JUST DOWN THE ROAD

0:25 I've got a clap for this car. Let me give you a hypothetical situation. It's like we're driving together. What if I could name an intersection and what if I told you every time you drive through that intersection, there's a 40% chance that you're going to have a major crash? Would you drive through that intersection? Well, the answer is no. If you look at the stats on marriage, 40% of marriages crash and burn.

1:08 So obviously we're not driving right. We're not going through the proper intersection that God desires. That's why I'm doing this series called RPM, Relationship, Passion, and Marriage.

1:29 This is a sweet ride, isn't it? If I can figure out how to get out of it, this is a McLaren. Let me see how to get out here. Oh, yeah. Oh, look at this. Look, look. And a McLaren is handmade in Surrey, England. This costs over half a million dollars. I want you to watch me get out of this.

2:00 that's a miracle that's a miracle but this car is definitely a high performance car it's a dream car if you have a half a million to spare why not buy a mclaren i've been doing some research on mclarens and one thing really blew me away there was a recent recall for this car. In fact, there was a braking malfunction that said it could cause a crash. Well, this book right here is a recall notice when it comes to relationships, because God tells us if we drive our car our way, if we are behind the wheel, it could cause a major crash. If you think about the stats for a second. Just for a second, think about the stats. 40%, as I said earlier, of first marriages end in divorce. Like 67% of second marriages end in divorce. And then a whopping 73% of third marriages don't make it. Now, those are sobering stats, are they not?

3:15 But this is a very expensive car, to say the least, high-performance car. And I've been doing and using very expensive cars as metaphors for 25 years. And I want to tell you the story behind the story of these cars, because I've driven Rolls-Royces and Bentleys and Ferraris and all sorts of crazy cars. a guy a friend of mine has a number of dealerships and he has told me whenever I need a car he goes whatever you want I'll have it there for you to use it as an illustration and I've taken him up on that because I've done this teaching a good bit I met the guy through a mistake I called the number because I'd seen this family had visited our church. Well, I thought. So I called this guy, he answers the phone. And I said, hey, it's great to have you attending fellowship church. He goes, I'm not a Christian and I don't attend fellowship church. You must, maybe my wife did. Maybe my wife did. So we started talking a little bit. He goes, well, why don't you come by my dealership? I'd love to say hi to you because I've heard about fellowship church. Okay. I went there and got to and he gave us some cars to use as illustrations.

4:38 He started attending fellowship church. For five years, he was kicking tires, and then I happened to be with him the moment he prayed the prayer to give the car keys of his life, a Jewish guy, to Jesus Christ. I watched him give Christ control of his life. So that's the story behind the story.

5:03 all of these cool cars, but they are cool. It's interesting that Jesus used so many metaphors and illustrations and examples, isn't it? The Bible, when it refers to his teaching, it uses a Greek term called expresso, really like the drink almost. It means to capture, to engage, to entertain campaign for the purpose of life change. That's what we do at Fellowship Church. And we had the idea years ago to use a car. I didn't have it. A young woman on our staff came up to me and she goes, Ed, you're talking about relationships and dating. Why don't you use a car? And I was like, a car on stage? She goes, yeah. And then I thought about it and our team kind of went back and forth on it. So we came up with this whole adventure and it's been so much fun. I could fill this section right here of people that I've talked to over 35 years at Fellowship Church about how to do relationships right. And they have done a U-turn and done the opposite. And quite frankly, their lives are a wreck, a wreck. On the other hand, I could show you a section of people bigger than it the right way, who've given Jesus the keys, who said, okay, you drive my relationships, my passion, and my marriage, and it's been awesome to see what God has done in their lives.

6:35 This series, though, as I said earlier, is a giant recall notice because we all need help in relationships. We're all defective, and if you have a defective part, if there's a recall notice, you take the car back, even in McLaren, to the dealership, they fix it free of charge, on your way, and no longer are you putting yourself and others in danger. Well, the same is true right here when it comes to relationships. Last time, we talked about something very important. When it comes to relationships, when it comes to people who are thinking about spouse selection, and parents, this is a major, major talk for you. When it comes to people who are contemplating that, the first mistake that people make when it comes to spouse selection is this. They fail to look behind the wheel. In other words, Jesus has to be driving. Has Jesus taken the wheel of your life? Ask the person that question. And if you have to ask the person that question, they probably aren't, but do ask the question, do they have a story? And then on top of that, are they involved in the dealership? I'm talking about the church. Do they go, yeah, you know, I go to this church or that church. Yeah, you can be a Christian without going to church.

7:52 And yeah, technically you can, but that would be like me saying, hey, I love surfing, but I hate water in the ocean. That's nonsense. So if someone loves God, they're going to love his house, his dealership. They're going to park their lives at the church. they're going to produce fruit. The Bible says in Galatians chapter five, the fruit of the spirit and the Holy Spirit does this is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. So the fuel in your car should be the Holy Spirit. The Bible says we're to be filled with the Holy Spirit, filled with the Holy Spirit. That gives us the, the octane, the energy, the fuel, literally, to discover what God has for us. So defective daters make mistakes when they don't go through this drill of, all right, who is driving their car?

9:00 Another one is this. Defective daters have the showroom floor mentality. I know that doesn't happen here in Dallas-Wort Worth, but the showroom and floor mentality is you focus on a few features and miss the entire car. You might walk around the car, guys, and you might go, wow.

9:29 Whoa. you focus on a few features and that's it. In the car business, there's a 48 hour rule. Car dealers know if you come into a showroom and see those cars with the lights, they give you a little bit of coffee or some water. They know if they can get you in the car buying mood, you'll drive off the showroom floor. I just bought a McLaren. And you don't think about the insurance. You don't dollars. Boom. Like that. So guys, we are drawn more to the physical. Women are drawn more to the physical.

10:16 women are like, girl, I don't care what he looks like. Yeah. He's balding. Yeah. He's got a beer belly, but he's worth a billion and he drives a McLaren. I like him. That's the showroom mentality for the ladies in first Samuel. The Bible tells us in chapter 16, verse seven, people judge by outward appearance. Isn't that true? But the Lord looks at the heart. I'm talking about character over cosmetics. I'm talking about conviction over chemistry. I'm talking about calling over charisma. I mean, those things are important, but what trumps everything is the lordship of Jesus Christ. Is he driving the car?

11:09 And you've got to, well, let me stop. Let me stop and tell you a story. Let me just stop. I almost said something, but when I tell you this story, it'll illustrate it better. Oh, wow, the twins were, I don't know, maybe nine or 10 years old. And this guy, a friend of mine in the church, bought a brand new Ferrari.

11:33 and he was going out of the country. It's just random. And he just goes, Ed, drive my Ferrari for a week, would you? I go, are you serious? He goes, yeah, take the kids around, whatever. I said, what if I break it? He goes, I don't care, it's insured. Okay, okay. I prayed about it, okay.

11:55 So I brought this Ferrari home. them, oh, dad, this is the most incredible thing. Will you drive carpool, please? And I did. We folded ourselves in this Ferrari like mustard sardines. Do you know I love mustard sardines? I don't know why I said that, but I did. We folded ourselves in there and they would go, dad, drive slow through the carpool line. Dad, dad. And then we'd have the, the music thumping. They would wave to their friends and people were like, wow. It's a Ferrari.

12:35 I have a confession to make about the Ferrari. After four days, four days, the shine began to wear off. It was like, I'm tired of this car. I'm tall and sitting low to the ground. And I mean, if you have a Ferrari or Ferraris, that's great. I admire the cars. I'm just saying, I have no desire to have one. I don't, That's just me. But in this Ferrari, the Sean wore off and I was like, man, okay, I can't wait for the guy to get back home from out of the country. And so, so the last day I had the car, I'm driving this thing and the dashboard lights up like a Christmas tree. Every warning light imaginable. I'm going, Oh no, I've messed the car up. So when I turned it back into my friend, I told my friend about it. He goes, I'll take it to the dealership. It's no problem.

13:38 So he took it to the dealership and called me back. He goes, Ed, you won't believe what the dealer told me. I said, just tell me. He asked me who was the last person who drove the car. And I answered my pastor. He said, well, you tell your pastor he didn't drive the car hard enough or fast enough? Ouch. Ouch. Have you dated that person long enough for the shine, hear what I'm saying to you, to wear off, to get into reality? The Bible talks about two types of love. Eros, which is that sexual, that whoom, whoom, that love.

14:22 And the Bible talks about that. And that needs to be part of relationships and part of marriage. We know that. But also the Bible talks about agape, which is covenant love, unconditional love. We have to date the person long enough for the eros to erode. Does that make sense? So we look at the car and have a realistic view. and we even might walk around the car after the shine wears off. I don't know. Maybe walk through some exhaust now and then. And then...

15:02 And then you discover, okay, this is the right person or the wrong person. You need to go through four seasons. Do four with me. Four, four, four. You know, football players. Fourth quarter. Yeah. Bro, fourth quarter. Okay. Four seasons. If you're dating someone, four seasons. Dating someone, four seasons. Because you want to find the ultimate. You date to find the ultimate. Four seasons. fall, winter, spring, summer. You go through those seasons. After that, then you make the call because then the eros will erode. You'll be able to go, wow, okay, I see this car for what it is. Does that make sense to you? But I want to revisit though, this showroom floor mentality

15:49 because when you married him, you know, maybe he had a six pack and now he has a gut. That's okay. I mean, we're only gonna look good. Let's just be flat out honest for about five years, maybe 10.

16:10 I'm not good. I meant like, oh, not good. Let me take that back. Delete that. We're only gonna look our best. That's what I meant to say, honey. You're beautiful. We only... You're hot. We're only going to look our best for about 10 years. Okay. That makes sense. Okay. After that, these six packs can, you know, whatever. And then ladies, maybe when you got married, your skin was smooth. Maybe you have a little bit of hail damage. I don't know. But.

16:47 we have to, we're having fun, aren't we? That sounds like Jerry Jones. We're having fun. We're having fun. Yeah, we're having fun because, because we have to look past those things. We need to look as good as we can. And I'm going to talk about fashion and modesty in a second. We have to look the best we can.

17:08 And we need to have regular maintenance. We need to maybe get reupholstered, repainted, a lift kit. I don't know. but do the best with what God has given you.

17:29 Then you have the dress issue. Do I need to blow my nose? I'm having problems this morning. I really have. Okay. Then you have the dress issue. And ladies, you're going to get a little bit upset, but that's okay. Let's talk about modesty. Oh, who are you to judge me and to put your modesty on me? I'm not putting my modesty on you. I'm just going to tell you what the Bible says about modesty.

18:08 Is there a pig somewhere? Proverbs 11, 22, like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman who shows no, say it with me, discretion. You're a McLaren.

18:29 You are a McLaren. And you won't really know you're a McLaren until you give the keys to Christ, but you're handmade. It took over 250 hours to make this car. Ladies, you're a McLaren. Would you drive a McLaren? with the doors open.

18:53 advertising everything which should be reserved for the covenant of marriage because what you show is who you will attract. And if you show revealing things, if you show the skin and dress in this provocative, sexy way, you're going to recruit people, and that's all they see. And the last time I checked, those aren't the people you want. They're not the people who are going to drive the McLaren the way you want it driven. It's just not going to happen. I don't know the answer to all of this, ladies. Where do faith and fashion meet and collide?

19:46 I don't know. You know I love fashion. I've loved fashion my whole life. I think it's great. But there's a line there to where you have to ask yourself, why am I doing this? Another bikini selfie? Really? And guys, you're going to post with your shirt off quoting Bible verses. I mean, are we a walking, talking thirst trap now? Is that the game? Really? and Tinder and Bumble and hookup culture and match. And I just, I just, I just got to express who I am. And it is funny. Have you noticed how everything is sexy now? Sexy teeth, sexy shoes.

20:35 it's a sexy meal, sexy, everything. And God invented eros. He invented it. It's to be practiced within the covenant of marriage. So ladies, dress tastefully and modestly. And for you parents, the father is going to know more about what the daughter should wear and not wear than the mother. The mother is not going to, I mean, she will, but you're going to have a cat fight there. The father can say, no, no, no, no, no, no. Because we know that guys are physical and of course women are, I love that, physical. Is that good?

21:21 that's really good the bible tells us this in first timothy chapter 2 verse 9 it says this i also want the woman to dress modestly with decency and propriety and this word in the greek Kosimos means beauty under control. So we have who's driving the car, right? And we have to ask and answer that question. We have to be serious about it. Then we have to go, okay, I've got to have the shine to wear off. I cannot become this person with the showroom floor mentality if I want this McLaren marriage. And how about this? 90% of people will get married. at least once in their life. So let's do it right, okay?

22:14 But God has this high-performance marriage in store for us, but we're doing it in a low-performance way. Here's another thing, and then we'll throttle down.

22:35 Defective daters fail to pop the trunk. in dating and we don't really check the baggage oh yeah she's she's a smoke show but she's really Linda Louis Vuitton oh he he takes care of me yes he's balding and has a beer belly and is a billionaire, but he takes care of me. He's really Samsonite Sam.

23:16 Sorry, Sam. I did that for the alliteration, not for you. but in dating, I have my whole family here. Hey, Brad, Landra, what's going on? Laurie, how are you doing? Are you enjoying this? Yeah. Okay. At least I love you. So in dating, check through the baggage. In other words, the family baggage.

23:43 Now that's, that's important. That's where your self-esteem comes from. your character, your values. Hey, how does your family treat Christmas and Thanksgiving and some of those things? Proverbs 3, 21 and 22, you'll see it. It says that we are to preserve sound judgment and discernment. We're using discernment here. You're not going to know everything about their family. No one comes from a perfect family. We all have, you know, junk in the trunk that needs to be dealt with. So what I'm challenging you to do is to unpack these issues. And a great place to do it is in the office of a Christian counselor or with a trusted friend and just, and just talk about this, but make sure you have open conversations with your spouse because there's always going to be surprises when you get married.

24:49 It's so quiet when I talk about these things. I mean, how does your family communicate? Did you have an overbearing mother or father? You need to talk about those things. Let's move over to Samsonite Sam.

25:09 This is the temperament bag. Yes, the family bag is important, but how about the temperament bag? I like the word temperament. The word temper is in it. Oh, what attracted you to her was the fact she's so organized and so thoughtful. She's such a planner. Now you're married. You are driving me crazy.

25:40 Let's be a little spontaneous. You know, so often that thing that attracted us can cause some issues after marriage. part of it. Maybe you saw him and you said, oh, he's so funny. He makes me laugh. He's spontaneous. You know, you get married. That humor doesn't work. Even though he might look at you and go, haven't you heard of a joke? It just doesn't work anymore as much. So you had to go, through those things. You're going to have conflict in marriage. Hey, singles, I know you're shocked. Students, you're shocked. You will have conflict in marriage. Marriage is

26:31 hard. Marriage is great. Marriage takes work. I'm here to tell you, for 44 years we've been married and we have a great marriage. It is worth the work. It's work to work. So again, I'll tell you, no matter what you've gone through, no matter where you are, take where you are, give the car keys to God and begin to do some of these things. And hey, one of the major mistakes Lisa and I made, can I just tell you this? You've seen guys, basketball players, like grab their shorts like that. You ever seen that? I how many times have Lisa and I had conflict that could have been resolved before marriage? And one of the mistakes that we made, and we've written about this, it's in print, is that we did not seek marital counseling before we got married.

27:33 You can do marital counseling, did you know that, before marriage. So with a trusted counselor, they can go through some of those things because Lisa and I have some complexities in our family of origin. For example, Lisa's family is a family that plans things. Before they would go on any kind of vacation, I mean, it was like, oh my goodness. On the other hand, my family, we just basically get in the car and start driving. We didn't know even where we were going. So that, I know that's a small thing, but it can end up being a bigger thing. So go through those. Think about those things. Something else too. How do you handle conflict? How does your family handle conflict? Some families just act like it's not there. Other families are like, what'd you say?

28:28 Some people are like iced coffee. Something goes wrong, they're cold. What's wrong? Nothing. Seriously, tell me, baby. Bye. some people handle conflict. I'm going to do this for those of us who are over 50. Some of this stuff, you know, so it is really young, but let me, let me give you a kind of a metaphor for those of us who are over 50. Some people handle conflict.

29:07 Clint Eastwood, the Spaghetti Wester. See, gunslinger style. We're just fire from the hip, man. We're just throwing stuff out. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Other people handle conflict, Tupperware style. Take that conflict, put it in Tupperware, put it in the fridge. A couple of hours later, you open the fridge, the smell just bowls you over. Have you gone through those things?

29:39 Also, in all of my writing and lecturing and podcasting, Lisa and I have come up with three areas of conflict in marriage. Because you're going to have conflict in marriage. And conflict can be like rungs on a ladder that take you higher. can be summarized by PMS.

30:05 power issues, money issues, and sex issues, power issues. Who's going to make the call? We know God's math for marriage is oneness. God has given the leadership role to men. Doesn't mean we're better. I would argue women are better.

30:28 but how do you negotiate those issues? Lisa obviously is more gifted than I am in many, many areas. I defer to her. I listen to her. And then it's my prerogative. It's my responsibility before God to do what? To make the decision, to make the decision. So those power issues are huge. Also, money issues. One is a free spender.

31:00 Another is Dave Ramsey. Fame it! what do you do? I mean, what do you do? Because I guarantee you that's your marriage. Well, the Dave Ramsey has got to chill and go, Dave, let's have a good time now and then and spend some money. Okay. And then, and then the person who's a free spender, Hey, let's, let's let us back off, you know, and let's, let's be, let's be conservative. When it, comes to money, money's powerful. We have to see too and look and make sure the person is a tither.

31:42 I like, thank you for clapping. We have one, we have one Christian in the house. No, no, no, no. Tithing, the word tithe means 10 and tithing is not giving. I laugh when I see these people now and then online who were 20 somethings and they think they're theologians and No theology, but it slapped him upside the head, but that's another conversation.

32:10 We live in a world where if you have a podcast or you have an account, then you're an expert. It's really funny. But anyway, they'll go, yo, you know what, tithing is not really mentioned a lot in the New Testament. Did you know that? Yeah, I know that. And Jesus mentioned it, but in the New Testament, most believers gave 30 to 40% of their income to the church. That's the history behind it. Tithing is not giving. Tithing is not the ceiling. Tithing is the floor. You're not giving when you tithe. I don't need your money. Did you hear me? I don't need your money. I've got money. I'm a pastor, I've written 30 books. I'm an investor, done real estate. I don't need your money.

33:03 Are you gonna step here and think that God needs your money? That's laughable. You think Fellowship Church needs your money? Please playa. you need to tithe. It's a heart issue. You need to. And it's very simple. I mean, I'm not that smart, but I remember when I first got married 44 years ago, I thought, okay, do I want to live in a blessed place or not? Let me think just for a second.

33:44 We began to more than tithe when we were married, first married. And I cannot tell you how God has blessed our lives. It's a heart issue. You'll never get it, friend, until you begin to do that. It's not going to happen.

34:10 here's the last one I say this is the best one sex kids don't you love it when you're dad i'm not going to embarrass you and talk about that lisa and i wrote a book years ago it did really well called sex experiment and it's when we were younger we we talked about this um all over the place and

34:37 but i'm 65 i don't talk about sex like i used to i mean it's just a little you know You know what I'm saying to you? But I've heard in marriage, I just heard this, that sometimes one's in the mood and one's not in the mood. I've heard that. It's never happened with us.

35:03 But that's true. And, you know, it's about eros and it's about agape because that should be practiced. You know, of course, sex is reserved for the marriage bed. Let me say it again. Sex is reserved for marriage. Yeah, but I'm engaged. Let me say it again. Sex is reserved for marriage. The Bible says it from cover to cover. So we have that out of the way. You're married. One's in the mood. One's not in the mood. What do you do? You go. No.

35:35 That's all you think about. That's what I say to Lisa. The Lord has shown me. No, I'm kidding. That was funny. But the Lord has shown me through scripture about what to do. It's okay to say no, but know your no's. Say no with an appointment. Not now, but tonight. Not now, tomorrow morning, whatever. 1 Corinthians 7, verse 5 tells us, do not deprive one another. I can just end it right there, but I'm not. except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time so that you may devote yourselves to what? Prayer. So you have to mutually agree to abstain to pray. Okay, if you wanna do that, that's when you and your spouse.

36:28 All right, then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. So you see the beauty of this eros, of this covenant love in marriage. So those are the issues. Next week, though, we have some fun. We're going to talk about the dashboard warning signs that a lot of people don't talk about. But again, let me direct your attention back to my friend, Mr. McLaren. You know, McLaren, you know, it's made to drive fast and to drive hard. And if you want to have a McLaren marriage, do it. God's way. Do it God's way because God's way works. Would you pray with me?

37:25 Father, in the name of Jesus, if there's someone here and you've never made the U-turn and given the car keys of your life to Jesus, just say this prayer with me. Just say simply, Lord, Lord, I admit to you that I'm a sinner, that I have taken control of the car, that I have a white knuckle grip on the car. I turn from my sins. Just say that and turn to you. I believe, Lord, you sent Jesus Christ to die on the cross for my sins and rise again. And right now, right now, I give you the car keys. Take control of my life. You drive, Lord. I'm in a co-pilot seat. If you prayed that prayer with me, that is the greatest decision you'll ever make. And marriage is a reflection of that. It's the second most important decision you will ever make. Lord, I ask a blessing over our relationships, passion, and marriage.

38:22 We voice this prayer in the name that's above every name, Jesus Christ, our Lord.