AMA: Faith, Trust, and Personal Growth

0:03 Well, we are back here on In Good Faith, and these are some of my favorite episodes. They are Ask Me Anything, and I will be taking the paper, which is unprecedented here at In Good Faith. If this is your first time watching our podcast, welcome. I'm Judah. This is Chelsea. We have been life partners for 25 years, a married couple. I'm obsessed with her. We have three kids, Zion, Ellie, and Grace. as they are right now, currently during this recording, they are 19, 17, and 15. Life has been crazy and wild. This is a little piece of art that we picked up years ago. Have people guessed what it is, by the way? It is in the background every time. And it's like very, I want to have people guess. What is it? Oh, I guess you don't want me to say. Okay. We'll say it later. Well, then we shall not do that. Or like people can guess in comments or whatever and we'll tell them if it's right.

0:55 But you know. We have 12 questions that have been given by you, our friends here at In Good Faith. Yeah, we won't get through all 12, but we'll pick as many as we can. And this is kind of around the topic of faith and individual challenges. Faith and individual challenges. Strengthening bonds, insights into marriage and personal growth. Ooh, I love all these notes. This is fantastic. Judah and Chelsea will share valuable lessons that they learned about trust, communication, and maintaining intimacy. Tune in for an honest conversation about that transformative journey of marriage and the personal growth that comes along with it. Let's welcome our host, Judah and Chelsea Smith on In Good Faith. Did you just intro your mouth? Yeah, in third person. Buzzer. Buzzer. That's pretty awesome. Okay. I like that.

1:46 Pick a number between 1 and 12. Okay, I'm going to go with 8. 8. how do you prioritize quiet time with god oh that's such a thoughtful question well you're flipping it back over oh yeah you shall not see it oh okay um man i feel like that's been so seasonal uh wow my best answer yeah i don't spend time with jesus in the morning if I don't include coffee along with it.

2:23 That's outrageous. I don't know. You got to get your chemicals right before you connect with them. Remember back in the day when we were supposed to do like 21 days of fasting, you got to give something up. So I was like, I'm going to give up coffee. I'm totally like a coffee person. This is the worst 21 days of fasting I ever did because I didn't. It just gets me out of bed in the morning. Yeah. Yeah. So interesting. Sorry. I need to talk for a second. Yeah. and in the book Atomic Habits which has a lot of great research around just sometimes it is just a habit it's a good book and it's just spending a habit one of the most interesting things they talked about there was habit stacking and hey if there's something you want to do attach it to something that you already do so like if you want to do a Duolingo like do that when you brush your teeth if you want to like I wanted to start doing collagen protein I tried but he's never getting into it and then somebody and finally said, put it in your coffee.

3:18 I was like, oh, that's so easy. It's flavorless and just throw it in your coffee. And so the thought of what is something that you can connect, connecting Jesus to? Is it your morning drive? Is it your afternoon drive? Yeah, that'd be my general thoughts. Yeah, and I would say do something that you can do in a rhythm, you know? And I think the one-off, you know, hours with God crying out on the top of a mountain, awesome. you know that that's good too but yeah you know we we are suggesting to people through the platform of church home and its technological application that if you spend also build an app yeah people like what's a technological application it's an app um that's short for application yeah um that five to seven minutes a day can can really really change your life and so i think you and i we could start going, how much time do we spend with God?

4:18 And what does that look like? But oftentimes people take that in there and they're like, they do comparative work and they're like, oh man, if they spend an hour, what am I doing? But it's not about even the duration. It's about the intimacy and the connection. So for you, like going back to habit stacking, like for you, taking a bath and doing your daily guided prayer. And then that leads you into time and thoughts. And for me, the adventure of God popping into my brain, names and people I've met along my way to pray for. And then oftentimes I'll have their cell phone number and I will just set a cold call. I'll cold text them and just say, you're on my mind today and I'm praying for you. And more often than not, it's like, oh, my word, how would you possibly know that right now I'm here, here doing this right now? Oh, my word. And I love that adventure. And that's very thrilling and meaningful to me. Which brings up such a good point.

5:13 I'm going to get these numbers wrong. But there's something around the word, you know, disciple or follower of Jesus. The disciples is used in the Bible somewhere around 280 times. 30 of those is disciple. The other 250 of those is disciples in plural, in community. And I do want to say this. I think oftentimes we think about quiet time in my chair, my coffee, which is how I grew up with my quiet time. But the more I've gone into the plan of Jesus for our life, the more I realize that quiet time, while it is connecting with Jesus, is meant to be a community activity. So however that looks like for you, whether it's texting people, praying with others, being on the same Bible reading plan, I do think having a community element to that is just really beneficial. Very profound.

6:05 Very profound. Okay. Pick a number from 1 in 12 minus 8. You've already chosen 8. I like, no, you pick a question. You want me to pick a question? Yeah, yeah. Pick an interesting question. Look at the list. Is using marijuana considered sinful? Yeah. Ooh, number seven. I like it. That's a good one. Yeah. You know, sin is an interesting word. So I think, again, this is a Q&R. This is fun. This is a question and response. You're not going to get an answer. So I'm like, bottom line, I'm saying at the, I don't know if we're going to come up with a, give you something inclusive at the end of our response here. But I think at the beginning of our response, we first have to define what sin is. And sin is simply in the Bible, missing the mark that there is an ideal that God has for us. And because he is a loving, kind, good, gracious father, he has plans for us. He said to give us life and life more abundantly and not to harm us, but to prosper us, to give us future and hope. Like that is what God wants for us. So So sin are things that miss the mark from that.

7:14 So sin isn't, right? And I would also add that there's scripture that like to he who knows what to do and does not do it, to that person it is sin. And that's where now we get into conscience, conviction. Everyone wants to make it purely commandment, but now it's conscience and conviction. And now there are some parts of the world where marijuana, cannabis, weed, whatever you want to call it, is unlawful and it's against the law. I think in those places, honoring that construct is important. I don't think it's the end of the relationship with God if that isn't upheld. But that's something that we would have a conviction about. And then the answer to this question can only be in so many ways, the journey that each person has with Jesus. But this idea of saying that cannabis, even scientifically in research, you start talking alcohol, nicotine, tobacco, cannabis.

8:19 Prescription drugs. And I was just going to get to the worst, which is prescription drugs. So you can't, this argument now that like, well, weed is so bad for you. Well, hold on. We don't talk about blue one or red 40 or hydrogenated oils. So actually, it really does fall under the category more often than not of conviction and conscience. And to make blanket statements that have been made by evangelicalism that weed is just automatically sin, I think is incredibly short-sighted and a lazy, lazy conclusion. And don't you think sometimes the church is the slowest institution to adjust with the times? And I don't mean that the church responds to culture. Or the scripture changes. The scripture changes. But laws have changed in our lifetime. And I agree with what you said about, hey, we try to follow the law best of our ability. The law changes.

9:14 Okay. And I have so much to say in my heart. But I also want to say that I think when weed becomes the thing, it's not the thing. When alcohol becomes a thing, it's not the thing. When tobacco comes to that, it's not the thing. He is the thing. And when we make it about wearing a hat, smoking, drinking, toking, you know, and not him the thing, boy, we have disproportionately understood the scripture. I also think we do need to understand the law of love in the scripture. Yeah. And that is that what we do, we don't do for ourselves. We do for the sake of other people. And being aware of, hey, is this going to hurt somebody? Is this going to be offensive to somebody? Is this going to lead somebody else into something? And that is the context where Paul wrote what was called the law of love. He said, hey. The conscience of another.

10:06 At that day, the issue was offering me to idols, which isn't an issue in our day. But that probably would have been the marijuana of our day. Yeah. It's lawful. Can you do it? Should you not? Some people think it's bad. Some people don't think it's bad. Paul eventually lands at, hey, but everything that you do, you do need to do in consideration of other people and in awareness. And by the way, sometimes in that context that Paul gave, sometimes it was going to a meal and eating the food offered to idols because that would be offensive not to. And sometimes it was going to a meal and not eating the food offered to idols because somebody's belief about idols and what they were and God and who he is. And so I think that leaves us with a really beautiful relationship with the Holy Spirit where he leads us and guides us and leads us to be sensitive towards the thoughts and perspective of other people. So I would be so bold to say to question number seven. Let me read it one more time.

11:02 Is using marijuana considered sinful? Absolutely not. Okay. But. You're going to hate me. It could be. It could be. It could be missing the mark. That's where I was going. Yep. But the answer is no, but it could be. But it could be. And boy, doesn't that put the emphasis on a real relationship with God? And that's where I think the emphasis should always be. Oh, I can't wait to see the comments on this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's going to be wild. Okay, picking up between one and 12 minus seven and eight. Ooh, okay. Three. Three. How do you find fulfillment in your roles as a husband and father, wife and mother? Ooh. I like this. Man, that's a lot.

11:48 Okay, when we were first married, we waited five years before we had kids. And it got to a point where I knew I wanted to have kids just because that's kind of the thing to do. But I didn't really want to have kids. I loved our job so much. I felt we were youth pastors at the time. We got to hang out with teenagers. High school girls are my favorite. it we got to do that all the time and i just thought oh is having kids gonna take away from this because i love it so much and i went through the season where i probably heard four or five women one of them i don't know why this is the one that sticks out into my mind well one of them was your mom who's such a hero to me but another one was vanna white no man of white real fortune she and she like yeah she used to turn them manually and now she just touches them yeah yeah and Oh, man.

12:42 Oh, man. And I think another woman was a newsacre. But women who had very significant careers and did things that they obviously loved. And each one of these women saying, you know, everything that I've done, being a mom has just been my favorite most of the thing that I've done. And for whatever reason, God used that in my life to open the possibility to not, you're going to be good. I got you.

13:04 And I think it's different for women than men, though. And I don't know if we're allowed to say that because I know we're all equal before God. But I do think there tends to be, and it's not a hard and fast rule, I do think there tends to be an innate difference where something turns on in the heart of a mom. You carried that human in your body. But I think it's even the same with adopted kids with a mom. Absolutely. Good point. Good point. And I don't have any thoughts behind it. Maybe it's the extra nurturing. Yeah. Yeah. So for me, I guess what I'm saying is for me, being a mom was so automatically fulfilling. It's not been easy, but it's never anything I feel like I've had to try to make fulfilling.

13:55 Yeah. Where I think, you know, as a dad, it's, it's always been fulfilling, but it's, there is a different um like i've witnessed over the 20 years we've had kids um the instinct to protect preserve be near be close um where i'd be like oh let's just relax a little bit more like i gotta get on with the kids i gotta i gotta be there we got i gotta be present i don't know i don't and i could see the fire in your eyes and i'm like yeah we are not changing her mind i mean we were just with some friends and talking about extending our time away and the mom of small children was like i am going home you guys can do whatever you want i was also like i'm going home yeah yeah and our kids are not small um i know that i find it harder to eat them now than i did when they were small without a doubt oh my word because the talk that the talk is clicking the clock is ticking um and we know that our time is short and the talk is clicking like so much good conversations with I think for me, the order of importance in my life, not sure if this is relevant, but I am first a son to God.

15:08 I'm his son. Next, I am a husband to you. That's forever. My kids will grow up and get married and start their own families. They're always mine. Then father. and then friend and then leader. But that's what's important to me. And so I don't know if that speaks to that question, but husband is before father, meaning I believe that as I am accepting the fact that I have an eternal father, that will most impact how I am a husband. reflecting that to you. How I am a husband to you will directly reflect how I am a father to these children. How I'm a father to these children will directly reflect on how I'm a friend to others, and how I'm a friend to others will directly relate to how I'm a leader to others.

16:10 So that to me is, maybe you're not allowed to say what's more important, but that is the order of importance to me. I've actually never heard you say that quite that way, And I think that's one of the more beautiful things I've ever heard. Really? Yeah. Putting it in the context of son first, even thinking in the progression of life, typically we are sons and then spouses and then parents. Yeah. But that we're forever a son or a daughter or a child in relationship to our Heavenly Father. Yeah, I think that's really astounding. Maybe I should write a book. My goodness. Didn't know it was that profound. But that is how I see the, to me, that helps me stay sober minded about those areas of my life. Because sometimes it gets convoluted and you think like, well, this should be more important than that. But like, I know when we get away where that lands.

17:06 I know when I'm alone with God where that lands. Those are actually investments into our children and in our friendships and into our careers. Yeah. On a practical level. Yeah. I have noticed another question yeah I've noticed this that when you are annoying me or my kids are annoying me my tendency is to pull away what is sometimes needed in those situations is I need to invest my time into you or invest my time into my kids and then I will start to like them and like you again and be fulfilled by it that's very that's very wise yeah yeah that's a great observation okay picking up between 1 and 12 No, I want you to pick a question. But you can't pick three, seven, eight. No, you have to pick an interesting question this time. Oh, man. Yeah, I want to see what you pick. Not too many blind picks here. Oh, man, oh, man. i mean all right um what does in good faith signify to you the title of a podcast right yeah yeah yeah sorry no i'm trying to think uh so on a literal level you know the thing is in good faith you do a handshake deal and it's in good faith or you do a contract it's in good faith and you're saying it's a joke it is a saying that to me displays the beauty of humanity that hey we're going to trust humanity we're going to believe in so to me when I think about in good faith so we're going to believe in the value of each and every one of God's children.

18:45 And we're going to believe that they want to and can do their best following Jesus and serving his life online in the middle of this crazy broken world. Beautiful. So that. I picked this question because I love it and I can't wait to say it. Because you like it because it's poetic and artistic. Things that signify things. Yeah. I mean the world to me. And that's why one of the reasons I love rap music is because of all the messaging and all the codes and all the statements and all the phrases. I don't like that, you know, guys and gals take shots at each other, but that's beside the point. I think what in good faith signifies is trust. And it's almost the only thing we have. And I mean thing, person, God, but thing in all of life. One of the few intangible things we actually have is trust. When you don't have it, life ceases to be what it is. And it becomes very lifeless, hopeless, senseless. But when you have trust, you have almost all the ingredients you'll need for reformation, revolution, transformation. It's wild. Trust is just one of the great things that keep the world moving and turning. And so without trust, there is no relationships.

20:14 And what's more important than relationships? And it's interesting you say that in the course of raising teenagers, your trust as a parent is going to be broken at some point or another. Yeah, that is a fact. But there's something even about the beautiful process of rebuilding that trust that can bring a relationship deeper than it was at the beginning. And maybe for me, in good faith, and in this podcast, these conversations that we have, is a little bit of a goal of humans building trust in each other in a world that is trying to just eat at it and eat away at our relationships by eating at our trust. Tear up trust. We're distrusting people's motives and we're distrusting what they're doing and we're distrusting their decisions. It's like we have so much information that's led to so much distrust. Yet if we could just put a little bit of trust back into the world. And maybe someday we should do a TED Talk on that.

21:08 I just love to do a TED Talk on In Good Faith and how healing could break out more than any virus has ever broken out before and can be contagious when trust is revisited and reformed and revitalized. Because when you start to believe people, even if people let you down, it's still worth believing in people. and I think probably in good faith is a good title for our podcast now because of the life that we've lived and like anybody else we've had plenty of opportunity to go in an effort to preserve ourselves we're not going to trust anymore but I want to get my truster back out and I want to put it back on the table and I want to extend it because I think it's so much of the beauty and dimension and tapestry of what makes life gorgeous and stunning.

22:02 Yeah, at the same time we do live in a world where trust has been violated by institutions, by people in authority, by personal relationship, by abuse and trauma and so many things. And your mom, I was talking to your mom the other day who I just find one of the most incredible wise human beings. And she said, you know, Chelsea, forgiveness is given freely, but trust is earned. And I think that's a great perspective to have because I don't want people to listen and think, well, I'm not trusting, what's wrong with me? But what is your plan for earning trust back? What is your plan for getting the trust of humanity or institutions or whatever it is? Getting more. Like I know with our teenagers, when they violated our trust, we have a plan in place. And it's kind of helpful. And part of that is setting boundaries. With the few minutes we have left, do you want to pick a number?

22:57 No, pick a question. Oh, what are your greatest personal fears? Oh. True. I think mine would land somewhere between on that knife edge of between the fear of failure and the fear of rejection.

23:23 I think because I feel like if I fail, I'll be rejected. Which, what does that say about me? I think it says that I find my value in success, probably. I like doing things yeah I like doing things right and doing things wrong to me leads to failure leads to rejection so yeah yeah I don't know why I don't like thinking about this but why did I just do that What do you think your biggest fear is?

24:07 Honestly, probably not being known. Not publicly or entirely? No, no, not publicly. Yeah, no. That's a definite no for me. That's a pass. but known by the people that you feel and see and sense as close to you.

24:33 And I say that because I think what has reoccurred over this past chapter of our life where there has been, and let's call it what it is, at our age, there's oftentimes transition of friendship and relationship that really is not because anyone's deviant and anyone's diabolical. um you know our kids are growing up they're starting their life we had relationships and friends that had so much to do with vicinity um geography season of life age of our kids who our kids were friends with you know and so you have those and now they're growing up and they're falling in love and so it's naturally there's going to be some some change of friends and relationship in our life and then transition with our professional life in our church um And I think the greatest pain has probably revealed my greatest fear. And that is what pains me the most is feeling like the people that were close.

25:33 don't know me and misunderstood you yeah and yeah because um i've never i mean i'm the furthest thing from like the complete package you know i'm a i'm i'm a nightmare waiting to happen for sure uh but there are things that matter to me more than anything and relationship connection candor companies and entities and organizations and organisms don't mean that much to me people do and that my greatest fear is that people wouldn't know that about me and would think that you and I chose this path of living because of economy or because of followers but that's and maybe it sounds noble I didn't intend to be noble I like the question because I love exploring the greatest personal fears probably personality I love going there because I think one of my greatest passions is connecting at a very very deep level we've talked about in past episodes you exploring your feelings and expressing your feelings And even recently you expressed a deep feeling and I responded well because it's like, oh, you're letting me in, letting me connect with you.

27:07 Like I, I actually like that. I, I crave it. And so my greatest fear is not having it in some way. It's very beautiful. Thank you very much. I love Ask Me Anything episodes. They're so fun. If you want to ask a question, you can just throw me a DM or throw Judah a DM or text, voice memo, however you want to send it to us. We're really happy to hear it. and we love it. We love getting into your life. And there's so many more questions and it's so hard for me not to go into more of them, but 30-minute episodes seem to be a really good amount of time. Should we say what this is at the end of the episode? Drum roll for you. It's a heart. No. And a purple heart. It's a purple heart. So why is it purple? Because I think in some way or another, we're all fighting for something worthwhile and the scripture says fight the good fight of faith. And we all want to be courageous. Yeah.

27:59 And I know Purple Heart has military connotations, but in this case, I'm grateful for many women who serve their countries all over the world. But this is about, you know, what? The fight of life. I want to know how many people thought it was a strawberry. Yeah, or a liver. Or a liver. Can you imagine? We're like, drink lightly. Your liver will thank you. Your liver will be comfortable. All right, see you next time. Love you guys.