You Never Have to Explain What You Don’t Say – Secret #7 – Part 2

3:08 But right now, let's get started with today's message. It's based on Proverbs 13.3 and called, You Never Have to Explain What You Don't Say. Words have great power. And that's why, if we're going to be successful in life, and that's what the book of Proverbs is all about, Solomon says we have to learn how to guard our speech. It is impossible to be successful in life without knowing how to control your tongue. It is a major issue in the book of Proverbs. And so we all want to be successful, right? Isn't that why we're here listening to this series? Today, we're going to look at the Solomon secret for success when it comes to our speech. And it's simply this, you never have to explain what you don't say. And Solomon is going to talk about today specifically four kinds of speech we ought to avoid at all cost if we want to be successful in life. Well, what kind of speech are we to guard ourselves against, Solomon?

4:08 First of all, and jot this down, Solomon says we are to avoid false speech. Secondly, Solomon gives another kind of speech we need to avoid if we're going to be successful in life, and that is divisive speech. That is a speech that leads to division among human beings. And he talks about specifically two types of divisive speech we ought to run from. The first kind of divisive speech is gossip. Gossip is secret, private communication meant to harm another person. Now, there's a second type of divisive speech Solomon warns against, and that is slander. Slander is gossip's first cousin. Now, remember, gossip is secret communication. But the word slander means literally to strike, to speak out against. To slander somebody is to openly condemn another person.

5:06 You know, one of the Ten Commandments is we shall not bear false witness against our neighbors. That's talking about slander. That's talking about making a judgment that we are not equipped to make. In his book, The Art of Living Well, Ken Boa, in talking about the Ten Commandments, says that the Ten Commandments contain four rights of every human being God has created. God has endowed upon us, to us, the right to life, the right to fidelity in marriage, the right to property and the right to our reputation. There's a commandment that covers each one of those rights in the 10 commandments. When you slander somebody, you are destroying that person's reputation. Listen to what Boaz says. Few people would consider slander heinous enough to be included with murder, adultery, and stealing. That may be because we rarely stop to consider the long-range consequences of ruining another person's good name. Obviously, we should consider the sin of slander more seriously. God does. One final thought about this. The defense, well, it's true, is no defense at all. Gossip and slander oftentimes are true.

6:26 But you see, gossip and slander, somebody said, is telling the truth with the intention of hurting another person. Whether it's true or not is irrelevant. We are never to destroy another person's reputation. There's a third kind of speech we're to avoid if we're going to be successful in life, Solomon says, and that is premature speech. Premature speech. I have a friend in another church who used to annoy the heck out of me because when we were in a meeting, a committee meeting of any kind, he would barely speak. And if he did speak, he would be the last one to speak in the meeting. In fact, whenever I would talk to him individually, I had to pull his opinion out of him. And one time I asked him, I said, why are you so reluctant to speak up in a meeting? And why are you always last to speak? He said, pastor, I learned a long time ago that the first person who speaks in an argument or a business deal loses. Did you know Solomon said the same thing? Now Solomon understood what every good trial attorney understands. It's not the first lawyer that speaks. It's the last lawyer that speaks that has the most profound effect upon the jury. Proverbs 18 verse 17, Solomon said, the first to plead his case seems just until another comes and examines him. Or Proverbs 25 verse 8, do not go out hastily to argue your case. Otherwise, what will you do in the end when your neighbor puts you to shame? By the way, if you're trying to persuade people, don't be the first one to speak. But if you're the one who's trying to be persuaded by other people, don't make your judgment too hastily until you have all the facts, Solomon says. One time I got a telephone call from an employee of one of our denominational agencies who had just been dismissed. And he called me with a sob story about how unfairly he'd been treated.

8:14 And the more I listened to him, the angrier I got. And finally, when I hung up, I decided to write the head of the agency a letter, and I, in my letter, gave him a piece of my mind I couldn't afford to lose at the moment, but I gave it anyway. I wrote out this hot letter, but before I mailed it, something told me I better check out the facts. So I went and did a little investigation, found out I had been told the whole story. When I found out the whole story, I ran to retrieve the already written but not yet mailed letter. It saved me from a lot of embarrassment. Make sure before you make a judgment. You have all of the facts. Proverbs 18 verse 13 says, he who gives an answer before he hears, it is a folly and a shame to him. The fourth kind of speech, and boy, this is difficult, but Solomon says we better avoid it if we want to be successful is unnecessary speech. Unnecessary speech. Now here's a factoid to file away for future use.

9:14 Did you know the average person speaks anywhere from 10 to 20,000 words a day? That's enough words to fill up a small book. 10 to 20,000 words a day. But the average American reads less than one book in a year. We speak a book's worth of information every day. We read less than a book a year. Now, what happens when there's such a disparity between our intake and our output of words? the result is often empty and even harmful words. When we think about Abraham Lincoln we think about a man who was gifted in rhetoric who galvanized the nation by his speech but the fact is Abraham Lincoln understood the importance of silence. In fact when he was running for president in 1860 he said that his strategy for running for president was to remain silent during the campaign as much as possible because Lincoln figured the less he said, the less chance of alienating other people.

10:17 And he continued that practice. And by the way, wouldn't it be nice if candidates today adopted that philosophy, but that's another sermon. Lincoln continued that practice even when he became president. He spoke very rarely in public. In 1862, Lincoln said, in my present position, it is hardly proper for me to make speeches. Every word is so closely noted that it will not do to make trivial ones. Solomon also understood the importance of silence. For example, have you ever noticed the longer you engage in a conversation with somebody, the longer the conversation goes, the more likely you are to fall into forbidden territory of gossip, of slander, or even of sensuality. That's why Solomon warned in Proverbs 10, 19, when there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise. Star that verse, memorize it this week.

11:21 It will protect you more than any other verse I know in Proverbs about your speech. Where there are many words, sin is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise. Isn't it interesting in our culture, we tend to equate verbal skill with intelligence. A little nine-year-old girl talks all the time, and we say, oh, she is so smart. Her IQ must be through the roof. She is so verbal. That's what we think. We think being verbal is a sign of being intelligent. Solomon says just the opposite. He says, not the person who talks a lot who's wise. It's the person who learns to be silent. In Proverbs 11 verse 12, Solomon said, he who despises his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding keeps silent. We often think that words are a way to talk our way out of a problem. We talk our way out of a problem. Solomon says more than often than not, we talk our way into problems. Proverbs 13 verse 3, he says, the one who guards his mouth preserves his life, but the one who opens wide his lips comes to ruin. I think Solomon would agree with comedian Will Durant who said, nothing is often a good thing to do and almost always a clever thing to say. Learn the importance of refraining from unnecessary speech.

12:49 Well, we've talked about the four kinds of speech Solomon says we need to run from. How do we apply these truths into our life? Let me close today by suggesting to you very quickly five principles that will help you guard your speech. Principle number one, refrain from unnecessary words. I remember reading the advice that former White House spokesman Larry Speaks gave to incoming White House spokesman Marlon Fitzwater. He said, Marlon, remember this, you never have to explain what you don't say. The next time you're tempted to pick up the cell phone and chat endlessly or to text somebody, just remember those words. You never have to explain what you don't say. Where there are many words, transgression is unavoidable. Secondly, refuse to criticize anyone until you've talked with him personally. Instead of engaging in gossip or slander, make this rule not to criticize anyone until you've talked to him personally. You say, well, I'm just trying to help the person.

13:56 I'm just trying to correct them so that they can have a better life. Listen, there's a vast difference between correction and criticism. Correction has as its goal the restoration of an individual. Criticism has as its goal the condemnation of an individual. a correction if you're really correcting somebody you'll deal as privately as possible with that person if you're simply criticizing them you'll deal as publicly as possible with that person one who's involved in correction works with the precision of a surgeon the person who's involved in simply criticizing another person works with the precision of a nuclear explosion there's a difference between correcting and criticizing in proverbs 12 18 solomon highlighted that difference he said there is one who speaks rashly like the thrust of a sword that's the critic but the tongue of the wise brings healing all of us almost every day run into people who need to be corrected it may be a child maybe an employee maybe a fellow christian but if we really or trying to help that person, we'll deal as privately as possible with that person. Like Jesus said in Matthew 18, he said, how you go about restoring somebody, you go to him in private without anybody else knowing. That doesn't work only then do you take two or three people with you. And as you follow that progression, it's always you start as privately as possible.

15:31 Before you criticize somebody, ask yourself, have I talked to that person? Now hear me on this. before you listen to any criticism about another person. Somebody comes to you and says, could I share with you a concern? That's the Christian way of blasting somebody. Can I share with you a concern I have about so-and-so or about this staff member? Oh, I'm so deeply troubled about, you know, this person. I just need somebody to pray with me about this. Before you listen to that kind of garbage, and it is garbage, Before you listen to it, ask yourself, have you talked to that person yet? Would you like me to go with you and we'll talk to that person together about your concern? You'll be amazed at how quickly the conversation ends.

16:20 Refuse to listen to criticism of somebody who's not personally talked to the individual. Thirdly, if we're going to control our speech, we need to commit to remove all lies, exaggerations and distortions from our speech we've got to make the commitment to remove all lies all exaggerations all distortions from our speech there's an old arabian proverb that says before you speak a word allow that word to go through three gates three tests number one is it true number two is it needful number three is it kind i don't know who formulated that arabian proverb, but Paul said it even better. He said the very same thing. He said, before we speak something, we need to ask ourselves, is it true? Not just technically true, but is it really truth without exaggeration or distortion? In Ephesians 4.25, the apostle writes, therefore laying aside falsehood, speak truth, each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.

17:23 Before you say some answers, is this really 100% the truth? But just because it's true doesn't mean you ought to speak it. There are two more tests. Is it needful? That is, does it help a person for me to say this? And number three, is it kind? In Ephesians 4.29, just a few verses after Ephesians 4.25, Paul says, let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth. but only such a word as is good for edification. That word means to build up. When you speak something to somebody, ask yourself, is that building up a person or is it tearing down the person? Is it encouraging them in their walk with God or is it discouraging them in their walk with God? Is it true? Is it building up? Is it needful? And then he goes on to say, according to the need of the moment so that it will give grace to those who hear.

18:23 Is the word I'm speaking filled with grace? Is it filled with kindness? Or is it filled with bitterness? Number four, to control our speech, remind yourself of the need to purify your heart. Remind yourself of your need to purify your heart. D.O. Moody said one time, if a man could develop a camera that would reveal the innermost parts of a person's thought life, that man would starve to death for lack of business. The truth is, none of us wants our innermost thoughts revealed, do we? The thought terrifies us. And yet, did you know there is an instrument, a device that's been invented that reveals exactly what is in your heart? it's your tongue. Your tongue reveals what is inside your heart. If your speech is filled with dirty jokes and double entendres, it simply reveals that your heart is controlled by lust.

19:28 If your speech is filled with talk all the time about money and material things, it reveals a heart that is controlled by greed. If your words are filled with anger and venom, it reveals a heart that is controlled by bitterness. Jesus said it this way in Matthew 15 verse 11, not what enters into the mouth defiles the man, but what proceeds out of the mouth, this is what defiles the man. Jesus said our tongue is like a bucket that goes down into the innermost part of our being and brings up what is in our heart. That's why our speech should serve as a daily reminder of our need to change our heart. If you want to change your speech, you have to change your heart. If you're not a Christian this morning, the most radical change you can undergo is to become a Christian. If any man be in Christ, he is a new creation. Old things have passed away, new things have come. But even those of us who have become Christians need to participate in that continual transformation of our heart. The way we purify our heart so that we can purify our speech is by meditating on God's word. How can a man cleanse his ways? By keeping his way according to thy word. Thy word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against God.

20:50 Finally, how do we control our speech? Remember your accountability to God for your words. Remember your accountability to God for your words. I had an experience a few years ago I hope I never have to repeat again. I was called to testify in a federal lawsuit. And I went up and stood before the judge, raised my right hand, put my other hand on the Bible, swore to tell the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth. So help me God. I sat down in the witness chair and the plaintiff's attorney first grilled me for a long time. And then the defendant's attorney grilled me. And then the judge who didn't particularly like me anyway, he said he had a few questions for me as well. And all the time I was talking, I looked over out of the side and I saw a court reporter down there recording every word that I was speaking, every word. And I realized that in the future, both sets of lawyers and the judge were going to pour over every word that I said. And I'd better not speak any untruth, not only to avoid embarrassment, but to avoid jail time as well. It was really a very sobering experience.

22:08 But folks, did you know the Bible says there's another judge, even more powerful than a federal judge, who is one day going to evaluate every word that we speak. If you don't believe that, listen to what Jesus said in Matthew 12, verses 36 to 37. He said, and I say to you that every careless word that men shall speak, they shall render account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words, you shall be justified and by your words, you will be condemned. I don't pretend to understand all that means, but what I do know is this. False words, abusive words, divisive words that we speak by the thousands, they just don't float up into nothingness and disappear. Jesus said one day they're going to come back to us like boomerangs, and one day we shall give an account of them.

23:12 That's the best reason I know for guarding your speech. Remember what Solomon said, you will never have to explain what you don't say. There's a reason God appointed this moment in your life to hear Pathway to Victory. Perhaps you're thinking about a conversation you had with a friend or loved one. Maybe today's the day you'll reach out and express your apology for an exchange you regret. This is one of the 10 principles I cover in my book called The Solomon Secrets, 10 Keys to Extraordinary Success. And when you give a generous gift to support the ministry of Pathway to Victory, I'll be sending a copy to your home with my thanks. And then let me invite you to become one of our valued financial supporters. Every gift that arrives at Pathway to Victory and each person who sends it is a source of tremendous encouragement to me.

24:11 Together, we're able to touch lives all across the country and around the world through your voluntary gifts. and I couldn't do this work without you. Not long ago, I received a note from Jonathan who said, Pastor, I'm a retired law enforcement officer. I believe I was saved at an early age. However, I can't remember the day it happened. And over the years, I've been worried about whether I am actually saved or not. To make a long story short, I just read your devotional on how to spot a phony. Your insight really hit home with me. Jonathan went on to describe his spiritual pursuit and his desire to know God in a genuine way. Well, when you give a generous gift to Pathway to Victory, you're reaching people just like Jonathan, who rely on this program as a beacon of light in the darkness.

25:06 Your generosity is truly making a difference. Here's David to tell you more.