The Breakdown: "Give Me A Break"

17:00 Our musicians, our singers tonight who blessed us, amen, and taking us to new dimensions. I hope your spirit is ready for the word of God tonight as we go back to 1 Kings chapter 19, verses 1 through 18. Give me a break, and I'm excited to be here tonight. Every opportunity to share with Dr. Haynes is a privilege. He's in the house tonight as we study this awesome and amazing word that was preached with such power and such conviction on Sunday. And I want to kind of start out with just a few pieces from the cutting room floor, an important message, an important word from I won't call it a text of terror. I'll say a text that maybe is misunderstood in some respects, in some regard. so anything from the cutting room floor from Sunday before we get into the word of God tonight and thank you very much I have a lot I'd like to hear more about your depiction of it sure in terms of a text that's often misunderstood a misunderstood text right so we have Elijah who, let's read it.

18:15 Let's do that. Let's get into it. But Elijah who is running from Queen Jezebel, King Ahab and his word to God is one of it seems almost desperation, right? I mean suicidal ideation. Suicidal ideation. Yeah. And I don't think we deal with that. Right. It's not a text that we deal with in depth and it's not a theme that we deal with in depth. Right. And there's a way that that ignorance or lack of proper treatment can create confusion around either the prophet's disposition. uh watch this the church's position on mental health issues right we uh i think we you're familiar with a context where people didn't talk about mental health right right especially in the church you were supposed to pray talk to jesus maybe talk to your pastor but not talk to a therapist right um and i think that this is a text that provides a great opportunity to see that see those subjects in new light and with fresh eyes but I think many scores of previous commentators let me say it that way have maybe been confused about how to how to deal with it but let's let me read it and then just give a few of the points from Sunday maybe and then you can talk to us about the cutting room cutting room floor 1 Kings chapter 19. I'm going to read it from the New Revised Standard Version, which is what you read from on Sunday. And it reads beginning at verse 1,

23:34 The word of God for the people of God. Thanks be unto God. Now, come on, Doc. We got murdering prophets. We got assassinating queens. We got a prophet who would say, I would rather die than keep going through this. We got repetition, repeated complaint. It's a lot here. There's a whole lot here. This is one of those messages, and I don't know if you ever had this feeling, where, you know, there's so much in it, and you wanted to get as much as possible, and you still feel like you didn't treat it in a way that was what it should have been. So that was my, I almost felt like Elijah after church Sunday. God, I just didn't do it for you. And so what I want to just share by way of some cutting room floor pieces, A, again, the whole piece for me is around mental health and the fact that there are moments when we get depressed, we get discouraged when the weight of life is so heavy, we are worn out and ready to give up.

24:41 And one of the things I did not share was the fact that in the Hebrew Bible, the word for dismay or discouragement, it also means to be internally shattered, internally broken. this week one of my vicarious thought partners is Ashley the Baron this bad sister and she is socially her justice IQ is through the roof a brilliant historian and she had not said anything since the Supreme Court's verdict last week and so today she came out with her first post sense and she opened up by saying you know I'm sorry that I haven't been uh you know doing what I normally do but after last week's supreme court verdict here was her response my brain felt broken my brain felt broken and and then I flashed back because uh I was uh watching don't judge me um Dream Girls and Beyonce's version and Eddie Murphy.

25:59 And Jennifer Hudson, I remember, was being interviewed about what was it like to work with Eddie Murphy. Was he having you laughing all the time? And she said, no, Eddie was real quiet and shy. I was shocked that Eddie Murphy, once the lights went off and we were waiting to film the next scene, And Eddie would go off to himself quietly. And so someone interviewed Eddie Murphy and said, this is what Jennifer Hudson said about you. To which Eddie responded, no, it's not that I'm quiet and shy, but I was going through a painful divorce. I was internally shattered. And so when you go back and see what was an Academy Award nominated performance by Eddie Murphy in Dreamgirls, you come to see that when the lights were on, he came on. But once the lights were off, he went into a dark place.

27:03 And it just speaks of the fact that so many of us have learned to function in depression. we've learned to function in our internal brokenness and and it's like once the lights come up once people see us in public oh yeah we're doing fine it looks like we're doing really well and matter of fact we get nominated for awards because we're doing so well but when the lights go off that internal brokenness is something we've got to really be honest about and deal with And there may be people who see us in public, all of a sudden see us off stage and wonder what's up. And they don't know. There's some internal brokenness. And so Elijah in chapter 18 is this, you know, courageous, charismatic clergyman, this prophet of power. And in chapter 19, the brother's broken.

28:00 And I think that that happens. And I think it's important. And again, I didn't say this. You can't read scripture without coming across persons in the Bible who we hold up as heroic and heroic who did not get depressed, who were not dismayed, internally broken, brains broken, spirit shattered on the inside. So Moses reaches a point where he tells God, either you take me from these people or take these people from me. Go ahead. Kill me now. That's Moses. You know, David, y'all know David had a time. You read Psalm 42 and 43, David is like, you know what, I'm done. Jeremiah chapter 20 of the book that bears his name. He's known as the weeping prophet for a reason. And then our beloved Savior in the Garden of Gethsemane, when the text lets us know that he was so stressed and distressed, distressed. He was so sorrow filled. It was to the point of death. And so I think it's important.

29:09 Why am I doing all of that? I'm doing that because in many instances, we are guilty of self judgment or of judging others in the body of Christ. Just shake it off. You'll be all right. Okay. Be encouraged. Don't talk like that. Don't talk like that. Okay. So you better than all of them, you know, and I ain't going to even talk about Naomi. Naomi lost her sons and her husband. And now she's broken and bitter and says, I don't even recognize myself. Don't call me Naomi anymore. Call me Mara because I'm bitter. And so I think it's very important for us to recognize y'all that, I mean, I don't care how big your Bible is, how long you've been going to church, you're going to have some times where you're broken, where you are internally shattered.

30:06 You just don't feel it. You don't recognize yourself. You are running on empty. And so that was a huge part for me. And then I thought about, okay, why was he running on empty? And I didn't even give you all this. He's running on empty for a lot of reasons. Number one, I thought about the fact that prophets were known as what? Seers. they saw into they saw beyond and sometimes what you see beyond what everyone else sees you understand the gravity of how bad things are and when it seems like they don't get it it can weigh on you i mean i'm not gonna lie one of the things that i am wrestling with now i need major prayer on this i just don't know if we recognize how bad last week's supreme court decision is and how we're going to be paying for this and filling it for a long time 10 years from now and beyond we're going to it's going to really hit yeah you know unless there's a radical intervention and it's like we're going on about our business completely oblivious to how bad things are to the danger you know that there's a whole piece even Rachel Maddow she did this piece uh recently everybody's sending it to me I guess they think I don't know but uh everybody sending me a piece where Rachel Maddow just blatantly Rachel Maddow a white woman says blatantly you know that Trump has declared war on black people and she just lays out everything that has been done since this man took office and so if you don't recognize the gravity of it because well I got a job uh my bills are paid and you know your own personal comfort blinds you to the social reality that's coming for you okay so that that gravity i think is weighing on elijah

32:16 elijah recognizes this thing is bad it's bad because he's a victim of what political terror uh this is jezebel who is using the weight of her office to specifically come for him and and and that kind of political terror where basically elijah and and here's something i wish I said Sunday, it's like I had a spiritual victory, but now I'm politically terrified. I'm politically being attacked.

32:47 Does my spirituality have what it takes to overcome the political realities we find ourselves up against? That will depress you, especially if it seems like politics is defeating your spirit. Okay? So then think about that. So that'll get you down. And then think about the fact that, oh man, he had a major victory in chapter 18. A death hit in chapter 19. And it speaks of the fact, y'all be real careful. Please hear me well on this. When you have a high moment, I mean, you're up there. You've had a victory. Everything is going your way. at that moment you are so vulnerable right you are exposed in a way that all of a sudden something will hit you and before you know it whereas sunday you were up here monday you weigh down that happens and i don't know who's in to me right now but but you've had those moments when and and Tonight, I feel like God just shared with you that you are most vulnerable after a victory.

34:06 You are so vulnerable after a victory. So political terror. And then he's isolated. Isolated. Look what he does. He runs. When he runs, he leaves his servants. And now he's all by himself. And he's talking like ain't nobody but him. You know, God, it's enough now. Take away my life. I ain't no better than my father's. And then I forgot to do this too. I preached this text. So this text means a lot to me. I preached this text for my senior sermon at Bishop College. Because at Bishop College, in the Department of Religion, you had to preach a senior sermon to graduate. And so I preached this text for my senior sermon. And my subject was when you feel like quitting. I mean, I ran that as a horse for years.

35:00 I mean, that was my horse, Doc. When you feel like quitting, because all of us reached that point where we feel like quitting. Well, one of the things that back then I used to do that I don't do right now, unless I read the 23rd Psalm, is I read it from the King James Version. And when you read the King James Version, and please let me do it so you won't think I'm making this up. I'm going to read 1 Kings chapter 19 from the King James Version. And it's going to be very interesting. I want to hear the difference that you all hear when I read this text from what Pastor Magruder read that I read this past Sunday. 1 Kings chapter 19, verse 2.

35:45 Yeah, verse 3. No, I'll read verse 2. Then Jezebel sent a messenger unto Elijah saying, So let the gods do to me and more also if I make not thy life as the life of one of them by tomorrow about this time. Verse 3. And when he saw that, he arose and went for his life and came to Beersheba, which belongeth to Judah and left his servant there. What's different in the King James rendering and in NRSV? anybody got it you got it yeah so he saw he saw he saw he saw he saw do y'all see that in every other English version it says and he was afraid but in King James it says and when he saw and biblical scholars especially Hebrew scholars say that you could really interpret it either way. King James chose he saw when you look at the spelling of the Hebrew, the spelling of the Hebrew is like one letter that is missing that will cause it to be either and he saw or he became afraid. Okay. I want to suggest that both are correct. Okay.

37:07 That the reason he was afraid is because of what he saw. He saw. And what did he see? It's verse 2. Verse 2. Word comes to him. Jezebel has a hit out on your life. When he saw. When he. And another word for see is perceive. You see something. You perceive it. When he saw this was about to happen. That's when he took off running. that's when he said god i'm done i've had it i give up i quit and so now he's isolated because of what he saw and whenever you isolate yourself and and let's be real i'm not no no judge no judge it's when i'm depressed and down i don't want to be bothered i don't answer the phone I don't want to talk to nobody.

38:01 And the sad thing is it's when you isolate yourself, you reinforce the toxic emotions. Because it's just you alone with your negative thoughts. Okay. Y'all have never been there. Whenever I have been down and I don't answer the phone, I ain't talking to nobody. it's just me alone with my negative thoughts and here comes another negative thought i say yeah and then negative thought and then i tell that negative thought you see what that negative thought said and it's just me me i'm sorry i i know y'all can't relate i'm just letting you know that that can happen and and all of that is is on the cutting room floor i got a whole lot more but I know you got questions, so I'm going to stop right there.

38:57 Because the bottom line is that a part of this mental health journey, and you've heard this before, discouragement is the common code of human emotion. So the bottom line is you're going to get discouraged. I'm going to get discouraged. And it's not an indictment on your faith when you are down. Okay. That's helpful. And that's an important word, an important reminder, an important topic to cover. Because as we said, the church that I came out of, we didn't talk about mental health. Wow. And I don't think we really have the resources or the bandwidth to even really understand a lot of mental health, right? And so I appreciate you for having the courage to give us this text to think about and to reflect on. I wanted to do a couple of highlights from Sunday's sermon, a couple of gems from the sermon.

39:54 Give me a break. You said you can look one way publicly but feel another privately. You told us that the death of a loved one can take the life out of you, and if you aren't careful, life can break you down. You asked and told us that it's possible to see God show up and show out. Have you ever seen God do that? You told us that God will do what you never saw coming. And that like Elijah, we may not have the crown, but we have the connection. This was a blessing. Today is the day to get refilled. Today get refilled. Today be restored. Today be renewed. You told us point one, God give us a prescription for restoration. You talked about the fact, and I think this is really important. And some people are so spiritual that they neglect their physical health and their emotional and mental and spiritual well-being as well. Right. That we have to know when to pull away so that we don't fall apart.

40:54 And that when we try to when they try to hold us down, we bounce back stronger. Point to you said that God will reframe your perspective. God will help you see differently. God will help you reframe what it is you're looking at. Said another way in this life. it's not about what happens to you. It's about how we look at it. Then point number three, you said that your purpose has been renewed. I like this. God will remind you of the why he has for you. So we don't have to worry about the what is happening to us. We can reframe it by thinking about the why that God has for us. And then you close that thing. God may go in front of you. God's going to go ahead of you. And that's good news. Why? Because grace and mercy will follow us all of the days of our life. A good word. And my first question is about Elijah wanting to die. Yeah. He just had a spiritual victory. He just destroyed all the prophets of Baal in chapter 18. You know, God is with him. God is mighty in his life. And he says, look, I'd rather just go on and let you take me out than have to continue to deal with Jezebel, Ahab, and the prophets of Baal. What does Elijah's request to die reveal about the effects of fear, burnout, grief, and isolation on the human spirit, but especially in the spirit of the believer.

42:33 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I mean, and all of those are toxic ingredients that are a recipe for suicidal ideation. Right. All of that together, fear and isolation, everything that you said, you put all of them, burnout, You put all of them together in one mind at one time, and, you know, next thing you know, you know, I'm ready to stop hurting. I want to put an end to this suffering. I'm empty because for me, you know, you look out. I mean, and then I think the important piece was, you know, physical exhaustion. You know, the bottom line, someone said that the body and the mind are so close that if the body catches a cold, the mind catches pneumonia. I mean, they're so wedded together.

43:31 And that's why I tried to spend some time on, you know, what Black Baptists ain't really down with. And that is, okay, we got to take care of ourselves physically. For real. Because if you're not careful, you don't take care of yourself physically. invariably emotionally mentally spiritually it's going to come crashing down on you and so it's very important that and and you hear what they say you feel good look good look good feel good and so it's very important that we don't minimize that and if we don't feel good then we don't care how we look and it starts to reinforce itself. You see what I'm saying? I don't feel good. So I just dress any kind of way today. I may, you know, do this. I may not. And then you don't look good. And then you look worse. You look in the mirror, don't feel good about what you see. And then, and it just, it becomes a negative toxic cycle. And after a while, you know, I read this piece uh by uh quoted uh yeah terry williams this past sunday in her book black pain and she says it just looks like we're not hurting uh but there's a point a point in there where she's interviewing interviewed a whole lot of people and she interviews a brother and he said the times he thought about killing himself he says it's not that he didn't value his life he just wanted the pain to stop. And I think that's what we need to hear when we think about those who have, you know, killed themselves, who have thought about killing themselves. A lot of times they just want the pain to stop. And so that toxic mix of those nasty ingredients can result in a buildup of pain.

45:28 and you'll reach a point where I just want the pain to stop, even as a believer, a believer. And for me, and work with me on this. Think this through with me, okay? Think this through with me. And I pray for no judgment here, okay? Just pray for me. So my dad dies, 1975, September, first day of high school. when they announce I won't forget Dr. Carlton Goodlett brings the family in announces at 5 p.m. Reverend Frederick D. Haynes Jr. expired he said that and I ran out the room took off running down the hallway of the 6th floor of San Francisco General Hospital as an open window I go to that open window raise it up higher, put my leg over the ledge, and that's when Doris Lewis says, Frederick, Frederick.

46:33 When she said my name, it caught my attention. I was getting ready to kill myself for a lot of reasons. Number one, I had never felt such pain in my life. My dad died. I'm 14 years old. My dad died. I didn't know that kind of pain. I wanted the pain to stop. Number two, no judgment. I prayed.

47:02 My church prayed. My family prayed. My daddy's 46 years old. There's only one answer for God to give to a church praying, to his family praying. My daddy has a wife, four kids. Make it make sense. I know he ain't going to die. Because he had the stroke that Sunday. This is Wednesday. So between Sunday and Wednesday, we are praying, y'all. We had some serious prayer meetings going on. And on Wednesday, I go to school, register, rush to the hospital, and we're called into the room, family room. And that's when Dr. Goodlett says he just expired. I'm like, God?

47:58 What? God let me down and ain't ain't no disappointment like divine disappointment ain't no disappointment like spiritual disappointment when you just knew God would come through and there was every reason in my mind for God to come through and God doesn't come through I just wanted to stop hurting and I was upset with God. So, ain't nothing rational in that. That's why I'm asking you not to judge me because I wasn't rational. Okay? That's a long answer to your short question, but this is very personal for me. No, it's good. And something you mentioned wanting to unpack verse 2. I think it's relevant to the story that you just shared about hearing your name, Carl, and how that pulled you out.

48:57 Yeah. Oh, I wish I preached that. That's good, man. Thank you. Now, see. I knew I should have talked to you before I did that sermon. See, stop it, stop it. Sunday, you said, so verse 2, you said Jezebel, no, this is verse 2 rather. Didn't Jezebel send a messenger to Elijah saying, so may the gods do to me and more also if you do not make your life like the life of one of them by this time tomorrow. you said that Elijah is the Lord is God, right? Yeah. The Lord is God. Yeah. And so I thought about that in relation to what you were just sharing about your experience of hearing the news that your father had passed.

49:39 Elijah hears his name and it makes him want to run. You hear your name and pulls you back from the brink. Yeah, for real. I want you to unpack what is the significance of Elijah's name in reference to Jezebel's threat. Thank you. Thank you. So one of the things I tried to share Sunday, which to me just makes it all the more amazing, and that is the Greek Septuagint says, first, if you are Elijah, comma, I am Jezebel.

50:13 I hope you all hear that. Here, this is the message. If you are Elijah, I'm Jezebel. Tomorrow at this time, I'm going to do to you what you did to the prophets of Baal and the Baal gods on Mount Carmel. If you are Elijah, I mean, I hope y'all hear the taunting, the derision. If you are, Yahweh is God. if you are my name is Jezebel hope y'all hear that my name is Jezebel and tomorrow at this time you gonna be dead I'm gonna kill you I'm gonna have you killed by tomorrow at this time if you are Elijah I mean it's like questioning his manhood questioning his spirituality questioning his identity, questioning who he is.

51:15 I mean, when you add all of that up, that's enough to beat you down. I mean, you got to give Jess some credit. She knew how to get under his skin. Okay, okay, okay. So for me, it's like she didn't just call his name. she said it in a derisive negative belittling fashion if you elijah i am jezebel that's why it's so significant toward the end of this passage that god says elijah yeah what you doing here calling his name one more time say he could hear his name through the voice of god because it's one thing to hear Jezebel call your name. If you Elijah, I'm Jezebel. But then God calls your name. Elijah. Yeah. Elijah.

52:16 Yahweh is God. What you're doing here? Yeah. Big difference. Y'all real quiet tonight. Am I, are we okay? It's good. It's real good. All right. I'm just, I'm just. They say go in there. Okay. Isn't it interesting though that the, that the prophet is afraid. Jezebel and the prophets of Baal just got beat at Mount Carmel, but the devil is so confident. The enemy is so confident and that the prophet of God would be so afraid despite the fact that he just had the victory. I mean, that's just something that stood out to me. She just got defeated at Mount Carmel and yet the devil doesn't quit at all the enemy the enemy will not quit as it says about Jesus after the temptation and he left him for a season yeah yeah it's like you just got your behind whooped by the son of God yeah and you're gonna come back again you're coming again yeah so talk to us about how this passage challenges the assumption that faith somehow eliminates emotional struggle or mental turmoil or exhaustion.

53:35 Bruh. Bruh. I mean, just look at it. If you go back, matter of fact, let me do this. Let me do this. Let's go back to the end of chapter 18. This is what messes me up. You go back to the end of chapter 18. Yeah, verse 46, last verse in the chapter. Let me get out of King James. King James, you okay for that one verse, but let's go back in our recipe. Verse 46, and it says, but the hand of the Lord was on Elijah. He girded up his loins and ran in front of Ahab to the entrance of Jezreel. Don't forget this. It's enough to say the hand of God was on him. That's enough. Yeah. Okay. But he ran ahead of Ahab. Ahab is in a chariot that's being pulled by horses.

54:32 He has the anointing of Usain Bolt and runs, outruns a chariot. Outruns a chariot, hand of God on him. That's how that chapter ends. So you talk about a brother of faith? I mean, God's hand is on him. Talk about having faith. If you go back to chapter 18 and see all of it, you'll see that it was his faith that defeated the gods of Baal. I mean, chapter 18, this is why you know Elijah was a brother because he plays the dozens on Jezebel's gods. I mean, he talks smack. He goes Muhammad Ali on them, you know, and he says, all right, here's what y'all do, because basically they had to burn up some stuff. And so they had a barbecue.

55:26 Had a barbecue. Had a barbecue. And he said, so put water on it and then put that on it and put that. And he's talking smack the whole time. And then God showed up and showed out. So faith, faith is all over chapter 18. outrunning a chariot because God's hand is on him in chapter 18 and then chapter 19 God just kill me yeah I'm done yeah so so so please please uh I'm gonna go spike Lee on you please baby baby baby please please don't allow a belief that faith is going to immunize you from an attack on your mental health that will cause you to reach the point where you just don't feel like doing this thing no more.

56:22 It can happen even when you have faith. It happened to Jesus, y'all. And he's the son of God. So I'm hoping and praying that through this we get released from self-judgment and guilt where we're playing we're so hard on ourselves in those moments when we feel like giving up and all of a sudden we equate that with i i just don't have faith yeah no it could mean that you have so much faith that you were so disappointed and frustrated by what's going on that you just can't take it no more that's deep That's a lot of faith. Spiritual victory did not preclude personal defeat. Spiritual victory didn't keep him from being internally defeated and disappointed. And I appreciate your treatment of the text in that way with that seriousness.

57:23 Let me ask you a question. For sure. Like, you can just flat out preach. And so you've had some Sundays. Not even kind of correct. you've had Sundays where you just dumped the house just just did it and have you ever had a Monday where as great as Sunday was Monday was a hot mess this is not fair because you're my boss so I can't no no but no but no no no no no if you haven't no of course of course yeah no absolutely So just talk us through that. I mean, you have a high Sunday and then a low Monday.