What You Gain When You Forgive

4:54 you might be waiting for the rest of your life. Yeah, and I think about what an incredible example you and I both had from our parents. Oh, man. You and I made a lot of mistakes in life, but I think we have done a pretty good job forgiving. And I don't think we can take a lot of credit for that. I think, first of all, we both recognize that we have been forgiven by God, by our Savior, by Jesus for things that we haven't earned or deserve. And so I think that's an incredible foundation. And then beyond that, you and I have both very intimately seen our parents walk through forgiveness in such an incredible way. I know for me, starting with my mom came from a family where her dad was bipolar. And again, this is in the 50s where medication was not what it is today. And so she had a very tumultuous, traumatic childhood and a lot of her basic needs were not met on a consistent basis. and then she got older she she met and encountered jesus and then really received that forgiveness and realized she was holding on to all of this bitterness towards her dad which was starting to affect how she treated my dad her husband and her dad never asked for forgiveness he never admitted to wrong not even sure he knew how to yeah and i think my mom was able to give him that that understanding and really seeing my mom forgive her dad even though he never asked it he never apologized. It was just something in her heart that she had to let go of. And I think your parents' story, similar? Yeah, I think so. I think my dad had to forgive his father. I think my mom, similar to your mom, had very acute trauma growing up. But it's interesting. We didn't exactly prepare this moment, but looking at you right now, realizing that we have significantly benefited, drastically been blessed as a result of essentially two mothers who decided to let it go.

6:46 The trauma of their childhood and their home. You look at both of our moms and it was dysfunctional with a capital D. And yet they decided to forgive their fathers, their mothers. And as a result, you and I have been able to practice forgiveness on a, we'll call it at least a semi-consistent basis. And I look back because I've often wondered how are our parents able to be so functional towards us when they all grew up in very different dysfunctional environments? And I think forgiveness is a huge key to the reason why they were able to really let go. They thought they were letting go of the hurt. But I think in actuality, they were letting go of a lot of the dysfunction and the bitterness. And that just freed them up. I've heard your mom tell this story. I feel like such a good daughter-in-law because I know a story about your mom that you are not remembering. And that is she actually wrote out a letter to her father to forgive him. Never sent it to him.

7:41 Never did anything. But actually practically just wrote out a letter and said, dad, these are the things that you did that hurt me for X, Y, Z. But I want to let you know I forgive you. I don't hold it over you. I let it go. And that powerful act, I think, did something so significant in her. I think this is even before you were born. Wow. That's a beautiful story. I remember hearing her telling it when she was preaching to a women's meeting that you would not have been out. Wow, yeah. You need to ask her about it because that's a cool story. Well, let me ask you a question. Yeah. Have you not forgiven if you wake up the next day and you feel all wound up again? In other words, if forgiving is letting go, there's kind of an unwinding by definition. What happens when you're all wound up again with it the next day? Does that mean you didn't forgive? Oh, man. I mean, I know forgiveness, it's such a spectrum. You and I had to forgive each other this morning, literally for a little tiff we got in.

8:35 Will you forgive me before I took the dog on the walk? And then I need to forgive that dog. I am so frustrated with him right now, but we're not getting into that. But then there's also significant pain and trauma and abuse. So there's a whole level of forgiveness that I feel like we need to acknowledge is not one and the same. And I think, you know, one of the most interesting verses in the Bible that talks about forgiveness to me is when Jesus said, Now, this is back in the day when religion, the Jewish religion dictated how many times you forgive. And the really magnanimous, generous religious group in Jesus' day said you forgive seven times. And that means if you forgive somebody the same wrong seven times, you are being very religious and very godly and very good. But Jesus came along and his teaching said, no, no, no, we're not just supposed to forgive seven times. We're supposed to forgive 70 times seven. And when I think about that, I don't think that was Jesus' way of saying we need to literally forgive 490 times. And then at the 491, we can stop.

9:32 We can stop forgiving. But I do think Jesus was saying, hey, you're going to forgive. And then you're going to wake up the next morning sometimes and the hurt's still going to be there. The pain is still going to be there. And you're going to have to forgive again. And then 10 years later, I think about people whose parents get divorced when they're a child. and they have to go through an act of forgiveness, you know, when they're eight, 10 years old. And then they get to their college graduation and there's awkwardness because of the dynamics that that divorce brings. And then that college student needs to forgive their parents again. And then once again, they get married and those dynamics come back and affect the wedding. It should be your day, but it's dealing with drama. And you and I have done enough weddings to know that there is always extended family drama at weddings and realizing that that forgiveness needs to happen again. So I'm going to take it a step further and say, it's not just when you have feelings getting you all wound up. It's actually when that pain can still be reoccurring from the same act. It feels like a tall task. It does. But I think what you are saying in response to my simple question, which I guess is not that simple really, is that forgiveness can be a daily letting go. I think probably the most misunderstood dynamic of forgiveness is sometimes it's daily lead demands. You actually have to go, okay, I'm going to let that go. I'll say this. Once you start the practice of letting go, it'll help you in traffic. It'll help you with emails. It'll help you with dog training because you just learn the little practice of, nope, I'm going to let this go. I'm not going to spend my energy, my motives. It's funny. Last night, I brought something up that frankly, we need to continually let go some professional challenges. And you're like, you know, at 9 45, a quarter to 10, when you're trying to unwind and relax and go to sleep, it's kind of hard. And I'm like, you know what? You're right. Let's let that go. And let's just keep moving.

11:23 But you said something so interesting. And that was the energy it takes because forgiveness takes energy to realize this is why it's still bothering me and take the mental and emotional energy to let it go. But I think sometimes we don't realize how much holding on takes a lot of energy too. And so it's going to be energy one way or the other. So we may as well use the energy towards something productive. Well, I think the science now really backs it up. Forgive me for not having citations, but when you actually forgive, let go, you release that person, your overall well-being improves significantly. Your brain, your emotions, your stability, your perspective, your attitude. And so Jesus does it again. He is teaching us something that is congruent and consistent with what is most beneficial for your body and your brain and your emotions and your soul so that you'll prosper and be in health even as your soul prospers, that John says. And I feel like I've heard random studies, and again, no citations here.

12:23 I have no idea if they're true, but how much health detriment is linked towards bitterness. Holding on to things can be detrimental. Okay, so we're talking about forgiving again and again and again. But if the pain is still there and the hurt is still there, what makes it forgiveness if we still feel pain about it? To think that your emotions will ever be exactly where your mental agreement is, is probably not completely realistic. And so I think forgiveness has happened when you have decided in your heart that what was done to me is over. I am not going to dwell on the error and the wrong that was done to me and around me, whether by myself or someone else. I can't help but think of the picture of a broken bone.

13:18 Wow. And I've never broke a bone before, so I'm going out on a limb. true yeah i fractured some fingers in basketball but never actually like broke a bone that's incredible any of our kids that's right but you know a broken bone and how it needs to be reset and actually the resetting i've heard is more painful than the break or just as painful as the break and then it's painful afterwards but the pain afterwards is going towards healing instead of reinforcing something that was broken and creating scar tissue could you imagine somebody going to the doctor and getting their bones set. And then it still hurts. They're saying, ah, it's not set because it's still painful. No, that pain doesn't define whether or not the bone was set properly. It just means that healing is still taking place and it's just going to take some time. Yep. And this is going to be really subjective and maybe frustrating, but I think forgiveness has happened when the twinge inside of you is minimized. And that twinge is, you know, that twinge is, if I saw them today, if I was in a room with them, that twinge begins to fade. And I'm not saying that you run across the room next time you see him and give him a big bear hug. But I am saying that you're able, you're able to be in a room with them, unless, of course, there's extraordinary circumstances where incarceration and legal boundaries are necessary. I like the subjective nature of the twinge that you're talking about.

14:43 And this is also subjective, but in the same way, I think forgiveness is when that person or that event does not have the power to control you any longer. It's not in charge. It can't ruin your day. It can't just come without your permission. Wow. Now we can give it permission again if we aren't careful, but it doesn't have permission. That's incredible. I love that, right? It's like when you really haven't let something go, it can creep up and ruin a wonderful dinner, a wonderful hangout. You can be at the most beautiful beach in the world with your friends, but here it comes again. And man, it can destroy the beauty and majesty all around you. And all of a sudden you're obsessive and myopic about what happened. But I agree. When forgiveness is beginning to be practiced, there is a minimizing, a relinquishing. And then there is a diminishing twinge, a diminishing ability for that story, that circumstance, that event to ruin your current event on that particular day. Yeah. And sometimes have you noticed that diminishing that healing, so to speak, is instantaneous and other times it's a process.

15:50 And there's not necessarily a rhyme or reason for why sometimes we feel immediate relief. And other times the healing step is more of a process, but you've got to believe that that healing process is taking place, even if the pain is still there. Totally agree. Question for you. How do we know when we need to forgive somebody? How do we know when we need to let something go? My quickest answer or response would be when it keeps coming up. When it keeps coming up. And I'll say this. We can help each other in our friendships. I mean, we're such big believers in community and try to fight isolation, which we're all susceptible to. But when you got good friends, there's got to be a time or two or three or 5,000 where your honest, real, genuine friends you do life with go, hey, you got to let it go.

16:50 I was on a golf course about six months ago, and I was talking about someone who really hurt me. And someone stopped us on the 12th tee or whatever and brought it up. And I was like, you know what, man? It's ridiculous. And I think it's- And you started to go there. Yeah, I just started to kind of go there, just like, you know, and we got out to the fairway, which, you know, my ball was in the fairway. How many yards was it in the fairway? Oh, you know, it was just a little hybrid. I hit 230. I don't want to get into it. Not a big deal. But my friend, we were in the cart together and I hopped out to get ready. And he goes, hey, can you not let that situation rob and steal from the Judah we know? You're gracious. You're kind. You're loving. You're forgiving. Don't let this take that from us and from you. and man, it meant the world to me. It was basically my friend saying, hey, this keeps coming up. You need to let it go. You need to let it go. And you know what's crazy? I had let it go. But here it came again on that particular moment on the 12th hole in a random round of golf where it's like, oh, got to let it go again.

17:50 I think there's beauty here that needs to be acknowledged and recognized. There is something euphoric, if I'm allowed to say that, that when you do it again, when you let them go again, I think there is a euphoric thing released in your body. And it's like, I'm okay. And by the way, for us, we truly believe that God is perfect and we're not. And yet he has forgiven us even in our imperfection. And so that becomes the motivating force even through the daily demands that forgiveness requires. Yeah, as you're saying that, letting it go again, letting it go again. There's something in me that honestly got tired. listening to that and just thinking about how in some ways unfair life really is and how when somebody has been wronged, then it is up to the person who has been wronged to make the choice to let it go. It's actually not up to the perpetrator to determine whether or not forgiveness happens. It actually is up to the person who has been wronged or who has been hurt or feels violated.

18:57 They have to decide that themselves. It's like, really, God? Do we have to have it set up that way that the person who's already been hurt now has to make their own decision to let it go? Yeah, definitely there's an unfairness that you will feel. But let me ask you a question. In that act of forgiveness, are you saying what they did was okay or God forbid right, or they were right and you're wrong? Is that misnomer why oftentimes it's too hard to? It's like, well, if I forgive them, then I condone them. Or I feel like I'm giving them a free pass. Yeah. Yeah. That's such a good point. And then I think we associate it with like, well, then I can't put any boundaries. Forgiveness is boundaryless approval to everyone's action, but it's not. No, forgiveness is still maintaining boundaries. It is not a condoning of the behavior. And I mean, I think the easiest example, and I feel like I've alluded to it, is a spouse who's being abused. That spouse who has been abused, whether or not the abusing spouse ever comes and asks for forgiveness. One of the most painful things I can imagine. Needs to forgive, but they also need to leave and they also need to set boundaries and they need to protect themselves and protect their children.

20:05 We've been a part of some of those journeys. Yeah, we have in very, very. Some cases in the middle of the night. Yeah, very vivid ways. So we're talking about forgiveness. And I think of people in my life who have been deeply hurt. My mom was brutally attacked and literally as she was being attacked for hours. Another story for another day. She literally said to the man, I forgive you. I forgive what you're doing to me as this attack is taking place. I think of a very close friend I had in junior high and high school who came out that her stepdad had been horrifically abusing her for years and years and years and sat with her after the trial that she went through with him. And she literally said, I, you know, I forgive him. And those are just two people who've been very close to me, I know you have a million more, of deep, genuine, authentic, real hurt, real trauma that has been forgiven. Because I know for us as people who follow Jesus, it's normal.

21:05 Why would you say that's normal? And what would you say for somebody who says, I just don't get it? Well, I think the distinction we've made already on the episode is important to underscore or again, implicit in at least the ancient scriptures, there is zero percentage of the definition of forgiveness that means what was done to you is completely right, absolved, and okay. There's not an ounce. You are not excusing it one tiny bit. Not one bit, not one second. Are you for a moment absolving that person of the error and the wrong? Quite literally, in some cases, it requires that the government here in our country or your country where you're listening gets involved with people. Yeah, and can I add that also doesn't mean that you're absolving the consequences. Consequences need to happen.

21:59 I mean, if my mom's attacker ever got caught, which she never did, she would have wanted him to go to jail, even though she forgave him. That's right. My friend who I was talking about forgave that man at the trial. That's right. Where he was persecuted and sentenced to jail. So it doesn't mean a relinquishing of consequences. Not at all. And I think we want to underscore that and reiterate that because, again, that's this idea that forgiveness needs to be earned, that somehow this person even needs to feel bad. In many cases, the people that we're going to forgive in our lifetime will never feel bad about these things. In fact, if they had the chance, they might do it again. And that is unthinkable. But the forgiveness is really an act that frees the forgiver. It frees the forgiver. And that's really what we're emphasizing here is, hey, listen, this is about you. The person that was wronged and hurt, whether by yourself, whether by friends, family, or maybe a perfect stranger in the case of your mother who did unthinkable things is, hey, this is about freeing you, not letting this event, this moment, and this act ruin and spoil the rest of the beautiful life that's ahead of you and so much left to live.

23:08 Yeah, and I do think there is an element to this that is uniquely Christian, that is uniquely tied to our faith as followers of Jesus. And of course, we talk about Jesus as our example. And I can't help but think when Jesus, who was a historical figure who really did live over 2,000 years ago, was nailed to a cross, beaten to an unrecognizable level. And as he was hanging there on that cross, by the way, Jesus did nothing wrong. He was a sinless man. He literally said these words and prayed this prayer. He said, Father, forgive them. forgive them. The people who had just beaten him, nailed his hands and his feet, brutally harmed him. And he said, Father, forgive them. They don't know what they're doing. And for me and you is our examples, followers of Jesus. That is what fuels and enables us to forgive at that deep, deep level. And I don't know that I would, I understand people who would say, I can't forgive at that level, especially if they don't follow Jesus, because unless you've experienced that kind of radical forgiveness that Jesus has given. It makes sense to me.

24:10 Like, nah, I'm not giving that kind of forgiveness back. Well, and I want to say, I've heard people say over the years, I will never forgive that person. I can never forgive them. What I would like to say or suggest, and I do this with just deep, deep sympathy and empathy, and that is, what if replacing, I can never forgive them with, I can never be okay, or I can never condone. It's never right. It will never be right what they did. It will never be okay what they did. But I forgive them. I free myself of the toxicity, the poison, the perpetual poison that can poison a dinner, a lunch, an event, Disneyland, a trip, a wedding day. I relinquish. I let go of that. But this idea of ever condoning or being okay with or suggesting that it's no big deal, that's where I really connect with people like, I can never forgive them.

25:10 I think I know what you mean. What you mean is, I'll never forget this. It was so bad. It was so wrong. I'll never let it happen to me again. Yes, yes, yes. I couldn't agree more. But for your own sake, I would urge you, no matter what your belief system is or what you believe about the divine, that you free yourself by saying, I'm letting it go. And then you use guidance from friends and loved ones if the topic comes up again. And it's not easy, but do you ever feel like the good things in life, the important things in life are not the easy things? I mean, if I think about the things that God has forgiven me for, you know, I don't need to go through the list. He's put them into the sea of forgetfulness, but there was no way that God was condoning my behavior when he forgave me. And when I think of the hurtful things I've done to you and you've forgiven me, it's interesting. The forgiveness that you have given to me didn't make me feel like, oh, I can just go do that again now. It actually did the opposite for me. It made me feel like, oh, this man loves me so much and I care about him. I don't want to keep doing something that's going to be hurtful or harmful. So it can have the opposite effect depending on the circumstance and situation. Oh, absolutely.

26:23 being the recipient of forgiveness is one thing forgiving yourself is a very uh interesting dilemma because often we do things to ourselves that hurt ourselves and so we are both the perpetrator and the victim of things that we've done to ourselves that hurt ourselves. How do we go about forgiving ourselves or why or how? I think the realization that you're going to have to forgive yourself is just where it all begins. I think one of the great misnomers about forgiveness globally is that it doesn't include you forgiving you because it does. Again, we'll find ourselves in good faith in this place a lot, what informs us in our sacred practice of forgiveness, even forgiving ourselves, is that if Jesus, if God and the person of Jesus can forgive me, I can forgive me.

27:31 Love your neighbor as yourself. Do I love what God has made and created in me? Do you love what God has created and made in you? And are you willing to forgive? And when we're unwilling to forgive ourselves, I have noticed an alarming trend. And that is oftentimes we're unwilling to forgive others. I think perfectionism comes into the equation here real quick and it gets super ugly. Yeah. And although I do think about a dark time in Christian history and the history of the church where the church really abused its power. And sorry, this is a huge left turn, but I think it should be mentioned. The church abused its power in medieval ages. And in order to get money and get power, they required anybody who did anything wrong, who felt like they needed forgiveness from God to pay penance, to do something painful to themselves, to earn their forgiveness from God, or to literally pay money to the church, to earn their forgiveness from the church, which is representative of earning forgiveness from God.

28:31 And I feel like the reason that's so destructive is because that cuts off the very heart of the message of God. And if that's what religion is doing, if religion is saying, no, you have to earn forgiveness. And imagine what all the relationships look like. I have to earn forgiveness for myself. I have to earn forgiveness from each other. And that's so destructive and crippling and so against what Jesus set out to do and how God intended for us to live. Forgiving cannot be earned. Again, I'll say it again. I said it earlier in the episode. If you are waiting for someone to earn your forgiveness, more than likely you will be waiting for the rest of your life. And who gets hurt the most? Not the perpetrator. You who have harbored this toxic animosity towards yourself or another human being, no matter how outrageous the offense was. Yeah. And it goes true to big offenses and little offenses that if we can just live life of letting go, we can actually live a free life. I think it's one of the biggest keys to living a life where we are not tied down to our mistakes.

29:42 It's so easy to let our mistakes define us. And not even by anybody else, but in our own minds, the failure or mistake or wrongs that we know we did, ways that we hurt other people. And truly, truly, I think the way that we don't let those mistakes define us is by forgiving ourselves, which for us also means receiving the forgiveness of God and knowing that He's smiling at us and He's forgiven us so we can forgive ourselves and smile at ourselves. And it doesn't mean that we don't try to make up some form of wrong if we feel like it needs to be done, but we still just forgive ourselves. We do. I'm really enjoying this episode for a number of reasons because I think it's becoming apparent to me that this is a pretty sacred practice that happens multiple times throughout my day. And I know that might sound silly, but for me, I think the older you get, the more important people become and the more important the words they use become.

30:37 And for all the 40 plus year olds out there, you probably know what I'm thinking when you're young. I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever you say, bounce off me sticks on you. You know, you kind of feel like you're impervious, but the older you get, you're like, ooh, those little statements kind of hurt. And it can be something as simple as hanging with your friends or your buddies or your neighbors. And somebody makes an offhanded comment or makes a dumb joke or whatever. And you gotta just go, I forgive him. I'm gonna let it go. I'm gonna let it go. And I wish every situation was ideal enough that you could stop the person wherever they are, whenever they're doing it and say, hey, I forgive you. And they would look with tears in their eyes back at you and say, thank you. I was so wrong. But frankly, yesterday, my feelings were hurt with some of my buddies. And they said something. And I almost wanted to defend myself and explain myself. And I don't know. It's like, no, just let it go. So I just laughed. Laughed at myself.

31:29 Laughed at them. And in my heart said, I'm letting it go. No big deal. And I think if we live that life where we let it go, we let go what other people have done to us, we let go of our own mistakes that we've done to ourselves, that puts us in a position where it's easy for us to actually be people who do ask for forgiveness. Because forgiveness that isn't asked of is necessary, but not always the ideal. But if we can live in relationships where we can freely ask each other for forgiveness. The other day, our son was doing something dumb and it reared up my emotions. and I literally cussed him out. Not normal for me. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I mean, cussed out? Okay. I used a cuss word. But that's cussing out for sure, by definition. I just think, to your credit, I would like to say. And because that's not normal language in our household, even though he startled me very dramatically.

32:21 I was downstairs, but it was shocking, I heard. Wish I would have been there. The look of hurt on his face, it just gutted me. It devastated me. By the time I got upstairs, he still looked like he had seen a ghost. And I went downstairs to where he was a few minutes later after I calmed down. And I just looked, and he had this look of hurt on his face. It broke my heart. I mean, that's my son. It's my baby. I would never want to hurt him, but yet I did. And I just sat there and said, son, I am sorry. I'm so wrong. And then said what we say are sometimes the four hardest words to say in the English language, which is, will you forgive me? and to humble myself for my son, who I'm trying to raise, who I'm trying to be the smart one, the big one, but to admit my mistake and say, will you forgive me? It actually was so freeing, not just for him, but for me as a way of not letting that mistake as a mom define who I am.

33:14 So good. Do you remember when our middle son used to say, will for you give me? Yes. Okay. So when- Will for you give me. We taught him young and he just kept saying, will for you give me. And he got older and our oldest son was like, that's not how you say it. I was like, don't you dare ever change. Will four you give me. We wanted our kids to learn this, probably in the same way that our parents helped us out and were an amazing example, that when our kids did something wrong to each other, which is about every seven minutes when they're two and four, instead of just saying, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, which actually you want to talk about annoying words. I'm sorry is probably would be one of my top five annoying words. Oh, sorry, sorry. It feels so flipping. Well, that wasn't my intent. I wasn't asking you about your intent. So we would have our kids literally say to each other, will you forgive me? But our middle boy said, will for you give me? Will for you give me, dad? And I was like, yes, buddy, I will. Those words being consistent words in our household, it actually makes it easier for us as parents to ask our kids forgiveness as needed to.

34:13 That's true. The more you practice it, I will say the more it becomes accepted. I don't know about expected, but a little bit. We're not a sorry house. That's not my intent house. this isn't an interrogation uh it's not a time to defend yourself and just say you're sorry well great i'm glad you're sorry it's uh hey i i said something did something that hurt you and the issue isn't what i meant to do or you misunderstood me it's that you were hurt and i want to ask you will you forgive me and that person can look at you and go yes now there's been a few times in our family where the kids will be like no i won't it's like okay hold on a second you know but it's We've been there with each other too. You're just trying to end a fight and you'll say, will you forgive me? And I'm like, no. No, not yet. Not yet. That's too quick. I'm like, I don't think you understand how much you hurt me yet. And I really need you to know that this really hurt. And I need to know, you know why you hurt me before I venture for forgiveness. That is so real.

35:06 It's so real. It's not just a cop out. You know what's amazing about this episode? I have my cell phone sitting on the desk in front of me. And I know I hurt someone's feelings last night. And I, when this episode's over, I'm going to call him and ask him to forgive me. Didn't follow through on something. Even though your motives were right and it was unintentional. Totally. Yeah. It actually, I had a couple of things that took priority and you could argue left and right that I was accurate and made the right decision, but it doesn't take away that I, I hurt someone I love and calling them and asking for forgiveness is, it's just the best way I think. Can you imagine the world if we all just gave forgiveness? more freely. Oh man. If we just forgave. Yeah, because forgiveness also doesn't require that you totally agree. Yeah. Forgiveness also does not demand that you see everything the same way. Forgiveness doesn't demand that it never happens again. It's just given. And it's just, we're just letting it go. Freely I have received, the scripture says, now freely give. Yeah. So I think for a great toolkit for today. I am so inspired by what you just said. How great would it be if all of us just wondered, took a moment to ask ourselves that simple question, hey, is there anything I need to reach out and ask anybody for forgiveness for? And then secondly, is there anything I need to forgive of anybody, whether they reach out to me or not, and just go through a personal exercise of forgiveness? And maybe we can even follow your mom's example in the sense of just writing a letter. Nobody writes letters anymore. Write a text, even if you never send it, but put something down in writing to say, I forgive you. I let it go and I move on. And we're going to have to keep letting it go. But that first act is the hardest. And I do think it gets easier and easier each time you let something go. Absolutely. And I'll just summarize to say, I think there's two things we can give our friends and listeners here at In Good Faith today around forgiveness.

37:03 The number one is, how about you find someone, even today, someone you can say this to? Will you forgive me? I bet there is. And if you don't think there is, that's probably another discussion we could have as well. But secondly, use the sacred practice of confession. Confession is powerful. And what I mean by that is the forgiveness of yourself. I think we can all forgive ourselves about something right now. I mean, right this second. I know there's something in your soul or in your brain or in your body and mind about yourself that you're just like, you're an idiot. When you say confession, I picture a priest in a booth where you go and say. That needs to be clarified. What do you mean by confession? That's fine. But I mean actually a statement that you hear yourself say because you believe yourself more than anyone else. Things that I practice are I'm the righteousness of God because of Jesus. I am loved.

37:55 I am accepted. I'm gifted. I'm talented. I'm called. I was appointed and I got to trust God that even in my brokenness and my weakness, he can use me to help and serve others. So I will do this today. I assure you, I'm going to ask somebody today, will you forgive me? And then number two, I have already begun, even this morning, practicing speaking to myself. You are who you are by the grace of God. So by confession, you mean speaking the words about ourselves as if we have been forgiven. That's right. It's so good. Speaking truth to ourselves. And speaking the higher truth, not just the truth about how we feel or how stupid it was, but the truth is, no, I'm forgiven. Wherever you are in the world listening to this, that's right. You are the object of God's obsession. He loves you. He made you. He designed you. He is not surprised by your weaknesses and your shortcomings. He actually makes up the delta and the difference, and you are approved and accepted and so talented and able, I believe, to do what's ahead of you today.

38:56 You want to pray? I do. Perfect. God, thank you that you have forgiven us so that we can forgive ourselves and others. I pray for everyone listening to this prayer. Help us be people who daily practice the sacred act of letting go. We want to be people who let go. We trust you. We rely on you. Thank you now for the strength, the stamina, and the energy to practice every single day forgiving and letting go. Amen. Amen.

39:39 This has been a presentation of OBB Sound, SB Projects, and Cadence 13. Executive produced by Chelsea Smith, Judah Smith, Michael D. Ratner, Scott Ratner, Elias Tanner, Scooter Braun, Scott Manson, James Shin, and Chris Corcoran. Produced by Grace Delia, Caitlin Plummer, and Eve Bishop of OBB Sound, and Kyle Vanilla of SB Projects. Produced by Lauren LaGrasso and Serena Regan of Cadence 13. Edited, mixed, and mastered by Adam Macias. Original composition by Colin Gilliard. Production support from Kristen Crosby and Dylan Martyr. OBB Sound is an OBB Media Company. Cadence 13 is an Odyssey Company.