Four Words for a Healthy Soul

1:26 that anything more than that and your brain starts to overload i'm just so curious of how the science was that somebody actually figured that out, but okay, I'll go with it. Well, and I actually was like, no, that's impossible. But we were laughing about a friend of ours who probably has 300 relationships. And we got into the deep conversation. Of course it was on the golf course. And I thought, well, that means a lot to me because as a pastor, I think my truest title in terms of a professional should be text pastor. Oh my gosh. All right. Don't agree. No, no, I meant love. No, no, no. I meant that in a good way. You are so active on your text messages in a good way, helping a lot of people, asking a lot of questions. I look at your phone and get absolutely overwhelmed. Yeah. It just brings me to an interesting point in my journey, in our journey. And that was, I do so much texting with so many different people. I love it. And if you're listening, you're one of the people I text, please know it's my thrill and my honor. And I love it. It does get a little overwhelming. I do try to turn my phone off in family time and evening time and dinner table and all that. Having said that, text messages asking people how they're doing kind of got old. You know, hey man, how are you? It's like the, oh, good, fine, great.

2:39 And that's all I got was good, fine. So I started to think of like, how could I ask like a really contemplative question? I came up with this, how's your soul? Ended up making the title of a book. Now that ruined everything because when I text friends now and say, how's your soul? They're like, wow, bro, you're texting me about your book. But the reason you wanted to ask that is we realized you can find out how somebody's marriage is, how their job is, how so many aspects of somebody's life are doing. But if the inside of who we are isn't at peace, isn't at rest, then it kind of doesn't matter how those other things are. And especially this month as we are in mental health awareness. Yeah, so important. And realizing that our mental health, what's happening on the inside of us is so important to the fulfillment and the joy and the peace that we experience in life. And this leads us to really a discovery that we had in an effort to understand why so many people that I was interacting with were really having a difficult go.

3:38 We're really having challenges. Staying healthy, staying optimistic, staying hopeful, staying faith-filled has become a challenge. And really, if we're all honest, has become a challenge for all of us. So I found myself going to the very beginning of the book, and that, of course, is the Bible, but specifically going to the beginning of what we call the Hebrew Scriptures of the Old Testament, written by Moses, we believe, the book of Genesis. And I got curious. I really did. Were there characteristics in the original environment, the Garden of Eden, before the selfish act of man we call sin? was that utopia? Is that paradise? Is that the context that we need for our own buoyancy of soul? Yeah. Believing that if we had a creator and if he made creation humankind in his image, that he would put us in an environment that would be optimal for us, that we would thrive in, that we would really have righteousness, peace, and joy. As parents try to do for our kids, right? We work so hard on the environment for our children that our creator, God, put the original mankind in an optimal environment for their soul. And so you began to study this and look at the Garden of Eden in Genesis, which is how God chose to reveal the beginning of mankind to us. And so we realized there's a lot of value and wisdom that we can glean from this passage.

5:02 Yeah. And I'm not going to lie. This has become one of the most tangibly rewarding discoveries other than the person of Jesus, discovering this ancient context in the paradise, the Garden of Eden has been such a wonderful asset to you and I in our journey. Yeah. And I love the way that your brain works, that you can take a story of scripture and get four R's from it. I would have got four like totally random words that no way would have started with the first letter. There is such a beauty to your brain and how that works and what this process was. So the first characteristic mentioned in all the Hebrew scriptures about the context, the environment, the garden, is that it was pleasing to the site and the fruit was good. So actually the first observation I made was like, well, there is like rest and enjoyment in the garden, that there needs to be a level of margin, a level of where you sit and enjoy the sights and you sit and enjoy the taste. And I laugh about it because it's raw organic sugar. I mean, that's in the fruit that was in the garden that God provided for Adam and Eve. Another interesting observation that really hit me was that Adam and Eve were given work to do. That work is actually not a burden or a curse, but it's a blessing. And it says that Adam was asked to tend and keep the garden. Quite literally, the first job in human history was landscaping. And so responsibility is a super important dimension of a buoyant, healthy soul. So you got rest, responsibility. And then it says that of all the garden and all the trees in the garden, there was one tree, which is interesting because God stacks the odds in our favor, all the trees you can eat from except one. There's been much conjecture and discussion with theologians and philosophers of like, why would God even put the one tree? And that is because saying no is good for the soul. And there's one tree they were said

7:08 to not eat from. And every time they walk by that one tree, they were to say no to it. And your no, particularly as you go on in your journey as a human being, becomes far more important than your yes. And so restriction is important as well. But last and certainly, but not least, that of course is the most important. And that is relationship. The first not good in all of the Hebrew Bible and all of scripture is that it's not good that man should be alone. So God made a helper or a comparable mate. So here's our four R's. Here's the optimal environment for your soul. If today you're listening to this episode going, I just don't think I'm doing well. I would wonder, does it have to do with one of, or maybe more than one of these four R's? You have rest, responsibility, restriction, and relationship. Honestly, there is not a week that has gone by in my life that I have not assessed in some way or another these four R's as it relates to the health of my brain, my body and my soul and yours as well. Yeah. It's been so revolutionary and life-changing for our family and just giving us handles to put around those moments when you just feel off inside, when something doesn't feel right to have a go-to, to be able to look at and say, is there a specific reason why I'm off? Do you think that these four R's before we get into the details of all of them, do they have to work together? Do they have to be balanced?

8:38 What's the relationship that the four of them have with each other? It's like four walls. If you can see these four R's, like four walls that make up the perfect context, the perfect environment for what I like to call a buoyant soul, which is a soul that even in the midst of the stormy waters of life can still be buoyant. There's a flotation dimension to your soul where it's not submerged, overwhelmed, and overcome by all of life. I think that typically there are one or more that your personality tends towards that. I'm not a worrier by nature. So like rest, reprieve, chilling out, canceling stuff, ignoring things. You know, I can do that. So rest can be sometimes a natural propensity for me where saying no, like, uh-oh. I like to say yes to everyone, to everything.

9:36 I like to double book. And so I think assessing the four, being honest with yourself that there are going to be some that come more naturally than others. And so how the four relate to each other, I think is very person by person. There's an individual relationship we have with these four R's that I think we've got to get transparent and honest about what comes easy, what is difficult, what's challenging, and not lose sleep or feel ashamed or embarrassed by that. Yeah, I really like admitting that it is different for every individual, that we are all so unique in our journeys. Relationships, you're so great at that. That comes so easy to you. Where for me, I have to work at relationships a little bit more, as sad as that sounds. Whereas, I don't know, restrictions. It's like, yeah, I like saying no, it makes you feel good. So are the four R's equal in importance? I don't think they're equal in importance.

10:30 And that can be a little bit challenging because I think in the reading of the whole of what is the story of God or the Bible, there's overwhelming evidence that relationship, connection with the divine and connection human to human is quite literally and possibly the most important thing in our entire journey in existence. And so that's why I kind of saved it the best for last. But they are interconnected. affected and when isolated, I think can become very unhealthy. I also just love that I said that what you're good at and I'm not so good at is the most important, which I agree. Oh, I'm sorry. No, it's really true. You're actually great at it. You're just great at it more one-on-one. Yeah. Yeah. And not too many. Yeah. My whole life I've had three friends. I can go back to high school and I had three friends and I look at pretty much every season and I've had three friends. So I am good at, it's just, it's just very different. Why is relationship important? Why is relationship necessary for a buoyant soul?

11:43 First of all, we are relational beings. And it's funny that Solomon, who's arguably one of the wisest humans that's ever lived, God gave him this gift of wisdom. He said, a man or a woman who isolate themselves, seek their own desires and rage against all wise counsel. Well, that is just an outrageous ancient writing and proverb and scripture that's like, excuse me. You know, it's like everyone who enjoys alone time, you feel accosted by that proverb. And yet I wonder if it's true. And of course it is. That we actually need each other like we need medicine. There's a healing agent. There is a connectivity that I think is paramount in the human experience. Why did God create heaven and earth? And the overwhelming evidence is for relationship.

12:39 Yeah, as you're talking, I couldn't help but think of the podcast episode we did with Justin and Haley Bieber, who are such good friends of ours and such heroes. And remember Justin talking about he's on tour at this point in his career and his soul was doing good. He's getting in a really healthy place, but he talks specifically about being at a castle in Scotland or England and realizing he was there all alone. And it was kind of meaningless for him if he didn't have people and relationships in his life to share it with. And how we could all say relationships are important, but to have somebody who has really reached fame and fortune, which so many of us look for in this world and think that's going to bring about happiness and contentment to our souls, to be talking with somebody who has really reached the epitome of both of those, but realizing, yeah, I can have all the fame and fortune you want, but without relationships, it actually isn't going to be meaningful. It brings a level of depth. It's funny, we use that term grounded, You know, we're grounded, which basically just means connected.

13:43 But boy, is there a challenge when it comes to cultivating relationships. Relationships do seem to be the hardest, most fulfilling things that we do in life. I mean, I think about marriage and it's beautiful, but also has the ability to break my heart. I think about raising our kids and those relationships, the work that we put into them. But those are the things that bring me the most joy by far. Totally. It also crosses my mind that in the world we live in, the most punishing thing that somebody can receive in our penal system and prisons is solitary confinement. Putting somebody in solitary confinement is the worst form of punishment that can be received. Wow. Other than the death penalty in our country. And I think that speaks so much to how we are made for relationships. We are made for interaction with other humans. Yeah, and C.S. Lewis, of course, in his writings, he penned that the concept of hell is very much intrinsically connected to separation. He likened hell to like a subway system where everybody gets on the subway, but people are just dropped off a million miles away from each other in bleakness and darkness and total isolation.

14:50 That is the concept of hell, that inherently we are born to be interconnected. We are commune beings. We're meant to interact and love and listen and feel each other in a way. And since relationship is only one of the four R's, is it possible to go overboard on relationship or put too much emphasis on relationship if we're participating in relationships, building relationships at the expense of the other three R's? Well, I mean, we started this podcast by saying you can only facilitate 150. So, I mean, even science tells us that, yeah, you can overextend yourself. And I think for me, ironically, restriction oftentimes ends up playing a significant role in my life as it relates to relationships. Because relationship is such a natural bent for me. I'm a relational being. I had coffee with a buddy yesterday and we're both talking about how we get energy from people. Where in your case, oftentimes it's alone time that gives you energy.

15:48 Our firstborn son, it's alone time that gives him energy. And so naturally, what gives you energy can easily become excessive or even abused in a way. These four R's, I think, are constantly in cahoots. They work one with another. And so I oftentimes go to restriction and restriction tells me you need more in your relationships. So restriction is a great R word. And obviously, it came out through this process and journey you went through. But it's not a word that we tend to use often in everyday life. What are you restricting yourself from today? What do you mean when you say restriction or what's at the core of that sentiment? Yeah, I mean, certainly it's limits. You know, there are limits to everything. There's that old study at elementary school, you know, where the kids are climbing all over the fences and they're trying to get out of the recess area that's been fenced in. And so the research and study people, whoever they were, took the fence away and the kids were huddled in a fearful cluster at the middle of the recess field because the lack of limits or boundaries made them uneasy.

16:58 And I think boundaryless living never makes for a buoyant soul. And if you look at nature, the universe, there's limits everywhere. There's limits to the ocean. In fact, Genesis speaks of this. God put limits to the rivers and the oceans and the stars and the sky and the soil. The ocean is so beautiful as long as it stays in its limits. When a tidal wave comes and it goes outside of its limits, that's when it's destruction. Obviously, we can tell with the ocean where the limits are. There's a clear delineation between ocean and land. Sometimes in our own lives, though, it feels harder to discern what the limits should be. Yeah, when it comes to limits, how do you know when to set limits or when the limits have become too much? When do you use your no? Such a good question because even limits to an extreme can become detrimental. You limit yourself from too many things too often and that's not healthy.

17:54 I also think about our kids, you know, when they're two, three, four. If we would have let them eat only candy, they would have eaten only candy. but teaching them the limits of how do you have some candy but not too much so it makes you sick but there is a natural response to when you have too much if a kid has too much candy they're going to get sick if an adult has too much alcohol you're going to get sick if a person has too many things on their plate you're going to get anxiety and overwhelmed so i think there's things that tell us when we've had too much but can we be preventative is there a way that we can figure out beforehand what the limits on things should be. Yeah. I mean, I think so. You've got to have limits and you've got to predetermine almost those limits. And some of those are going to be imperfect because you're not entirely sure, like, is this my limit? Is this my limit? But actually just having less of anything can be a good move for your soul. And that's really what we're saying. It's just telling yourself I'm done. It is pretty crazy that good feeling that you get when you tell yourself you're not going to do something and then you actually follow through with it and keep that limit in place, keep that boundary in place.

19:05 It just feels good. It is good for the soul. Is anyone out there, you know what I'm talking about when you're exhausted at the end of a really full day. And if we're really honest, that exhaustion, it's very taxing in some cases debilitating, but there's a little sensation in there of satisfaction because it's like, boy, I worked so hard that falling into my couch at night as a level of fulfillment to it, because I really limited myself during the day. Now the rest and relaxation is that much more meaningful. Yeah. And it is amazing how these four hours really can and do work together that when we really have the proper limits on our responsibility and the proper limits on our rest, that gives us such a level of peace and satisfaction. It's the four ingredients in the stew here.

19:59 And when you put it all in the stew, you know, having a little bit of ketchup or having a little bit of pepper. Now you put some ketchup and some pepper and some bone broth and you start, before you know it, it's like, wow, this tastes really, really good. That is the weirdest metaphor I've ever given for the four R's. I don't think you've ever made stew. I've never made stew before. I use pepper, ketchup, and broth. It's like, grow up, Judah. You have no idea what's in the stew. But the point is, the metaphor still works. It really is a wonderful stew. And you can eat thoroughly and drink deeply from that stew. Why do you think responsibility is one of the four R's, only one of the four walls as you described it, which I think is so beautiful? Because partnership is a part of the plan of God And God wants us to be his partner. He doesn't need mankind to be his partner, but he wants us to be a partner. And so I think responsibility, it just points us to this idea of partnership.

21:10 I even think relationship as it relates to Adam and Eve, that partnership is indicative of the partnership that God wants with us. And there's this portion where it says that God was walking in the garden in the cool of the day. Now that is God walking in what he made, right? God's enjoying what he made and he wants us to walk with him through the universe he made. God wants to be in partnership, not too dissimilar to like when we had toddlers and they wanted to help make dinner or help clean up the house or help cut the grass. I'm doing air quotes you can't see right now. And I'm like, this is actually way more work to help my four-year-old wants to spread the bark around the backyard. But it was what I wanted. I wanted the partnership. And I oftentimes wonder if that's how God feels. He's included us.

22:02 It probably takes a little more effort on his end, but he wants to. And it's amazing the relational element that we have with God around our jobs, around our responsibilities, but also with other people. I mean, if I'm really honest, my close friends are people who I've gotten to work with. And there is a connection when we're sharing a common task with somebody else as we're doing this podcast. We have producers who are here with us. And I wouldn't have gotten to know these amazing women without the responsibility of doing a podcast. And I've just got to know them and love them. And the relationship that can be fostered through responsibility is also really good for our souls. But it's also so good for our souls. The feeling of accomplishment. it? Oh, there's something about crossing a T or dotting an I that just, it's endorphins seem to be released in our brain and our body. And if you look at agriculture, the idea of planting a seed, watering a seed, the maturation process of the seed is all indicative of what happens in our inner being, in our soul. The seed time, the planting time, the harvest time, the watering time, All of these things, I think, are indications even in nature of what we were made for.

23:17 And by the way, it's interesting because nature seems to give us the old nod that like being in a hurry generally just doesn't do you any favors as it regards to a healthy, buoyant soul. Yeah, we can learn so much from nature, especially when it comes to limit and even responsibility in an odd way that trees have purpose, animals have purpose. And there really is that integral part of nature. But it is so interesting to me, especially when it comes to responsibility and restriction, how easy it is for us as humans to think, if only I didn't have to work anymore, then I'd be happy. Then my soul would be happy. If only I had limitless amounts of money and I could buy whatever I felt like buying, then I would be happy. If only I had limitless amounts of sex. These things that we think are going to make us happy that are removing responsibility and limits, I think these are the most counterintuitive to what is going to make us happy. And we think that limitless living, right?

24:13 Think of the word limitless. It's like a catchphrase in our culture. It's like, ooh, I want to be limitless. No, no. Limits are serving you. You know, love what you do. You'll never work a day in your life. Hey, hey, warning, life is not about never working another day in your life. That actually is not what's going to be healthiest for your soul. Having something to do that is full of purpose, that is adding to the benefit of your fellow man is such an honor and a privilege. Yeah, and that's so true that we don't just want to work and have responsibility to get a paycheck because that does feel cumbersome. But when we're doing something, knowing that it's with purpose for the benefit of helping others, there is even a deeper level of fulfillment. When you are working just for money, you are missing out on the myriad of things that are added to your soul by having a responsibility somewhere you need to be. you're expected to be and showing up with your full self and giving yourself diligently to whatever you do, the scripture says, do it with all your might or with all your heart, because that's what's good for your soul. And actually the beauty of responsibility is not compensation for your time. The beauty of responsibility is the compensation that is given to your soul and the satisfaction and fulfillment that you showed up and you gave yourself to your craft. Yeah, I can't help but think of our teenagers and their experience during COVID. They were in online school for a year and a half, almost two years from the time they had their last day of school to the time they went back. And even in the life of our teenagers, there was a bit of a sadness that they had to fight. There wasn't as much fulfillment when they weren't giving themselves to that restriction and giving themselves to that responsibility. And how as soon as our boys, especially when they got back into school and they got back into sports and they had a place that they had to be. They had to show up in time or they had to run lines. You know, they had limits and they had responsibilities. Their joy and their fulfillment really did increase. It's pretty crazy to think of the difference in the

26:18 countenance of our kids when they had those things. Night and day, actually. I mean, a tangible, physical, actual, visible difference in our children. And it brings me to today, seeing our neighbors come home, walking in the front door and their front porch in their workout outfits, and they're working out. And I was looking at our neighbors thinking, why did they do that? And I see them so often working out and it led me down a trail in my own thoughts early this morning, like, why work out? It's funny when you're young, you work out to look good. That's the whole concept. Just how you work out to look good. And then as you get older and a little wiser and understanding the molecular structure of your body, you discover like, oh, you work out because it actually serves your brain and your soul. It's like brain food. It does something for your soul that maybe science doesn't totally pick up on, but any and everyone who knows they've made working out a part of their regimen. You might look at them at the naked eye and literally say, you kind of look the same when you work out or don't work out.

27:17 But I'll tell you what doesn't look the same, their soul. Yeah, and I love that analogy because it shows that responsibility isn't just a job. It's not just something that you get paid to do. Responsibility can be something that you volunteer for. Raising children is a lot of responsibility. There's a lot of areas that can check the responsibility box other than just a job. Totally. Like making your bed, finishing the book you started. Little things early in the morning, you know, having a moment of quiet, contemplative meditation. Like these are taking responsibility for quietness, for stillness, for listening. Really at every turn of your life, you have an opportunity to take responsibility and really see your soul benefit. Yeah, which makes me think about how tough the transition from retirement can be on humans emotionally. It's not that they need any more money, but not having that responsibility anymore can be really tough.

28:15 And my dad has tried retiring like four times and he keeps like trying to find new things to do just so that he can get some responsibility in his life because there's something about our souls. that we know we need responsibility. Yeah. Last one that we haven't covered is rest. Rest is such an interesting conundrum, particularly being a Westerner and growing up in the United States of America. Rest, oftentimes, there was a vast majority of its concept that I felt was kind of weakness, if I'm really honest. In fact, I think we've been in environments where whoever sleeps the most is the weakest. Whoever takes the most vacations is the weakest. I so have issue with the amount of sleep that people need. You know that old saying that says, we've all given the same amount of time, however you're going to use it? I always want to raise my hand and say, no, we haven't.

29:06 I need nine hours of sleep. I can't. I have nine to 12. Oh gosh, right? Anyway, yes, rest feels like weakness. It feels like only the weak need to rest. Only the weak need to take a vacation. Look, we're using the word need. I'm using the word need. it is very true that we've equated rest with weakness. Why do you think that is? It is championship or bust here in this country. It is number one, or you're the first to lose, which is second place. And that's what we celebrate. That's who the people who get the commercials and the brand deals is the champions. We want champions, champions, champions. And if you're not a champion, well, then you're not on the grind. Your mentality isn't good enough. you've got to be great. You have to be an outlier. You have to be outstanding. And that's just not realistic. And that's actually, I don't think is ingredients for a truly deep, fulfilling, content life. Yeah. Because then it's all about striving and it's all about trying to get somewhere. The thing about rest, when I think of when I'm at my rest, it's when I have a feeling and an expectation that I'm not supposed to be anywhere else. I am exactly where I need to be and this is exactly what I should be doing. That's a pretty powerful place to be.

30:21 Well, yeah. And I think that's what I'm really passionate about around this subject, because I think the connotation with rest is day off. It is vacation. It's retirement. Those are elements that speak to rest, but not necessarily. I've had really exhausting days off. I've come home more tired from vacation. Oh, when our kids were little, that was so much work it's just a change of location yeah it's not vacation you know what i mean so rest interestingly enough in my discovery in the hebrew scriptures was like wait a minute what if rest has just as much to do with enjoying the sounds the birds are making acknowledging how green the grass is and how it feels under your feet watching a hummingbird hover and its backside glisten with like glitter almost with the way that God made its feathers.

31:18 That's a big part in Matthew 6. Of course, Jesus speaks about this idea. Consider the lilies, consider the flowers. Are you stopping to smell the roses? You can have the fullest day, but you can also incorporate rest with a 30 minute, sorry, 30 second acknowledgement of the trees. Is that a pine tree? Is that a eucalyptus? Is that an olive tree? Wow, that's beautiful. It's all there in front of us to enjoy. Remember the other night we went on a walk and we literally stopped and smelled the roses? As often as I've heard that saying, I don't think I've ever done that. And I didn't even realize that roses of different colors actually smell differently. You can't stop and smell the roses if you're worried that you're not far enough along in your career. If you're feeling guilty that I should be with my kids right now. If you're feeling, I have all these things that I need to accomplish. You cannot actually stop and smell the roses literally or figuratively if your brain is in that place, if your brain is somewhere else, if you're thinking I should be doing other things. And that's why I think the Bible says in Hebrews, labor to enter into rest, which sounds like such an oxymoron that we have to work to get into rest. But it is so true.

32:33 Yes. Sometimes you've really got to put some concerted effort and focus into the margin. a buddy of mine were on a walk the other day and we actually saw a hawk hop into a field he disappeared into the long grass of the field and came out with a mouse in his claws no way flew up to the top of a pine tree and started to devour the mouse and like we're watching like national geographic right in front of us but it's like i lost all concept of time responsibility where i was going what we were doing what we're talking about and just got caught up in the wonderful ways of nature and a hawk and a mouse and grass and a pine tree. And that's rest. Oh, by the way, we oftentimes, for those of us that are Jesus followers, we think of work as worship. Well, I'm going to go do this for God. Well, guess what? Adoration, admiration, stilling, stopping, listening, and admiring is a great form of worship. Rest is a great form of worship. Rest is where you say, I'm not God. While I stop doing anything, God continues to do everything. And so I think we have this idea, whoever's working the longest and working the most and putting in the most hours and sleeping the least is the most admirable. And I must say, when it comes to the ways and teachings of Jesus, they are literally quite different. I really want to change my mindset so that I can see rest as a position of strength, not something of weakness.

34:03 Even though I know rest is something good that we're supposed to do, I've still seen as weakness. It's something I see as weakness for me in my body that I need more rest. I see that as an area of weakness in my life. Wow. And I don't think it has to be that way. No, I don't think it does at all. And I think oftentimes I do think people are like, oh, rest. Oof, I only have two weeks of vacation. Ooh, rest, like I don't even have a day off for many, many days. No, no, no, no, no. Rest can happen in 10 seconds, 30 seconds. It is reprieve. It is built in margin. And a little can go a long way, especially if you sprinkle a little throughout your day, it can go a long way. What I love actually between the correlation of the Genesis account and that the fruit tasted good is how often in our American culture we eat on the go. imagine if I actually stopped and rested while I ate instead of eating on the go, instead of eating at my desk, doing another work, instead of eating in the car while I'm driving to one thing or another place that we could actually take mealtimes as a moment to rest. In a lot of ways, I believe that's why God created mealtimes for us. Shout out to sommeliers, right? Because when you listen to a sommelier describe a particular wine and its aging process and where in the world the grapes were grown and the sun and the soil and the climate. And then you sip the wine, which you drink wine. I don't currently and won't for a while, but boy, those are just such enjoyable, rich moments. And I think sometimes in our Western world, we admire other countries and cultures as we should, because there's a slowness that I think we ought to admire. I'm so excited for the toolkit for today. Yeah. Because I think it's really practical and will give us some great insight to take these four R's and really put them into a plan to improve our mental health.

35:56 Yeah. I hope that at least this episode provokes a conversation around these four R's. If nothing else, they give you the constructs of a really pithy conversation that you can have at a lunch or a dinner or some friends like, hey, let's talk about, you know, do these and kind of see the box, you know, the four walls and then ask yourself like, hey, which wall's a little weak? Which walls worn down? Where are some holes? I urge you to sink into these conversations a little bit. Allow yourself some space and some room to talk about the four R's and how you're doing. Here's the exercise that I came up with, but I also feel I kind of discovered it's so elementary and it's easy. So that's the good news. You take these four R's, right? So you take rest, you take responsibility, you take restriction, you take relationship, and you ask yourself to number one to four, one is what you're absolutely the strongest at and you feel like you're really, really consistent at.

36:51 And then you separate the bottom two, three and four, and you assess, okay, what am I not as good at? But of course, it's the one and the four that I really want us to emphasize. What are you the least effective at? What is really a weakness of the four? And then what's a strength? And then looking at these two, what makes number one and what makes number four? And starting to come up with a little bit of a game plan because I think you'll instinctively know what to do if, for instance, responsibility is four. Your work is something you just wanna get through. You're sick and tired of it. You're annoyed of it. You don't even like your job. You want a new job. But we're all kind of in the headspace of like, work? I don't know. Do I like it? Do I want it? Should I do a YouTube channel? You know, like all the different things, but how can that become more of a strength and what can you do? Here's my favorite part of the exercise. Can you get a trusted few people to say, will you have a meaningful conversation with me? And I know this is wild, but I did this without even my friend knowing yesterday, we had a lunch together. And what I started to do is we dug in into one of these areas that wasn't really strong. And we discovered it goes all the way back to his childhood. Like this was something that was either instilled or ignored in his childhood. For instance, in the case of my friend, the grind was noble. And it was about work, work, work, work, work. The parents had multiple jobs and that was almost expected, right? So there's a lot we can learn about ourselves through the lens of these four R's and we can grow into. Ultimately, what I love doing is bringing them to God. Yeah. I like the combination of assessment and then conversation and then a prayer. That's a really amazing tool. Sometimes it's hard to know what's really happening on the inside of ourselves. And having these tools can really be helpful

38:56 to bring about some hope and some healing once we can identify what's going on. And I would love for you to put up these four walls, put yourself in the context of the four R's and then ask yourself, where am I? Where am I? Am I okay? And that's where I got the whole idea of like, I'll text my friends and say, how's your soul? And I was hoping it would put them in the context of those four R's and say, well, how am I doing? How's my rest? How's my responsibility? How's my restriction? How's my relationships? Boy, it's an invigorating exercise that I hope serves our listeners for a long, long time. I agree. Can I pray? Please.