Finding Rhythm and Connection

0:02 Okay, I'm so excited about our topic of conversation today. Okay. Take a guess. Just a random stab in the dark what you think we're talking about. I think we are talking about effective communication in marriage. That would be a good one. I just think it's something you need to work on. I was going to say I think we're doing pretty good in communication. We are. But that is not the topic of conversation today. Okay. Great guest, though. Thank you. Maybe we should make that a future episode. The topic – hello. I love our artwork, by the way. Yeah. Yes. So fun. You should give it to her someday. Our topic of conversation today is establishing traditions with your family, and especially in light of adult children that we are starting to face and post-4th of July. I mean, it's really just an excuse to share about our amazing corn holder that we have established for 4th of July.

1:01 but so what's the official title of the episode i don't do titles sorry you know we'll have our strengths and weaknesses you know titling is not my strength that would fall more into the weakness category true you can do that post um but before we get into i have toothpaste taste in my mouth it's the worst i just had to i just had to brush my teeth because we turned this on and joe goods who's the amazing producer of this show uh we're about ready to start and i realized I had forgotten to brush my teeth. Some water? I also, this is a side note, but I had Invisalign, you know? And I think my lip got caught on the Invisalign last night, and I woke up with like a sore and swollen lip. What is it? Well, not on camera, babe. We gotta be respectful to the nutritionist. The amount of times we are about to walk out the door, and you have forgotten to brush your teeth.

1:54 And I'm like, sorry, I gotta go back in and brush my teeth. I don't know what the deal is. Like, I wake up, and the very first thing- I seriously don't know. Why do I- Why do, yeah, first thing you do is brush your teeth. I know you have a routine. We get it. It's been a little sketchy lately. But, okay, before we get into Fourth of July family tradition. Okay. We cannot take this opportunity. We can't miss this opportunity to not talk about the incredible tradition in the United States of America that is called the presidential debates. And what we. What we're talking about. What we just experienced now last week. But yeah, I think it was one of the more baffling things I've ever experienced. And I think it's worth talking about too. I don't know if we have any thoughts around scripture, the Bible or whatever to frame that or shape that. For those who are not in the United States of America who missed this spectacle.

2:52 Yeah, yeah. I mean, obviously, I wish both of those men well. And the scripture says to pray for people that are in leadership and authority, that people can live a quiet and peaceable life. I think I believe in that. I'm passionate about that. I also like – we had a friend over during Fourth of July who's very involved. Okay, but can I say – before you get there, for anybody who didn't watch the debate, eventually – I mean, the internet is a buzz, as they say. America is America. It's not the whole world. Yeah, but come on. I mean, I keep pointing like, it's you. Okay. That was – I actually – They talked about their golf handicaps. And that is the point. I actually made you change the channel. I was like, I can't do this anymore. That is – I was like, that is how our sons, Ellie and Zion, talked to each other when they were like 10 and 12. Yeah. I mean, it's how I fought with my sister when – When we were kids.

3:43 Before we were raised. You guys are just making just things at each other that don't matter and showing complete, from my perspective, a lack of regard for of respect for each other and for the office of the president, which. yeah and honestly you and i were raised in it i'm not saying this is the absolute way to do it but a real respect for the magnitude and the weight and the pressure uh and the expectation of that office and all that comes with it and i still very much hold that in high regard i think anyone who wants to be president um for whatever reason even if it's selfish and selfish gain and power and control. It's like, wow, God bless you. That is one hard, difficult job. And I struggle enough with this podcast. So I certainly don't want to be the president. So my heart goes out to both of them. I don't know really what's going to become of things like politics because of the rise of the technological boom, and now kind of attacking people is how you sway your side.

4:55 It's how you get your clickbait. Yeah, it's wild. My friend was telling me about – she's like – two of the different Obama debates, and one of them was Obama and McCain. And somebody in the crowd started heckling Obama, like, oh, you're a terrorist, you know, whatever. And John McCain, who was the opposition, obviously, to President Obama, stopped the heckler and said, you know what? That is not okay. Obviously, we have different ideas on how to do things, but he is a good man and we will respect him. similarly this one really got me as a mom that somebody attacked Sarah Palin when she was running against I'm guessing it would have been when all the followers were running against she doesn't keep track of who's running what okay this is fascinating this dialogue here I had no idea we were going to talk about this so don't you blame me I should have looked at my stats but anyway they were in some kind of public conversation I don't know if it was a debate and somebody was like well Sarah Palin How can you try to run our country when your own daughter is a teen mom or blah, blah, blah, blah?

6:06 And Obama stood up for her at that point. He said, we are not bringing our kids into this. I don't know if he was president at the time. Oh, I see what you said. That's what I wasn't sure on in my facts. So I'm trying to skip over that, but thanks for the – President Obama. And he stood up for her and that there was a humanity and a dignity and a respect that seems to have been lost. And that is where, for me, as somebody who was taught to respect the office and authority, I feel a little baffled and I feel a little lost. So if anybody else is feeling that way, I just want to, I don't know, maybe echo in it for a while. I'm sorry. No, go ahead. I think the scripture that comes to mind is, should I obey man rather than God? And I think that's a really tricky verse because it can, in a way, it can excuse lawlessness. But I think there is a point where it's like, you know, I'm not following that kind of lead.

7:03 And what I mean by is obviously there's governing rules and things that are important for society and constructs and communities. But I think this idea of following that kind of leadership in terms of assaulting and attacking another human, promoting gossip, promoting slander, promoting misinformation. I don't participate in that. I don't have any intention on following that kind of leadership in regards to I would not allow my two boys to speak to each other like that. As long as they're in my home. Even in our home. That's what I mean. Let alone publicly. Yeah, let alone publicly. I wouldn't tolerate that for 10 minutes in our home. And that's just I don't mean any disregard for President Biden and former President Trump. I wish them well, but that kind of attitude, that kind of speaking and addressing another human, I'm not going to participate in. And I do hope in a way that each and every one of us, in our own way, the way we interact and care and love for other humans, will be different than that.

8:07 And I think whether you're a Jesus follower or not, Jesus would never speak the way that those men were speaking. And, you know, I got to say, as a avid golfer and someone who loves golf and have a lot of friends who are really good at golf and shout out to Bubba Watson, two time Masters champ. I think it is out of just completely unacceptable to be talking about a long drive contest or a golf handicap when you can do that privately. But when you are expected to care for this country and all of its people plight and people and we're talking about a sport, I just I just thought it was really, really off color. I thought it was really not OK.

9:04 And so anyways, I hope that we're the difference in our own small way. I agree. And I my bottom line is the realization that why I just please just turn the channel. I don't want to stomach this anymore, is the reality that unless something completely new in history happens, one of those men is going to be the next president of our country. And as followers of Jesus, what is our response going to be to that? And to me, it goes back to the verse that you started out, the conversation. I literally chopped the gun on that. I was hoping to bring it to a close real fast and move on, to be honest. You want to get to the cornhole tournament. Yeah. That as Jesus followers, we are told in the Bible to pray for those who are in authority. And to me, it is the act of prayer. It says so that you can live at peace with all people. But to me, that actually represents an act of faith, that our faith is not in the person who sits in the office. Our faith is in the person who sits on the throne of the kingdom of God and the king of kings and the Lord of lords and the president of presidents.

10:08 And I feel like I'm getting a little preachy. But as Jesus followers, for me, it was a great opportunity for me to check where my faith is at. And you know what? My faith is not in this office. And I'm going to follow the teachings of Jesus, which are to be respectful, and to pray. But my faith is in God. And that's how I went to sleep that night. Yeah. And it's important for us to remember, and this isn't profound. You are much more apt to political science and all that goes with policy. You really are. That's more your lane in our marriage. But countries come and go. And I mean that as a statement of fact, not as doom and gloom. They really do. And we have friends who the country they grew up in no longer exists, and there's a new country. And so this idea of even the construct of a country, does God involve? Of course, he's involved in the affairs of man all over the world.

11:07 But this idea of putting trust in a man-made construct that can be here today and gone tomorrow, as opposed to, I don't know what the notification we did, Scott. Something's happening. You know, God is eternal. He is the eternal one. And the United States of America is not eternal. And it is not our hope and salvation. So I believe that. I hear, okay, I want to get on a family tradition. And I pray for our country. Yeah, but in light of that, I just heard, oh, I was reading somebody, some author, I can't remember who it was, but it's an unbiblical scholar. And their comment was, we have more in common with our brothers and sisters from China, from Russia, from name any country that the United States is not an ally with. We have more in common with them than our next neighbor who with the Jesus follower. And not that we don't want to change that, but sometimes I wonder, have we become more nationally oriented than in the body of Christ oriented?

12:09 So anyway. Well, and I would only add that I would argue that people of any faith, this idea of trusting your soul to someone that you believe is God is a very bonding agent in and of itself, let alone those who believe that the historical figure that actually lived Jesus Christ who claimed not to merely be a prophet, but to be the prophet and to be the king of the whole earth and the God in flesh. Like there's obviously such a bonding agent there in the person of Jesus. But I would argue that even all of the world religions, when you start to worship and believe in a God who is your deliverer and provider and protector and savior, there is so much commonality, ironic, that goes far beyond a flag, a colors and an anthem in your favorite Olympic country. So, yeah, I agree. I think there are so many things that bond us beyond our country boundaries and lines.

13:07 And obviously, you and I, we are passionate about our country. I was going to say, too. The Olympics are coming, you know, Paris, you know. It's totally team USA. But, man, I love all the countries of the world. I mean, we really do. Not that we know them all or understand them all or been to them all. But I believe in a God who has prioritized this planet and loves all the people on it. I'm also super team USA in Wimbledon right now. Team USA. Yeah, what'd I say? I'm about USA. Yeah. Yeah. It's been a journey. It's been a journey. I still, yeah. It's been a journey. But family tradition, 4th of July, you were so – so we used to not really have any type of traditions for 4th of July. Yeah. It was just, I don't know, whatever happened. And then starting 2021, which I think we're so excited post-pandemic to get back into gatherings of people. So we started the posting of the Fourth of July party with the Carnival Tournament.

14:04 And it has become one of the things that our kids look forward to, our teenage kids. I mean, we're all exhausted now. Yes. Oh, my gosh. Zion, our oldest son, just for 20, can't say teenage kids anymore. No. Wow, that's a thought. That's a thought. But our adult and teenage children look forward to it. And it's just been fun. Why do you? I mean, I think, obviously, I love a good reason for everybody to get together and have a good time. I think there is some nostalgia involved deeply as it pertains to missing the age of our kids when they were young. And so a lot of families, friends of ours, will come and bring their younger kids. Like, who has kids that we can get around? Yeah. And I just want to like. It's crazy. And I turn into like the MC of like the cornhole tournament and the golf tournament and the glow golf. And we do all these different things and events kind of.

14:58 We have a big blow up water slide for the kids that I think this year our teenagers enjoyed more. Grace, she's told me. Yeah. Her 15 year old. Oh, you're going to name one of them. Well, yeah. She's like, oh, yeah. She's like, me and my friend spent like an hour on the blow up water slide. Makes me so happy. Makes me so happy. I was like, did you get the kids a chance? Yeah. Oh, they were on it. Come on. Yeah, and we spend time at a lake, a local lake here, rent some sea dunes and stuff. It's such a good time. But yeah, I think rhythm is such an interesting thing in life. And I think as you and I are getting older, we're getting excited. And I am definitely the spontaneous one in the marriage. But I think anticipating and expecting and knowing kind of like what it's going to be like and having memories connected to it. I think that rhythm, which obviously got baked and built into the planet, you know, the morning, the evening, dusk, sunset, sunrise. There's repetition, seasons.

16:01 Oh, my word. Love fall of in the Northwest here in the United States of America. Yeah. So I think in a way, like as we're getting older, recognizing the significance and beauty, the familiarity, the connectedness. And I guess that's it. Right. I'm passionate about this idea of feeling connected. And I think when you all come back to a place and you play similar games and you have this is one of the hats like we make a little bit of merch that we give to our friends and make T-shirts. And there was Cornhole, you know, shout out to Corbin Crosby, who's this incredible designer who helps us put the merch together. But it's all just in an effort to feel connected. There's also a trophy, like a plot-up trophy that you get your name on. It started from 2021. And it never ceases to amaze me how much it motivates people to get their name on a trophy that is going to be there year after year. First was Zion and his friend, Micah Flynn.

16:58 And it was our friend Nima and his then-girlfriend, Pia. And then the next year was Nima and our son Elliot. But then we made a rule this year. New rules, mixed doubles, mixed doubles. And you can't be your spouse. Yep. And so our 17-year-old son worked at the system and got Kristen Crosby, our executive assistant who runs our life. And she's a great athlete. And they beat me in the semifinals, which is devastating. By then, I had a great opening partner. that partner went to bed because things got left. Carrying a child. Carrying a child. My daughter, Grace, stepped in. We won the quarterfinals, advanced to the semifinals, and then Eldog, as we call him, and Kristen beat us went on to the finals. Devastating. Hate losing to the ice. Elliot was scheming for weeks for who his partner was going to be because he was determined to win.

17:52 Zion is still engaged. This is their last year. They can play together. We'll see how that goes. I mean, disclaimer, I have to say I could not participate this year because my arms are still healing from the muscle eating condition. It still works. Is that how we throw it in? So, yeah, you know, I wasn't able to play. I have a muscle eating disorder. I still can't even – like shampooing my hair is like – Too much. Yeah, that's like my exercise. I mean, my hair has been in a – It's been for – I think four years. But you know what the good news? I was thinking the good news is girls will care about this. I have had a break from heat treating my hair for a month. So it's going to be so healthy. I didn't know that. Anyway, so I will be back next. Oh, ow.

18:47 No, I believe you. It's not like I don't believe you. I know. You can't do that on camera. I can hit you. You can't hit me on camera. I don't hit you ever. We're not just on camera. You can say that. You've never even. The amount of emails we're going to get was a love tap. I see. I see. It's that little. I don't know what that look. What did that look mean, by the way? What's that? You're rolling. Here's your eyes. I just meant like, man, is it hard to believe that she can't throw a bean bag? You know, but we believe you. We totally believe you. There's a crazy gift from me. This is a piece of Steve Jobs' turtleneck. Isn't that crazy? That's a little piece of one of his turtlenecks. I'm sure he had hundreds of turtlenecks, though, but it's kind of a cool gift. It's on my desk. Yeah, that is a cool gift. That's to inspire me to innovate, you know, Steve Jobs. I do wonder how many turtlenecks he had. A thousand trains. I do think, going back to rhythm, I do think God did design us for rhythm and tradition.

19:45 And that is a fascinating thing for me to say, because neither you or I are very traditional people. Right. Both very wired for change. but getting the age we are with with our the age of our kids we realize the power of rhythm and tradition and having something to look forward to having something that you know and it's going to be and it's not the same every year but i think of god instituting you know when you look at the old testament and his incubator which is the nation of israel his his his first people yeah We're all these people. And how he instituted Passover, festivals, the festival of booths, the festival of harvest. And God instituted that into his people because I believe he knows that we need vacation. A lot of those were an excuse for a vacation, by the way. Well said.

20:36 You know, those of us Americans out there, I can't remember the stat right now because we didn't study it, but it's hundreds of thousands of unused vacation days that go by every year in the United States of America. God instituted. I was like, why do I want to be like, hey, for church home employees, we're going to let them go. We're going to tell them you don't need your vacation. We're not going to do that, but that's how passionately you actually feel. Yeah. Because God instituted it, and God ordained it, and he ordained rhythms and festivals and vacations. And it's insane for me as humans that we think we know better to not celebrate holidays, not take vacations, not function in rhythm. Yeah, absolutely. I think in that rhythm and that vacating, there's a margin there that I think allows you to gain perspective. I think it takes space to look up, to look around and look down. And you got to look up sometimes and look at everything that God made. You got to look around and see the friends and the relationships you do have, not the ones that you've lost or don't have. And then you got to look down sometimes and say, hey, am I okay? And maybe it's a different order than that, but prosper and being healthy even as your soul prospers. How is my soul? How are my relationships?

22:00 How is my perspective on nature and the earth and God? I think we are do, do, do. And oftentimes times we never or rarely be, be, be, you know, I think that's important. Yes. But I'm going to give you a different perspective on that. Okay. Sometimes creating traditions does take work. Yeah. Oh, for sure. Like, and I, yeah. Like, like for, you know, creating an environment for people to come enjoy a party is a lot of work that I did. And it's so proud. Our kids work so hard. It really does. For me, cooking Thanksgiving meal and Christmas dinner, notice that was me cooking. Well, it certainly wasn't me. It certainly wasn't you. I wish I could. I've tried to be dinner dad. All those things do take work. And going back to, what's the movie?

22:54 The Christmas movie with Tim. Why can I not remember my brain? Tim Allen? With Tim Allen, where they're trying to skip Christmas. Santa Claus? Oh, yeah. Jimmy Lee Curtis. Yeah. People are listening to this and be like, oh my gosh, how can you not remember? Yeah, how can you not remember? Anyways, they go in the tanning booth. And they're trying to like go to Mexico instead of do the Christmas tradition. Yeah. And then they find out their daughter's coming home if they try to like panic and get it all ready. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, I feel both sides of that. For sure. I can't remember, can't remember if they named that.

23:26 It takes work sometimes to build in traditions. Yeah. Especially when the kids are little. Yeah. And you think, ah, this is really worth it. And now as they're getting older, realizing they crave Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas dinner, and they want to win the Cornhole for the July championship. And yeah, it just – I think now it's fun to sit back and realize, oh, no, that work, it paid off. Yeah. And it – you know, like, okay, so I'm going to – I'll throw a scripture to it because I know I'm driving you crazy. It does say, in Hebrews, it says labor to enter into rest. And it almost like, okay, this is a total stretch of the verse. I get it. But thanks. Now you have to work to enter into restful, beautiful traditions for your family. Yeah, yeah. And I just think that there's two aspects to margin. Sometimes you're able to provide margin for the people that you love. And then sometimes you go and get margin. And I guess maybe the tradition of the 4th of July for us is like, man, and we're a few days after now, So we're going to get some time to rest and reprieve.

24:30 But you feel like in a way that we're able to provide an environment for people to get margin and enjoy themselves and get some good food. And we try to provide. I mean, this year we did a little bit of a potluck. So people brought food, which was so fun. Oh, somebody brought this pasta salad. I need to get the rest of this. It was Vicky. Vicky, you know who you are. So good. You're amazing. I love you, Vicky. Yeah. So I think both are meaningful. meaningful, at least to me, like to provide an environment and watch people enjoy the tradition that gives them reprieve and rest and recreation and enjoyment that's fulfilling. And then knowing that, you know, in the next few days, I'm going to get some, some downtime and we spent, we went and basically watched the sunset last night and on our deck and just sat there and talked for a couple hours. And, you know, that was far more restful as it were, or margin providing than maybe 4th of July for us.

25:26 But 4th of July continues to be this effort we put in that is so fulfilling because you see it helping others. Yeah, and fun for us. Oh, so fulfilling. I love it. Oh, my word. I love it. You know what else is fun for me about 4th of July, specifically in the age of our kids, is realizing it's actually not too late to start meaningful traditions. That's a great point. The fact that it's what? So 21 to 22? I always have to count numbers and time on my hands. I really can do math in my head, but anyway, so this is our fifth year doing it. I just kind of- Fourth. Fourth year. Yeah, it's our fourth year doing it. And for us, it feels new, but for Grace, who's 15, all she remembers, it is this. Obviously, Ellen's eye are a little bit different, but- That's a lot. The fact that, hey, don't kick yourself if you feel like, oh, we don't really have any family.

26:18 It's never too late. It's never too late. And it's worth the work and energy and effort and planning. It is. And I mean, we have been incredibly blessed and frankly have sold some books and resources. Coming out with a book soon, by the way. I'm very excited. Oh, I am. Very excited. Yeah. But, you know, so we're able to host people at times and invest resource. But, you know, it's never too late. It's never too little. You know? Like every tradition, it's not the amount of money it takes or the amount of people that attend. Every little tradition and moment in whatever chapter and season you find yourself in is, I just think, really, really significant. I've had a couple of friends over the years who grew up with very little means and then mom or dad became incredibly successful. And frankly, they missed the days before dad had the big business or mom made the big sale.

27:23 And so it's all relative. It's not about the money invested. No, it's really not. It's just that he's thinking. The great Al Broker said, families that play together, stay together. Like, you know what? We have a little Bible in there. Get a little Al Broker in there. I also actually, Wes, this isn't on our notes, but as we're talking, I do want to make a shameless plug for a new tradition that we are starting at Church Home. It feels like, for Church Home, it feels like we've taken away a lot of traditions instead of adding as we've, you know, investigating a new way to do church that will be meaningful. But we are starting a new tradition in Churchill this year, which is Churchill weekend, which is basically kids camp, youth camp, and conference weekend for adults all at the same time in the world's most beautiful city during the month, during the summer in Seattle, in Bellevue. It's really inexpensive.

28:20 Sorry, this is now a shameless plug. You can find information out on the website. I think there are still some spaces available. but it's fun to start a new tradition and also fun to be at the beginning of a new tradition too which is what this year is going to be um and it's fun to think you know i think about church home and church all weekend and to think okay our our kids and then our grandkids that's going to be part of their summer rhythm which is yeah i mean you say that but i've started a lot of conferences and ended a lot of conferences so we we hope that yeah it will continue oh that statement annoyed me because of course, but for now. But for now. That's a good point. I'm not saying that about 4th of July. 4th of July, for the rest of our life. Yeah, but it's sufficient and it's meaningful for right now. I agree. I agree. Yeah, I take that back. That was wrong.

29:12 You're right. And I'm very, very excited. You just hate the feeling of being put in a box. I know what you were reacting to. But I really am looking forward to that time together. It's like our church family and hosting all the kids. So excited about that. It's going to be something. Thank you for setting up this episode. This feels like a very lighthearted episode. I'm like, oh, but we always close in prayer. Do we pray? I don't know. I'll pray. Okay. I'll pray. God, thank you for everyone watching. And the cool thing about you is that you know everyone who will watch this recording that we're doing right now. And you know exactly what they're facing. And to think that perhaps more rhythm, something to anticipate and look forward to and expect, could break more settledness in their soul is remarkable. And if that's the case, energize us and strengthen us to set rhythmic celebrations, seasonal celebrations that mean a lot to our soul and to our brain.

30:25 And in all of this, just like the seasons and just like the stars and just like the sunset, may it all speak of your beauty and majesty and grandeur. Remind us again that we are yours. We are your children. and you are our perfect heavenly father. And we thank you for that. In Jesus name. Amen.