What Every Husband Must Hear Today - Voddie Baucham

0:00 Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor doing honest work with his own hands so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. This is tangible repentance. What do I mean by tangible repentance? Well, if you do something, I'm sorry. Is that tangible repentance? No, that's an apology. It's not repentance. Repentance is a change in attitude that leads to a change in behavior. There's an example of this, for example, in the Old Testament case law. You steal an ox from me. Well, what do you do? Well, okay, you give me my ox back or the equivalent in cash, and then you go off to jail. No. In the Old Testament case law, you steal my ox from me. You give me my ox back plus one of yours.

0:48 Why? Because what you did was not just take my ox. You actually deprived me of an ox. So tangible repentance would be you therefore being deprived of an ox. So you give me mine and one of yours. That's tangible repentance. a little proud in other words man speaks to his wife like she's got a tail between her legs

1:15 says nasty vicious and vile things to her is an apology appropriate sure an apology is appropriate but an apology is not tangible repentance what's the opposite of the nasty vicious things you say perhaps some things that are the opposite of nastiness. speaking appropriate words in the place of those other words which by the way leads us to the next imperative let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth but by the way that phrase there in the Greek let no decaying dying words come out of your mouth but what's the opposite of that only such as is good for building up as fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear that's the kind of words we speak by the way we need to make a connection here the first imperative is that we speak the truth to one another now here's what's unfortunate about that there are some people they're not in this room but there are some people who use that first imperative speak the truth to one another as an excuse to be vicious and nasty and biting with their tongue i'm just telling it like it is no you're sinning with your tongue is what you're doing. You're pushing another human being with your words. That's what you're doing.

2:37 You cannot obey that first imperative of speaking the truth without obeying this one. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth. There is a way you say that thing that is true. And if you don't say that thing that is true in the appropriate manner, then you're in sin. Well, you know, I just speak my mind. Well, see, that's the problem. Speak the mind of Christ, not your mind. Your mind is corrupt from the word go. Your mind is polluted and vile. Don't you dare speak your mind. Don't think that much of your mind. First of all, who do you think you are? You don't speak your mind. You speak the mind of Christ. There's a way that you speak the truth.

3:33 We humiliate and disgrace people in the name of just being a truth teller. That's not Christian. Do we back away from the truth? You better not, because then you're not obeying that first imperative. look at the next one verse 30 some of y'all say i can't take another one that's all right hold on it's gonna get it's gonna get more better all right verse 30 and do not grieve the holy spirit of god by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption that's what we do by the way with the corrupting thought let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you. By the way, that also goes back to the first imperative. If I'm saying something and it's true, but it's bitter, it's true, but it's slanderous, it's true, but it's angry, I'm in sin. In all malice, be kind to one another.

4:35 Don't say things that are unkind. Tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you. Another indication that an unbeliever can't do these things. forgiving one another. And let me clarify that, because a lot of people, when we talk about forgiveness, you know, we, for whatever reason, you know, there's this phrase in our culture, forgive and forget. Newsflash. Human beings were not created to forget. A human being who forgets things is actually a human being who is malfunctioning.

5:10 I mean that in all seriousness. You have Alzheimer's or you have amnesia or something, but it's not normal brain function for a human being to forget things. God has not commanded you to forget things. Here's what forgiveness means. Forgiveness means I forego my right to seek vengeance and justice for what you did to me. That's what forgiveness means. Here's why we need to hear this, because there are some of you in this room, your life is being controlled by somebody who's already dead. Uh-oh, yeah.

5:46 Because you won't forgive them. They're controlling you from the grave. Because you won't forgive them. There are some of you being controlled by people who live a thousand miles away from you. Because you won't forgive them. They're going on their happy way, but you won't forgive them. Why? Because your anger needs to be penetrated.

6:11 They need to not hear from me, not get a letter or a phone call. It's their birthday, and they didn't get a card from me. Interesting, you're thinking about them. They're not worried about you. That's why somebody said unforgiveness is like you drinking poison hoping they die. Yeah, big. Yeah. Yeah. Here's another matter of unforgiveness. There's tangible repentance. Baby, I forgive you. Okay, you just lied. How do I know you lied? Next argument comes.

6:47 You bring that thing out from behind your back and stab him in the gut with it. Thought you forgave me. Yeah, I forgave you, but I knew you didn't really mean it, So I held on to it so I could stab you with it the next time you made me mad. That's not forgiveness. Now, here are all these imperatives. Here's the problem. We don't do this stuff. So there's a couple of options. Number one, we could just say, okay, fine. I don't do this stuff. I'm sorry, baby, please forgive me. Let's go home and we'll do this stuff. Small problem. You won't. some of you can't because you're unconverted but but you won't do it so here's the question why don't we do it this is the key remember what we were talking about those indicatives and those imperatives we looked at the imperatives but i want you to notice something that for most of us just because of that works righteousness muscle that we like to flex and just because of the way that we read the scripture we didn't realize that there were a couple of indicatives here in these imperatives that are necessary. Look at the first one. Verse 25, therefore having put away falsehood, by the way, that's an indicative, not an imperative. He says because you've put away falsehood. Who's put away falsehood? Well, if you go to the paragraph before, it's truly converted people who put away falsehood, and it's a result of their conversion. So one of the reasons that we don't do this is because we haven't put away falsehood, or because we've forgotten that we've put away falsehood and we try to go and grab it and cover ourselves up with it like a blanket and we're still walking in falsehood we're not appropriating what is rightfully ours here's the other one let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor for why here's an imperative why because of the indicative we are members of one another yeah if i'm not speaking appropriately to my wife

8:54 It's not because I'm not trying hard enough. It's that I'm not realizing, acknowledging, or appropriating the reality that she's not just mine, she's me. We are members of one another. By the way, that happens two ways. When we get to chapter 25, chapter 5, beginning of verse 25, our time is running from us here, but let's look at this here. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Why? That he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish. In other words, my wife is not just part of me, but I am actually through the way that I treat her and nurture her, presenting her to myself. So when I am not doing these imperatives with my wife, I am actually inflicting harm upon myself.

10:03 Look at the next part of the text. Look at what it says. In the same way, husbands should love their wives at their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does his body. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. Why?

10:23 And the two should become one flesh. so reason number one that the husband or the wife does not practice these imperatives is because we are not realizing or appropriating the reality that we are members of one another in marriage but it gets worse go back to chapter four beginning of verse 11 and he christ gave the apostles the prophets the evangelists the pastors and teachers to equip the saints for the work of ministry for the building up of the body of christ until we all attain to the unity of the faith and the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children tossed to and fro by the ways and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness and deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, does that sound familiar? That's one of the indicatives of the members of the body of Christ.

11:23 So that imperative of the way that we speak to each other in that last paragraph comes from the indicative of what the members of the body of Christ do when they speak to one another. Look at this. We're to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body joined and held together by every joint, with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds up itself in love. My wife is not just a part of me in marriage. She's also a part of the body of Christ as I am a part of the body of Christ. So when I despise my wife and I'm not building up my wife and I'm not doing these imperatives with my wife, here's what I'm saying to Jesus. Jesus, this is a part of your body and I despise this part of your body. I love you, but I hate your toe. I despise it. I want to crush it.

12:19 In other words, when I am at odds with my spouse and not practicing these imperatives, I don't have a behavioral problem. I have a worship disorder. Yeah, baby. Mm-hmm. Same is true of the wife. Look at wives. Look at chapter 5, verse 22. Wives, submit to your own husbands because they are worthy of submission because they've accomplished all the things that God says a husband is supposed to accomplish before the wife will submit. No. wives submit to your husbands as unto the Lord why because of an indicative the husband is the head of the body as Christ is the head of the church an imperative and an indicative submit to your husband why because of who God says he is no I'm not going to submit to him why because I disagree with God God says he's my head however he may have met God's qualifications for my submission, but he hasn't met my qualifications for my submission. Therefore, God, I outrank you, which means I am violating the first commandment because there's another God besides you, and that God is my standard. Amen. Yeah.

13:34 You got a worship disorder. You're in sin. You're a blasphemer. You're an idolater. An unsubmissive wife is guilty of idolatry. Who's her idol? Look in the mirror. Yeah, babe. A husband who doesn't love his wife is guilty of idolatry. Who's his idol? Look in the mirror. does this not change the way we look at those imperatives i'm going to go home and i want to rededicate myself to trying harder to do all of these things no no no no no no no jesus please forgive me for not worshiping you appropriately and not recognizing that this woman that you gave me that i have brought into my bosom is a part of me in marriage and it's a part of your body and therefore I should love her and cherish her and nourish her because she's your gift to me and she's a part of you forgive me for despising you through despising her changes Everything.

14:56 I've had men that come to me and I speak very plainly to men who come to me on these issues because we don't get it. And they'll come to me and they'll say things like, you know, I'm through. I'm finished. I'm done. She's not this. She's not that. She's not the other. I'm not fulfilled. I'm not happy.

15:22 To which I respond, zuck it up and go love your wife. No, you don't understand, brother. No, I do understand. You said for better or for worse, right? This is worse. Go love your wife. you said sickness and health right this is sickness go love your wife you said till death do us part she's still living you're not through yet go love your wife yeah but you don't understand brother there's no way that God would want me to remain in this marriage and be unhappy really let me see if I get this straight the spotless sinless lamb of God the father crushed and killed for sin that was not his own, but you he wouldn't want unhappy. Who do you think you are? Unhappy may be right where God needs you to bring maximum glory to his own name.

16:31 She is a member of his body and she is a member of you. You should sooner cut off your arm than abandon that woman. If your arm wasn't doing what you wanted it to do, whenever you wanted it to do it, would you cut it off? Go love your wife Because God commanded you to You have a command from God Husbands, love your wives Go love your wife You don't understand, brother I don't even feel like that anymore I don't even see her as my wife anymore Okay, fine The Bible says love your neighbor as yourself Your wife is your closest neighbor Go love your neighbor She's not even my closest neighbor anymore.

17:27 I've moved out. That's fine. Jesus says, by this, all men will know you're my disciples, that you have loved one for another. Go love her because she's your sister in Christ. I don't even think she's saved. That's cool. Jesus said, love your enemies. So she's your wife, she's your neighbor, she's your sister in Christ, she's your enemy, really doesn't matter, you have no choice. Go obey God and love your wife! And here's why you don't feel like it. Because you have forgotten or you have not appropriated the indicatives of Scripture. I just can't love her that's because you're in sin you don't realize that she is part of the body of Christ and what you've just said is Jesus I can't love you not this part of you because this part of you is not making me happy right now and since I am the center of my universe if you want me to love you you make me happy with this part of you and then maybe I'll give you some love because your bloodshed on the cross is just not enough reason for me.

18:56 How dare I think so much of myself? How dare I? How dare I be so egocentric and narcissistic as to look at that woman who has given me her youth, her life and say to her, because I am not pleased in this moment, I'm done with you. Especially when God has commanded me to wash her with the water of the word so in large part who she's not is a result of the investment i haven't made that's it now you run and tell that I haven't discipled you appropriately.

20:02 I haven't loved you the way the Lord commanded me to love you. As a result, you haven't become what I really want you to become. So I'm finished with you. How dare I? How dare I?