HOW TO DEAL WITH A BULLY

0:07 He was the first bully I ever encountered. What a name. Truesdale. it was my first day of school at this particular school. It was recess, and I had no friends, and I found myself walking around the playground, and I was just watching some guys play this game, and this big kid, curly hair, piercing blue eyes, looked at me and cussed me out. I hadn't heard words like that in my entire life. He said, get out of here.

0:54 I was like, wow. I was devastated. I remember like it was yesterday. And the rest of the recess, I walked on the edge of the playground in tears. thinking to myself, what am I going to do? I went home and told my parents that I'd been bullied.

1:24 And dad goes, son, let's go to the basement and put on the boxing gloves. You might have to defend yourself. So we began, you know, to box a little bit. And then he tried to encourage me. He said, did you know that my father was a boxer back in the day? I said, no, dad. He said, my father fought professionally and he knocked out the guy who knocked out the world champion. I go, man, put some wind in my sail. So he said, son, you might have to defend yourself. that whole year. I evaded Truesdale. I remember when I would go to school every morning, I would look around. Where's Truesdale? Where's Truesdale? Thankfully he was in another class.

2:25 So that was my first bully. I think all of us have been bullied. I know I have, and I hate to confess this, but there have been times in my life where I have been a bully and there have been times in my life where I've been an innocent bystander to bullying. I want you to do something for me. This is sort of therapeutic. Think back to that bully. Your first encounter with a bully. Think back. Some of us have to think way, way, way back. And on the count of three, I would like for you at all of our campuses to, to recite this person's name. Recite the bully's name. Are you ready? On the count of three. One, two, three. I heard someone say, my wife.

3:26 What? When it comes to bullying, though, bullying occurs from knee-high to tree-high. From the classroom to the boardroom, no doubt. From the elementary school to the golf course, especially on the freeway. I mean, I'm scared to honk at anyone these days. I'm afraid they might shoot me, you know? It's crazy. Bullies are everywhere. But I've got to say, the most significant bullying happens to children and students. There's no doubt about it. Even the secular studies understand it. They're saying that even though with technology, we're the most connected group ever, yet the disconnection is amazing.

4:24 And because of the bullying, kids are experiencing anxiety, depression, and I'm talking about that next Sunday. They're experiencing isolation and the suicide rates and the self-harm off the charts. And so much of it goes back to bullying. Back in the day, you know, when I left the school and went home, I was in a safe place in space. Not anymore. Because bullying happens 24-7. Over and over and over and over again. So we have to make intentional decisions when it comes to bullying. We have to face the bully. Here's the good news. Your bully can become a pulley that takes you to another level. Let me say that again.

5:21 the bully in your life, the tension that you feel, God wants to leverage that to take you to a new level. That's the message in a sentence. If I had to define bullying, and here's a pretty good working definition of bullying. Bullying is to exert power over someone with ridicule, rage, and rumors in order to hurt them or degrade them. That's a pretty strong definition, isn't it? There are different types of bullies. Of course, I've already mentioned the cyber bully. That's the bully online. There's the emotional bully. There's the verbal bully. There's the physical bully. Bullies are everywhere you turn these days. I am going to talk to the bullies today, just straight up. I'm going to talk to those of us who've been bullied and also to the innocent bystanders. So no one's going to leave church without being convicted.

6:24 The Bible, it's okay to clap. The Bible talks a lot about bullying. Have you ever thought about the different people in the Bible who were bullied? Adam and Eve were bullied by Satan. Pharaoh bullied Moses. Goliath bullied David. The Philistines bullied Samson. And then ultimately, Jesus was bullied all the way to the cross because the devil is the ultimate bully, right? Yet he didn't know what he was doing. Jesus died, rose again, and he opened a can on the enemy. So the devil is living on borrowed time. But what I want you to understand, students, is this. I'm talking to kids now.

7:06 Bullying is spiritual. The bully might not know it, but it's spiritual. You see, the enemy does not want you to know who you are or what you're to be about. He doesn't want you to know that. He wants to get you off your game. And he attacks us at surprisingly young ages. and many times he uses bullies. Are you a bully?

7:36 Have you ever thought about the math of a bully? Here's the math of a bully. Ignorance plus insecurity equals insults. Bullies are ignorant. In fact, I would argue bullies have been bullied. Hurt people hurt people. So they're ignorant. They don't know who they are. They're insecure, and they want to make you and me feel as insecure as they feel. They project it onto others. So we're going to look at a guy. I have to say, this is maybe my top bullying story in scripture. We're going to look at a young man who was kind of a cowboy named Nehemiah, because Nehemiah did the Sophie Cunningham thing. WNBA.

8:32 Do you know this? Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He did the Sophie Cunningham thing long before Sophie ever thought it up. But I think her pointing is brilliant. Nehemiah pointed out some bullies and he dealt with the bullies. And the way he dealt with the bullies can give you and me some insight and some handles and some life skills to go, okay, okay, now I can deal with a bully. Because some of you are dealing with a bully at work. Some of you are dealing with a bully around the neighborhood. Some of you are dealing with a bully at the club. Some of you are dealing with a bully in the classroom, locker room, whatever it is, I'm telling you we can take these principles and apply them to our lives. Are you ready? I am, I am. Nehemiah. If you have your Bibles, turn to the book of Nehemiah, Nehemiah chapter two.

9:28 Nehemiah, to give you the Wikipedia on his life, Nehemiah was part of the Jewish clan that was taken from Jerusalem into exile into a place called Babylon. on. Nehemiah was tasked with the opportunity and the job of rebuilding the city walls of Jerusalem because they had been obliterated. The city had been trashed and people had tried to rebuild it. They tried to do it, but it's like one of these highway projects around Dallas Fort Worth, you You know, just never, those things never end, do they? Anyway, it's another story. So that was kind of what he was facing. So Nehemiah asked the king of Babylon, only God could do this, to go back to Jerusalem and rebuild.

10:26 Now you gotta realize the Babylonians are the ones who destroyed Jerusalem. So Nehemiah walks into King Artaxerxes' palatial office and ask him for permission, this king gives him the treasure, the transportation, and the timber to rebuild the city walls of J-Town. I'm talking about Jerusalem. You might be thinking, well, what's so big about city walls? City walls provided power, protection. They provided freedom for worship. You know, borders matter, don't they? Yeah, they do. Nehemiah goes back to Jerusalem. He's on horseback. I'm telling you, he's a cowboy. He's probably from West Texas.

11:18 Who knows? And he's riding around, checking everything out. So he begins to have this conversation with some people. You see, God gave Nehemiah a target to attack. When you have a target to attack, the target always moves to your back. I want you to think about that for a second. If you're a follower of Christ, the Lord Jesus has given you a target to attack. When you attack that target tenaciously, the target will move to your back, and the enemy will shoot arrows. your way and my way. And friends, if you're not dealing with arrows, there could be a problem.

12:19 So Nehemiah has permission. He goes back to Jerusalem. He begins to tackle tenaciously this project that people are like, you can't do it. And he does something that is really brilliant. Now, I'm going to read some scripture from Nehemiah. You're going to see several words that are highlighted. When you see the highlighted words, I want you to say the word with me. You got it? The word's going to be in yellow. When we read the word together, that means we say it together. Okay, let's go. Nehemiah chapter 2, verse 19.

12:55 Let's go to verse 17 first. Then I said to them, this is Nehemiah talking. This is kind of his journal. Think about him journaling before we get to 19. Then I said to them, you see the trouble we're in. Jerusalem lies in ruins and its gates have been burned with fire. Come, let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem and we will no longer be in disgrace. Verse 18. I also told them about the gracious hand of my God on me. What the king had said to me, they, you got it, replied, let us start rebuilding. So, begin this good work. Hmm, that's interesting. Now let's get down to verse 19, Nehemiah chapter two. But when Sanballat the Horonite, Tobiah the Amorite official, and Gishim the Arab heard about it, they mocked and ridiculed us.

13:51 What is this you're doing? They asked, are you rebelling against the king? Nehemiah spoke faith to the builders. The haters spoke fear to the builders. Thirteen times in Nehemiah, when he was ambushed by the arrows of the bullies, he prayed. He prayed, he prayed, he prayed, he prayed, he prayed. So the first thing I would tell you to do when you're bullied is pray. Take it to God. And I love how raw and real Nehemiah was. I mean, he just expressed it all to God. But after we pray, here's something else we have to do. Number two, we got to find the right they. Who were they in your life?

14:45 I love that people say, oh yeah, they said, they've been coming to me. Oh, here's how to mess somebody up. Just say, who were they? Oh, man, I don't know. Them? them. They're usually one or two. Nehemiah prayed and because of his prayer life and his connectivity with God, he was able to find the right people in his life. If you want to face a bully, you've got to have the right people in your life. The right they. I don't know how many times If I had a dollar for every time I've heard this, I'd be a billionaire. Hey, man, when did the wheels fall off? I had these friends. Seriously, when did you deal with the situation, young lady? Well, I began to hang out with this group. The right they.

15:38 The right they, young people, are always going to be in church. I'm not saying everybody is great in church. I didn't say that, but I'm saying you will find the right they here in church. The right they. T, they're tenacious and tough. H, they're honest before God and honest with you. E, they're encouraging. And Y, they say yes to God and yes to your friendship. I'm not talking about just, you know, hey, he's a yes man. She's a yes girl. but I'm talking about someone who loves you, who wants the best for you, the right they. Who are the they in your life? Because the right they always, they always have he in the middle.

16:30 Now the wrong they would be Sambalit, Geshem, and Tobiah and all those bullies. I mean, these people were true bullies. Have you ever noticed that negativity is an infectious disease? Have you seen it in your company? Have you seen it in your school? Have you seen it on your team? Have you seen it at the club? Have you seen it at the gym? Negativity is a highly contagious disease. Somebody called Dr. Fauci. But anyway, I remember the children of Israel. Okay, now I'm changing subjects real quick from Nehemiah to the children of Israel. Children of Israel, they escaped Egyptian slavery. They were led by Moses to the brink of the promised land. I mean, they were at the title company, one signature away from closing the greatest land deal in history, the promised land.

17:30 God said, I've given it to you. All you got to do is take it. And they called a quick timeout. And they sent 12 spies to do a reconnaissance mission of this land. Now, the 12 spies represented 150,000 people each. the spies looked at the land, looked at the people in the land. They came back, and 10 of the 12 spies, they went negative. They said, we can't do this real estate deal, Moses. The people are giants. We're like grasshoppers in their sight. Here's my imitation of a grasshopper. so Joshua and Caleb, the other two of the 12 spies, they were like, what are you guys smoking? God has given us the land. We will take the land. And the Bible tells us that those 10 spies spread a negative report around the children of Israel. And you won't believe it. The Israelites, You're talking about bullies?

18:48 They wanted to kill Joshua and Caleb. Who were the 10 spies? You have no idea. I don't either. We don't know their names, but I'll tell you the two visionary spies we know. We name our kids after them, Joshua and Caleb. hang out with the right they. The right they will always keep you in play and they'll pray. The wrong they will pull you into the fray and you'll become prey, P-R-E-Y. That's why Jesus said, as I talked about last week in Matthew chapter seven, verse six, he said, don't throw pearls to pigs. They will trample pearls, then they'll turn and tear you apart. Pearls would be the truth of God. Honesty, integrity.

19:44 Don't wrestle with pigs. You're both going to get dirty. And the pig will like it. And even if you win, you've beaten a pig. there's too many pick fights online. There's too many pick fights in our culture today. It's not worth the time and energy and effort. And if you are in some sort of a leadership position, a coach, a teacher, a manager, CEO, don't waste your time chasing negativity. Don't ever think, well, hey, if I sat down with them and really explained everything and had some coffee, They were pigs. Jesus said that. Now, I don't mean they're literal pigs. He wasn't saying that we call people, hey, you're a pig, you're a pig, you're a pig. He was saying they have a pig-like nature.

20:38 He was talking about hypocrites because after all, hypocrites are hypocritical. Well, now let's go back to Nehemiah. The first arrow that we're gonna talk about that the bullies fired at his target on his back was the arrow of ridicule. Ridicule. Nehemiah chapter two, verse 19. I've read that. Let's go to Nehemiah chapter four, verse two. What are those feeble Jews doing? I mean, they were anti-Semitic even back then. Is that crazy? Nehemiah chapter four, verse three. Even a fox climbing up on it would break their wall down. I mean, is that ridicule or what? envy and ridicule are running buddies did you know that envy is what happens inside ridicule is what happens on the outside i i feel envy but but but i express it with ridicule making you look small insignificant a no count laughing at you that's what bullies love to do They want you to feel as miserable as they do.

21:51 Again, ignorance plus insecurity equals insults. Do you know a bully? Seriously, do you know a bully? Are you a bully? Well, the second arrow is the arrow of rage. So they crank up the fight. Nehemiah chapter four, verse nine. but we prayed to our God and posted a guard day and night to meet this threat. Nehemiah was like, you know what? We're going to pray, but we're going to defend ourselves. So it's great to say, you know, I'm just praying about it. Okay. Awesome. But also God has given us common sense and common sense is uncommon if you haven't noticed. So they were ready to rumble if these bullies, these biblical bullies, came after them.

22:46 And if you keep reading in Nehemiah, this is so brilliant. He was such a brilliant leader. As they worked and rebuilt the wall, they had a tool in one hand and a weapon in the other. I would clap right there. I would. That's. I need to have an applause sign up here. Because when we do life, I mean, if you're attacking that target, you're gonna need both. You're gonna need a tool in one hand that you do God's work and a weapon in the other. And again, if you're not feeling the arrows, something is probably wrong. So yes, the first arrow is ridicule. The second arrow is rage. The third arrow is rumors.

23:40 Rumors. The rumor mill takes a grain of truth and grinds it into a sack of lies. Just throw out rumors. And if you hang out with the wrong they, they wheel and deal with rumors and bullies love to throw those rumors out.

24:05 I love technology. We embrace technology. But social media in many ways is dark. About half of the chatter on social media is bots. I mean, they aren't even real people. I hope you know that. But I want you to think how sick our culture is, students. I can say anything, anytime about anyone and you have to defend yourself. You have to prove your integrity. How sick is that? I mean, think about our culture. Innocent until proven guilty. Not online. Oh, you are guilty and you've got to prove yourself.

24:51 Fascinating, isn't it? And bullies love it. So students block people. Take a wide berth around technology. Think about the amount of screen time that you're investing in. I mean, we've got to make these hard decisions because if we don't, we're going to chase this, we're going to chase that and waste our time. Rumors. Nehemiah chapter six, verse two.

25:26 Sambalet and Gisham sent me this message. Come, let us meet together in one of the villages on the plain of Ono. I love that. The plain of Ono. Ono, Ono, Ono, Ono, Ono, Ono, Ono. Do you know anybody who loves meetings? Meetings wear me out. We have some people on our staff. I call them a meeting's best friend. Most meetings are a waste of time. I mean, you have to meet, don't get me wrong. But some people just want to meet and meet and meet and meet and meet and meet and meet and meet and meet and meet and meet and meet. These bullies were like, Nehemiah, come down off the wall, my man. If we met together, we could bring in counsel, it says, and we could really get this thing going. Oh, Nehemiah was too smart. They were blowing up Nehemiah's phone. Look at verse four.

26:19 Four times they sent me the same message. And each time I gave them the same answer. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Nehemiah chapter six, verse five. Then the fifth time, you got to be kidding me. Sambalot sent his aid to me with the same message. And in his hand, I love this, was an unsealed letter. That is ancient social media, isn't it? You see, when I accuse you of something, it's there. It's for everyone, and you can't delete it or erase it. I mean, you can personally, but everyone else can. So that's what he was dealing with. So then they get really sly. In Nehemiah chapter 6, verse 6, they talk about the contents of the letter in which it was written. It's reported. I love this.

27:10 It's reported among the nations, and Geshem says it's true. Wow, that's a great source. That you and the Jews are plotting to revolt. According to these reports, you're about to become their king. And Nehemiah was like, what?

27:33 That's fantasy file. That's cuckoo for cocoa puffs. That's not real. So he faced his bullies. and he faced his bullies and the wall was built in 52 days and the bullies became pulleys to take Israel to a new level because their worship, their city and everything began to hit on all cylinders. Five points of application. Let me review them. If you're bullied number one, pray. If you're bullied number one, pray. Take it to God. Number two, take it to the authority figure that you find yourself involved with. Could be a manager, a teacher, a coach. Number three, I would say find the right they in your life. That's crucial.

28:30 That's critical. Also, I would say be prepared to defend yourself. You might have to in various ways. And then also, I guess the last one would be realize it's spiritual warfare. I left you hanging with Truesdale, right? You're probably going, what happened with Truesdale? I'll tell you what happened with Truesdale. The last day of school, the bell rang.

29:02 And I thought to myself, I've made it. I looked down the hall and I saw my mother's blue Impala in the carpool line. I'm like, I'm free. I'm walking toward the car. Guess who faces me? Truesdale. He looks at me. pushes me. My books go flying. And I remember like it was yesterday. I looked down at those books and I thought, am I going to defend myself or be pushed around?

29:39 So I defended myself. I opened up a can on Truesdale. I'm not saying to do that. I'm just telling you what happened in my life. And later on, you know, Truesdale and I became good friends. Isn't that great? Yeah, yeah. And we had a good time together. But God used that. And I still think back on that bully as a pulley to help me and to lead me even as a young guy. So our hearts go out to people involved in this because we all are involved in this in certain situations. So it's my prayer. It's my prayer that you will process this information, apply this information, and realize it's a spiritual warfare issue. and realize when you have a target to attack, even children, the target will move to your back and you'll have to deal with those arrows.

30:50 So let's deal with those arrows the way God wants us to in Jesus' name, okay? In the balcony, okay? Let's bow for prayer. Father, we're all here from different backgrounds, different locations. And if you're here and you've never asked Christ to come into your life, you can make this decision right now by saying, Jesus, I admit to you that I'm a sinner. That's right. Just admit that I turn from my sins and turn to you. I ask you, Jesus Christ, to come into my life. I give you all that I am and all that I will ever be. if you prayed that prayer, it's the greatest prayer you'll ever pray. It's the best decision you'll ever make.

31:36 And we're going to talk to you about that decision. Others here, maybe you need prayer because of a bullying situation. Or you need to apply some of these principles and precepts from the book of Nehemiah. Or maybe you need to lean in to the right day here at Fellowship Church. Father, we give this time to you and we ask all these things in Christ.