Dashboard Warning Lights

0:24 I've got a question for you. how do you explain a beautiful wedding with beautiful people the future looks so bright this young couple even goes to church now and then but five years after the wedding they end up as relational wreckage how do you explain that how do you explain on the other hand a couple that kind of do it all wrong they start off hydroplaning it doesn't look good but they find themselves in church 40 years later holding hands How do you explain?

1:22 that? Today, I'm going to answer that question. We're continuing this series called RPM, Relationships, Passion, and Marriage. Do you realize marriage is so critical? It's so paramount that it's the only earthly relationship that is analogous to God's relationship with his people. That's why marriage matters. The Bible tells us husbands, those of us who are married guys, says we're to love our wives like Christ loved the church. Think about that for a second. Let that soak into your soul. How did Jesus love the church? He loved the church selflessly, sacrificially steadfastly I'm to initiate and love Lisa whom I've been married to for 44 years in that way she also should love me selflessly sacrificially and steadfastly then the math of marriage is there's oneness one plus one equals one marriage just just just you might want to jot this down is about worship it's about reflecting the essence and the nature of our great God. I guess that's why 91% of those who are not married desire to get married.

3:12 That should be a very encouraging statistic for the singles. Isn't that good? So most people will walk down the wedding runner and get married. And what I've been saying in this series is what we do and don't do before we say I do affects what we do and don't do after we say I do. I've been saying dating is about marriage and marriage is about dating. What you use to get her guys is what you use to keep her. Ladies, what you use to get him is what you use to keep him. We've been discussing some defective habits that a lot of us struggle with when it comes to spouse selection. Do these habits sound familiar? I don't know. They might. One of the defective habits of daters that we've been talking about is defective daters fail to look and see who's driving the car.

4:14 who's driving the car? I mean, this person that you're talking to, or maybe you're official, or maybe you're engaged or whatever, have they given the keys of their lives to Christ? I don't mean is he sitting in the back seat somewhere, or he's riding shotgun. Have they've given the keys to Jesus. A defective dater doesn't really look and see who's driving, but the discerning dater is like, okay, he has given the keys to Christ. Christ is driving. She has given the keys to Christ. He's behind the wheel. That's huge. And for your marriage to hit on all cylinders, as I like to say, for it to really, really have the RPMs that God desires, you have to have a key transference story. A friend of mine from Brazil is one of the greatest race car drivers of all time. He's won 14 Grand Prixs, two Indy 500s, and two F1 World Championships.

5:29 It's pretty good. Laughter. And I was with him several years ago, and he had this car. I don't know what kind of car it was. Some, who knows, transcendently expensive supercar. And he goes, I want to take you for a ride in it. Okay. So I jumped in the co-pilot seat, and I said, hey, drive it. like you would drive it in one of these races. I mean, not just for a couple of minutes. He goes, are you buckled in? Yes. Is your head against the headrest? Yes. Friends, I'm going to tell you something. I have never, ever, ever been in a car and driven like this guy drove.

6:24 Insane. Absolutely insane. It was astonishing, astounding. I mean, exhilarating. Do you realize when we give the keys to Jesus and allow him to drive in our relationship, our lives will be driven like they're supposed to be driven. Our marriages will be driven like they're supposed to be driven. Our relationships will be driven like they're supposed to be driven. Our passion will be driven like it's supposed to be driven. Defective daters, though, they don't really pay attention to who's behind the wheel. But discerning daters, we do. And even in marriage. See, here's what's so sneaky about this series. Most of you think, oh, this is just for those who aren't married. This is just a series for the students or those young singles. Or maybe you're freshly divorced and you're back into the dating scene.

7:23 This series, RPMs, I mean, it's really for those folk. It is, but there's a subsurface level that this series is for. I've been married for 44 years. I've got four kids. One is in heaven. I've got seven grandkids. this is going to shock you this series is for me what just stay with me how many parents do we have in the house parents single parents okay do you realize the subsurface aspect of this series the deep stuff in this series is for you what yeah parents single parents grandparents ed how can you say that i mean that that seems a little odd it it does but but think about the subsurface parenting parenting here's the definition you might want to write this down parenting is teaching and training, Proverbs 22, your kids to leave, Genesis 2.

8:49 So my goal as a parent, and your goal as a parent, is for your kids to individuate, I like to say, to discover who they are. We lead them, we guide them into a personal relationship with Jesus. And let me stop here real quick. modern day parents, what do they say? Well, I want my kids to make up their own mind about religion.

9:19 Okay, really? That would be like saying, you know, I'm going to take my kids out to the freeway and I want them to make their own minds up about traffic safety. now as parents we can't make a christ decision for them we can't force them to take the keys but when they're under our rooftop we guide them and direct them and lead them and expose them to a personal relationship with christ part of that moms and dads part of this process of parenting you are modeling a relationship with Christ, you're modeling how to resolve conflict.

10:14 You're modeling how to handle money. You're modeling how you treat the church because your kids, generally speaking, my lawyers have taught me how to say that. I'm kidding. Your kids will choose spouses like you are, mom. Like you are, dad. And grandparents, we play a role in this too. We're underscoring and highlighting those transcendent values because remember the math of marriage is one plus one equals one. it is a earthly connection of worship worship now obviously when we worship we lift our hands some do that and and and we don't tell everyone you have to lift your hands I think it's a natural thing look at kids when kids are around their earthly fathers they and And so that's, we lift, and that's a sign of surrender, and that is worship.

11:27 We worship through song. We worship through hearing the word. Did you realize that marriage is about worship? Awesome. Look behind the wheel. That's right, look behind the wheel. Sometimes in the dating world, let me just run through some of these. defective daters adopt a showroom floor mentality. Guys, you know, we might, whoa, focus on a few features. I'm taking that.

12:06 And we take the 911 and drive off the showroom floor. Now, ladies, don't laugh at us too much. Guys are more physical. Women are more physical. I know he's balding and overweight, but he drives a Porsche 911 GTS.

12:31 Isn't that interesting? So men and women can both adopt the showroom floor mentality, and you've got to have that attraction. Well, wow, wow. You've got to have it. The Bible calls it eros. We get the word erotic from it. The Bible talks about that. The Bible talks about erotic love. We're attracted to the opposite sex.

13:01 Erotic love, eros love, only lasts about six to nine months. That's about it. Now, it ebbs and flows, as we know, in marriage. And, you know, for Lisa and I, it's never stopped for 44 years, but we're unique. Anyway. There's another type of love that marriage is built upon.

13:27 Agape love. That's commitment. That's long-lasting love. So you have to date the ultimate long enough for the eros to erode. If you understand that, just nod your head. and too often we don't. And do you know what will really mess you up in marriage?

13:56 Premarital sex. it really will because here's what happens you hop into the back seat you have sex the windows fog up and you can't see where you're going you can't get a good read on the person because sex is so powerful it's so multifaceted and multidimensional God invented sex not OnlyFans not Pornhub God invented it and when we do sex away from God's standards we're taking a God-given gift and using it in a God-forbidden way sex, premarital sex is Satan's blindfold It really is.

14:58 And I know it's a struggle. You know, when you're dating and you're engaged, I get it. I've been married 44 years. I've talked to a bunch of people about this. But I'm saying, if you want to do it God's way, wait. God doesn't say no. He says wait. but that's a great way to marry the wrong person. but I don't want to scare you. If you are married and had premarital sex, I mean, I'm not telling you to bolt. No, no, no, no, no. God's the God of reupholstering your relationship and repainting it and redoing it. But I'm saying if you want to do it God's way, that's the way to do it. So if you think about defective dating, we fail to look behind the wheel.

15:54 We adopt the showroom floor mentality. and also we don't pop the trunk and look at the baggage. You know, we all have junk in the trunk, don't we? And we have to go through those bags. And I would even encourage you, if you've been married, even 44 years, like I have, go through those bags. Because Lisa and I are finding unique content even after 44 years. oh so now here's the big idea of today's message we're not going to talk long about it but i thought i'd throw it out defective daters fail you won't believe this fail to look at dashboard warning signs i love it that cars talk to us these days don't they it's like we have all these sensors and and And defective daters, they don't really pay attention and lean in to those dashboard warnings.

17:00 They ignore them as opposed to engage with them. Think about it. Marriage starts out as a dream car. Then it becomes a project car. And after a while, you're looking for a new car. and that really happens if you don't obey and look and see those dashboard warning signs i told you a while back my friend let me use his ferrari it might have been 20 years ago i was driving it out in front of the church and i was going i hate to say this well i was going really fast. And the dashboard lit up like a Christmas tree. I told my friend about it. He took it to the dealership and the dealer goes, who was the last person that drove the car? My friend said, my pastor. And the dealer goes, man, this guy didn't know how to drive the car. He didn't drive the car fast enough or hard enough. If you want it again, it's your decision. I mean, you can make the decision today that will change the trajectory of your life. If you want the best for your life, give the keys to Jesus and listen and obey those dashboard warnings. Here's the first light that I want you to pay attention to, the character light. The character light. It'll flash for you. And even in marriage, the character light. The Bible says in Proverbs chapter 10, verse 9, whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out.

18:37 Integrity. Here's the question. Can I trust you? I like the word integrity. It's a math term. It means a whole number. Is it just me or dating is about giving out fractions. It's hard to understand the wholeness of a person until you date them long enough for the eros to erode and then you see, okay, is the agape there? But if you throw sex in the mix, you're not going to make a clear decision. Integrity. Here's the next light, the humility light. Can I grow with you? That's the question. Philippians chapter two, verses three through four. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, rather in, say it with me, humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests, but each of you to the interests of others. When you're dating, or even in marriage, is this person an others-centered person? What if marriage was more for our holiness than our happiness? What if? I think it is. Now, am I happily married?

19:56 Well, I don't like that phrase. Happiness is based on happenings. Yeah, we have moments that we're happily married, but we have a bigger issue with marriage. We are joyfully married. And the word joy means tranquility of the soul. Happiness ebbs and flows like the tides, but joy, that outrageous, contagious joy is what comes from a personal relationship with Jesus and knowing that we're worshiping him. So I like to say, hey, I'm joyfully married. So we have the character light, integrity, humility. How about responsibility? Are they responsible? Can I count on you? That's the question. Are you responsible? Galatians 6, 5 says, for we each are responsible for our own conduct. I sometimes smile and shake my head when I see, like if I'm scrolling through social media, how people say, yeah, you know, the church is socialistic.

21:00 Whenever you hear that, realize you're dealing with someone who's foolish. The church is not a socialistic entity. The Bible speaks of personal responsibility from Genesis to Revelation. We have a responsibility before God to be the kind of man, the kind of woman, the kind of husband, the kind of wife, the kind of father, the kind of grandfather, and the kind of grandmother that the Lord Jesus desires. Integrity is part of it. Humility is part of it. Responsibility is part of it. And there's another one, courage. Courage. Can I go through life with you? God said to Joshua, Joshua chapter one, verse nine, be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid.

21:53 Do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Guys, we don't have a low T problem. we've got a low C problem. Courage. Courage. God has given the man the leadership role of the relationship.

22:18 We're equal in form, unique in function. Guys, it takes courage to have your family here at church. Amidst all of the ECAs, amidst all of the travel sports, all of the games and concerts and weather and travel. And it takes courage, courage to have your kids here. And I'm going to challenge you guys to lead in this fashion.

22:51 Are you leading? It takes courage to make these decisions. Sometimes they're going to be unpopular. Sometimes they're going to go against the grain, against the current. It takes courage to live a Christian life, a holy life, a pure life, men. It takes that to make these decisions that really affect not only today, but the next day, and the next day, and the next day. these are lights we have to pay attention to we can't ignore them we have to engage them the character light well there's another light that comes on to the relationship light i did a wedding years ago beautiful wedding very expensive wedding and i kind of regret doing the wedding, but I did it. I'm standing there and the wedding is just beginning to start. And a guy leans over to me and he goes, Ed, see the best man over there? I go, yeah. He said, man, the groom has only known him for 12 weeks. I'm like, whoa, this marriage will last about a minute.

24:19 and that's true. Ladies, you're dating this guy. Maybe it's official now. You better check out his relational track record. You've got a big honking windshield and yes, the future is bright but you better use that rear view mirror. Does he have consistency in his relationships? In his relationships or her relationships? is Jesus driving? I mean, when you look back in that rearview mirror, is there just a bunch of relational wreckage?

24:57 That's massive. And where do these relationships come from? Where are they grounded? Again, the most important thing in the universe, let me say it again, I say it all the time, but just to help you, The only thing the carpenter from Nazareth built is the local church. That's it. The gates of hell will not prevail against the church. The church will last forever and ever. So where, just straight up, are you putting your time?

25:31 Where are you putting your talent? Where are you putting your treasure? Those are big questions. And those are relationship questions. And Proverbs 27, 19 says a mirror reflects a man's face. But what he's really like is shown by the kinds of friends he chooses. It's interesting we have these warning lights because relationships are kind of like a car battery. Did you know that? You've got some relationships that are replenishing. It charges my battery to be around him or her. And we should have friends like that. And Jesus should be driving those relationships. Other relationships are sort of neutral, give and take, you know. Some relationships will suck the energy dry. It'll drain your battery.

26:25 You're like, oh no, here he comes again. Oh no, I see her and I'm gonna act like I don't see her. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? So check out those relationships. Run through your relationship. And if they have relationships that are crazy-o-active, look that up in the Urban Dictionary, get out. But there's another relationship that we should kind of talk about. It's not really a relationship light, but I call it the maintenance light. Have you ever seen those maintenance lights? Here's what guys like to say, ladies. You ready for this? Oh, man, she's just high maintenance. well, when I hear that, here's what I say.

27:20 Dude, or bro, all relationships are high maintenance. They all are. Now, I understand what you're saying. If the person is high, high maintenance, that's another issue. But I think you, I think you feel me. Are you taking your relationship to regular maintenance?

27:46 Here's another one. How about the blind spot warning light? I pull into my garage. Back up. I mean, they're everywhere. And not all cars have that, but a lot of these new cars have all of these lights and these sensors. and the car's talking to you. Listen to it. Pay attention. Proverbs 15, 22, plans fail for a lack of counsel, but with many advisors, they succeed. You're broken down by the side of the road. Have you ever had that experience? Those of us who were married, don't lift your hands, but you have, I have. We can just nod our head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've had those issues and we're kind of by the side of the road. Now, a lot of us, most of us go, you know what?

28:43 I'm going to DIY it, man. I'm going to YouTube it. I might listen to another Joe Rogan podcast. I think he talked about marriage, didn't he? And he discussed that with Dr. Huberman, right? So that's not what we should do. What we should do is we should call AAA and go, Lord, I need help. I need counsel. I need someone who can help me with the blind spots. We all have blind spots. I do. And so do you. And there have been multiple times in my marriage, talk to Lisa about it, that we have called for roadside assistance. And I would challenge you, men and women to do so. As I've said before, I've written about this and I've lectured about this. I'll say it again. The biggest mistake Lisa and I made in our relationship was we did not get great premarital counseling. So what happened to us is because we didn't get the counseling, we walked down the wedding runner and now we're married and we're having these issues.

29:57 And looking back, we could have dealt with those, most of those, prior to the altar. So alter what you're doing before the altar. Don't ignore those dashboard warnings. you remember the the two couples I talked about when I began this message well one chose to ignore the dashboard warnings the other couple they saw the lights and leaned in and sought help and did something about it they saw and understood that marriage is about worship.

30:53 They understood the priority of the church and watching and being very sensitive to those dashboard warnings. And that is why they're holding hands 40 years later. That's it. That's it. And you know what? That can be you. That can be you. You might be watching in Dallas right now. That could be you. Maybe you're in Frisco. Maybe you're in downtown Fort Worth. Maybe you're at a Lasso Ranch. That can be you. You might be one of our prison campuses. Hey, inmates, that can be you one day. it doesn't matter who you are where you are you can make the decision today that will change your RPMs and your trajectory for the rest of your life