Relationships Part 2: The Dating Game · Dating vs. Courting

0:12 Last week, I attempted to give you four guidelines in determining if you're unmarried, who to get married to. And I got very little kickback. but I'm sure I'm going to get some kickback today. Why am I talking about this? Because relationships are important to the kingdom of God. And I'm talking about it because even if you're already married, I want you to have information to teach your children and your grandchildren. Amen.

1:04 And I'm teaching on this because people, when they do get married, if they ever get married, they're getting married later in life. And so even though you're an old fart, you still need to know how to handle that. Amen. So today I want to talk about dating versus courting. Hey! Again, maybe it doesn't apply to you, but your children, your grandchildren need to know. And I want to talk about this. Open your Bibles to 2 Corinthians chapter 6.

2:01 2 Corinthians chapter 6. Now last week I gave you four areas for consideration for who you marry. We talked about their salvation status. And I'm going to talk a little bit more about that today. We talked about having the blessings of your parents in your life. we talked about determining and resolving if you're dating somebody or if you are previously married I just briefly talked about that last week determining how you handle divorce and remarriage and then fourth we told you to hear from God you gotta get a word from God look at your neighbor and say you gotta get a word from God Thank you.

2:56 It's the most important thing that you hear from God. Now what I'm going to talk about today will help you hear from God. Because if you're not functioning and flowing in the relationship properly, you could miss God. Now who you get married to is next to getting saved. That's the most important decision in your life. is either going to be drama or a celebration.

3:31 Y'all ain't saying nothing to me. So, 2 Corinthians chapter 6, I want to start at verse 14. 2 Corinthians chapter 6, verse 14.

5:02 Therefore, chapter 7, verse 1, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God. Thank both of y'all for that clapping applause. I appreciate both of y'all. Amen. This is a significant thing. So I'm talking about dating versus courting.

5:32 I want you to use the terminology when you're engaged in a relationship that maybe you're courting. That's different. The world uses the terminology dating. The whole focus of this message today is to teach you the distance between dating and courting.

5:54 Again, maybe you don't need it, but your children are going to need this, and your grandkids are going to need this. And where the young people, let me see where the single people are at. Let me see where the unmarried single people are. Raise your hand. Stand up. Stand up real quick so y'all can look around and see what's potentially available to you. so

6:20 Now these ladies up here have gone too far. They waving their hands saying, I'm over here, I'm over here. Now listen, I want to walk down through this for just a moment because the Apostle Paul is writing to the church in Corinth. And it's a church with a lot of problems. As a matter of fact, it is his second letter to them. This is his second time writing his epistle to them. And this church of people, this community of believers has a lot of issues. They got a lot of problems. They got a lot of sin in the camp. They got wickedness. But they're the children of God. And he's writing them to bring some clarity to them. And one of the things he has to tell them, he says in verse 14, don't be unequally yoked together with those who are not believers. He's saying, he's laying down the standard that if you're going to get married to somebody, make sure they're headed in the same direction that you're headed in.

7:24 And that they have a relationship with God. God did not call you to do evangelistic dating. Somebody said, go ahead, preach, Pastor. I'm doing the best I can. It's outside of the will of God. And I know I talked about this last week. I just feel compelled to talk about it again. That, in fact, when you are a child of God, when you are a servant of God, and you have a growing relationship with Jesus, and you're walking with Jesus and talking with Jesus, and he's convicting you and converting you and teaching you and training you and developing you, and you come connect to somebody that has no relationship with God, one person is going to influence the other, and normally it's the unbeliever influencing the believer. Thank all five of y'all for that rousing affirmation. So he says, don't be unequally yoked together.

8:25 As a matter of fact, a yoke, this term yoke deals with plowing, oxen plowing. and it's a device that's put on two oxen together so that they can plow or move together. So when he uses the word yoke, when you get into a relationship, you're binding yourself with somebody and you're walking together and you're either walking, you gotta be, when yokes, when oxen,

9:08 y'all, I ain't had to say, y'all understand what I'm saying. The yoke are moving together. And if you're saved and you're connected with somebody who's not saved, it's impossible for you to accomplish what needs to be accomplished because you're headed in two separate directions. And he says in verse 15, what Christ and Belial have nothing in common? There's no accord. Bilal is the Jewish name for the devil. The Jewish name for the devil. And a believer and an unbeliever just don't mix. So let me set that straight. And then he says in verse 16, God's temple, which you are, and idols won't agree. So he's laying out his argument. Now the reason I'm talking about this is because there are some practices that are going on, and dating is one of them, a practice that is the opposite of what God wants us to be doing.

10:07 Thank you, that one lone person. In verse 16, God makes a promise. He says, I will dwell with you. I will walk with you. He says, I will be your God and you will be my people. What a great promise from God. How many of you realize you need God to be your God when it comes to this issue? And he says, I will be your God and you will be my sons and daughters. By the way, let me pause for a second. I just thought of something that I meant to say at the start. We had our women's Grace Girls Conference yesterday. And I'm so proud that my daughter, Anna, is the head of the women's ministry. She's doing a great job.

11:01 And Tiffany, stand up, Tiffany is the assistant director. That's Mike McCoy's daughter. Y'all did a great job. I'm proud of y'all. I got nothing but great reports about it. I meant to say that at the start, and I forgot. And then when I thought about sons and daughters, I thought about my daughter, huh? She's single? Oh. Did she ask you to make, stand up again. Somebody might want to check you out. Turn around so they might see how pretty you is. Huh? She's not available? Why she not available dad? You not gonna let your baby go? We're going to have to pray for him, Tiffany. So what I want to do now, I want you to see the promises of God.

12:12 The promises are so powerful. When God says, I will be your God and you will be my sons and daughters. When we recognize what he's calling us to do. Amen. And then chapter 7 verse 1 says, since we have these promises from God, Since God has made these promises to us, I love this right here. Since he's made those promises to us, he says, cleanse ourselves from the filthiness of the flesh and spirit. Get your, clean your life up. Straighten it out so you can have the promises of God. Now, having said that, having laid down these truths from the Apostle Paul, I want to encourage you to understand the difference. Let me give you a long definition of dating. We're going to put it up on the screen so you can write it.

13:05 Dating is having a special interest in a person of the opposite gender and cultivating that interest through conversations and events, etc. The bottom line is dating is you have an interest in somebody, but you are cultivating that relationship of the opposite sex through activities. I know it's a long definition, but take a picture of it. That's probably the best way to do it. Matter of fact, I'm going to tell you all this. I'm going to do something I ain't never done before. I'm going to do it today. We're going to put these notes on our website that you can go on the website and download it. because I want y'all to listen. Now, I got some sub points here, and maybe I want you all to write these down.

14:03 So here's some sub points to these activities. They're often, point one underneath here, they're often engaged in activities by themselves. And I know y'all don't see no problem with that, but often these activities are done in secret. and sometimes the purpose of these secret alone activities is to have opportunities to physically or sexually compare compatibility.

14:45 Y'all ain't got to say amen. I know I'm right on it, amen. Seeks to determine whether you are sexually compatible. That's what dating does. You look to see if you are sexually compatible, and it's a problem. Kissing and petting and rubbing and... come on don't act like y'all don't know what I'm talking about I feel tension in the room You want to know a good way to miss God? Get physically involved with somebody. Often, here's letter C, often there are multiple simultaneous relationships going on.

15:41 Simultaneous, multiple. Thank you. I don't feel why I keep getting drawn over to this section over here. what you say they're nasty who oh humping this one and that one okay Wes that's that's yeah that's that's a problem hello is this is this on is it working a good way to miss god a good way to miss out the voice of god and direction because ultimately when you know here's what people do they compare this one with that one the goal is not to compare whether you like this one or whether you like that one the goal is to hear from God where the one person is for you.

16:42 That's what the goal ought to be. Hear a word from God if this person is who God wants you to spend the rest of your life with. And you making decisions based on your sexual capability, compatibility with the person, that's a great way to mess up your life. Because I know you like that Coca-Cola bottle shape. I know you like it. But the Coke doesn't remain a Coke, it becomes a Pepsi bottle later. Y'all can't handle the truth up in here. Here's letter D under here. Put this down.

17:38 You seek to please yourself or the other person. The goal is to satisfy your own self or satisfy the other person when everything ought to be around pleasing God. It ought to be about pleasing God. Hello, hello. Do I have any amens up in the camp? I thought the earliest service would get with me. I thought if anybody would say amen, I would carry the amens from the eight o'clock service because I know they're going to have trouble at 10 and Lord knows they're going to get up and walk out at 12.

18:12 You seek to please self or the other person, you're already starting off outside of the will of God. And then this last point, it often seeks to operate and enjoy the privileges of marriage without the commitment of marriage. Ooh, I'm preaching it today.

18:48 Amen. Seeking to operate and enjoy the privileges of marriage without the commitment of it. I'm going to tell you, nobody has the right to control or manipulate you and all you are not in a committed marital relationship. The privileges of marriage. without the commitment of it. Marriage is a covenant commitment. Covenant. Now, let me talk to you about what God wants you to do, which is courting. Somebody say courting. Courting occurs when two individuals in conjunction and agreement with their authorities work together for the purpose of this, discern God's wills and plan for their lives together to advance God's kingdom.

19:53 Yeah. You're seeking to determine whether God's will is for us to be in a committed marital relationship for the purpose of advancing God's kingdom. That sets the focus on what the purpose of marriage is, is to give God glory and not to give glory to your agenda or your life. It's about God's kingdom.

20:16 And this has become the thing that is not the goal of dating, but courting. Courting is I'm trying to discern, to determine if my life would be more glorifying to God by me being married to you. Now, here I got some sub points to this one. Amen. Y'all can just take pictures of it if you need it real bad, but we are going to download this stuff.

20:50 When you are, here's what you call it, engaging in activities with others, especially with families. This is an important piece, is that you look for opportunities to be in groups and not alone. Being alone is a problem. So you look to do more activities with others. You seek to have activities with families. One of the things I've discovered in dealing with a lot of people recently is somebody don't want to spend time with your family. That's a problem because marriage is a joining of two families.

21:34 It's not individuals. It's a family. It's families. And if your man don't want to be around your family, beep, beep, honk, honk, that's a problem. If you don't want to be around my family, you don't want to be around my parents, you don't want to be around the people I grew up with, my family, it's a problem. Here's number two.

22:05 Courting seeks to determine spiritual compatibility. So we encourage you to abstain from sex. matter of fact it's teaching of the scripture and any activities that will feed your sex drive Y'all notice how the claps are going lower and lower. This is a significant deal, an important deal.

22:39 you want to develop and make sure that you are spiritually compatible, not sexually compatible. Hello. Courting is focused on a one-person relationship. It's not comparing people. Amen. one person discerning one person at a time you're discerning if this is the person God has for my life you're not comparing people the problem is you in these multiple you see in multiple people you're comparing I think I said this already that you don't want to be comparing somebody.

23:46 You want to determine if this is the person that God has said for me. Is that clear? Next point is we seek to please God and the authorities in your life. You seek to satisfy the authorities that God has placed in your life. Never before have we had such a culture in society that doesn't care what the authorities say. Insensitive to that. So when my wife and I courted, we wanted to make sure that we together, being married together, we could advance God's kingdom. That was one of our goals when we dated 47, 48 years ago. And I'm thankful to God that 46 years later, we have brought glory to the God that we serve in serving the First Baptist Church of Glenarton family.

24:57 And finally, and maybe I'll take some questions today. If anybody got a question, y'all get ready, AV team, to bring the mics out because I know somebody going to have some questions today. Finally, you seek to encourage the other person to remain under God's authority until the proper timing of marriage. You encourage this person you're courting to stay under God's authority, the authorities that God placed in their life. It becomes critically important that you work with the authorities in your life. I am a firm believer that God has used the authorities in my life to govern my life. some of you make mistakes by veering outside of what your authorities want and don't care what your authorities want and rebel against your authorities and you wonder why your life is a mess because God influences the heart of the authorities in your life.

26:10 Proverbs 21 and 1, that's a cornerstone verse for my life, a cornerstone. God, the king's heart is in the hands of the Lord, and like the rivers of water, he turns it wherever way he wants. Honor the authorities in your life. Amen. All right, I'm going to take some questions.

26:36 Y'all bring those mics out. Stand up if you got a question. If you had the guts to stand up and ask me a question on this matter. It's a very important topic. And again, I'm urging us to, and I'm telling you, parents, and God, grandparents, teach this to your children. show them the scriptures, walk them through the way. Amen. And show them and model for them. Even if you didn't do it, even if you didn't obey it in your life beforehand, help save them the drama that you went through by teaching them what they need to do. All right, we got a question. We got a person with the courage to ask Pastor Jenkins a question at It's an 8 o'clock service. I'm proud of you. I hope it's a good one.

27:28 Oh, it's a good one. My husband is Muslim. And he has three children. Two of the children followed me here to this church and gave their lives to Christ. My husband prays with me daily. He doesn't let me leave the home without praying. My question is, because he's of another religion, should I divorce him, or is God using me to bring him and his family to Christ? So first of all, God loves the institution of marriage. So whether the person that you're married to is saved or unsaved, once you enter into the covenant of a marriage, it's a lifelong covenant.

28:38 So don't go home and tell your husband, I told you to divorce him. I will tell you that you should have repented and got from God before you married him because that wouldn't have been, you know, when you got married. I don't believe the Lord told you to marry a Muslim. I don't believe that because those are two, y'all have two different beliefs. But now that you're in it, you're in it. Amen. So God will take your situation, even though you have, I don't know if you were a Christian when you got married to him or not, but if you were a Christian, if you were walking with God, you disobeyed the instruction of the Lord. So I would tell you, number one, if you were saved then, you say, Lord, I'm sorry that I disobeyed your truth and repent by saying to the Lord, I recognize what I did wasn't according to your word and will, and I'm sorry, repent before God, amen, and teach your children not to make the same mistake that you made.

29:40 Praise the Lord. Amen. And we want to pray that the Lord save him. He needs Jesus in his life. We want to pray that God would turn his life around and recognize that Jesus is God all by him. Jesus is the living Savior. He's the Son of God. He died on the cross for our sin. He was buried. He rose from the dead. I'm believing that God is going to open his eyes to see the nature of who the real true God is. We're going to pray for him. Amen. All right. Thank you. That was a great question that you asked. Anybody else? Over here, way back there in the back. Okay, they're going to bring you a mic.

30:36 They're going to bring you a mic. Is that a commander's outfit? Okay. Good morning, Pastor. Good morning. I was wondering if you can hold a class to teach these 50-plus men how to court.

31:06 I just been wondering. They don't know how to ask to take you out. A cup of coffee.

31:29 No, I don't want you to go any further. Don't tell you nothing else. I get your point. we are teaching men how to court at first baptist church but we're teaching them how to respect women how to honor women we're teaching we are teaching them now they might not be doing it when you come to the to the the engagement with your dress uh halfway up your behind I didn't say you, I'm just saying, I'm just saying. Because not only do men need to learn, women need to learn how to dress and treat them. They need to learn. It goes both ways. Y'all get the point. What we're trying to do is get God's direction. We're trying to hear from God and be in the place where God wants us to be.

32:25 Amen. Yes, sir. This is going to question pass about the joining of two families. Me and my wife have been married for 27 years, and I love my in-laws, but is there a boundary at time? Say that again. Is there a boundary at times with the marriage? Like, if I like doing things with my wife. Okay, first of all, hold the mic up, because I can't hear you. Is there a boundary? Like, because I like doing things with my wife, sometimes she may take it as I don't like doing things with her family. I don't know why you keep, you must be afraid to say what you're saying, because you keep sliding down.

33:14 I can't hear you, man. They're not going to come and hit you here right in church. I got you. No, no. Hold the mic up and speak slowly and clearly so I can understand what you're saying. I was asking, was there boundaries with me and my wife and me and my wife's family? Okay, so here's the thing. these are signs I'm giving to you before you get married. When you get married, you are establishing a new family. Matter of fact, I would encourage couples, once you get married, I would encourage parents to keep their engagement, involvement, or controlling issues out of the new marriage unless they are asked.

34:11 All right, just the last question I got right here. Yes, ma'am. Good morning, Pastor. I was curious, how can, what would your advice be to get everyone in one room? Meaning, when there's something that is available, like the singles ministry and things like that, it's always women. There's never any men that does or want to participate. And from what I heard, they feel like there's pressure, they don't like rejection, and also they would like to be approached, which that is not the courting way. So this past Tuesday at prayer service, we dedicated a section of our prayer time to pray for the brothers.

35:09 And we will continue to pray for the brothers. We have the classes and the information and the discipleship training available. There is an issue that we don't, you know, we're trying to get more men engaged and involved in it. So y'all ladies, pray for us at Diverse Baptist Church so we can get more men engaged and more.