The ABCs of Family - Part 1

0:25 I want to talk about family. As a matter of fact, I want to start a series today about family. Amen. That's what I want to do. And today, the title of the message is The ABCs of Family. Say the ABCs of Family. I want to talk about the importance of family. Family is important. God designed the family for various reasons. it is through family that character is developed you learn how to be responsible you learn how to share Amen. Amen. In family, I had to learn, I had to share the rule with my brother that life wasn't all about me.

1:22 I had to learn that. I had to learn that I couldn't get upset because my brother wore my clothes. Because my parents taught me they weren't mine. I didn't pay for the clothes, so they weren't mine. so I didn't have the right or the space to be upset because he bothered my stuff. Now the reason this is important, I also have to learn how to be patient in family. You have to learn how to patiently wait for your turn.

1:57 Amen. I see this is going to be a tough message here today. I can tell. If y'all can't say amen to those preliminary points, it's going to be tension for the rest of these points I got to make. It is in family that you learn to build relationships. You learn how to get along, how to communicate, how to talk. You learn how to forgive. You learn how to properly treat. And the reason we have so much stress, see, the reason we have so much stress in church and on jobs is because people came from dysfunctional families. Amen.

2:37 If you don't learn how to do stuff in family, then you can't do the right stuff in church. You can't do the right stuff in, amen. Who said that? Let me come over here and preach to you. All right. Let me just talk to you because the rest of these jokers ain't saying nothing. You're encouraging me, amen. I thank you very, very much. Yeah, I appreciate you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Amen. I love you with all my heart. Thank you very much. People unfortunately don't learn the lessons in family that God wants you to learn.

3:18 And then you come to church, and now you can't get along with nobody. Every ministry you join, there's a problem with that ministry. Now you're talking about that church. When you're the only person who got a problem with every ministry you ever joined in. Ooh. So here's what I found. Just go to Genesis 2. If you have your Bibles, I'm just going to look at several verses in Genesis chapter 2. it is through the family that God wants to demonstrate his power and his might he wants to show his hand to your family to your kids I saw God work miracles in my family not so much for me but for my kids to see the powerful working of God it is around the family dinner table that you talk about the things that God did for you where your children learn that there is a living, real, alive God.

4:31 That's why family dinners are important. It's important to tell your testimonies at the family dinner and tell them, here's the miracle this guy worked. Here's how God answered my prayer. Here's how God spoke to me. It is around the family dinner. Right now, families have denigrated. Is that a word, denigrated?

4:52 Disintegrated? It's a hope to word. Is it a word? Is denigrated a word? Is denigrated a word? But it's not the right word. Disintegrate, whatever. The family's been destroyed. is declined. I know those two words are real.

5:16 And we're no longer teaching our children and they're not hearing the stories of what God has worked. And instead of just sitting around the dinner table and talking about what God did and what God said and what God did, everybody eats dinner in their own room at their own time and the family doesn't come together until they need to hear about what God's told. But that's what God's design for family was. God designed for the family to talk about the goodness of the Lord and to share the stories and to build character and help you learn to be responsible. I've taught my kids while they were growing up that they had responsibilities. Yeah, you got to empty the trash, Josh. Your job is to empty the trash. If you don't take the trash out, I don't know how you're going to get the trash to the trash dump, but it's going to be on you to get the trash to the trash dump. I would tell Sarah, you have to wash the dishes.

6:11 You are there. Your job is to wash dishes. Because I sure ain't washing them. It's your job to wash them. So I want to highlight to us this point. Now, the very first family, this is important because people have different descriptions of what family is. But God started with the first family, started with a single man.

6:42 Yes, there's tension in the room. That single man is a family. From God's perspective, it's a family and it starts as a family. so God placed look at Genesis chapter 2 verse 8 let me go ahead and start talking about this I think it's very important for every single person to understand where are the single people? where are the single people? let me see what you look like single people need to understand that you don't need a spouse to have a family some of y'all think you got to have a spouse to be significant to God you don't need a spouse to be significant to God a spouse don't make you who you are a spouse doesn't give you a spouse doesn't give you status and I'm coming back to that point let me go ahead and talk about it while I'm here for a second because some of y'all think you need to have a spouse to have a family or a spouse to be important and you fail to realize or recognize that you don't get married to somebody just so you can be quote unquote have a family you are important to god whether you got a spouse or not you are still important to god come on somebody say go on pastor you preach and teach me from god's standpoint you start a single person starts as it starts as a family and in genesis chapter 2 verse 8. Let me read this real quick. Genesis chapter 2 verse 8 says, the Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden and there he put the man whom he had formed. Y'all see that here?

8:26 God created a man, put him in the garden, put him in this garden in Eden and he put the man whom he had formed. The key word in this passage is the word put. Now this is an important word, put because it says God placed him somewhere. Here's what it really means. God deposited him somewhere. He put him in the center of the garden. And that's important because God put him in the place he needed to be. I learned, here's what I learned. I learned in life, I learned that God puts you in an environment that's going to be the best environment to help you become who it is and what it is he wants you to do. Thank you, Lord. That's important. I don't know if y'all got that. Some of y'all bitter and you're mad and you're upset because you were raised in a certain environment, raised by certain people, didn't like your mama, didn't like your daddy, didn't like your siblings. You got mad and upset because you don't know who your daddy is. Whatever your environment is that God put you in, there's a reason why he allowed you to be put in the environment that you are put in so that you can become what it is and who it is he wants you to become and to be. Now it's important for you to learn to recognize and thank God for wherever he puts you.

9:45 whatever family, whatever environment. So I was telling in the earlier service, my son Joshua was here with his three kids. And I thought about the fact that my son Joshua is a phenomenal father to his boys. He's got three sons and he's great.

10:08 Now, Thank you. He's a great father because his father was a horrible father. I was a terrible father to my older kids. So busy chasing significance and chasing importance and chasing building a church and chasing doing this and chasing doing that, that I was terrible to my older kids. Thank God he gave me a chance to redeem myself with my kids. I missed a lot of things. But God put Joshua in this family with a father whom God knew would neglect him so that he would develop a sense of understanding the importance of being involved in this kid's life. Do y'all understand what I'm saying?

11:08 Go ahead, lean over to your neighbor. He preaching better than you're saying amen. Matter of fact, go ahead, look at that person next to you and say, you ain't said one amen the whole time the pastor's been preaching. You ain't raised your hand. You ain't clapped. You ain't said nothing. And the pastor's preaching the truth, and you're looking at him like he's crazy. Go ahead, tell those jokers down.

11:36 So what I want you to do, number one, is instead of being upset and mad and bitter about the environment that you were placed in, thank God for the environment that you were in. He put you there for a reason. yeah there's some things about my father and my parents and my raising up that i didn't like but as i look back on it i see that god had it there for a reason it helped to shape me to be the person that i am So I want to start off by just talking about that and telling you the circumstances you're in may not be the one that you would have chosen, but God deposited you in that environment for a reason. And by the way, when God placed Adam.

12:29 Oh, here's a good point. Oh, this is so good. When God placed Adam in the garden, he didn't have a spouse. Because God could have created Adam and Eve at the same time. But he didn't. He created Adam first, which tells me, here's what I know. When he put him in the garden, Adam had everything he needed.

12:56 And here you go, single people. he gave him everything he needed which if he needed everything was what he needed and what he didn't need at that time was a spouse. some of y'all are reluctantly clapping on their phone right there no god god he didn't have a spouse which tells me this this is important you You need to know that you have everything you need when you have a relationship with God. I'm running ahead of myself, but let me go ahead and say this. Some of y'all are in trouble because you don't know how to have a relationship with God.

13:54 And so, oh, okay, hold up. Slow down. Slow down, Pastor. I get so excited. I want to go on to the next point so fast. I'm trying to get, okay, let me slow down. I'm running ahead of myself. Slow down. So he had a relationship with God. God was communicating with him. There's nothing greater than having a life where you can talk to God and God talks back to you. Do you understand what I'm saying? You talk, you share your burden, you share your heart, and God supernaturally speaks back to you so you know that it's God talking to you because you ain't talked to nobody but God about whatever it is that you talked about and here he comes along and in some way, some manner, some posture, he speaks back to you and you know that only God could have known that you were praying and concerned about this. He sent somebody into your life to talk to you about it. Somebody into your, you hear a sermon somewhere, you go somewhere and you hear the very thing you've been talking to God about and you know it's God commuting back to you.

14:58 so that's that's the number one thing you need and some of you in trouble because you haven't learned how to have a relationship with God now I'm running the head of myself but let me go ahead and say this while it's on my mind because it keeps coming back to me and this is important some of y'all uh uh don't learn don't know how to have a relationship with God or don't have a relationship with God, don't learn how to be content with God. So now you go off and try to find somebody to satisfy you and you don't recognize that no human being can satisfy you like God can satisfy you. Amen. Y'all got that? I mean, okay. Let me slow down. Let me go ahead. Let me give you three points. The ABCs of family.

15:54 Genesis 2.15. Let's go there for a minute. then here's verse 15 then the lord god took the man and put him in the garden of eden to tend it and keep it god put the man he made the man put him in the garden deposited him in the garden and gave him a here's the a an assignment god gave him an assignment and the assignment was to tend and keep the garden. to tend and keep the garden, to work the garden, to protect the garden.

16:39 That's an assignment. Where the single ladies at? Okay. Don't shout too loud. Hold on. If you're looking for a man, find out does he have an assignment. do you have a job that's all i need to know do you have a job how by the way how long have you had the job how many jobs have you had in the last two or three years anybody who can't keep a job is a problem signal right there it's a problem now let me tell you something if i'm gonna tell you if first baptist church at glen arden fires me i got a job i have an assignment i'm the pastor of the first baptist church glen arden i have a job i have an assignment and if they decide if they lose their minds and fire me i'm not gonna sit around for years and wait on somebody to hire me i will create my own job I'm going to tell you right now if they decide they don't want me to be here no more I'm right across the street and I'm going to set up the second Baptist church of Glen Arden I'm telling you right now service will be at 9 11 and so you can come here at 8 and say I don't know if this new joke is going to make out let me go to 9 and see what pastor's going on.

18:20 I'm telling you what I'm going to do. I'm going to create a job. I ain't going to sit around and wait for years for somebody to give me a job. Have an assignment. I have a destiny, a call, a gifting, anointing. Your talents, when somebody fires you, your talents don't disappear. When God gives you gifts, your talents are still there. I'm preaching better than y'all are saying amen yeah I'm not going to sit around and wait for somebody and I ain't going on welfare y'all excuse me for just a second I am not going on welfare I ain't seen nobody clap on that one right there. Y'all was clapping before, yeah.

19:11 Yeah, I'm not going to do that. Somebody say a sign. His second point. verses 16 and 17 of chapter 2. Genesis 2, 16 and 17. And the Lord God commanded the man saying, of every tree of the garden you may freely eat, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die. Y'all see that? The B in ABC stands for boundaries. You got to have boundaries. Life is filled with boundaries, restrictions, limitations, limits. Everybody's got boundaries. Everybody's got to learn to live within those boundaries.

20:03 We live in a culture today where people don't want no boundaries. They don't want no boundaries. They want to have the freedom to do whatever it is they want to do. That's not the way life functions. It's boundaries. boundaries. You have boundaries, limitations, restrictions.

20:24 And Adam was given a restriction. Now all these trees, all this fruit here you can eat, but now this tree there, leave that tree alone. Don't mess with that tree. And y'all need to see what kind of boundaries, what kind of limitations has this person that you are thinking about marrying, do they have? What kind of limitations, what kind restrictions. So you gotta, you gotta bow the way. you should not be dating anybody who you would not consider marrying I don't know why I feel a little little limitations in those clasps. It's almost like it's not enthusiastic. It's like, oh.

21:17 You should not be spending time with anybody who you are not considering marrying. I feel tension in the room. I know y'all came to church together today, but don't get up and leave right now. There should be some boundaries.

21:56 You, ladies, you should tell your man, don't call you after a certain time at night. ain't nobody clapping in this section right here not a single person in this section right here put their hands together because once you call after a certain time that sound like a booty call to me they still ain't clapping look at them they still ain't clapping Oh, y'all married?

22:33 Not all of y'all ain't married. Restrictions, limitations, boundaries. And by the way, those are boundaries that should come from God. Yeah, somebody say some boundaries that come from God. Tell your neighbor, some boundaries that come from God. There should be some boundaries, some limitations, some restrictions, some limits.

23:03 And God gave Adam some limitations, some restrictions, limits. And life, that's how life is. Life has limits. Anybody that has no limits, anybody that has no restrictions, anybody that can't be told they can't do something, they are out of control. If a person can't respect your limitations before you get married, they won't do it after you get married. I feel tension in the room. Y'all don't like this kind of preaching, do y'all? I don't know why I'm feeling something over here in this section right here. limitations.

24:01 Do you have limitations? Do you have restrictions, limits? There ought to be some barriers and boundaries because the God we serve gives us boundaries. He gave, the Ten Commandments are boundaries. They're parameters. Yeah, they're boundaries of what you should do and what you shouldn't do. and you should govern your life by boundaries that God's given to you and given to us. Somebody say amen. The world wants no boundaries.

24:35 Here's the third thing, and I'll be finished. Verse 18. And the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him. Now, this is very, very important. The Lord God said, it is not good for man that man should be alone. Now, notice what he did not say. He did not say it is not...

25:06 Let me back up. I'm just... When God says it's not good for man to be alone, he did not say that he would be lonely. Listen carefully. Listen carefully. When a person, see, God gives us emotions. And those emotions are designed to be an alarm system for us. That's what emotions do. It's God's way of giving you an alarm that something's out of whack. and when you feel lonely it's an alarm that you have failed to spend time in the presence of God. Yeah, this is cool. Because when you learn how to commune with God and have a relationship with God, you don't need another person in your life.

26:01 And the problem is a whole bunch of us in here are trying to fulfill the emptiness that we have or the loneliness we have inside by people. And here's the fact. No person can satisfy what only God is designed to satisfy. Oh, that's good. That's good right there. That's good. That's important. It's important that you understand that no... And see, that's the problem. Some of y'all are marrying people thinking that they're going to have the capacity and the ability to be able to satisfy something in you that only God can satisfy. Stop trying to put another human being in a place of God. They can't meet that. They can't do that. some of y'all been set up for failure because they thought you were gonna do what God can do there are some things that only God himself can do you got to learn to walk with God and talk with God and commune with God and fellowship with God and worship God and hear from God you got to learn to do that and no human being can meet that need Go ahead, tell your name, he's preaching better than just saying amen.

27:21 I'm preaching today, baby. Did y'all hear what I said? Yes, sir. What did I say? You looking for that joker, he don't even know who he is, let alone. You're looking for him to satisfy and fulfill what only God can fulfill. it is my belief and conviction that you're not even ready for marriage until you've learned how to commune with God by yourself Go ahead, tell your neighbor. Tell that person next to you.

28:21 You ain't ready for... The C means companion, but you ain't ready for a companion until you learn how to walk with God. Now, let me say this. I forgot to say this at 8. Man, I cheated the 8 o'clock crowd out of this.

28:42 Man. I wish I could go back and tell them I'm going to retake. Listen, listen. when God says it's not good for a man to be alone here's what that word alone means here's what God said it's not good for the man to be the chief of a city by himself that's what it means. It's not good for him to be chief of the city,

29:13 for him to run the city by himself. Now, having said that, I learned that I need to govern my family not just by what I feel. I have to take into consideration what my wife feels. because she brings something to the table that I don't bring to the table. She made our house a home.

29:50 She brought to the table dinner because I can't cook. Come on, look at me for this and stuff. One time she went on a, the first women's retreat, I don't know, this must have been about 30 years ago. And I was, you know, I was babysitting the kids.

30:11 Yeah, you know, when men are at home, they're babysitting their kids. Around 9 o'clock at night, the kids said, Hey, Dad, are we going to eat? Are we going to eat tonight? It hadn't even crossed my mind. that's why I need her I need her oh I need her for every meal I need her Oh feed me now She brings something to the table that I don't bring.

31:14 Now, let me close. I got three minutes. And I want to challenge people to understand the motive of why you get married or why you look for a spouse. Not just because you're lonely.

31:38 Because that's a signal that you don't know how to get along with God. But that's what lonely means. That's not why you get married. You're ready for a spouse when together you can better glorify the name of God as a couple than you would as individuals. Now, we live in a day and age with people today. Now, this new generation, they don't, they don't, they don't see so much dysfunction in marriage, they don't even want to get married. So they shack. I don't even know if that's the word they use today. What do they call it today? Do they still call it shack?

32:23 Habitate, cohabitate, cohabitate. Huh? Life partners. Life partners without the commitment for life. That's not good. when I was growing up if you lived with somebody you wasn't married to you kept it secret because living together without being married was considered a sin and by the way it still is a sin It still is a sin. It still is.

33:17 And some of you are going to have to answer to God. that you cohabitated. You know what they say to me now? But pastor, we sleep in separate rooms. You know what I want to say? Liar, liar, pants on fire. It's not where you sleep. Somebody asked me today after the first service, what if he sleeps in that room and she sleeps in the other room? Yeah.