Out of Office: Why Vacations Are a Form of Worship

0:00 Oh, babe, you are so sexy right now talking about planning. I just have to say. Oh, man. Let's do a part two then. You've never been more attractive. You know that feeling when you realize you're in desperate need of a vacation? Gosh, I do. It's normally when I start disliking the kids, which isn't normal for me. And usually that means I've gone too long without one already. But taking a vacation is not always as easy as it seems. Sometimes it feels like taking time off means we're lazy, when in reality, we all need rest in our lives. Yeah, taking a vacation can help you recharge physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. But most importantly, vacation feeds our souls. We have to remember that resting is a responsibility too, to ourselves, but also to God. Stay tuned.

0:52 This is In Good Faith. Okay, babe, remember when Grace just turned one? We had just taken over the church from your mom and dad. And so we're in this new leadership position. We're trying to make changes. Some people are mad at us for making changes. Other people were mad at us for not making enough changes. We had three babies. We had one, three, and five at the time. Oh, no. Grace must have been two because your dad had passed away at this point. Oh, that's the other thing. You know, all of those things combined together. Just feeling so overwhelmed by life. And then we had saved up all of our, there were Starwood points back then.

1:45 Now they're Marriott Bonvoy points. That's not a commercial. They didn't pay us for that. We took 10 nights in Hawaii, just the two of us. Your mom took the kids and we had these 10 glorious days in Hawaii. Do you remember that? I do. And it's such a privilege to even be able to go to Hawaii. But I remember struggling to decompress, struggling to rest. And you might ask why. Why were we not able to take a vacation sooner in the concentrated, difficult, painful season we were in? And that's because we were born and bred in the United States of America, where I think on average, you can only get about 10 days of vacation in your workplace. Interesting stats coming in though. Like what's the stat? 58% of Americans didn't use their paid time off 55 percent of americans 55 do not take all of their vacation their paid vacation in a single year which accumulates up to 768 million days in our country paid time off go unused you are paid to go somewhere to not work and people choose to stay at home and work and that's a stat from the u.s travel association if you were wondering i think this is such a travesty which is why we are literally recording an episode on how to take a vacation because we have realized it's so important. Actually, even we can go theological for a second. When God had his nation of Israel, he literally set aside four weeks a year where they had feasts and tabernacles and people could think, oh, that was worship. It was actually festivals and time off. And so God put into that calendar of his people four weeks of vacation a year. But here we are as Americans thinking that we are so great and we're leaving 768 million days of vacation that aren't taken.

3:43 Which translates to every single employee in the United States of America on average leaves nearly seven unused paid days off. Wow. Which once you factor on weekends, It's like 11 days of a trip. You can do that. And it's wild because when I think back to that vacation that you and I had in Hawaii, it was such a turnaround for us. Genuinely. Big time. It felt like we'd just been a season of working really hard in work, raising toddlers and young kids and not really connecting as often as you and I normally would have. I think we still did our date night once a week, but I think we were so tired by the time we got to date night that we didn't even have meaningful conversations. I remember that we didn't have a rental car. We did not leave the resort one time. One time. But we just sat and literally had breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And we talked about meaningless things.

4:36 We talked about meaningful things. We talked about our kids, talked about our future. And it seemed like each day just took off a new layer of stress and pressure. But do you remember what I made you do on that vacation, which made it so awesome? Leave my phone at home? Yep. That's the first time you left your phone at home. That was the first? Yep. whoa and that was phones weren't even that advanced then so how much more do we need to leave our phone home today and in this case it's on a different piece of land yeah we were on an island yeah we were on an island and left your phone at home kids had my phone for emergencies but we left it at home and i when i think about that season of our lives and how much good that vacation did we could have prayed we could have fasted we could have done all sorts of spiritual things we could have had meals we could have had church services we could have done more work and I don't think anything would have done for us what those 10 days in Hawaii did. And paid time off, vacation, rest is somewhat seen as a weakness, particularly if you're kind of in the Western world.

5:39 And for instance, if you're trying to impress your friends, the norm in our world is you impress people by the long hours you put in, the grind you're on. Why? Why are we here? How did we get here? and why is this so pervasive? I don't know. I think that's such an interesting question. I think it really speaks to the power of culture. You know, culture is the things that you do without even realizing that you do them because they're so normalized and normative in the environment that you grew up. I remember the first time I heard about Europeans, or I think this is specifically people in France, who the whole country takes the entire month of August off. and I couldn't believe that that existed in the world thinking that well of course everybody just works hard it's like a badge of honor to not take your vacation to the tune of 768 million I just looked it up again 768 million unused paid days off it's like if nothing else just stay at home and don't go into work and since then we've done a really good job of taking vacations and taking holidays with our family and extended family. That's kind of what Christmas and Thanksgiving is for. And we'll normally try to do a vacation with our kids. And then we'll at least one time a year get at least a week off with just the two of us with no kids. It's our goal. It's what we try to do. And here's what I've realized too. Obviously you and I are employees, but we're also employers. When I think of coming home from those vacations, that is when I'm absolutely the best at my job. I come up with the best ideas. I have the most creative content, things that seem murky and fuzzy when you're literally in the weeds, so to speak. Every day you come back from vacation clear-minded, and that's when I've been the best version of myself as an employee.

7:31 Would you say the same about you? Oh, totally. And you've already uncovered a big impetus of this conversation and this whole episode and why we thought of it. How do you know you need a vacation? How do you know you need time off? I know how I know, and I'm curious if it's the same way that you know. I think if I'm in a place where I need a vacation, we've waited too long. Yeah. That actually the goal is more to plan ahead and look at the calendars. Okay, spring break. So that's, we're going to take a week with the kids and then finding a week that actually planning it out. So I think the goal is that you never have to get to this burnt out weary stage that you quote unquote, oh, I need a vacation so bad. How do you know you need a vacation? You know, you need a vacation when you can't find the passion you once had for what you love and for what you do. Now there could be a number of reasons while that's the case, but let's first just try a vacation. And I wonder sometimes if people want to change their occupation, their location, their, you know, whatever, because they think, oh, it's my job's fault. It's the city I live in. When oftentimes you just need to vacate that space for a little bit to get renewed passion and renewed perspective to reinsert and continue on.

8:51 okay i don't want to take anything for granted in this episode because we've said the word vacation about a thousand times already. How would you define vacation?

9:20 Putting yourself in a new environment to the degree you can for an extended period of time. Now, an extended period of time is up for definition and new environment is up for definition. But I think there is reprieve, there is renewal, there is perspective to be gained and garnered in that space. And so a staycation is a real thing that scientifically truly works. So this is not an episode for only the people who have money in the bank or bond boy points in the bank. Yeah. I would add another element to that. And that is actually stop working because you can go to another location and yet you can bring all of your work with you. and you come home actually more discouraged, more tired, because you just spent a lot of time and spent a lot of money to go to a new location. But if you do that and don't stop working, I don't think it counts. I think owning that in my own journey has been challenging. I think my average right now on my phone is six hours of texting a day. Now, it's not six hours straight, thank God, but maybe that's part of the problem. Interesting research and science that we learn from our counselor. And that is typically, if you're on a wavelength or a line of thinking with someone, particularly, here's the easiest example I can give. If I'm having a conversation with you at a coffee shop and my phone buzzes and I pick it up to get into another line of thinking that is introduced by a text message from, you know, someone from around the world, around the country, couldn't even be in the same city. And suddenly they're like, Hey, how are you doing it?

10:55 And you insert text, put the phone down, look back up. The science is telling us it actually takes my brain or your brain that's been interrupted, so to speak, from a text, 20 minutes to recover in terms of its focus, its engagement, and its almost ease of conversation, if you will. Yeah. That's alarming. For you and for a lot of the world right now, the reality is our jobs are on our phones. On this little tiny device, we can carry it with us all of the time. And so I think there is a difference between a change of scenery and a vacation. And I agree. we can have true vacations staying at home, but the point is to actually stop from work. No, no, you're not taking your time off of work so you can remodel your bathroom or taking your time off of work to do a project at home. It's actually taking time off. Vacation means vacate, that you are vacating your work and your responsibilities and actually getting rest and reprieve. Yeah. And I love that statement because I know that you live it.

11:56 And one of your mottos on what you call day off or Sabbath, which is a mini consistent vacation, is I can accomplish nothing today. Now, if that's every day, you know, you're going to have a life that doesn't really fulfill or add to a lot of contentment. But what we're finding and all the data and the research that's pouring in is that particularly as Westerners, we are addicted to accomplishment. We are addicted to, you know, I've got to do something today. And I think it is necessitated for longevity and for health of brain and body that you cease at times accomplishing anything. And by accomplishing nothing, well, let's be honest, you're accomplishing quite a bit. It's called renewal, restoration, healing. Yeah, but it's so counterintuitive. Even as you're talking, I'm thinking about in the Jewish culture, in the original Israel that God established that we have recorded for us in the Hebrew scripture that actually is an agricultural community mostly. And God set it up.

12:58 He said every seven years, the land needs to rest. And interesting now, science has said that that's so healthy for the land. Obviously, they didn't know that back then. And I just can't help but wonder if God in his everything that he knows, if he also knows, hey, by the way, when the land is resting, then the people will rest for a whole year. If the land is resting, that means the farmer is resting. And that if God knew something that we need to clue into a little bit as humans and especially as followers of Jesus, that we need to institute more rest in our world and in our mentality. Well, and what we're learning from companies like Whoop and the Mood Ring or whatever they're called. And again, these are free commercials, I guess. And it's interesting because all of the data from these new technological companies that are basically moderate your intake, your energy levels, your sleep levels is the most important thing these companies are tracking is sleep. And here is a pervasive new discovery.

13:59 You actually can't catch up on your sleep. You actually can't make up for lost time on your sleep. And I think it's very similar to the soil, to seed time, to harvest time, to planting, to sun rising. All of these things are nature and earth and the universe that God has created telling us a story that is essential and imperative. And that is every single 24 hours, you need to turn off. And what we're noticing is that when you don't get the right amount of rest, you cannot be at your best. All the data now in 2022 is telling us that the most effective, but wait for it, not just effective, but fulfilled, happy and content people are finding ample sleep at night and also building in margin in planning their path. And let's be honest, I'm going to throw unnamed friends under the bus because you and I since that time have been pretty good at taking vacations and trying to get those holidays in and family vacation and one between you and I.

15:07 You have gotten made fun of a lot by your friends for taking vacation, especially I'm going to go there, especially fellow pastor friends for taking. Yeah, the preachers have been the worst, man. And I love them all. You know that I do, all of my friends out there. But I have become the golf vacation, you know, in the sun, fun guy. And part of that is my own doing. I want to never be seen as the guy who's super busy. Nobody wants a busy friend. Nobody wants a busy dad. Nobody wants a busy husband. You always want someone who's present and looks you in the eyes and listens intently and is curious. So I want to be that person. But I've also learned that if I am going to treasure what I love, I have to take time off. So I have become the vacation guy. I'm the guy with the shirt unbuttoned. Four buttons currently unbuttoned. Okay, relax. Just counting.

15:59 We're recording our bedroom, for goodness sake. I think there is a mindset that prevents us from taking a vacation. There is a mindset that even before you go into practicals, how do you prepare and what do you do and make sure that you plan beforehand so that you aren't taking your work with you. I think if we don't adjust our mindset, then we're still never going to be at peace while we're trying not to work. We're still going to be worried. What do you think some of the mindsets are that we need to adjust so that we can really rest and really take vacations? Well, I think Buzz Lightyear said it best. And I think it's an entire mentality of the Western world. Gotta love a good Buzz Lightyear. Yeah, Buzz Lightyear to infinity and beyond. I think that is where we're at. It's like I'm the master and commander of my own destiny. I am strong. I am powerful. All of those wonderful things you can say, but it translates in our Western world into, I don't need time off. I'm not weak. I don't need to rest. I don't need to slow down. I can go, go, go, go, go, go, go. I am Buzz Lightyear to infinity and beyond. And we all want to be this superhero. And very simply put, and I hope this isn't too candid, we're just talking about ego. And that is like, I am going to do good so that I get good, so I can write a book about my good, so I can tell everybody how good I am. And I'm only speaking from my own personal journey, ego, and experience of perspective.

17:41 I have not projected on anyone. That certainly is at times what has motivated me. I think what I have dealt with, and I think a lot of other people deal with, is a level of self-importance that if I really take two weeks away, what's going to happen to my job? What's going to happen to my company? What's going to happen to my clients? What's going to happen to these things that we love? If we love our job, that's awesome. But if we think we are so important and the role that we play in our jobs is so important that it's going to collapse without us for a week, we think way too highly of ourselves. And we think way too highly of the contribution that we make to the roles that we play. I so love this topic in this conversation because Buzz Lightyear comes to the rescue one more time. Do you remember the scene where Buzz Lightyear is shooting his laser from his wrist and he's shooting it at Woody? And he's like, I'm going to laser you. And Woody's like, you're a toy. It's not real. And he's like shooting the laser at Woody's chest. And Woody's like, it's not real, bro.

18:40 You're a toy. We're just toys. Right. And I'm not saying that humanity is just toys, But I think it's another Buzz Lightyear is another representation of the Westerner. So we're just like, these are my lasers. Like, oh, but you're not the controller. You're not the master and commander. And yet I do think in my own journey, I am often feeling like if I don't do it, it won't get done. And one old pastor told me one time that he believed the reason that God orchestrated and designed that we actually have to climb into a cushion mattress every night and disengage quite literally. I mean, you ever watch someone sleep? It's so vulnerable. But when we fall asleep, you know what's wild? The world keeps turning. And when you wake up, listen, look around. Guess what? Planet Earth is still here. The birds are chirping again. You know why? Because you are not God and you are not in control and when you disengage you literally go offline god never does and he never will the earth is the lord's and the fullness thereof guess what there is a buzz light year and his name is god yeah what's that verse it's a psalm i think hero israel your god never sleeps and he never slumbers and just that concept of that because he is still working on our behalf we can actually take a rest. We can actually take a vacation.

20:09 And that's where you insert the understanding that when you rest, that is a really purified form of worship. That's where you acknowledge, I do not. He's got the whole world in his hands. You know, the favorite song of evangelicals in the Western world now is, I have the whole world in my hands. I got the whole world in my hands. No, it's not in your hands. It's in his hands. And of course we're exaggerating. We don't think we have the whole world in our hands, but we think we got our job in our hands and we think we have our future in our hands. And we think we have our kids in our hands. And I think there's also so much fear, fear of if I take a vacation away from my children, what's going to happen to them? Loss of control. Fear of if I actually disengage from my emails for two weeks, what am I going to miss out on? Am I going to lose a step up the ladder to somebody who's not taking a vacation. And I wonder how much fear is informing the 768 million days in our country that people don't take a vacation.

21:11 So true. And I would watch in that documentary, they call me magic. And Magic Johnson is talking about his high school coach or even his college coach saying, you know, Magic, there's somebody right now who's practicing longer than you working harder than you. And he said he finally found him. His name was Larry Bird. And Larry and Magic had that incredible rivalry throughout the years. It was an amazing moment in the documentary where Magic realized, oh, there is somebody working harder. But I just want to say for the record, there's always somebody smarter. There's always somebody faster. There's always somebody better. So if your goal in grinding and your intense work mentality is to supersede, transcend, be better, be faster, be stronger than that other ethereal person, Well, there's always going to be somebody someday somewhere who's faster, bigger and stronger. And so actually that in a way is a fruitless endeavor. And I think the goal is to be the best you.

22:07 And there is no best version of you without the act of rest, which is an act of worship to God. Oh, it's so true. We say we want to be just, I just want to be the best version of myself. But then we compete against each other. I think another one of the mindsets, I'm going to speak to parents for a second, is the kids need me. And I will say, I feel really lucky in this sense. Growing up, my parents owned a business and they started it from scratch and worked really hard at it. And they were very successful in it, but they did a really good job of taking vacations. I think my dad knew, if I'm going to keep doing this for a long time, I've got to take time away. And so I got to experience the feeling as a kid of my parents leaving me two, three times a year for a week or two at a time because they also did business trips. And oftentimes they would do their business trip and talk on vacation. And so as a kid, I got to experience my parents leaving me for vacation.

23:03 And you know what? We turned out great. I love my parents. We maybe threw a couple of parties that we shouldn't have once we were teenagers. We let us stay home by ourselves. but I always told on myself anyway. To parents out there, your kids are going to be okay. The relaxed, rested, post-vacated version of you is better than if you had been there with your kids for that week. And I would agree with that parent who said the kids need me. That's right. You know when they need you? They need you a decade from now and another decade from now. And they need you when they start having kids. And they need you when their kids are starting to go to middle school. They need you the long way. We're talking about now sustainability. Is this sustainable? And I think oftentimes we think of the tyranny of the urgent. Well, my kids need me right now. And it may seem like a sacrifice. Please don't get hung up. If vacation feels like a sacrifice, oftentimes it is initially. You feel like, oh my word, this has been more work just to go on vacation. Well, that means you're doing it right. Do the work upfront so that when you do vacate, it's not a change of scenery, but it is a renewal. It's a restoration. It's a healing and it's a health so that you can come back with passion for what you love, which is how you fell in love with it in the first place. Yeah, that's so good. These mindsets need to change in order so that we can take a vacation. But if somebody is listening there and say, okay, you have me, I want to work on those mindsets. I want to take a vacation. What are the important elements? What do I do and how I prepare? Because sometimes it feels like taking a vacation is so much more work than the rest I get from it. It's not worth it. Well, I think there's a lot of people out there right now listening go, I would if I could. Insert a very interesting scripture in the New Testament.

24:53 It says labor to enter into the rest. Now there's a lot of interpretation that can be had there and done, but can I just make a simple application? Sometimes it takes a little extra work to enter into rest and to your point and to your strong suit planning. There has to be a measure, oftentimes a planning. Now, particularly if you have not been a vacating person, you're going to have to make some plans. And that's where even going to your employer, going to your students, going to your regular customers, you know, wherever you are in your life and saying, I'm going to make a plan. And I know this sounds silly, but our friends recently went on a vacation and they discovered the out of office alert in the form of a text message on their iPhone, they came back from their vacation and said, it was like we were vacating in the 80s because they set their phones to say, hey, I'm gone for 10 days on vacation. When I get back, I'll do my best to get back to you. Even that little bit of planning or working before they left added so much depth and rest and ease and peace of mind to their vacation.

26:00 Yeah. And I also think pre-planning about your responsibilities. I remember my first job was working for, it was called Bebo Juice. It's basically a Jamba Juice. And in that job, when I wanted to take a vacation, I literally just told my manager, hey, I can't work these days. I'm out. Okay. I'm out. And I clocked out on whatever. And then 10 days later, I clocked back in. Didn't have to do anything when I left. Didn't have to do anything when I got back. My shifts were just filled. That was a great thing then. It's not the reality for us now. To take a vacation now at probably two or three weeks before the vacation saying, okay, what are all the things that I need to prepare for? Meetings I need to prepare for somebody that I need to train people I need to catch up on and actually just doing that work to prepare professionally so that when I'm on vacation, I don't have to be interrupted for anything. That's right. Because again, a change of scenery doesn't count. Yeah. Don't spend all the money just to change your scenery. Yeah. Don't spend all the Bon Boy points just to change your scenery. It won't do what needs to happen to your soul. Oddly enough, I feel like you and I have been more opinionated and stronger on this episode than we have been on a lot of things. But I think there's a reason for it. We're very passionate about it and we want to see people endure and go the long way. But I don't feel like our words can talk anybody necessarily into something, that there is something that just the work of Jesus can do on the inside of people. And can I just say one last thing, just as we're about ready to pray, I don't want to be insensitive at all, but I think there are relationship breakdowns that happen in our world and they are arguably the most painful thing in the world. Just people we loved who we quote unquote fell out of love with. And that comes in many, many, many forms. And I'm not saying that vacation is the ultimate antidote or answer. In fact, probably a lot of relationships break down on vacation. People go on vacation, they go, oh my God, I hate this person.

27:56 But I do think in our case, for those listening, if this serves you, so be it. We have avoided deep pain and fallout by working a little extra to prepare for a clean slate so that we could get away and dig deep into conversations and spaces in our souls, our brains, and our hearts that needed to be uncovered and needed to be discovered by each other and needed to be talked out and teased out, which took afternoons with nothing to do. It took breakfast, lunch, and dinner completely with no end and no urgent thing we had to get home to make sure the kids got fed and the dog's okay. Right. But a lot of those times became so intentional and deeply strategic. I know we don't think of vacation as strategic, but I wonder sometimes if that would be a little more appealing to those of us that are Westerners to understand that vacation is a very strategic decision and a very strategic moment, oftentimes to preserve, again, what you love the most. I agree.