start disappearing. Just blink at me twice. I know you can't say amen. Judges chapter 16. Judges chapter 16, verse 17.

23:30 Watch what it says. Judges 16, verse 17. Samson told her his heart. I'm there. Samson told her his heart. Ladies and gentlemen, that's intimacy. He opened up to somebody. Here was Samson's mistake. He opened up to somebody that was unsafe. Satan will try to come after your intimacy. The problem was not opening up. The problem was opening up to somebody you can't trust. The takeaway that you have done wrong, the takeaway is not to close off everybody, but to be discerning.

24:30 Everybody attracted to your strength is not committed to protecting your weakness. Chemistry is not character. Try the spirit by the spirit. And y'all have been playing Delilah wrong. Y'all been giving Delilah a bad rap. You have been admonishing Delilah the wrong way. Pastor, why would you say that? Because Delilah is better than some of you. because what I wanted you to pay attention to is Delilah never slept with them.

25:14 Some of y'all are sleeping with Negroes and still don't have answers. Still don't know what is the source of their strength. Still don't know how it is that you're going to make it. At least she safeguarded herself. You ain't even got no standard for your sexuality. where are you raising up the level of your integrity? She never slept with him.

25:45 And what is dangerous, I'm going out on a limb, what's dangerous about Delilah is I think Delilah was a backslider. I think Delilah knew the word. Pastor, why would you say that? I'll say that because you'll notice when Samson put his head on her lap is that Delilah never cut his hair.

26:13 Delilah didn't cut his hair. She called somebody else in to do it. Because somewhere she must have heard, touch not my anointing. You got to be careful of people you in a relationship with who will allow other people to disrespect you. Come on, y'all ain't saying nothing to me. If we together, I don't care if it's your mama, your brother, your best friend, don't you let them disrespect me. In my presence, it is disheartening of who I am. Got a flag on the field. I got a flag on the field. And the flag on the field that I got, ladies and gentlemen, is I cannot find Samson with any friends.

27:13 he had no outlets but his temptation he got no circle got no tribe um bishop jakes said something years ago that messed me up he says uh men while your wife should be your best friend she shouldn't be your only friend You who are the people in your circle that can hold you accountable, who can, in fact, open up your eyes where you are willfully blind, who will throw out a caution sign when you are headed to self-destruction. You got to make sure that your friends are not your co-conspirators who are just helping you get away with the crime. Y'all ain't saying nothing.

28:06 but that will hold you up as a man of honor and integrity. Something ought to be said when the Bible says, if two or three are gathered together in my name, there I shall be also. Make sure you got some friends in your life. Why? Because isolation makes wounds louder. the best thing the enemy can do is make you go off by yourself.

28:40 Brotherhood makes healing possible. Here you are frustrated by yourself, going through depression by yourself, sitting in the car, sitting in the cigar lounge, sitting in the bar by yourself, inside, because you are imploding. And the enemy sees you as a prime candidate for Delilah. Because you don't even know how to manage your loneliness. There is power in agreement to know that somebody else wants to see you whole. Somebody else wants to see you healthy. Somebody else wants to see you happy. Somebody else wants to see you not live through the same mistake. Aren't you tired of watching reruns? It ought to be time for a new season.

29:36 Whoever you sitting beside, I need you to look at them and tell them you deserve better. Y'all see how quiet it got right through here? They don't really want to see you healthy. They don't want to see you balanced. They don't want to see you happy. You deserve better. The mistake you made last time is not one you are going to repeat this time. I'm getting ready to kill a spirit in this room. I dare you not for yourself, but hear this. You getting ready to give God glory. Why, Pastor? Because I don't want the people on my road to live through the relationship trauma I had to live through. I want them to be in a healthier and a stronger place where you give God glory for them like you believe God is able to do it. A unhealed man, a unhealed man will use sex as medication.

30:44 Sex is anesthesia. Antibiotic. Attention is medication. Because I'm affirmed nowhere else. It's only in the bedroom. I demand you say my name. conquest is validation because I've not kicked off any other goals sex is an use as an escape from what I don't want to feel so I'll sleep with you but I can't stay I'll sleep with you but I don't have time to talk I'll sleep with you but I don't want to deal with the issues so I medicate myself because I feel alone because I feel abandoned because I feel rejected because I feel like a failure and I'm trying to numb the pain through any kind of physical interaction that does not require my brain Brian!

31:53 you gotta look for unhealed men in church who because the spirit of perversion and brokenness has taken them hostage their pickup line is can I have a hug I might as well drop the mic right here. Everything in your spirit doesn't make you feel comfortable. It doesn't make you feel safe. It don't feel holy. What's wrong? Can I have a hug? Why are you so mean? Why are you so standoffish? Why won't you smile? Can I have a hug? that perverted spirit in the church looking for some point of contact and then you hide it behind spirituality saying I didn't mean nothing by it.

32:59 Now I'm trying to figure out why you only hug all the single women. You don't hug none of the brothers. You don't hug none of the mothers in the church. Why won't you hug yourself? No, you can't have a hug till we can have a conversation. Samson, Samson brings us a quandary. Because all the judges, we know that the enemy was after his strength. Delilah kept asking what makes you so strong she kept asking him kept asking him kept asking him kept asking him and he he stayed with her even though he knew she wasn't for her he stayed with her knowing they had nothing in common stayed with her knowing she was setting them up stayed with them knowing they were not spiritually equal ladies and gentlemen the story should end when Samson's hair is cut but it is not it is not the end of the story what is amazing after they cut his hair he has no strength i need you to see something then they gouge his eyes out if the aim was his strength cutting out his eyes was unnecessary the enemy is not scared of a weak man the enemy is scared of a man who has no vision when you can't see nothing for yourself that's when the enemy wins i wish there was some folk in the room that would be honest to say i had some weak moments but what got me out of the bed

35:10 is i had a vision for my life i i knew that this wasn't all that god had for me that's why i'm not drunk under a bridge right now i still got a vision With all of your trauma, with all of your brokenness, with all of the abuse, with all of your letdown, with all of your failure, how do you keep going? Pastor, it ain't that I'm so strong. It's because I got a vision. The enemy can't defeat me because I see something greater coming down for me. I wish there was a hundred of y'all in this room there to keep it a hundred I thank God for my vision don't judge me for where I am because this is not my last stop something good is getting ready to happen And I give God glory for what I haven't seen.

36:11 He is so broken. Samson is hair cut off. Eyes gouged out. So broken that they now bring this black man in the stadium. Fill the stadium. And say to Samson what they've been saying to black men. Entertain us. we love to see black men with no vision and no sexual discipline entertain us I keep waiting for you to tap dance.

37:00 Waiting for you to scratch when nothing is itching. Laugh when nothing is funny. Entertain us. Be frustrated about your life, but don't go vote. Entertain us. Talking about you don't feel like settling down. You want to see what else is out there. Entertain us. I don't want no black woman. I want a white woman because she's only going to take care of me. Entertain us. find your best boxers your best athletes and your best sports commentators put them on television and make them say how great Trump is entertain us black man we need Stephen Smith we need Floyd Mayweather we need Mike Tyson entertain us you can desire intimacy and still require safety you still gotta guard what God has given and I need you to see how profound and pervasive Samson's brokenness was scary it's scary they bring him out into the stadium and ask him what is your last request he um he doesn't ask for a last supper he doesn't ask for one phone call he never asked for a retrial he said put my hand on the pillow.

39:07 Because the only thing I want when I'm numb on the inside, the only thing I want is to feel something. It doesn't matter that it can't touch me back. It doesn't matter that there's no life force in it. I just want to feel something before I die. Do you know how many men sitting around you are dying because they can't feel nothing? Do you know how many men are in prison, in jail, strung out in addiction because they lost their ability to feel something? And all they had was pillars. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for indulging me today. but I didn't want to close without giving you good news.

40:04 And the good news was that his hair began to grow back. Listen to me. Dario, as softly as you can, I'm in Judges 16 and 22. Watch this. His hair begins to grow back. A cosmetologist on your road will tell you that if you cut hair off, it's going to come back stronger.

40:32 Hallelujah. I came to prophesy to some man in this room, your discernment is coming back. Your boundaries are being rebuilt. Your vision is being restored. I need every man in this room to lift up that hand. I want to say something to you.

40:56 Hallelujah. Every man in this room, I got to say something to you. I need that hand lifted. I'm not talking to the woman next to you. I'm talking to you. For every man whose hands are lifted, I hope you can handle it. God said, when you give me glory, I'm not promising you cars.

41:22 Not promising you fame. I'm not promising you NFL contracts. 50 men, you ought to be giving me a high five in the spirit when I give it to you. God gave this to me in prayer. God says today what I am restoring, I am restoring you from your worst relationship decisions. the relationship decision that almost killed your destiny.

41:55 God said you get ready to get it back. Here's what's amazing. Nobody ever deals with that. There are women who are Samson. Women, I need you to lift up your hand because your strength is coming back. my time is almost finished but I feel like I I'm compelled to make this announcement God says this is your season of restoration that after the worship that happens today, you are going to finally be healed from the worst relationship you live through. God, I can't hear nobody. It is the trauma of that relationship that has stopped you from walking in the health of God's plan.

42:53 That hand is lifted. I'm telling you, men, women alike, is growing back. Your strength is growing back. Your resilience is growing back. Your capacity to be vulnerable is finally returning. You are finally about to be put in a safe space.

43:16 God said that's why you're here on today. You didn't need to shout. You didn't need to scream. You didn't need to holler. you needed to be healed I read something men those hands are lifted women those hands are lifted I'm going to give you instructions in 90 seconds I want to say this to you, listen to me. There's more of a chance, there's more of a chance of a man being sexually violated than a man being falsely accused of rape. I just lost you. There's more of a chance of a man being sexually violated than a chance of a man being falsely accused of rape. You have no idea how many men are wrestling with their manhood,

44:13 wrestling with their identity because of what happened to them. The overcompensation because you actually thought you were safe. You have no idea how many women in this room had to carry a weak Samson. No wonder your body hurts. You were never designed to have to carry a grown man. no wonder you can't sleep how are you going to sleep next to somebody who has no dream no wonder you're unfulfilled when you got to do all of the pouring but nobody is pouring into you God said healing is getting ready to happen because you will not die like Samson.

45:18 God says in this room today, your vision is coming back and so is your strength. Your vision is coming back and so is your strength. Your vision is coming back and so is your strength. Those of you who are in this room, My assignment is almost finished. Those of you who are in this room, and you have been managing life with a broken heart. You've been managing life, but you know you ain't whole and you are not completely healthy. I want you to meet me at this altar as quickly as you can, whether you're male, whether you're female, whether you're 17 or whether you're 72.

46:07 Pastor, I didn't realize it. It impacted me that much. I didn't realize that I was in the throes of despair that deep. Are you still in love with somebody who is remarried? how are you holding on to somebody who has moved on Out of the world, you still got that picture as your screensaver. I need you to meet me at this altar, please.

46:49 Sometimes your heart is broken. It's not somebody who you dated. It's somebody who you were raised with. Would you pull in as close as you can? Healing is getting ready to happen in this room. Hallelujah. you've been sleeping with people not because you were tempted, but just to know I'm still desirable. I still got it.

47:17 You done thrown the whole thing away just because you wanted to feel affirmed, wanted to feel attractive. But God says, I'm giving you your strength and I'm giving you your vision back. What is getting better to happen in this room? I need you to look at me for just one moment. What's getting better to happen in this room is going to alter the trajectory of your life. You're never going to be the same after this. I'm not going to lay hands today. I'm not asking my armor bears to bring me any vials of oil, but healing is getting better to happen. hallelujah just in strings please sir i beseech you by the love of christ jesus just in strings thank you so very much listen to me those of you who at this altar you're contending you're living you're managing you're functioning with a broken heart would you just wave that hand at me please you're at this altar hallelujah watch what's getting ready to happened. Betty Crocker said, for the best results, follow instructions. For the best results, follow instructions. You're vulnerable enough to admit, Pastor, I got a broken heart. I'm not completely healed. I'm not completely whole. There are areas of my life I need my strength to come back. I need my vision to come back. And the good news is you are in safe space because you're surrounded by other people that's dealing with the same issue. Watch what's getting ready to happen.

48:57 watch what's getting ready to happen. You're going to ask somebody who's standing around you one critical question. Listen to me. Somebody who's standing next to you at this altar, you're going to ask them one critical question. Here it is. Can I have a hug? Listen to me. I'm getting, not yet. Not yet. Don't do it yet. That's why you got in trouble before. You're moving too fast. Stay right here. Listen to me. You're going to ask them, can I have a hug? Here are my only rules of engagement. Don't let them go till they let you go. You can get everything you need at this altar so you don't have to go look for Delilah to fulfill it. God is assigning somebody to do it for you.

49:52 Come on, move, talk to somebody. Can I have a hug? Do you feel comfortable with that? come on embrace them hold on to them in strings let me hear you Dario please I'm begging you come on open up your mouth you're healed from it you're healed from the divorce you're healed from the breakup you're healed from being cheated on you're healed from being used you're healed from being ghastly you're healed from being manipulated You're healed from them messing up your credit. You're healed from them stealing out of your house. You're healed from them talking to your best friend. You're healed from it.

50:46 you're healed from it you're healed from it to heal the soul Newberg do me a favor would you clap your hands for them as they make their way I need you to cheer for them like they just got a heart transplant.

51:19 Come on, cheer for them. Cheer for them. I'm coming. Lord!

51:54 Chains in the healing Chains in the healing I hope you are energized that you don't need an energy drink. What you just heard should have you off and running, chasing your dreams, pursuing your purpose and answering your call. If this was a blessing, share it with somebody else. Don't be selfish. This is what God gave you so that you can be a blessing to somebody who needs it worse.