The Power of "Why?"

0:00 Remember fax machines? You know I used to think that the piece of paper got rolled up really small and it like ran through the wire? Stop. Yeah, no, I did. Till I was 24. I'm kidding! Till I was 13. Have you ever wondered why something is the way it is? Like, why is the work week Monday through Friday? Or, why can I not stop eating peanut M&Ms once they start? But what if you didn't stop there? What if you kept asking why? Until you truly got to the root of a situation or a problem. When we ask why, we are exercising our curiosity, challenging our pre-existing beliefs, and making sense of our instincts and emotions. Which allows us to move through life with intentions, clarity, and understanding. And you might even find some surprising answers at the end of the string of questions. We'll be asking why all episode long, so stay tuned. This is In Good Faith. growing up my dad was a public speaker and he used to tell this story over and over about when we were vacationing on the oregon coast the tropical warm sunny oregon coast Anybody who's never been there doesn't get the joke.

1:26 Yeah, that's a joke. It's like the, I should say, the coastline of Scotland. It never cracks 60 degrees. It never. Oh, man, if it's 58, everybody's out in the swimsuits. We were staying in an RV, and over and over throughout the night, incessantly, I would ask, why, why, why does the ocean sound like that? Why does it do that? Why does it crash? It's talking about the waves. And my dad finally just yelled, go to sleep. You know, just too many whys. Oh, my God. Now, little did I know that my turn would come and our firstborn child, Zion, who's now 17 as we record this episode, he was the same thing. Oh, no, but he wasn't just asking why about the ocean. I remember one specific time we were driving in our little SUV and he's in the backseat, you know, in the car just looking out. We were driving and it was nighttime and so Zion noticed the moon for the first time. He's like, why does the moon shine?

2:20 I'm like, oh, because it reflects off the sun. I'm trying to pull out my fifth grade science knowledge. Well, why does it change? Well, the earth rotates. I'm trying to give the best meaningful answers. And he kept asking why, why, why, why. Until finally, I don't even think I could satisfy his curiosity. I finally just had to say, because that's the way it is. Just go to sleep. Just like my dad. His parents, we run out of that. But I think there's something so, I'm going to use this word magical, about kids and their curiosity and their relentless passion to just keep asking why, why, why, why. And I think that's such a beautiful thing about humanity. But sometimes I feel like we lose that a little bit as we grow up. I mean, when's the last time you and I had a conversation where we kept asking why until we felt like we understood something? Well, I think we pretend as adults as we age that we have the answer to all those whys. When in reality, I actually think it's just mere deflection and distraction. And we just hope that we don't have to kind of face what happens when we die, what happens when there's tragedy. A friend of mine was having a conversation with a friend who's like, I don't believe in anything. And he's like, okay, all right, that's fair.

3:29 It's tough out here. It's tough in life. And he's like, well, what do you think happens when you die? And he's like, well, you just know more. And he's like, well, why do you believe that? He's like, no, I don't believe anything. He's like, well, no, you do. You just said that when When you die, you're just no more. It's over. You go into big sleep, so to speak. So why do you believe that? And he's like, well, I don't know. And it's interesting how we don't ask why, even for some of the most important conversations and points of life, such as what do you think happens when we die? Okay, now why do you think that? You know what sucks is that we're almost offended now. As you age in life, when someone's like, well, why? I'm looking at you play with your necklace right now. You know, if I was like, why do you play with your necklace? That would be almost like, excuse me, how dare you ask why to why?

4:23 So that's an interesting social dynamic as well. Yeah, because don't you think as adults, we tend not to ask why out of curiosity? Like Zion asking why, you asking why the ocean is loud. Zion asking why the moon is there. It's actually just a pure, unadulterated curiosity to know about the world and how it functions. Whereas we get to be adults. If you were to ask me, why are you playing with your necklace? I would think you were bothered by it. You know, I would put all of these ulterior motives to your questions. All this baggage. Or if I was to ask you, you know, the why questions about the afterlife or the big ones, what are we here for? What is our purpose? There always seems to be ulterior motives. Or at least we presuppose ulterior motives on adults asking the why question. And I think that is because a lot of it as adults, we lose our curiosity. Always suppress it. Yeah. We cover it up. And maybe we numb it. I wonder if we numb it because there are just so many things in life that we have had to figure out.

5:19 I don't understand. I don't know why I can understand the internet, but you know what still blows my mind? Fax machines. Remember when we first started dating and you took a missions trip to Philippines? Yeah. And you and I faxed back and forth. Oh, that's right. right when we first started dating. I was in Kage on Dioro. Because digital wasn't understood, I could not understand how a fax machine worked. And so I never asked the question. And maybe I didn't have the brain capacity or the space or really care. I just wanted to receive your lovely fax with all your cute writing. But it was like digitally kind of weird. Yeah, and you know what? I kept them, but they all faded. Oh, that's right. Because I guess fax machine paper faded. Who knew? But I think we just stopped asking why. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. because I think there is something so beautiful. Obviously, Jesus talks about his kingdom and he said, hey, to be part of my kingdom, there's a child likeness that is necessary. And I think part of the necessary child likeness that just makes our experience on this planet so much better is the practice of asking why. Whatever it is, whatever we're curious about, whether it's the afterlife or a fax machine that we keep asking why, why, why until we can really get down to the root of something. Yeah. And I think it's like a distilling process and eventually you're going to get to this content that is hopefully somewhat compelling and pure. The Hebrew scripture talks about, you know, dross and silver. When you're purifying silver, you put it in this situation where it becomes like molten lava, molten liquid, and the dross, as it were, the impurities rise at the top, and the silversmith smooths it and just keeps swiping the surface of the molten liquid until eventually he or she can see their reflection. And then you know the silver is pure.

7:07 And I think asking questions, maybe not even just asking why, why is the paramount question we are promoting today, but asking those questions. By the way, when it comes to Bible study, for anybody out there that wants to study scripture, this ancient, mysterious, magical, beautiful, divine book, asking questions of the text or the passage is probably the greatest tool I can ever give anyone in personal Bible study. Well, why? And while we're on topic, how does the whole of the scripture begin? The first question ever asked man, where are you? God asked man, where are you? Adam, where are you? Not because God can't find Adam, but Adam can't find Adam. And I think that's a great way to start in life. Wherever you are right now on this beautiful planet called earth, ask yourself, where are you? And that's not a geographical question as much. It's like, where am I in life? And then followed up with, and why? And so I urge people, and now I literally sound like I'm preaching. I'm so sorry. I looked on your face. You're like, you're preaching.

8:15 do you think there's something innate in us that we're actually afraid to get to an answer that we don't understand, or we're afraid to get to an answer that we do understand. And then we're actually held accountable to do something about it once we feel like we got to a place we understand. But what do you think, speaking of why, why do you think that's a hesitancy of something that feels like it's unknown to feel like, if I keep asking why, I don't know if I'm going to be comfortable with what I uncover. Yeah, because I think there's a thing called acceptance and there's self-acceptance and then there's the fear of acceptance or rejection for those closest to you. I think yesterday was an interesting day for me. I have been facing kind of some inexplicable sadness that's hard to explain and hard to articulate. And I can't pinpoint it exactly.

9:25 Is it connected to the challenges we're facing in the world as a collective group of humans? Is it friendships? Is it relationship? Is it my marriage? I'm kidding. Come on, our marriage is great. But it was an interesting practice yesterday, spending some time with dear friends of ours and asking hard questions and processing. And I admit that even in that simple, almost natural exercise, there were some uncomfortable moments where I was like, whoa, I think this might be. And what it came down to, I think even yesterday was probably the fear of losing relationships and losing friendships because there has been so much turnover. There has been so much turmoil. There's been so much transition in the world. And it's like, I think we're all coming out of COVID to an extent. I want to be careful with that phrase. And we're looking around and I know, you know, we know families who are not speaking to each other, family members, best friends.

10:21 See each other because of different vaccines. Exactly. Different political and policy bents that are respectful. And listen, we're not here to discuss that, but it has divided families, it's divided best friends, it's divided former business partners and coworkers. And I think there is a level of sadness that I'm feeling in connection to that. But that really wouldn't have been uncovered yesterday for me, if not for asking, well, why do you think? And then listening and allowing me to kind of stumble through my sensations, feelings, and thoughts. And for you and yesterday, not even just asking that question on your own, but asking it out loud with a group of people. Yeah, in front of people I trust. Who you love and trust. I mean, I can't believe I never put together until you and I were literally talking on this podcast that I think the reason I pushed myself to the point of breaking down my body a little bit with chronic fatigue was because I needed to prove that I wasn't lazy. And I never put that together until literally on this podcast when you and I were talking. So I think there's something so powerful, not just about asking yourself why and continuing to ask why and why and why, but with a trusted group of people to really ask each other why and have meaningful, robust conversations around that.

11:39 But if we're too scared to ask it of ourselves, how scary is it to ask those kinds of questions to have those kinds of conversations with other people that we could look ignorant, or maybe we have to come up with something altogether and we realize, oh, I think we have uncovered something. So we aren't ignorant, but we know something. But now we have to do something with this knowledge. It's one thing if you figure that out yourself. It's another thing if you do that with a group of people. That's so good. And don't you think that right now in human history is probably the most apropos time to go down the why portal, so to speak? The best thing to do with a why is back it up with another why and then back it up with another why. I'm not even joking. Like go kind of revert back to the four-year-old Judah or the, gosh, it was like five to 13 Zion, who just, you know, Y was always backed up with Y, which was always backed up with Y, which is always, and if you ask Y enough times, the distilling process begins. And before you know it, you land somewhere that maybe is less charged than you thought it was. And I wonder if right now in this unprecedented time in human history, where we are literally emerging out of one of the great global pandemics, it has affected us. We've experienced collective trauma together.

12:53 And I wonder, rather than assuming that we're just divided and assuming that we just see it different and assuming that we'll never agree and assuming that we can never come to an amicable kind of arrangement, I wonder if we're going to need why right now, even with each other for families and friends and coworkers and business and relationships. Well, why? Well, why? Well, why? And get to that place, well, I guess I'm just afraid. Oh, that's okay. So am I. And don't you think when we distill, as you're saying, and uncover and go down that portal and dig, dig, dig down deep, I think we're actually going to find out that as human beings, we have a lot more in common than we think we do. There it is. And it actually is, oh, I'm just afraid. You know what? I'm afraid too. And I can think of so many circumstances in our world right now that are so divisive. And I just hear so many similarities, but through all the shouting and all of the social media posts, sweet Jesus, there's just never this uncovering to this why that gets down to realize we're all humans. We all want to be loved.

13:53 We all want to give love. We all want to be known. We all are afraid. Just that core humanity that actually can unite us instead of divide us. But it takes asking questions. Why? Why? And I think it's interesting because one of the most paramount problems in the entire world, racism is probably the most deplorable thing existing on the planet today. It is the root of so much evil, the root of so much oppression, murder. All these zenith evil acts of humans have so much to do with racism. Well, if you break racism down, one of the things at its core is that what we don't understand, we often fear and vilify. Instead of asking, why are you a different hue? Why do you have different melanin? And then why do we not trust? Why do we not like?

14:46 Why are we believing this? And I think what we're going to uncover is we all have the same fear. And what we don't understand, we fear, vilify, and then we stay there and sit there and live there. And I think we're simply suggesting that if we'll dig down even on the most volatile topics and the most painful human perspectives, I think we'll end up uncovering, like you said, we have far more in common than we don't. Yeah, I'm going to go really dark for a second. In Hitler's campaign pre-World War II, before he ever laid a finger on anybody of Jewish race or religion, before he ever started one single concentration camp, before he ever did any of the horrific things that he did, he spent years dehumanizing Jews. And through that dehumanizing process, he prepared the way for atrocities to happen against them. and there seems to be such a dehumanizing process in our world right now that instead of actually having a conversation that brings us back to our shared humanity we keep dehumanizing each other and it's shocking what one human can do to another human once we have dehumanized that person obviously the chattel slavery in the united states of america there was a complete dehumanization of Africans who we brought over. And there's something about asking why, why, why, and having shared conversations that really rehumanizes somebody or something that can be dehumanized. Because I so agree with what you said. And I just want to reiterate that things that we don't understand, we fear. That's actually just such a human response. And so I think that's why in the book of Proverbs and the Bible, Solomon, who was the wisest man said, hey, above all else, with all of your knowledge, with all of your wealth, if you're going to get anything, he said, get understanding. And I just think the question of why is such a powerful way to get understanding, understanding about ourselves, understanding about our neighbor, understanding about our cultures, understanding about our beliefs, and just asking why, but not asking why the way that

16:57 I thought I would have been offended if you asked me about my necklace, you know, why are you fiddling with your necklace, but from a genuine curiosity. And I think that's the tricky part. Yeah, it's why, not why. Totally. And it's very, very different. The whole attitude, posture, and spirit. How would you define understanding? Because that's a big part than what we're talking about is the why behind your why should be to get understanding, not to make a point. Yes. You know, when I think about understanding, I think more than anything, it has to do with motives. If I'm annoyed, it's something that you're doing. and I just presume motives onto you. And I think, oh, he's just doing this because he wants to do what he wants to do. Not actually understanding, why didn't you want to go to my restaurant tonight? I don't know. I'm trying to think of an example. But I think there's something about understanding that really acknowledges and knows and can get to the heart and the motives of a person or thing instead of presuming or assuming that we know what the motives or the reasons or the idea behind the idea behind the idea really is. I agree. And I love that. I would define understanding in a very kind of whimsical, wonky way. So bear with me here. I think taking the two words and pulling them apart for a second. Well, what's understanding? Take the word under and standing. It's very interesting. Why should be asked under someone? And what I mean by that is you are willing to come up under someone's concepts, thoughts, and philosophies, right? And it's that posture almost of a student. It's like, let me come under. So the why is like, hey, why though?

18:44 That's wow. Wow. I mean, think about that. When one human tells another human something the other humans never even thought of, like that's a wow. But you've got to learn to come under one another. It's like, let me be the student now. You assume teacher. I assume student. I assume teacher. You assume student. And there is this incredible exchange. But the ultimate goal of understanding is that I want to learn from you to the point where I can stand with you. And what standing with someone is, is actually the practice of empathy. Empathy is not sympathy. Sympathy is feeling bad for someone. Empathy is merely the attempt of feeling or seeing or wait for it, understanding what the other person is seeing, feeling and thinking. Standing with them, standing in their shoes, standing in their place. And then all of a sudden looking at the world from what it must be like to be them.

19:42 And all of a sudden a flood of perspective, emotions, sensations, and feelings. And by the way, if you're a human being out there and you've never experienced the sensations of empathy, the sensations of understanding, the rewards of asking why, you're missing out at a whole dimension of living. Yeah, and when I picture Jesus and how he walked and functioned in his ministry here in the three years that we see him publicly, it seems as if he must have operated that way. Now, obviously, the scripture records a lot of his teaching where he assumed the position of a teacher, not of a student. But the tables he sat around, I have to guess that he was really in that position of asking why and trying to get understanding and always responded with empathy. And I just think that's such a beautiful part of why we love to follow Jesus. Yeah.

20:34 And we've got to remember that the first person in the whole of scripture to ask a question was God. God asked a question. So I just want to be clear. Asking a question doesn't mean you are assuming you're ignorant or assuming that you're dumb or assuming that you're less than. for God, right, who is all sufficient, which means he doesn't need anybody, anything. He is God all by himself. He asked a question. So asking questions is not the practice of the dumb. It's the practice of the divine and the wise. I would argue that the person who asked why is the smartest person in the room. And that's the person I would move towards if I was at a party. And I will back up your scripture with a scripture. When Jesus was 12 years old, the only snapshot we get of his childhood and youth, was that the people, the Pharisees, the Sadducees, the teachers were amazed by him.

21:30 But do you remember what he was doing when he was sitting at the temple that garnered their amazement? Asking questions. Asking questions. That stumped him. We don't know what the questions were. Here he is, the son of God, and we think that's the moment where he realized he was the son of God. He was asking questions. Whoa, whoa, whoa. And that was part of his divine gift. Can I ask you a question though? before you jump in on that. Oh, I'm so loving this episode. Okay, I was going to take a bit of a left turn. Or right turn, just to be clear. Left or right. Just a turn. For all those listening. Just a curveball. To what extent should we question our beliefs? Should we ask why about the things we believe in?

22:28 Why do I believe in God? Why do I believe Jesus is the son of God? Why do I believe he died for my sins? To what extent is that actually healthy? And is there an extent where it is unhealthy? I hesitate to say that there is an unhealthy space to ask questions. And I am drawn to the idea that you should ask questions of your belief, of your path, of your perspective, to the extent you want to grow. You should ask questions. When you're done growing, stop asking questions. If you're not done growing, which for Chelsea and Judith Smith, the goal is to be better at 70 and only get better at 80 and better yet at 90, that we will stay curious. I don't want to be the 43-year-old who tells the 23-year-old just how it is, as if I don't realize that a 23-year-old has a perspective that I may never have in my life, and I want to garner and glean and learn and get their perspective. And so I think age is a huge barrier sometimes to curiosity. Aging is a huge barrier sometimes to empathy. And I don't want to be that. I don't want to watch CNN or Fox exclusively for the rest of my life. Sorry, America. Yeah. When I think about our kids, you know, they're teenagers right now. When our family dinner goes into the realm of our kids asking why, sometimes, I mean, there's a genuine and questioning there of beliefs amongst teenagers, especially, you know, the Christian faith, because it is a faith. And there is a point where we can ask why, and we do hit rock bottom that it is just going to take a step of faith in our Christian walk. But when our kids have those why conversations with us, they are my favorite conversations that they have. I mean, not that our sports conversations aren't great. Sweet Jesus. I was asking why of all the sports.

24:21 So many sports conversations. And I just think as a parent, that tells me they're thinking, they're growing, as you said, they're developing. And I agree, but I have to be honest. As we have gotten older, it gets harder. It gets harder to stay curious. It gets harder to not be full of our opinions. It gets harder to ask why and grow. Well, and why do you think that is? I think because there are some things that I know that I know that I know. Even though, like I said, following Jesus, I eventually have to take a step of faith. I know what I know about Jesus. I know that he's my savior. I know that he's the son of God. I don't really think there's anything that could really shoot that down in my life. But somehow in culture, in tradition, in the way that we grew up, there were a lot of add-ons that were tacked to that belief. Well, if you believe Jesus is the son of God, then you believe that, you know, throw in blanks.

25:14 And I think it gets harder for me to question the tag-ons without feeling like the truth that those are attached to is being threatened. Yeah. I think there's assumption in there. I think there's like this adding and assuming. I think one of the most detrimental things that we're talking about in the practice of being a human and growing and learning and asking why is this old concept of I know. Oh, no, no, I know. Yeah, I know. I don't want to be that guy. That is one of the things that if our kids respond, I know, they will get an immediate response. And let me ask you why. Why do we respond the way we do to the, I know, I know. Oh, I mean, remember when we were kids, we called people know-it-alls? Once somebody is a know-it-all, once it's, I know, I know. I know, I know. And they stop learning and stop growing. And that's just, it's not what Jesus has for us. Well, and I think that that's what's difficult about our journey is that each one of us are independent and unique and eternal and unoriginal. And so I think when we have an experience, and it could have been in the 50s, the 70s, the 80s, the 90s, and now it's 2022, and a 12-year-old says, well, you know, this can happen when it's like, no, I already went through that. Well, what you went through, there could be a semblance of similarities with the next generation, but it is quite literally different and unique. And that's where I think this assumption that I know, oh, you know, like you're omniscient now, you are all knowing. No, that's only God. So actually, quite literally, I don't know. Now, if you tell me Michael Jordan won six NBA championships, I can say, I know that fact. But there's always something to learn, even about the things you quote unquote, know. And I think we're also pushing people our age or older, instead of the response of, I know, we could exchange it with, tell me more.

27:11 That's interesting. You know, when I experienced that, here was my experience. Tell me your experience. Or even attaching a, why is that interesting to you? Why do you care about that? And even just the simple practice of asking why and not asking it once, not asking it twice, but literally asking it three or four times to go down that portal. I think especially for people our age is so important. So for somebody who this feels uncomfortable or scary, what would you give them as a toolkit for a place to start to go down the why portal? First of all, I think for those wanting to study the ancient scripture, whether you're a Jesus follower or believe in its content, studying this book is, well, it's the practice of all wise men and women who have ever lived. You've got to learn to ask the question, why? Start at the beginning of Hebrew scriptures, where are you? Answer that question. Where am I right now? Not locationally, geographically, but where am I emotionally? Where am I spiritually? Where am I mentally? And then the tools that I used growing up and going to Bible school and you're getting your master's degrees, the who, what, when, where, why, how, you know, asking those multiplicity of questions of portions and passages and stories in the Bible. And then, wait a minute, that incredible study tool, one of the greatest we can give away, which is ask questions of the scripture. By the way, scripture interprets scripture. So ask questions of scripture and other scripture will shed light on the scripture or the passage or the portion you're studying.

28:39 Furthermore, start to incorporate curiosity into your conversations. By the way, this might be the easiest toolkit we have ever given out. Pick a question. You can write it out in your journal. You can write it out in your notes in your phone. What's the question you're going to ask to incorporate curiosity into your conversations. It could be, tell me more about that. That's so interesting. Why do you see it like that? What's it like being you? There's so many different ways you can go about this. And I think it'll be like a flower blossoming in front of you. One of my favorite things to do. I call it when the lights come on. When you ask someone a question and you can see the light in their eyes, like they're interested, they're curious, They're leaning into me and they want to know how I see it, how I feel. One of the most affirming, loving things you can do to another human being is ask questions and learn from your fellow man.

29:40 I actually think there's a lot of healing to be had in this space. I agree. And I think developing curiosity is the heart posture that needs to be had. And if it feels a little scary to start off with the Bible or to even start off with a conversation, develop curiosity in your own heart. I think we just need time in our brain space to be curious. If our brains are always flooded with a TV show, with music, with noise, with sound, with news, with whatever, sometimes I just think we've lost as adults the headspace to be curious. And so maybe it's just shutting everything off for a little bit and let your mind wander and say, what am I curious about? What's something that I don't understand that I'm kind of curious about? And let your mind wander along those ways. And I think that could be preparation for conversation. If conversation feels a little bit scary. Totally agree.

30:35 I agree with you. I think there can be so much healing and hope and even excitement as people really engage with this practice. Absolutely. And I think a depth of meaning and a depth of enjoying the moment when you really invest in asking questions and conversing with your fellow man. I think what's amazing is the growth that you will sense and feel and eventually see. The reward of that is quite literally hard to put into words. I agree. You want to pray? Yes. God, thank you. first of all thank you for asking questions when you don't need answers but you ask questions of us to demonstrate to model to give us an example of what it looks like to connect we want to connect with each other we want to connect with our neighbor we want to connect with our fellow man from different countries and continents and perspectives and philosophies help us to be curious humans who care so deeply for our fellow man that we can't wait to learn more, listen more, and enjoy the company of our neighbor. God, thank you for the gift of why that we can keep asking and that distilling process unfolds in front of us until what we have in our hands is precious, precious perspective that changes us forever. These are our prayers today. And for everyone listening, God, help us to work from a precious place when caring for our fellow man. What an honor and what a privilege it is to get to know each other, to love each other, to listen to each other, and walk with each other. We pray all this in your name. Amen.

32:34 Amen. This has been a presentation of OBB Sound, SV Projects, and Cadence 13. Executive produced by Chelsea Smith, Judah Smith, Michael D. Ratner, Scott Ratner, Elias Tanner, Scooter Braun, Scott Manson, James Shin,