The ABCs of Family - Part 4: Discerning God's Will for Marriage

0:42 I started several weeks ago a series on family the ABC's of family is what I titled it and today is part four of the ABC's of family and what I want to talk about today is discerning God's voice regarding marriage determining and knowing who you're supposed to marry because some of y'all didn't ask God about whether you should marry that joker that you got married to. Some of y'all scared to clap And I know you want to And I want to I know somebody said Well Pastor, some of us are already married Why would you talk to us about that? Because y'all got kids And you need to teach those kids How to determine who they're going to get married to I want you to teach your kids.

1:46 How do you determine if you're supposed to get married to somebody? Because some of y'all have been focusing. Some of y'all have focused. You make decisions on who you're going to marry using the wrong B. You're looking at the wrong B. You're focusing on butts and breasts instead of what they believe. let me come over here on this side I didn't hear nothing over there how do you determine I'm talking to you about this first of all because I know there's a bunch of you let me see where the single people are raise your hand single people oh lord so I want you to determine and discern who you should be married to. And I'm going to give you four things to consider. They're not the only thing.

2:40 Somebody say, not the only thing. Not the only thing. But I don't have time to talk about all the things, so I'm going to just talk about four critical things that you should start off with. And it's important because in 2024, the divorce rate in the United States is estimated to be 41% of first marriages. 41 out of every 100 marriages 100 marriages don't survive They go through a divorce In 2024 60% of second marriages 60% of second marriages don't make And 73% of third marriages Seen like to me by the time you get to the third marriage You ought to get something right But 73% of people who get married For the third time They don't survive I feel tension in the room because who you marry is important it's a serious decision to make it can make you or break you who you marry can make you or break you and too many of us are making decisions using fleshly parameters rather than spiritual parameters so this is important you need to be clear when you are considering getting married and I want you to teach your children and grandchildren and mention it to them.

3:59 They might not listen to you, but mention to them, here are the factors you should be considering. So I want to talk about that today. Now, I'm going to tell you right now, let me tell you right off the bat, some of the things I'm going to say you're going to have a problem with. Go ahead, tell your neighbor that. You're going to have a problem. You're not going to like what the pastor's saying, but it's okay. You ain't got to like me, and I ain't got to like you. but because I love you I'm going to tell you what's right and what's the truth Speaking of love, some of y'all don't know what true love is. And this is the problem with a whole lot of marriages. People think they're in love. They all know what real love is. Real love is not simply an emotion. Some people attribute what they feel emotionally with love. And it's important for you to know that love is an act of your will.

5:02 Ooh. It's a choice. It's a decision that you make. It's a choice, a decision that you make. So you stop depending and leaning on your emotions. My emotions are all over the place. Some days I love my wife. Some days I want to smack her outside her head.

5:29 But I ain't never done it. I ain't never done it. I need you to repraise that. Because we don't do that to people. We don't do that to other people. That's right. Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. Thank you. Yes. Have a seat. I have never hit you. Never smacked. I ain't never thought about it. I just said I felt like it. I feel like it right now. Anybody got an extra room?

6:23 I know that some of the stuff I'm going to say today, some of y'all are going to walk out and say, I don't buy that. I don't believe it, but it's okay. Everything I'm going to give you is from the Word of God. So you won't be rejecting me. You'll be rejecting what God says. When you get married, I don't know if that's, you know, because today people make up their own vows. They come up with their own vows. But when you got married, most people got married. They made vows. And one of the things they said in their vows said, For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part. That's what it said, till death. That ain't what's happening today. It's till divorce do us part.

7:18 Not till death do us part, but till divorce do us part. And it's tragic because you made a vow. You made a promise to God. Till death do you part. But something happened and you walked on away. Matter of fact, we treat marriage like a car. We get tired of it. We trade it in and get a new one.

7:43 Trade it in and get a new one. But marriage, brothers and sisters, is a sacred institution. God only created two institutions and marriage is one of them and you need to respect it like it's an institution created by God Amen.

8:07 And so you say for better or for worse. So in our premarital classes, we ask couples, what if the worst thing happens? What's the worst thing that you see, that you could, what's worse for you? And what you're going to do if that happens? If the worst happens. Because you said, you promised, you made a vow. you said for better or for worse. You said for richer or poor. If he ain't got no job or if he can't keep no job I feel tension in the room.

8:45 You said for richer or poor. You said in sickness and in health. I've said to couples in premarital classes I've said if she gets sick and can't do nothing for you except for run her mouth. One more. One more. One more. One more. She can't do nothing, can't. She can't do nothing but just give you instructions. You see my son, I hear jerking on his thingy trying to tell me to get my collar out. Is it okay now? Is it all right? It keeps falling down, so it's okay. It's okay, because they're not looking at what I'm wearing.

9:39 They're listening to what I'm saying. Right? Aren't y'all listening to what I'm saying? I thought you was hot fanning yourself because I was saying this single young man. I thought you were saying, oh Lord, what is the pastor talking about? What's my dad? So, I mean, you say for better, for worse, richer, and poor, sickness, and in health. Are you going to, what do you, you know, you got to have some guidelines of what's making, helping you make a decision. And that's what I want to talk about today. Do y'all communicate outside of the bedroom? I know you hollering and screaming at each other. Ooh, in the bedroom. This side ain't saying nothing. Let me go over here. We talk about all these things in our premarital classes. Matter of fact, in our church, you cannot get married in this church if you don't complete the two marital classes that we have.

10:34 We try to prepare you. We try to prepare you for marriage. We try to teach you. We try to hold you to understand what you're getting yourself into because you can't just walk away. if you don't get nothing outside of this message, what I want you to get is a healthy respect for the institution of marriage. And I want you to teach your children. You just don't jump up and decide, let's get married. No, no, let's discern what God's will is for your life. And that's why I want to talk about how you discern. And I can't discuss all of the topics. I'm just hitting on some of the things that we do in our premarital class. But I want you to understand there are four key things that I want you to get clarity on. I want to declare these things. Here's number one. Let me start.

11:25 I'm talking like I got all day. I'm trying to, I'm going through all of this because I want to help the single people know how to determine if God wants you to get married and who he wants you to get married to. I want you to discern that. And I also want you to teach your children and your grandchildren how to determine what God's will is for your life. Here's point number one. Here's the very first thing that I think is important is parental blessings, that you get your parents' blessings. Now hear me out before you cut me off because I feel the tension in the room already and I'm only on point one. But number one, especially the younger you are, what is God's will? And here's what Proverbs 21.1 says. Let me give you this verse. Jot it down, read it. This is a cornerstone verse for me. If you've been a part of this church any length of time, I've talked about it a thousand times. This today is a thousand and one.

12:18 Because I've talked about it many times because it's a verse that has shaped my life. Proverbs 21.1 says, the king's heart is in the hand of the Lord. Like the rivers of water, he turns it wherever he wishes. I believe God gives direction for our lives through our authorities. The king in this passage represents the authorities in our life. And the scripture is telling us God controls the heart. Every major decision I ever made in my life, God used the authorities in my life to give me a sense of direction for it. God is speaking to you, but you ain't even listening. Because you don't recognize how God communicates. The king's heart, the person that is in a position of authority, God controls their heart. What you try to do is manipulate and influence their heart. And get them to see life the way you want to see it. Every major decision I've ever made in life, God has used the authorities in my life.

13:13 And in particular, my parents. Now somebody said, what if my parents don't agree? What if they don't like the person? Well, there's a lot of factors there. Let me tell you, number one, it might mean it's the wrong person. it might mean it's the wrong time the timing might not be right it might mean there's some issues in that person's life that they need to get straight before your parents here's what I know about God God is able to change your parents heart and I believe God used my parents to give me a sense of direction for my life because he knows that this is a verse for my life that I would never do anything that went contrary to what my parents wanted me to do. And so I think that's an important thing. Look at your neighbor and say, he talking better than you're saying amen.

14:06 Say that. You should get your parents, listen to this, their full blessing and not just their consent. There's a difference between their full blessing, that they are in full agreement, that they give you the full blessings. That's one thing. Consent means they just go along with it because they know you're going to do what you want to do anyway. and some of you have missed God because you didn't take the time to try to discern what your parents' will heart was about this matter so every major decision I made in my life I tried to research what my parents' heart was about it and I want to say to you somebody said it's very important it's critical it's very now the scripture says in Ephesians 6 don't turn there but just Ephesians 6 says children obey your parents So when you are a child You obey your parents You do what they tell you to do but Exodus tells us that you, when you're an adult, you honor your parents.

15:16 So there's a difference between obeying and honoring. So when you get to be an adult, you honor them. You give weight to their thoughts, their heart, how God, but you don't have to obey them. When you're a child, you obey. Now, what's the difference between a child and an adult? It's the question because here's how I define. You are an adult when you pay in your own bill. Amen. Amen.

15:42 I'm preaching better than y'all are saying amen. Yeah, when your mama paying your bills, you still a child. We got some 40-year-old children still in here. Amen, that's right. Let me roll on here. I feel tension in the room. So what did your parents think about this person? Matter of fact, I'm old-fashioned. I think a man should still go to the bride's parents and ask for permission to marry the daughter. And that's the reason for that. The reason for that is you want God's will. You want to turn what God is saying. So I think that's very important. Here's number two. I got to roll on. I'm acting like I got all day.

16:30 It has to do with number two is their salvation status. What's the salvation status of this person you are considering marrying? Now I'll read 2 Corinthians chapter 6 verses 14 through 18. is the passage. I'm going to read that because this is, again, a very significant passage. Do not be unequally yoked, verse 14, with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness and what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Bilal? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols. For you are the temple of the living God and God has said, I will dwell in them and walk among them. I will be their God and they shall be my people. Therefore, come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean and I will receive you. I will be a father to you and you shall be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty. That's a powerful passage because it's saying don't get entangled, don't be hanging out, don't be coupled, don't be joined to a person that doesn't believe like you believe.

17:43 Amen. That's an important deal. That's an important deal. And by the way, while I'm on this point, God does not call you to do evangelism dating. You are not called to date somebody to get them saved while you dating them. That devil is a liar.

18:12 That's not the will of God. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Now you dating the unsaved person and y'all don't believe the same, ain't going in the same direction. Amos says two men cannot walk together. Two people can't walk together unless they agree. You're heading in separate directions. I got a problem with somebody who say they're Christian, but they don't read no Bible. They ain't talking about no scriptures. They say they saved. They don't go to nobody's Bible study. They ain't in nobody's church. I got a problem, Minister Smith, with the people who jump up and talk about they saved, but they don't belong in nobody's church. What's with you? You so holy, so righteous. All these churches around here. Ain't none of them good enough for you? I feel tension in the room right over here let me go over here I feel I feel some stress over here are y'all with me does that make sense you follow what I'm saying you today this is an important deal if you're gonna date somebody that first question is are you saved Ain't nothing need to talk about nothing else if you ain't saved.

19:28 Hello. I feel this group saying, come over here and talk to me. Are you saved? Are they saved? By the way, not just are they saved, are they growing and saved? Because see, if you saved and growing and they say they saved, but they ain't growing, you're still headed in two separate directions. Now, I know this is a tension point because young ladies, I feel sorry for y'all because it's hard to find a good, saved young man. It's tough. They either in jail, these young black men, or they don't know whether they are male or a woman. They don't know what they want in life. It's a problem. Where are the single ladies at? Stand up. Let me pray for y'all. I need to just pray for your single young ladies. Jimmy, look around.

20:24 Check out, check out. �� 現 No, seriously, I want to pray for y'all because y'all got a tough deal. It's hard to find a good saved young man. It's hard. I'm praying that God, I'm telling y'all, y'all need to be going down and fasting and praying for God to send you somebody in your life. Father, I pray for these single ladies. I pray that you send somebody into their life. I pray, Heavenly Father, that you put a hedge of protection around them and help them to be able to find the person that you've ordained for them. In Jesus' name, amen. Here's number three. Y'all got number one?

21:32 Yes. What was it? For a blessing. Y'all got that? Yes. What's number two? Salvation status. Y'all got that? Yes. Y'all married? Yes. Engaged. Ugh. Here's number three Their marital Their previous marital status This is a tough one right here Mark chapter 10 verses 11 and 12 and Malachi chapter 2 verses 15 and 16. Let me read these two verses to you. Mark 10, 11 and 12. So he said to them, verse 11, whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.

22:25 Y'all see that? That's Jesus talking. That's in red. That's a red letter version. Jesus talking. Malachi 2 verses 15 and 16. But he did not make them one. But did he not make them one? Having a remnant of the spirit and why one? He seeks godly offsprings. Therefore, take heed to your spirit and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. For the Lord God of Israel says, this is verse 16. For the Lord God of Israel says, who said this? the Lord God of Israel says that he hates divorce for it covers one's garment with violence says the Lord therefore take heed to your spirit that you do not deal treacherously I need to take a moment and talk about this because this is the thing of our day is divorce people are getting divorced they're walking away from their marriages they get unhappy they get sad they get frustrated they just walk away your spouse is not a used car Thank you.

23:29 You trade in the car, you don't trade in your wife. or your husband. Now, I know this is a very controversial issue. There's a lot of different beliefs about it. There's a ton of books about it. And you don't have to agree with my position on this. You don't have to embrace my position on this. But what I do say is you should research the scriptures about it. You should study the word about it. You should get an understanding of what the scriptures teach about it. and people have different perspectives and different views. But here's my view. My view is in the minority. I have a minority view. There's not a lot of people that hold the position that I hold. I believe that marriage is for one woman, for one man, one woman, one lifetime. That's what I believe.

24:23 That's how I'm persuaded and that's what I believe. That's my conviction. And I just am persuaded that we have to do something for the church. The church percentage of people getting divorced in church is higher than in the world. The Christian people are getting divorced. Church folk will say they got Jesus. I have trouble believing why two saved people can't humble themselves and serve each other. Instead, they're fighting and arguing and wanting to be in charge and wanting to be whatever they want to be rather than be what God has called us to be. God has called me to serve my wife. Yes, she gets on my nerves sometimes. Yes, she frustrates me at times.

25:31 But I'm called to serve her. Yeah. Matter of fact, I'm called to do more than serve her. I'm called to die for her. Yeah. That's the command of Scripture. Husbands, love your wives the way Christ loved the church. That's Ephesians chapter 5. Love your wives the way Christ loved the church. And I'm supposed to die for her. I'm supposed to give up everything that makes me happy to make her happy. I see the women clapping. I see the women singing. I don't see no brothers clapping up in this camp. I ain't making this up. This is the teaching of the word of the almighty God. Amen.

26:26 And ladies, if that joker ain't willing to die for you, roll on. Somebody say, roll on, roll on. That's the call. Here's number four. Man, I got five minutes to get this last point in. Are y'all with me so far? So my point there is that marriage is a holy, sacred institution. And it ought to be treated as such. You don't get married to get divorced. If you done gone through two or three marriages, what makes you think number four and number five are going to be better?

27:00 Here's my fourth point. discern God's voice. Find out and ask God to speak to you about whether this is the person you're supposed to marry. Get a word from God. Somebody say, get a word from God. Get a clear word from God. This is one of the most important decisions you'll ever make in your life. Other than accepting Jesus, it is the most important decision. is who you get married to. And get a word from God. And I think God wants you to know for sure. No guessing. He wants you to have clarity. He wants you to be clear about it. He wants you to know. And so, you know, get it clear. Ask God. However God communicates with you, however God speaks to you, ask him to make it clear.

27:54 Because God, however God communicates in your relationship with him, he will speak to you and make it plain. Now, when I got married to First Lady Jane, because I was 21 years old, 21. I was a young dude. And I had, I wanted clarity that I was supposed to marry her. And y'all heard me say this already? I said it a thousand times because I wanted clarity. And so I set a fleece before God. I did a fleece. I don't do that anymore. But at that time at 21, I gave God a fleece. I bought an engagement ring, put it in the glove compartment, prayed, Lord, if she's the one, when the time is right, have her ask me why the glove compartment is locked. I put it in the glove compartment. I locked it. The next day, that was a Saturday, the next day I had to preach in D.C. She got in the car. She said, I lost my glasses. I can't find my glasses. She started looking for her glasses. She tried to open the glove compartment. She said, why is your glove compartment locked? It's true.

28:49 God knew I needed a spectacular something for me to move off of my single status to go ahead and get married. And I needed clarity because there was hundreds of women chasing after me. That's like, Lord, which one is it amongst all these women? And here now we have been married for 44 years. She was the right one for me. Amen.

29:48 We got six chilling. Amen. Amen. Amen. I don't know what your status is, but you know what I believe? I believe there are some people here today who have not followed any of these guidelines.

30:14 Any of these four things. You didn't ask God. You didn't ask them if they were saved or some of you married people that you knew weren't saved. You walked in with the Lord and you didn't even ask them about their salvation status. Some of you married people that you knew were not saved. you married them you dishonored the scriptures you disobeyed God two people cannot walk together unless they hit it in the same direction because you planning on changing them it's not your call marriage is not it will change you but that's not why you get married to change somebody you setting up a problem if you try to change somebody that's drama that's how a lot of people get married think they can change this person. That's not why you are called into a marriage to change people.

31:08 Amen. You marry somebody, you accept them as they is. With all their shortcomings and flaws and drama and issues, you marry them as they are. All has got issues. Everybody in here got issues.

31:29 Go ahead, look at your neighbors. I wonder what your issue is. Go ahead, look at him. Say, you nasty or you're a liar or you spend money recklessly. We all got some kind of issue, but when you marry somebody, you accept them as they are.

32:00 And if you can't, and by the way, another thing, I do have a problem with these people who are dating for decades. Hear from God and roll on with what God says. Come on, ladies. If the brother can't make up his decision in a certain period of time, it's time to roll on to the next situation. at a bare minimum, you're letting me know that you can't hear from God and get a decision from him.

32:37 Ooh. Okay, I'm finished. It's 11 o'clock. Y'all better be glad I ran out of time because Lord. Let me close with this. I recognize that some of you have made choices and decisions that you should not have made. But the great thing about the God that we serve is that he will forgive you.