Relationships Part 1: Discernment for Marriage

0:04 I want to start a series today on a very touchy topic. Some of y'all not going to like some of the stuff I'm going to say over the next several weeks, but I still love you. I want to talk about relationships. Yeah, I want to talk about relationships, relationships. This is my Relationship Series. I want to give you some guiding principles.

0:34 I'm hearing of marriages not surviving, people not getting along, all kind of issues and dramas. And I suspect that some of this is occurring because we are not implementing and applying biblical truth into our lives. And I don't want it to be said I didn't tell you. Amen. I know we teach a lot of this stuff we're going to talk about today in our Bible Institute classes and in our discipleship groups. But look at your neighbor and say, you don't go to either one of those. Go ahead and tell them. Seriously, tell them, but you don't go to either one of those.

1:23 So I'm going to talk about this today. Open your Bibles to Philippians chapter 1. Philippians chapter 1. And I want to start. Let me give you the background. Paul, the apostle, writes this epistle to the church, the Philippian church that he helped start. he's in prison and here's what he says to them in verses 9, 10, and 11 verses 9, 10, and 11 Philippians chapter 1 he says and this I pray that your love may abound still more and more somebody say more and more the apostle says I want you to get more and more of this I want your love to abound still more and more in knowledge and discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, being filled with the fruit of righteousness, which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

2:35 This is a profound little section he's talking. He says, I want your love to abound and grow more and more. And I want you to also have knowledge and discernment. That's an important thing. Somebody say knowledge and discernment. Knowledge and discernment. Say it again. Knowledge and discernment. Some of y'all's decisions are not made in knowledge.

3:00 And some of the decisions you're making, particularly in relationship, have not been discerning. And that's what I thought I'd spend a few times, a little bit to you talking about. And then he says in verse 10, that you may approve the things that are excellent. I like that point. He says, I want you to have knowledge, I want you to be discerning, and I want you to function in excellence. And I like that. That's what he is saying to us. He wants us to have. The word knowledge means to be in the effective will of God, that you are right smack in the middle of God's will. That's when he talks about knowledge. And when he says discernment, I want you to not only be right smack in the middle of God's will, but I want you to have understanding about why you're making the decisions and doing what you're doing.

3:56 I think we have a culture of people who are flying by the edge. They're making choices and decisions based on what their flesh tell you. How many of y'all know you can't trust your flesh? Your flesh will get you in trouble. Your flesh done got you in trouble. Yeah, you married that joker because of your flesh. You married that girl because your flesh.

4:28 Amen. She got nine kids. Don't that tell you something about her? Hello, y'all done seen? Y'all seen? I'm preaching. I am. I'm preaching. I'm preaching. So I want to give you some principles about relationships over these next several weeks. I'm going to talk to singles, talk to married people, talk to engaged people. I want to challenge. I already know you ain't going to like some of the stuff I'm going to say. It's okay. All I challenge you to do is go through the scriptures, look at what I'm saying to you, and research out whether what I'm telling you is truth. you're going to find that it's the truth. So I want to begin by challenging the people who have written off marriage. A whole lot of people have tossed it.

5:21 They don't think it's for today. So people are deciding to shack rather. Y'all know what shacking means? I know the old people know what shacking means. I don't know what the young people call it. When I was growing up it was called shacking. What do they call it today? Let me ask my kids, what's it called today? Oh, now y'all don't want to tell me. Y'all don't know what I'm talking about. Okay, all right. Anyway, I want to challenge you not to write off marriage. A number of people in our culture and our society have chosen not to get married, but to just live together. But y'all need to be clear that the Bible is absolutely clear that that's not God's will. When you decide to live with a person that you're not married to, you are engaging in disobedience to God.

6:26 Y'all ain't got to say nothing. Just look straight ahead. Just look straight ahead. It's okay. The young people say that they, why should they get married? Why should they get married? And I'm glad you asked the question because there's several reasons. First of all, you should get married because it will give glory to God. God gets the glory. Amen. the Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 10 31, whatever you do, whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. God designed marriage. By the way, marriage is a sacred institution. By the way, it is also marriage is a covenant, not a contract.

7:17 Contracts can be broken. Covenants cannot. When you enter into a covenant, it's a lifelong commitment. It's a lifelong dedication. So God gets the glory. Why did God create marriage? He created marriage for the purpose that the world would look at a married couple and see the nature of God's relationship, the relationship between Christ and the church. it is the way the husband loves his wife the husband is called to love his wife the same way Christ loves the church that's all the women clapping right there y'all see the women clapping and marriage should reflect the relationship between christ and the church in the same way that the christ loved the church husbands ought to love their wives in the same way that the church is called to be submitted and respect and honor christ the wife is called to respect and honor the husband.

8:25 Look at all the brothers are clapping right now. Y'all hear them? Y'all hear them? Yeah. That's the purpose of marriage. God wants to use that marriage to demonstrate to the world the relationship that Christ has with the church. And he gets the glory. So we get married. One of the reasons we get married, because we want to model. We want to be participants in the institution that God created to demonstrate to the world the relationship between Christ and the church. We also want to get married because we want to be obedient to God. We want to be obedient. Somebody say to obey God. Obey God. Amen. The scripture is clear. 1 Thessalonians chapter 4. This is Bible study. I forgot to tell y'all since y'all don't come. 1 Thessalonians 4 verses 3 through 5. It says, for this is the will of God, your sanctification. Somebody say sanctification.

9:20 That you should abstain from sexual immorality. That each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor. Not in passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God. He says, God has said, I want you to demonstrate that you have a relationship with God. And you're just not out here sleeping around with everything and everybody. but instead you're honoring God and living a sanctified life. Somebody say sanctified. Sanctified means I've been set apart. God cleaned me up. Here's what God, God saved you and cleaned you up so that you could be sanctified and you could demonstrate to the world that you have a relationship with the living God. So that's why you get married is for God's glory, number two, to obey God.

10:12 And here's number three, for self-control. Yeah, so you ain't out here sleeping with everybody. Let me say that again. Y'all didn't hear me. Did this work? Is this working? Hello? Hello? I didn't know if it was working. Okay, self-control.

10:34 You need self-control. Or else you'll be out here with everything and everybody. 1 Corinthians chapter 7 tells us that. Read it. It says, Now concerning the things which you wrote to me, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband. So if you can't exercise self-control, you need to get married. and they answered him not a word. Elijah was preaching one time. He said, choose you today who you're going to serve. If God be God, follow him. If Baal be God, follow him.

11:26 Elijah was preaching, and the scripture says they answered him not a word. That means they were halted between two opinions. Just like y'all didn't say amen, didn't say nothing, y'all must be halted between two opinions. I am. I'm doing the best that I can. so I I want to I'm challenging you I'm starting this series because I want you to know I want I want particularly the young people especially the young adults I want you to understand even though the world practices and operates in a certain way you are a child of the most high God and you're not called to live like the rest of the world and the problem is the world here's the problem the problem is the world operates by its own mentality, by its own thoughts, what it thinks is best. And you know what it ends up? It ends up with trouble and problem and issues and challenges and frustration and depression because you're operating based on what you think as opposed to what God says. And God establishes what he wants you to do. Somebody look at your neighbor. He's say, the pastor is preaching to you. Y'all tell them I'm preaching to you.

12:30 See, all too often, people choose, make a choice about who they want to marry based on what they look like. Amen. You got to do more than what they look like. When I was growing up, I used to watch cartoons, and I used to watch the Flintstones. and Fred and Wilma Flintstone had a dinosaur called Dino.

13:05 And one day Dino saw a dinosaurette. I guess that's what they call it. And her name was Sassy. Anybody? Okay, here's the old people, Sassy. and one day Dino used to watch Sassy on television so one day Dino went down to the studio to meet Sassy and he saw Sassy in her dressing room and he discovered that Sassy, when Sassy took off her eyelashes Sassy took off her wig Sassy unstrapped her girl y'all ain't hear what I'm saying All I'm saying to you today is what you see is not always what it is. She looked good when you saw her in church, but when she got home and whoop and whoop and whoop,

14:07 and Dino said, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. It's not always what you see. It's not always what it is. Can I get an amen right there from somebody? Always what he's driving is not his. I feel tension in the room. Amen. So I want to give you some principles. For those who are contemplating marriage, because you should, it's a sacred, holy thing. I know everybody ain't going to get married. That's for another day. But for those who are getting married, I want to challenge you.

15:02 I want to give you four principles to put in your arsenal to consider. Here's number one. Proverbs 21 and 1 says, you think about getting married. Number one, do you have your parents' blessings? I think that's important. Proverbs 21 and 1 is a powerful principle. It says, the king's heart is in the hand of the Lord like the rivers of water. He turns it wherever he wishes. Let me tell you something. I want you to be clear. Every major decision I've ever made in my life, I asked it my parents. Even as a grown person, I asked my parents. Because you know why? God controls the authority's heart in your life. God controls their heart. You say, well, what if I feel God telling me this is what he wants me to do, but my parents don't agree? Well, find out what your parents' issue is with the person and address it. Deal with it. Fix it. That's what you should do. Don't just ignore them, but give weight to it because God controls their heart. They may not always be right, but God controls their heart and God can change their heart. God can move their heart. God can give them a different answer, but don't disregard it.

16:16 Here's what Exodus 20 and 12 says. Exodus 20 and 12, write this down. I'm not sure I gave it to the people in the thing. They got it. It says, honor your father and your mother that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God gives you. That word honor means you give weight to what your parents say. You give substance to it. You just don't ignore it. You don't throw it out. And especially on the major life decision about your life partner, you give weight to the authority's opinion in your life, particularly your parents. A lot of people make drama, have problems because they did not give weight to what their parents said, and it created a problem. And by the way, while I'm talking about this, I mean that you get your parents' full blessing and not just their consent. There's a difference between consent and full blessings. Consent means they're just going along with it because they know what you want to do, what you're going to say. You're going to do your own thing.

17:17 They give consent. But full blessing means they believe this is God's will for your life. And you want the full blessing of your parents in that major life decision. Amen. Here's number two. Thank y'all for that rousing support of the first point.

17:38 I'm trying to save you the drama. Here's number two. What's the salvation status of the person that you want to marry? 2 Corinthians chapter 6, 14 and 15. Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness and what communion has light with darkness and what accord has Christ with Bilal or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? I'm shocked and disappointed and troubled by the number of young people who are dating people and they don't even know the spiritual status of the person that you're dating.

18:27 The truth of the matter is you're headed in two separate directions. If one of you is saved and under the lordship of Jesus and the other person is not, that's a problem. Y'all are headed in two separate directions. You're under two different mandates. You're following two different gods. You're submitted to two different authorities. Go on and preach, Pastor. You're headed in two different directions. I'm troubled that some of these young people don't even know the spiritual status of the person that they're dating. What y'all be talking about? Y'all ain't talking about Jesus. What is you talking about? If you think somebody and they never bring up Jesus, they never talk about what the word said to them, they never talk about what they learned in church, they never talked about what God convicted them about, you are headed in the wrong direction. if they don't go to nobody's church hang up the phone so it's over everybody be should be submitted to somebody's authority somebody ought to maybe to tell you to sit down Hello.

19:37 I'm trying to save you some drama by the way not only should they both be saved they should both be growing Christians growing you know what that means you both are growing learning pursuing God if one person is growing and the other person is not you're still headed in two different directions it's not enough just to go to church you need to be growing in your walk with Christ Here's number three. I feel tension in the room.

20:28 Number three is if you want to get married to somebody, you need to hear God's voice. Ask God to speak clearly to you about it. Get a word from God. 1 Samuel chapter 15 verse 22. Samuel said, Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices has in obeying the voice of the Lord? behold to obey is better than sacrifice. I love this verse because what it's saying is the most important thing that you need is to obey God. Hear from God. Ask God to speak to you. And I'm a firm believer that God on this major issue, this major decision in your life, matter of fact, after getting saved, the most important decision of your life is who you get married to. They're going to either bring joy or sorrow.

21:27 It's either going to be good or bad, one or the other, amen. And you need to make the decision. I got a word from God to marry First Lady. I took a bought a some of y'all know this story I bought an engagement ring put it in the glove compartment in my car locked the glove compartment I prayed Lord if she's the one I had to say if she's the one because there were hundreds of women coming after me Why are y'all always laughing when I say that?

22:00 Let her ask me why my glove compartment is locked. And that was a Saturday. The next day, she gets in my car and says, I lost my glasses, I can't find them. And she tried to open the glove compartment and asked me why the glove compartment was locked. I knew. After I had just prayed it the day before. to the woman that I've now been married to for 46 years. Now, I'm not a person that's always giving God signs. As a matter of fact, that's where I was at that point in my life. I don't ask God for signs now. I know his word. I know his ways. I know his character. Amen.

22:51 So I don't ask God for a sign. But if that's where you are and you need God to show you a sign, back then I needed a sign. And he gave me a clear sign. And here's what I'm saying to you. Ask God to speak to you and give you clarity about whether you should marry this person. Amen. Amen, pastor. Preach on. I have to encourage myself, I can see right now. God speaks through people, circumstances, a message, so many things God will speak to you and give you clarity about what he wants you to do before you just jump up and do something. Ask God, ask God to make his will plain to you and he will. God wants to make himself known to you. Here's my fourth and final point. This is a tough one.

23:46 What is the prior marital status of that person? Amen. Thank that lone hand that's clapping back there. That's an important deal. because here's what I say. There's a bunch of verses that they put up on the screen. I'm challenging you all to go read these verses. Do a study on whether the, do a study about whether or not your belief and conviction about divorce and remarriage have a clear understanding about that. Be persuaded on what you believe God's saying about that. Because some of these verses you read, It will tell you, some of these verses will tell you, you can't divorce and remarry.

24:39 Malachi 2, that first verse on the bottom line, it tells you God hates divorce. He hates it. And so all these verses deal with it. And there's a whole lot of different views and interpretations about it. And what I'm saying to you is do some research. Get a book. Read about it. Read several books about it. And by the way, get a decision, make a decision about what you believe about it prior to you dating somebody who is divorced. Because the problem is, if you date somebody who's divorced and you want to marry that person, then your interpretation will be slanted to that. And I'm just telling you as your pastor, do the research on this matter ahead of time. because it is a tough issue. I probably have lost more people because I have a tough interpretation personally about this.

25:34 Even though over the years, my position about it has changed. The more I study, the more I get it. Over the years, I came to a place where I got settled on what I believe about it. But early on, if you came here 30, 35 years ago, I was a no divorce, no remarriage person for eternity. Amen. But my views have shifted and changed over the years. And my view doesn't have to be your view. So I'm saying to you, do the research. Look at your neighbor. Tell him, do the research. Tell him on the other side, do the research about it. Because one day you will have to answer to God. Whatever you do about this, you will have to answer to God.

26:23 Do the research on it. Don't let the circumstances dictate. Don't let your circumstances dictate what the decision is. You be persuaded about a clear understanding of the scripture. Am I okay? Are y'all with me?