Staying Humble in Front of a Crowd

0:00 That's kind of cool. I didn't know you were going to do that, Sean, because I was feeling convicted this week about two things. One, I've had this wrestle in my heart. I think I shared with it last time we were together. Just as we were reading through the book of Isaiah and what God says about pride and how he's going to dwell with the person who's lowly and contrite in spirit and how badly I just want his presence with me. And it says that, you know, we talked about that verse, how he dwells in this high and holy place, but also with the person who's of this lowly and contrite spirit. And I'm just going, God, I want you to dwell with me. Like, I want your presence with me more than anything. But those verses were messing me up because it's saying that the proud person, like God's going to dwell with the humble person.

0:57 and I was just telling God, God, I don't even want to be proud for a second. Like, I want all pride out, away from me. I just always want to be humbled in your presence, understanding that you're the one that's keeping me alive and breathing right now. Even if people accuse me of things, I don't want to get defensive and defend me. What's there to defend? I'm a loser. You know, the only name I want to defend is the name of Jesus. I just want to lift him up. And I realize a lot of times when I would speak, like I may start off like recognizing the glory of God, but then pride would slip in. Why are you nodding, Kiana? You notice it? You notice in my life? You see it? Yeah, you see it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. See, thank you. Thank you for that rebuke. But it's like I notice I would start that way, and then sometimes when a video camera's on and we tried to film some things.

1:53 I just could see it. Like, I don't know what it was. Like, I couldn't stay humble even through like a five-minute recording. And so there were a few times we started recording. I'm like, no, forget it, forget it, forget it. Just can it. Because I don't want to be arrogant. And I've seen myself, and sometimes I'll see a message I give, and I'm like, gosh, I'm so arrogant, right? I don't want any arrogance in my life. And it's really hard for me to be in front of a crowd or in front of a camera for 30 minutes straight and stay humble. I'm just telling you that. You start thinking, what do people think of me? And you forget about, what is he thinking of me right now? Am I lifting up his name? Like there's this human nature that keeps drawing attention back to yourself somehow and defending yourself and wanting to look good. I'm just saying, God, I don't want to be separated from you for one second.

2:54 And if that means I don't speak, I don't speak. But I want your presence. And Sean was just asking about how have you seen God's faithfulness? How has he answered your prayers? And man, just last week, last weekend, I was praying this prayer. I was reading this article. And one of the prayer points, he says, is he goes, pray that heaven and hell would be so real to you that you could feel it and taste it. And I thought, man, I don't know that I've ever prayed that. I'm going, God, I want that. I don't even know what that means. But Lord, I don't want to just focus on this, like this is real and the invisible world isn't. You know, what the Bible says is to stare at the things that are unseen because the things that are seen are temporary. And the things that are unseen are the things that are eternal. And my God, I want to, I just want to taste heaven, hell, that it's real to me. So I'm not just living day to day for today and whatever I feel. And that night, man I had this dream this has only happened twice in my life okay I had this dream that was so real I I was in this house I'm not it just is what it is this is what I just in this house and suddenly there was like this dark presence and things began to levitate and I just remember being terrified. Like in my dream, just being terrified. I don't know if you've ever just woke up from a dream just so scared. I woke up and I was literally still shaking. And that feeling didn't go away.

4:43 It was this sense of like darkness apart from God. Like I'm in this room with all of this evil and I hate it. Like I don't know what to do with it and everything else. And I remember waking up, You know, it's the middle of the night. I'm shaking. I'm scared. I'm literally scared because it's like everything continued on. Like, even though I was awake, you know, and I had to go to the bathroom and I seriously didn't want to go to the bathroom in the dark. Like, man, I mean, I'm a tough guy. You guys can see that. So it's like this was where I'm just kidding. This was just but I'm not like this. This is not normal. And I almost woke up my wife. I mean, it was that terrifying to me. And I finally just darted to the bathroom, turned on the light. And I was like, oh, the light.

5:35 And I just started praying, going, God, what was that all about? And I forgot how I had prayed. Just to taste hell. Like separated from God and just being in the presence of evil. And how horrifying that was. And I was just thanking God, go thank God that you are with me and that that was just a dream. And the reality is I have nothing to fear, but I don't want a second apart from you. I don't want one second apart from you. And that's why even now it's like, God, I don't want to even say anything in arrogance. I'm just realizing like, God, it's only by your grace that I know you. And I can't imagine what it would be like to be separated from him for even a second. And so some of those of you that are here that maybe you're going, man, like I live life separated from God. Like you don't have intimacy with him.

6:35 Like you don't sense like, oh my gosh, the God of heaven is watching me as we're singing that song. He loves us. Oh, how he loves us. I'm just going, God, that's the only good thing in my life is the fact that you love me. You know, that's it. That's it. That's the only thing good. And apart from you, I would be this terrified. I'm no match for Satan in the flesh. I'm no match for the darkness in the world. So apart from you, I have nothing.

7:06 And so having said that, as I'm reading the scriptures, I go, God, I just don't want to be apart from you. and I don't know that I can speak for 30 minutes without being into Francis somehow. I don't want that. I just want you.

7:29 And then I was thinking about our churches, you know, and how a lot of this is because the way we do church, normally we meet in homes, because the idea is not just Sunday morning. The idea is, now let's be family 24-7. That's what I see in Scripture. And I also saw in 1 Corinthians 12 how everyone who is a believer in Jesus Christ has a gift. Like, not just a gift, like, oh, I'm good at passing out punch. But like a gift, like a miraculous, like a manifestation of the Holy Spirit for the common good, the Bible says. And it's not just people who've gone to Bible college or seminary or whatever. Like everyone, the Bible says, is given like a supernatural gift for the body. And the Bible commands us, he says, eagerly desire the spiritual gifts.

8:28 So what everyone's supposed to do, and I don't know if you did this this week, but that you eagerly pursue the spiritual gifts. It says in 1 Corinthians 14, 1, it says, pursue love and eagerly desire, earnestly desire the spiritual gifts. Pursue love and earnestly desire the spiritual gifts. That means you should pursue love. That means whatever group you're with, it's like, man, I love them so much, God, that please give me some sort of gift. Like the Bible promises, I want it, I want it, I want it. Give me this gift so that I can build them up. So when you gather in a home on Sunday morning, hopefully during the week, you're praying for the people in that house gathering and saying, God, I love them so much and I've got to have the gift from you.

9:27 Like a manifestation of your Holy Spirit. I don't want it to be Francis that just tries to think of something clever to say to them. I want this badly. Someone was mentioning David and Goliath in the back and Daniel and the lion's and what you read about. I mean, there's supernatural, miraculous things that that God's saying, seek that today. Earnestly desire in faith. Go, God, I love these people and I want you. I need you because I have nothing to offer them. But through your spirit, you can actually. He wants us to believe like Daniel did. He wants us to believe like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego and go, no, you can throw me in the fire. It doesn't matter. God will do whatever. That type of faith saying now, you know what, God? You can give me a gift and you tell me to earnestly desire it. And I want to be a blessing to these people. I don't want to be a taker. We don't want to be a bunch of people that go around going, oh, the church doesn't do enough for me. The church doesn't do this for me. The church doesn't show me enough. No, what about you?

10:30 Like, were you spending the week on your facing? I love the church and I want you to manifest through me so that I'm a blessing to these people. The idea of gathering back then was for the whole body to use their gifts for one another. And I was thinking, you know, in 1 Corinthians 14, verse 26, What then, brothers, when you come together, each one has a hymn, a lesson, a revelation, a tongue, an interpretation. Let all things be done for building up. Okay? He says, when you gather together, man, each one, you've been given something. That's why I don't want to be one talking head with, you know, a ton of people around because I'm going, there's some power right here. There's power.

11:29 That's why we don't gather like this every week. We gather in the homes because we want to release all these powers, all this gift, because we really believe the word of God. That you've been given something for the body and we're supposed to operate like a body. The Bible says just like we have many different parts of our body and everyone has a function, you know, like you're a part. And to really believe that. And so even this morning, I told the elders, I go, you know what, why don't you guys each come with something? Just so we can be an example, like just pray and come with something, you know, or if your wives have something, you know, have them share something. Maybe it's just a passage of scripture that Lord put on your heart. Maybe it's a word of prophecy. Maybe there's something God's called you to do. Maybe there is a song.

12:20 Man, so I don't know who wants to start. Like, I've asked the elders.