The Strength of Silence

1:13 But then one of my derms recommended something different, and things started to change. Stay tuned to hear more of my story during the break. Thanks so much for listening to the podcast today.

1:33 Know that God's for you. He's got you in the palm of his hand and I hope you enjoy the message today. Well, God bless you. It's great to be with you today and I hope you'll stay connected with us during the week through our daily podcast, our YouTube channel, social media, and you can come visit us in person. We'd love to have you be a part of one of our services. But I like to start with something funny and I heard about this husband and wife They'd be in arguing a long time about who should make the coffee in the morning The husband thought it was the wife's job, but she didn't agree After several heated debates. She finally told him I can prove to you from the bible That is the man's job to make the coffee He said, what are you talking about nothing in the bible about the man making the coffee? She said sure there is she opened the bible and turned to the book of hebrews all right y'all say it like you mean it this is my bible I am what it says I am I have what it says I have I can do what it says I can do today I will be taught the word of God I boldly confess my mind is alert my heart is receptive I will never be the same in Jesus name God bless you I want to talk to you today about the strength of silence We live in a day where everyone has something to say We're quick to give our opinion and quick to respond and quick to let people know what we think They say something we don't like well. We need to straighten them out Coworker offends us. We're gonna let them have it family member says something rude. Well two can play at that game We let them know how we feel but just because you have something to say doesn't mean you're supposed to say it.

3:18 Every offense doesn't deserve your response. Every disagreement doesn't need your opinion. Every person that misunderstands you doesn't have to be convinced to change. There are battles you will never win with more words. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is say nothing at all. It takes strength to stay quiet when you could prove that you're right. You have the perfect thing to say, but no matter how convincing you are, the other person is not going to receive it. The more you talk, the more frustrated you get. You're trying to put out the fire, but in fact, it's like pouring gasoline on the fire. And Solomon said in Ecclesiastes, there's a time to speak and there's a time to be silent. I'm not saying to never speak up, never confront, deal with conflict, but maturity is knowing what time you're in. Is this a time to speak to be bold to let your voice be heard?

4:19 Or is this a time to be silent to walk away and let things cool down? One of the best ways to protect your peace protect relationships is to learn the strength of silence You may have every right to say something The question is does it need to be said? Is it going to be helpful? move things forward or is it just gonna make you feel good feed your ego you got to have the last word when someone makes a disrespectful comment you don't have to answer they post something you disagree with you don't have to correct them you're not called to straighten everyone out the holy spirit is the one that convicts people sometimes we're playing holy spirit junior Let me convict you. Let me get you fixed. That's not your assignment Focus on keeping yourself fixed Maybe your spouse is frustrated and they say something sharp. You don't have to say something back Those thoughts will come quickly. They'll give you a dozen zingers. You'll think that's good. That's really good That's a bomb. Which one am I gonna say?

5:29 How about being the bigger person and saying nothing? Proverbs says if you'll keep your mouth shut you will stay out of trouble Ushers lock the doors. How much trouble? How much trouble do we bring on ourselves because of our mouth? We have to have the last word We're always expressing our opinion defending proving showing them they're wrong This can save a lot of heartache zip it up Put your ego down Here's the key. Let go of the need to always be right This is what stops many people. They have the facts They can prove and defend But if on the way to being right Things get so heated. There's so much arguing and hurtful words Now you've won but this damage is done Being right is overrated. You can be right and be sleeping on the couch You can be right and not have your job because you were offensive in how you said it I've learned having peace is more important than being right The scripture says it this way avoiding a fight is a mark of honor It doesn't say winning a fight is the honor. It's easy to get into conflict stir things up But it can be hard to bite our tongue. It's hard not to express everything we're thinking give them a piece of my mind tell them what I think if you keep giving pieces away you will lose your peace of mind how many relationships would be saved how much healthier would our marriages be if we learn the strength of silence that we don't have to defend debate argue Joel I've got the facts I'm right being right doesn't mean you have permission to say everything you want. It may not be the right time. You can say the right thing at the wrong time and it blows up. The person wasn't ready. Things too tense. Well, if I don't speak up, I'm going to look weak.

7:32 It's just the opposite. Silence is not weakness. Silence is strength under control. Anyone can react. Anyone can blow off steam, say whatever they think. That's easy. It takes a strong person to have something to say and to choose not to say it. Psalm 39, David had people coming against him, slandering him, trying to ruin his reputation. Under all this pressure, he said in verse 1, I will keep my tongue from sin. I will put a muzzle on my mouth while in the presence of the ungodly. He was saying, when I'm in difficulties, people doing me wrong, I'm tempted to get upset, I'm gonna be careful what I say He had people lying about him. He was misunderstood hurting But his first concern wasn't what other people were saying. It was what he was saying He said when I get under pressure I feel like telling people off speaking my mind. I'm gonna put a muzzle on my mouth That's dramatic. That's someone that's determined to stay quiet You know what a muzzle is We were at the veterinarian clinic the other day and these big dogs came in First thing the receptionist said was put a muzzle on him Make sure he can't open his mouth. What if we had this attitude like david?

8:55 Someone says something rude at work and everything in us wants to respond We have some good thoughts coming that would prove defend pay them back But we put our muzzle on we don't get drawn into that conflict We're not going to sink down to that level and speak poison with our mouth In your home with your children your spouse You can't live with people without there being times of conflict and misunderstanding Don't let that get blown out of proportion Anyone can argue but the bigger person puts the muzzle on The bigger one says i'm gonna bite my tongue. I'm gonna walk away for the sake of peace That's not weak. That's a strong person. That's godly restraint Well, joel if i'm always the bigger person i'm never defending myself setting people straight then i'm gonna get pushed down I'm gonna continue to have these challenges. No when you leave it up to god. He'll be your defender He'll fight your battles. He'll prove to people who you are. The scripture says he will silence the lying lips He will bless you in front of your enemies not only that in your family relationships when you're the peacemaker when you swallow your pride and keep your mouth closed even though you know you're right you are honoring God he sees that he'll deal with the other people he knows how to get their attention one thing my father always taught me is you never go wrong by taking the high road overlooking an offense not responding to the negative chatter, keeping the peace when everything in you wants to argue. That's a mark of honor. That's what God rewards. And I wonder if what David called the sins of the tongue are holding you back, saying hurtful things and trying to prove your point, always having to have the last word. Why don't you try a different approach and get your muzzle out? Put that restraint on.

10:58 David didn't pray god shut them up make them quit saying hurtful things Aggravate me slandering me. No, david prayed god help me control me You can't control what other people say, but you can control you Here's the key. There's a muzzle that has your name on it A muzzle that's custom designed made by the creator just for you have you ever picked up yours? Some of you, it's been in wheel call for 37 years and you can't figure out why you can't control your tongue. Go get your muzzle. You have the power to stay silent. You don't have to respond to the insult.

14:45 You don't have to react when your spouse pushes your buttons. You don't have to comment on every post that offends you. There's strength in silence. I know this is not easy, but it's something we all have to learn, a test we have to pass. Because if we keep responding the same way, using our words to pay back, to hurt, to argue, it will limit how high we can go. David said in the next verse, I came to a bursting point. My thoughts grew hot within me and began to burn, igniting a fire of words. He wasn't pretending. Everything was okay. No emotion. He was hot. He was boiling on the inside. He wanted to unload on those people. His thoughts began to burn. He knew what would happen if he didn't put that muzzle on. He would ignite a fire with his words. He would stir up all kinds of trouble if he said what he was thinking. Here's the principle. Don't speak when your thoughts are hot. When you're upset, your emotions out of check, you feel that anger, you want to pay him back.

15:54 That's when you have to get the muzzle out. David said in Psalm 141, God set a guard over my mouth. Keep watch over what I say. When you're hot, that's a good time to say, God, I need your help. I'm about to ignite a fire with my words. I'm coming to a bursting point Going to say things I know I shouldn't so god i'm asking you to put a watch over my mouth Help me to zip it up Don't say things in the heat of the moment When emotions are high wisdom is usually love When anger arises common sense usually leaves David didn't trust his mouth when his emotions were hot he knew this wasn't the time to say everything he was thinking. He even recognized speaking these wrong words could ignite a fire. That's what James said in the scripture. The tongue is like a fire. A tiny spark can set a whole forest ablaze. When you feel yourself getting hot on the inside, it's not the time to have a conversation. That's the time to step out of the room, Walk around the block get some fresh air Don't try to solve the issue right there. Don't send the email Don't call your cousin. Don't respond to that text sleep on it You have to give yourself time to let the temperature come down How many times have we set off a fire with our words?

17:23 Said something out of anger or ego blew up Feelings got hurt relationships were strained Words can leave wounds took 10 seconds to say it. But 10 years later, the person is still dealing with it Let's quit starting fires. Let's learn to walk away You're not weak when you're silent. You're smart when you're silent And again, I know there are times to address issues and confront wrongs. I'm not saying to live passive I'm saying number one Make sure it's a battle that you're supposed to fight not just something where you're offended upset you're gonna pay them back and number two is it the right time most damage happens because people were angry and they threw words around that they never meant to say proverb says reckless words cut like a sword all of a sudden you put sword marks in people that you love this can be avoided put that muzzle on your peace is more important than getting your way. Your peace is more valuable than proving that you were right.

18:33 Some battles you're not supposed to fight, they are distractions. That's the enemy trying to get you off course, offended, trying to prove your point. The problem with those battles is there are no spoils. Even if you do win, what has that gained you? If it's not between you and your destiny, it's a distraction. After David gave us all this emotion, God, I'm hot. I'm at a boiling point about to start a fire with my words. He was venting, expressing how frustrated he was. The next verse, David said something significant. He had a change in perspective. He said, God, help me to realize how brief my time here on earth is. After letting himself get all worked up, he came back to focus and thought, you know what? I'm not always going to be here. This argument is not worth my peace. This offense is not worth getting upset over. Life is too short to waste valuable time fighting battles that don't matter, trying to prove to people that are never going to be for you, arguing over petty things. In a hundred years, we're all going to be gone.

19:45 How much time are you spending letting other people determine your joy? How they act what they said they didn't treat me right. You can't control that Life is going to happen to us all You can let them draw you into conflict Try to change their mind show them who you are Or you can be the bigger person and not answer the insults not argue let things go See, sometimes we think well, I have a right to say something But a better question is do you need to say it? Sure, you have a right to respond pay back defend you have the facts But what if you win the argument and lose your peace? What if you damage the relationship? What if you push people away that you need to be for you? It's not worth it. Honor doesn't come from winning the fight. It comes from avoiding the fight We think well if I don't respond they're gonna think i'm weak if I don't defend myself i'll look bad Honor isn't proving your point honor is protecting your peace Honor is keeping the relationship strong Honor is not letting petty things steal your joy Honor is staying silent when your thoughts grow hot within you It's walking away when you feel like telling them off. That's a person of honor I heard about this man He was eating dinner at this country diner way out in the middle of nowhere And all of a sudden about two dozen bikers pulled in You could hear their motorcycles outside practically shaking the little wood frame building. They came in the restaurant big strong tough One biker just to show who was in charge Walked over to the man's table and knocked his hamburger onto the ground Then picked up his water and poured it on the man's head He said sarcastically. I'm so sorry. It was just an accident Looking for a fight The man very calmly picked up his napkin wiped his face Then he got up out of the chair and he walked out the front door

21:51 All the bikers were laughing giving high five and this main biker looked at the waiter Shook his head and said not much of a man was he The waiter looked out the window and said no and not much of a driver either he just ran over a dozen choppers on his way out. Being silent doesn't mean you're weak, it's strength under control. When you know who you are, when you're confident, secure, you don't engage in battles that don't matter. You don't spend your time defending, arguing, proving. You protect your peace. You walk away when you could fight. You put that muzzle on when your thoughts grow hot, your emotions trying to control you and get you to say things you'll regret later on. Immaturity says I have to respond, react, answer. But maturity is when you know there's strength in silence, that not every thought deserves to be spoken. Sometimes the best response is no response. When Victoria and I go somewhere, I like to drive. She says I like to be in control. My thought is I want to be alive next week. But when we first got married, sometimes I would ride to church with her on Sunday mornings, looking over my notes. And we live 30 minutes away, a four lane highway. And I noticed that when she drives, instead of staying in the middle of the lane, she puts her tires on the passenger side on that dotted line on the freeway. Well, that's where I'm sitting. I would look up from my notes and 12 inches away, there's an 18-wheeler. My life would flash before my eyes. Victoria, you got to move over. You can't drive like this. And she'd move over five minutes later. She's right back to that same place. This happened again and again. Victoria scoot over. This is too close. She'd tell me, Joel, I know how to drive.

23:46 I don't need your instruction. I'm fine. Well, after about a year of trying to fix her, straighten her out, nagging her. I finally realized this is just the way she drives. I can harp on this for the next 40 years and bring strife and contention, or I can zip it up and keep the peace. We're not called to straighten everyone out. You're not called to fix your spouse, change your coworker, make all your friends just like you. That's going to lead to frustration and tension. A mark of maturity is when you can see things in others you don't like and keep your mouth closed Your peace is more important than getting your way Instead of praying god change them. I'll give you a better prayer. God change me Help me to grow help me to bite my tongue. Teach me the strength of silence I finally learned this and now when I ride with her instead of trying to fix her and getting upset I just put my helmet on and say let's go it's been 40 years she hasn't killed me yet but sometimes we argue over petty things we fight battles that don't matter your life will be a lot more peaceful if you'll learn the strength of silence you don't have to fix every person you don't have to correct every wrong you don't have to express your opinion about every issue Luke chapter 9 Jesus was in Galilee and he just multiplied the five loaves and fed 5,000. He told his disciples it was time for him to go back to Jerusalem. He was headed to the most important assignment of his life. This is where he'd be crucified and rise from the dead. Verse 51 says he resolutely set out for Jerusalem. This wasn't just, hey, let's go see what happens. His mind was made up. Well, the direct route went through Samarian. He sent messengers ahead to prepare for food and lodging, but when they found out it was Jesus, this Jewish leader, they refused to let him come through Samaria. They wanted nothing to do

25:53 with him. When James and John heard about this, they were furious. They said, Jesus, they insulted you. How dare they reject you? They were so upset. They said in verse 54, Lord, should we call down fire from heaven and destroy them. They were ready to put up this big fight, make this big scene. The scripture says Jesus rebuked them and they went to a different village. Well, Jesus could have proven who he was, could have defended himself. He had the power, the ability, but he ignored it and kept moving toward his assignment. He knew that was a battle he didn't need to fight. they couldn't stop his destiny their rejection didn't deserve his response their insults weren't worthy of his time and energy the people that don't believe in you that say hurtful things most of the time that's simply a distraction you don't need to explain yourself to everyone just keep on walking keep your face set on your assignment don't waste jerusalem energy fighting a samaritan battle arguing with people that are never going to receive you, trying to convince them to be for you when they're determined to misunderstand you. You don't owe them an explanation. You don't have to prove who you are. And Jesus didn't debate with them, didn't try to get revenge. He didn't waste his emotional energy. He just kept walking. The enemy loves distractions. He'll try to get you pulled into things that don't matter. You're headed towards your Jerusalem, so to speak.

27:34 You have your assignment, but a co-worker is saying things that aren't true. It's tempting to veer off course. Let me go set them straight. Don't be like James and John. Let's call down fire from heaven. Just ignore it and keep moving. You have an assignment. Your destiny is waiting. one of the greatest principles to learn is not everyone deserves your response your time is valuable your peace is valuable don't spend it on every offense every argument do like Jesus and ignore it the strongest person is not the one that wins every argument it's the one that has the self-control to walk away from conflict that never needed to happen That's the strength of silence Someone is rude. Keep walking Don't sink down to their level trade insult for insult Someone misunderstands you keep walking. They don't need an explanation. You have an assignment Someone says something unfair. Keep walking. You don't have to attend every battle you're invited to The samaritans were inviting jesus in one sense. Jesus. We don't like you. You can't stay here That was an invitation. Come on fight argue debate Jesus said in effect. No, thanks. I'm on a mission My time is valuable. My assignment is important find someone else to distract. I am resolute. I am focused I am headed toward jerusalem The way to win many battles Is not by what you say but by what you don't say by what you're willing to walk away from We've all heard the phrase mic drop someone says something so profound so brilliant There's nothing left to say they drop the mic and walk off the stage this powerful impressive moment But maybe we need a different type of mic drop How about dropping the mic before you say anything?

29:36 You could argue but you drop the mic You could be offended. You have the perfect comeback, but you drop the mic Your spouse says something hurtful your thoughts get hot Everything in you wants to respond, but this time you drop the mic You don't have to have the last word. You don't have to win You don't have to prove that you're right Some battles are not worth your peace Some arguments are simply distractions to keep you from your jerusalem Do like jesus keep on walking Keep your face set toward your assignment. You know who you are You know where you're going. You don't need everyone to understand you to approve you or to be for you And the next time your thoughts get hot and you're tempted to react. Remember you have a muzzle with your name on it You have the power to stay silent You have the strength to walk away the discipline to drop the mic some of your greatest victories won't come because of what you said but because of what you chose not to say be that person of honor and avoid the fight learn to zip it up if you'll do this I believe and declare God will fight your battles he'll be your defender you're going to have better relationships more peace and reach new levels of your destiny in Jesus name and if you receive it Can you say amen?

31:06 I'd like to give you an opportunity to make Jesus the Lord of your life. Would you pray with me? Just say, Lord Jesus, I repent of my sins. Come into my heart. I make you my Lord and Savior. If you prayed that simple prayer, we believe you got born again. We'd love to send you some free information on your new walk with the Lord. You can text the number on the screen or go to the website. But I hope you'll get into a good Bible-based church and keep God first place.