Fight for Your Family - Part 1

0:30 I want to talk about family today. Still continuing to talk about family today. I will be finished with this series when I get done through my points. Today I want to talk about fighting for your family. Fine. So many people are walking away from family. Walking away from their marriages, walking away from their relationships with their kids, with their parents. We're just walking away. And it's not the heart of God. God loves family. Amen. The problem is people think they're right to walk away from family.

1:23 It's so easy to conclude all of the stuff that's wrong with your family and why you can't be connected with the jacked up jokers in your family. And yet you forget that you also are one of the jacked up jokers in the family.

1:45 Because some people think everybody wrong but them. Go ahead, look at your neighbor and say, he's talking about you right now. I want to invite your attention to, matter of fact, the title of today's message is Fight for Your Family. Fight for Your Family. Nehemiah chapter 4. I want you to go to Nehemiah chapter 4. Let me just, I'm not going to get through the totality of this message today. I tried to get through it at 8 and I didn't and so I'm not going to try to rush through it I tried to rush through it at 8 and I still didn't get through it so I'm going to say some tough stuff y'all supposed to say amen tell us pastor I want to talk about Nehemiah.

2:45 Nehemiah, who had a job in a foreign country, has the king's cupbearer. And a cupbearer is a person who eats the food and drinks the drink before the king just in case it's poisoned. then he would die and the king wouldn't die. So he's testing out the king's food. That's his job. And he learns in his duties, he's learning while he's doing his duties that his home back home is in disarray. The country he's from, the city, Jerusalem is in disarray. The walls had been torn down and destroyed and had been torn down for a number of years. And people were failing to go back and take care of his home city, hometown city of Jerusalem.

3:41 And so he decides to, he gets a burden to go back and repair the walls. As a matter of fact, he goes back and throughout the book of Nehemiah, we find he goes back, He repairs the walls of the city. The people go back and start returning home. And the miracle is he rebuilt the walls in 52 days. Now that may not seem like a long, a short time to you, but that's a miracle that in 52 days, the walls got restored. 52 days, he restores it. But when he goes back, as a matter of fact, some spectacular things happened. First of all, the king who he was working for gave him permission to leave and still keep his job. Still had a job. Let's see if you'll try that, if you can go somewhere and keep your job.

4:36 the king also gave him resources to be able to rebuild the walls. Your boss ain't gonna give you resources and let you keep your job. So this man is a spectacular person. He's doing some great things. But here's the thing that has captured my heart about this deal. When he gets back to, and gets, when he makes it back to Jerusalem and starts rebuilding the walls, he has some enemies that surface. Some people who are against him and they are seeking to stop him from rebuilding the walls from around the city. So they're trying to stop him, they're trying to frustrate him, defeat him. And in the midst of this challenge, he tells his leaders, fight for your families.

5:40 I love that. His mentality is to fight, keep your families together. And I say this because some of you today have made decisions in your life to do some things to advance God's kingdom. You've made some choices and some decisions to take some actions that's going to make your community better, make you better, make your family better, make your marriage better, make your children better. And you got to understand that when you make decisions to do something that is for the benefit of God, you're going to gain some enemies.

6:15 You're going to have people who are going to do something to try to frustrate you, confuse you, defeat you, overwhelm you, cause you to quit. It goes with the territory. When you make the decision that that's what you want to do, you're going to face opposition. It goes with the territory. And so in Nehemiah chapter 4, did I tell you all chapter 4 already? I'm going to start at verse 7. Let me read verse 7. Now it happened. Nehemiah chapter 4 verse 7. When Sanballat, Tobiah, the Arabs, the Ammonites, and the Ashdodites heard that the walls of Jerusalem were being restored and the gaps were beginning to be closed, that they became angry. And all of them conspired together to come and attack Jerusalem and create confusion.

7:11 nevertheless we made our prayer to our God and because of them we set a watch against them day and night then Judah said the strength of the laborers is failing and there is so much rubbish that we are not able to build the wall and our adversary said they will neither know know nor see anything till we come into their midst and kill them and cause the work to cease. Are y'all following this so far? So it was when the Jews who dwelt near them came that they told us 10 times from whatever place you turn they will be upon us. Therefore I positioned men behind the lower parts of the wall at the openings and I set the people according to their families with their swords, their spears, and their bows. And I looked and arose and said to the nobles, to the leaders, and to the rest of the people, do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, great and awesome, and fight for your brethren, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses. I love this passage because here's what he is saying. He is saying, we're going to go ahead and do the work that God has assigned to our hands to do. And while we're doing the work, we're also going, we're going to have tools in one hand and weapons in the other hand. In other words, y'all got an assignment. Everybody here, God's got a destiny and an assignment for your life.

8:51 You have a call. You have an anointing. You have giftings. You got things that God has called you to do God has anointed you to do some things to advance his kingdom but he says this why you advance in his kingdom don't get shocked when somebody comes along and tries to destroy your family and try to destroy your home and tries to frustrate your marriage and tries to cause you to be defeat but why you are doing the work that God has called you to do have tools in one hand but have some weapons to defend your family in the other Somebody look at your neighbor and say, we got to fight for our family. We got to fight for our marriage. We got to fight for our children. You'll get frustrated. You will want to quit. You will want to walk away. But I'm here. My assignment today is to tell you to fight. Now what are you going to face?

9:52 I'm glad you asked. I got three things I want to talk about that I want you to recognize that you're going to have to fight against. three areas that destroys our families. Three things, three areas. There's more, but I only got time for three.

10:17 Okay, here's number one. Unresolved conflict. You just can't get along. Unresolved. the inability to bring conclusions to disagreements.

10:39 The inability, and I'm going to say this more than once today, so let me just say it right off the bat. When you can't resolve conflict in your family, it's training you not to be able to resolve conflict on your jobs and in church. Thank you. See, we got people who are, they can't get along with nobody in church, and that shouldn't be a surprise because they can't get along with nobody at their homes. now as I walk through this so let me just talk when I talk about unresolved conflict let me talk about first of all some of you can't get along with your spouse and if you can't get along with your spouse you ain't gonna be able to get along with if you can't get along with somebody that you love let me put it that way or at least you said you love All right.

11:36 then how are you going to be able to get along with somebody that you don't have no affinity for? And yet, the church has big conflict, the jobs have big conflicts, because you never learn to get along with people in your family.

11:57 Marital conflict, that's the first thing. You got to learn how to resolve marital conflicts. You got to learn how to resolve conflict with somebody that you are married to. Amen. Praise the Lord. Now, I have a strong motivation to get along with my wife. 1 Peter 3 I'm going to read this verse this is a familiar passage I've preached from it a hundred million times verse 7 1 Peter 3 7 it says husbands likewise dwell with them with understanding this is this is the scripture talking to husbands about their spouses and it says dwell with them with understanding now for a man to get along with a woman is a tough understanding her can be a tough challenge.

12:59 I heard a few deep amens there, just a few. It can be tough. It can be a challenge. Because my wife, women think emotionally. Men think logically. Amen.

13:25 Amen. Do I have any men with any guts to say amen? And the scripture says, make an effort to understand them. I know it's difficult at times.

13:49 Yesterday I was doing something, solving the problems of the world. And my wife calls for me to come and help her with something. And I said to myself, don't she know I'm solving the problems of the world right now? and I holler back I'll be right down when I finish solving the problems of the world She wanted me to come downstairs. I didn't know it at the time. I think I may have called and asked her. She said she wanted me to put some dishes up on a higher shelf. Don't you know I'm solving the problems of the world? so I according to 1 Peter 3.7.

14:58 It says dwell with them with understanding Giving honor to the wife Has the weaker vessel So I gave her honor and got up from what I was doing, solving the problems of the world, knowing I was going to miss a play. And put the dishes up. and went back to solving the problems of the world. Amen.

15:54 Amen. Because I gave her honor as the weaker vessel. and as being heirs together of the grace of life. And here's my motivation, that my prayers may not be hindered. I made the sacrifice.

16:25 Got up from watching, I mean, solving the problems of the world. because I want my prayers answered. Brothers, we got a reason to dwell with them, with understanding, and treating her with honor, has the weaker vessel. Why? Because we want our prayers to be answered. But unfortunately, there's a lot of people that... don't care.

17:03 They don't care. They disregard the instructions of Scripture. They disregard what the Bible instructs us to do as men. Wait a minute. Raise your hand. Let me see what you look like. Look at all these men we got in here. Where the husband, not men, husband. Let me start with the husbands. Okay. I want my prayers to be answered So unresolved conflict The inability to get along The inability Now the question is How do I do that? I'm going to teach you right now How to communicate with somebody How to communicate with anybody Okay First of all The Bible is clear That when you have conflict with somebody Matthew 18 gives us clear instructions That I have ought with somebody somebody sins against you the Bible is clear in Matthew 18 we're not gonna read it I'm not gonna turn to it just jot it down read it when you get the opportunity read the whole chapter because it gives us clear instructions on what to do to resolve conflict and here's what it says when I have a problem go to that person between me and them alone playing play mode...

18:18 don't go and talk to somebody else that's not a part of the problem that's what we like to do go and tell other folk what somebody did the scriptures are clear go into that person between you and them alone and get it resolved are y'all are y'all listening to me the question is why don't we do it why don't we make that choice why don't we take those steps why don't we do what the bible tells us to do the bible's clear about what we should do. I'm going to teach you what you need to do. How do you approach somebody when they have offended you or hurt you or there's conflict between you? Here's what you do. The first thing you do is you go and talk to them. SBI. I used the term, it's something I've taught it a hundred times. Here's a hundred first time. SBI stands for Situation Behavior Impact. Jot that down. Situation Behavior Impact. Situation. Identify. You bring resolution by, number one, identifying when the problem occurred. You don't say you always, you never. You don't use those terms. Those are the wrong terms to use. You always, you don't never. No, no, don't say that.

19:27 You identify a specific time when the problem occurred situation. The B in SBI stands for behavior. Somebody say behavior. Holler back, behavior. You identify behavior. You don't look at intentions. You don't look at motives. You don't look in their heart. God has given nobody in here the ability to look in somebody's heart and know why they did something. There's no such gift. I know you think you special, but God didn't give us the gift to look into somebody's heart. You cannot. Matter of fact, when you start looking at somebody's heart, intentions, their motives, you are delving in the demonic. because you are an accuser of the brethren.

20:22 And that's what the devil does. He accuses people. It cannot be proven, because you can't prove what's in a person's heart. You deal with behavior. What you saw, what you heard, that's behavior. And then the I is impact. Here's the impact of that behavior. Here's how it affected me. Here's the consequences of what the result is of what you've done. SBI. Somebody say SBI. SBI. Situation, behavior, impact. You want to resolve conflict with somebody? You go and you give situation. Here's the specific time something happened. Here's what I observed that took place. Here's the impact of what you did. Here's how it made me feel. Here's what the consequences are. Now, if somebody comes to you with an SBI, how do you respond? You respond with L-U-V-A-A. L-U-V-A-A. What does that stand for? L stands for listen. Some of y'all don't know how to listen.

21:21 Look at your neighbor and say, do you know how to listen? Are you listening? See, here's what a lot of you do, which a lot of people do, is while they are talking, you are thinking about what your response is going to be.

21:43 You ain't listening, but you got to listen. You got to listen. And the way you do that is you, the U stands for understand. You seek to understand where the other person's coming from. You put yourself in their shoes to how they would, how you would feel if you were in their shoes. That's what understands, that's what the use stands for, understand. Matter of fact, I say understand first, then seek to be understood. Understand first, then seek to be understood. You understand what they are saying first, then you seek to be understood. You understand them first. The V in, here's another place where people missed the mark. The V in lover stands for validate.

22:38 That means give validation to how they feel. Affirm. I can see how you feel that way. I understand why you might feel that way. Validate it. My wife would come to me and tell me stuff, how she was feeling. Here's how I used to respond. She'd come and tell me something. I'd say, that's the devil. I was just as wrong as two left shoes. I was wrong in just dismissing her feelings and dismissing her concerns. I did not give it any validity. I don't have to agree. I don't have to like it. but when you're seeking to bring peace and by the way, the God we serve is a God who wants us to be peacemakers.

23:35 Matthew 5 says, blessed are the peacemakers. God blesses peacemakers. You ain't got to be right all the time. It don't have to go your way all the time. Go on and preach, Pastor. I'm doing the best I can. It don't have to be your way. Slow down. See, I'm getting excited. Slow down, Pastor. It doesn't have to be your way all the time. Some of you have destroyed your families and you've destroyed relationships because you've got to be right all the time. Validate. As a matter of fact, I believe and I am persuaded that this is what God calls mature, seasoned Christians to learn how to do. Validate somebody else's feelings.

24:35 The first A in lover, L-U-V-A-A The first A stands for apologize There's a cuss word in somebody's vocabulary Apologize And by the way, some of y'all don't know how to apologize The way some of y'all apologize is wrong If I have offended you Take the word if out. The fact she crying means she is offended.

25:15 Apologize. Matter of fact, a mature seasoned man. in person. It doesn't have to be made. Just a person. A mature, seasoned person will take the hit and take the wrong even if they don't feel like they're wrong. in fact that's what Jesus did for us he who knew no sin became sin for us he took the wrong even though he never did wrong and we are Christians which means to be Christ-like go here pastor I'm deep ain't I means I'm gonna be like Jesus I'll take the hit if it'll bring peace I'll take the wrong if it'll help us get along and move on to the next level I'll accept wrong even though I'm may not have felt that I did wrong. I'll accept the wrong because that's what a mature seasoned Christian will do. We will apologize.

26:10 Only pride will keep you from being willing to accept the wrong. Only pride does that. Pride. And I'm here to try to tell somebody God loves humility. He smears you with grace when you humble yourself. When you take the wrong and humble yourself, God will give you grace. And then the last A in lover stands for amends. Amend. That means make the payment. Make it right. Do what it takes to make it right. If you have the ability to make it right, do what it takes to make it right. Make amends. if it means you have to pay for something to make it right go ahead and bite the bullet and make the payment make amends.

27:15 That means if I embarrass you in front of a group, if I did something that embarrassed you in front of a group, I will apologize in front of that same group. Look at your neighbor. Tell them you ain't said amen one time while the passage began. Did y'all tell him? Tell him.

27:46 The pastor up here preaching his heart out, trying to get it right, and you sleeping. Go ahead. Tell him. You got your eyes closed. Are y'all hearing what I'm saying to you today? This is life. It's going to change some relationships if y'all get this right. SBI, situation, behavior, and impact. When you go to a person. Lover. Listen. understand, validate, apologize, make amends. that's the first problem that families have when I talk about fighting for your family I'm trying to teach you here's one of the areas that people can't get peace or can't move forward that destroys families is because you have unresolved conflict can't we find somebody mature enough, spiritual enough, man enough, godly enough to say I'll do what's necessary to bring peace to the family.

28:51 here's the second here's the second area here's number two i got three here's number two is financial challenges here's something that destroys families is money management financial challenges ecclesiastes 10 19 says this here's a here's an anointed verse ecclesiastes 10 19 a feast is made let's see if they're gonna put it up there for me real quick A feast is made for laughter and wine makes merry, but money answers everything. How you manage your money or money helps to bring resolution. And I tell you the truth, what bothers me is the number of families that have been ripped apart because of money.

29:40 Money choices, money decisions. And here's the thing. I'm not going to let no money separate me from my family. Listen, I can make more money. Some of y'all worship money. I don't worship money. I worship God. I'm not going to fight you over money. You can have the money. God can give me more money. I can make more money. I can't make another brother. I can't make another sister. I can't make that. Some of y'all are willing to separate your families. Y'all ain't speaking to each other for decades over a piece of paper.

30:29 Ooh. Ooh. jot this verse down Luke 16 13 Luke 16 13 says no servant can serve two masters for either he will hate the one and love the other or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other you cannot serve God and money some of y'all are trying to serve God and money you can't serve them both one of them is going to call the shots one of them is going to be your master Here we go. I refuse to make God make money my God. I refuse to make money my God. Some of you need to say, you can have the money. I ain't going to fight with you over the money. You can have the house. You can have the car. You can have that stuff. It doesn't matter, even if it costs me.

31:21 Even if it costs me because I know I serve a God who's greater than anything else, If I make this choice, if I humble myself, God will fight the battle for me. God will restore me. God will repair the situation. Go on and preach, Pastor. I'm doing the best I can. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying to get you. I'm trying to drive a greed spirit out of some of y'all. I'm trying to bind a spirit and an attitude that's got you putting money at the top of the list. Money ain't everything. Some of you need to bring healing to your relationships and your family in particular by letting the money go. Jesus. Jesus. Mm. Did somebody say good word or something like that? What'd they say?

32:13 Yeah, I know it's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. You're a preacher. Yeah. financial mismanagement and financial disunity. Mark 3.25 says, and if a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.

32:35 When families are fighting over how the money is managed, when somebody in the family decide to go the opposite of what the scripture says, you don't have a budget. You're mismanaged funds. You're pursuing get-rich-quick schemes. Debt. You're going in debt. You're lending people money. You are co-signing.

33:03 Ooh, there's another thing right there. Let me hear. Yeah. You can't get on the same page. Can't walk in the same direction. No two people can walk together unless they agree. That's what the book of Amos says. No men cannot walk together unless they agree. You've got to be headed in the same direction. And by the way, if you're single, y'all need to have these discussions before you get married. That's how you manage money.

33:34 As a matter of fact, in our premarital classes, we have couples get a credit report on each other. I think I said that already. I'm saying it again. I'm trying to help you all recognize you need to go check out how they spent their money in the past. Because however they spent money in the past is how they're going to continue to spend money. Y'all getting quiet on me, all right? Okay, here's my final point that I might have because I'm not going to be able to get through all of this today. I'm talking about the things that destroy families. What was the first thing I said? Unresolved conflict. Number two?

34:16 Here's number three, sexual sins. Sexual sins. 1 Peter 10 verses 6 through 8. This is something that rips marriages apart, rips families apart. It's sexual misbehaving. 1 Corinthians 10 says, verse 6, Now these things became our examples, verse 6, to the intent that we should not lust after evil things as they also lusted, and do not become idolatrous as were some of them. As it is written, the people sat down to eat and drink and rose up to play.

35:05 Nor let us commit sexual immorality. This is Paul talking to the Corinthian church and telling them, rehearsing for them what happened to the Israelites as to why they never reached some of the things that God had for them in life. Nor let us commit sexual immorality, verse 8, as some of them did, and in one day 23,000 people died because of sexual sin. 23,000 died in one day because of sexual sin. Fornication. Y'all know what fornication is? don't act like y'all don't know what it is. Y'all know what it is. This is sex outside of marriage.

35:49 And I want to be clear with you all to understand that the Bible is clear about this. Ephesians 5, 3, but fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you as is fitting for saints. For this you know, verse 5, Let me read verse 5 to you. For this you know that no fornicator, unclean person, or covetous man who is an idolater has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words. For because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the children of disobedience. it's very crystal clear that your behavior in this way will bring upon you the judgment or the wrath of God if you are having sex and you are not married the Bible calls it sin Amen.

36:53 You are not going to stand up in front of God and say, I didn't tell you. I'm telling you. It's sin. Pornography is sin. Matthew 5, 28. If you just look on a woman with lust in your heart, and when you're watching those movies and looking at those videos, you're lusting in your heart. It's a sin. When you read magazine, looking at pictures in the magazine, go on the websites. If y'all all say amen together, nobody will know I'm talking about you. It's a sin. It's against the will of God. It's a problem.

37:38 Adultery. Sex outside of the person you're married to. It's a sin. Exodus 20, 14. God is clear. Let me close with this. I know the world says it's okay. I know the world says it's okay. But God said it's not okay. And the Bible says you can't enter the kingdom of Christ. That's what I just read. You cannot enter the kingdom of Christ. And God, it's a problem. It's an issue. It's a challenge. And God knows I want you to know what's the right thing to do. Make the choice. Make the decision.

38:29 Somebody say, but pastor, that sex demon is so strong. How do I overcome it? I'm glad you asked the question. First Corinthians 10, 13, jot this down. Here's the answer. First Corinthians chapter 10, verse 13. Let me read this to you. No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man. That means you ain't the only one being tempted like this. Everybody's going to be tempted sexually. But God, here's what I love about verse 13. But God is faithful. Here's what it says. We serve a God who is faithful. And what is God? That's enough to shout about right there that we serve a God who's faithful. What is he faithful to? God is faithful. He will, number one, he will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able. Boy, that's something to shout about right there. That God will never allow you to be in a situation that is beyond your capacity to handle.

39:26 If you're in the situation, he knows he's put enough in you to be able to handle it. He will not only do that. He will not only, he's faithful not to allow you to be put in a situation beyond what you're able, but he will, with the temptation, also make the way of escape. Put that on the screen, please. The verse, verse 13. 13, yes. Look at that. No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man. In other words, you in the same boat as everybody else, but God is faithful. I love that part right there in this verse. We serve a God who is faithful. Faithful to do what?

40:17 He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able. He will never let you be in a situation that is beyond what he has put in you to be able to say no to. But with the temptation, look at here, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape. He always gives you an escape route. You can get up and walk away.

40:46 You can shut the door. God will smear you with the power and the ability to say, you better get up out of here. Now if you stay, it's because you wanted it. You wanted it with your nasty self. You wanted it. Oh, wow. You wanted it. You liked it. But it's going to cost you your destiny.

41:27 Ain't nothing worth me missing out on what God has for me. Somebody say it ain't worth it. It ain't worth it. He will make a way of escape. And put that verse back up there again. He will make a way of escape that you may be able to bear it. That you can endure the situation. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Hallelujah.

42:11 Somebody say amen. Praise the Lord. I'm going to finish here. I'm done. I'm not done. I didn't finish the whole passage, but here's the bottom line. I want you to know that God is a God who wants you to win in life. Amen. And I want you to fight for your family. These are three things. Unresolved conflict. Get it straight. Financial challenges. Sexual immorality. These things are ripping families apart. And my assignment is to you is to examine your own life and get it straight. Ask God to help you. He will help you.

43:03 He will give you grace to be able to say yes to God. Thank you, Pastor, for such a wonderful, challenging message. You've been listening to FBC.