5 GEARS OF THE 5TH COMMANDMENT

0:03 He likes to do that. Like, send me out first and then act like he's not coming out. I mean, really, that's how we start. It's just a little joke. A little joke. It's all good. It's all good. I'll never forget what happened in the early days of our church. A friend of mine bought a brand new Ferrari. He walked up to me and threw me the keys. He goes, just take it for a week. I said you want me to drive this brand new Ferrari for a week he goes yeah just take it you're doing carpool whatever drive around shopping centers and show off it's just yours a Ferrari of course I said yeah that was not an easy answer you know I had to think about it for a long time I'll oblige so drove the Ferrari Lisa around. And of course our kids still talk about it, dropping them off at school. And people are like, what? You know, driving around. Did you have to take one at a time? Because it's like, so no, we, we, we piled in there. We, we squeezed in the back. Very safe. Very safe. But the thing that I, that I thought about when I, when I reflected on this Ferrari story was the fact that I'm not really good at standard. I'm not that great at, you know, changing gears. So I literally had to learn on this Italian sports car, the costs, who knows how much.

1:34 I remember, you know, first, second, and then boom, boom, third, fourth. And this is how a Ferrari's gear shift works. And then five. And then when I hit the fifth one, Lisa, I did it a couple of times by myself. The RPMs, I mean, you felt like you were pulling Gs. You were going so fast. And I don't know, I enjoyed it. I admire Ferraris. I'm more of an SUV person, personally. More trucks and stuff like that. But if you have Ferraris, great. I think they're amazing. But I enjoyed driving the Ferrari. But I've got to go back to the gear shift because we've been in a series on the Ten Commandments, and we've talked about the first five commandments, right? One, two, three, four. And this one is the fifth one, which is a connective commandment, honey.

2:32 And this commandment really catapults us into a new vision, a new thought process within the Ten Commandments. The first four commandments are about theology. That's our relationship with God. The second part, like commandment 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, would be about ethics. It would be about our relationship with our fellow man. Notice this. Your theology determines your ethics. This commandment today is so, so important. It's repeated four times. And it's really, Lisa, the backbone of our culture. We're all about cells. We're made up of a bunch of cells. And this is God's cell.

3:26 So the verse for today is Exodus 20, verse 12. Honor, everyone say honor. Honor. Honor your father and your mother so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. So this is the commandment that God is giving us. And you just made a statement about culture. This is the backbone of the culture. I believe we have some broken backs in our culture. Some misunderstandings of what honor is, some poor application of honor. A lot of people think, honey, honor is respect. If I just respect you. But that's part of it, but it's not really the full weight, is it? That's right. So we have to look at the definition of honor, which is to give weight to something, to give value to something. And that's the relationship we as children should have with our parents. And in the Hebrew, it is kabid.

4:21 That's how the word is pronounced. And as Lisa said just a second ago, it's value, it's weight. So I'm giving, if I'm doing this fifth commandment, I'm giving my parents weight, value, but watch this now, with my attitude and my actions. And this is a verse, this command is mentioned several other times in scripture. It's not just here in Exodus. We just read Exodus, and this verse tells us about some of the benefits of the commandment. The first being longevity. It says, if you will, that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. Longevity. Now, we don't know what God was implying as far as numbers of years, but the years that we have are orchestrated by him and live to the fullest through him.

5:18 Yeah, when you go online, it's funny to see longevity, longevity. This doctor is a doctor of longevity, or this is a homeopathic doctor of longevity. And you can live long and make it to 120. And you have all of these billionaires eating all of this crazy food and doing all of this stuff to try to live longer. And good for you to live a long life. But it's the quality, honey, of life. And our culture doesn't understand God's cellular structure. Our culture doesn't understand the fact that it is about family. So to really have longevity, hey, take care of yourself, but obey, God says, this command. Because the word Torah pretty much encompasses the first five books of the Bible, Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy. And this term refers to a loving mother or father giving advice, principles, and precepts to their kids for their best interest. So these commandments, this commandment that talks about stability is about love.

6:23 Yeah, so we have longevity and then stability. Deuteronomy 5.16 says, honor your father and your mother as the Lord your God has commanded you so that you may live long, there's the longevity part, and that it may go well, that it may go well with you in the land the Lord has given you. And Ed and I began Pilates the first of last year. Now we've been pretty sporadic. Longevity. How many of you have done Pilates? No, stability. That's right, I'm sorry. See, that's one of our problems with our Pilates. You said how many people have done Pilates? How many of you have done Pilates? Oh, you guys, it'll change your life. I did it probably 30 years ago, 25 years ago, and was pretty consistent with it, kind of got away from it. But I'll tell you, when you get older, it is a great thing to do. Yes, it is. And because it provides stability. I mean, we're learning balance. Yeah, these are things, it's like teaching a toddler to walk.

7:17 It's unbelievable. I know. Our Pilates instructor happens to go to fellowship church, so she is very entertained by us. But it's about stability. That helps us to have a strong course that we can keep balance. And that's what go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you. That we can have stability in our relationships, not only with our parents, but with others. Because when you honor your father and mother, you're in practice for honoring in the world. Whether it's a boss or someone in authority over you, a coach. The next one is sensibility. It provides sensibility. Ephesians 6.1 says, Children, obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right. It's just right. Yes, it is. And I think it's interesting that God repeated these things four times. I mean, when God says something once, you better pay attention. Four times.

8:10 So this is like the linchpin. This is the key. This is the gear that will catapult us to speeds we never, ever thought possible. And there is a longevity piece, a stability piece, a sensibility piece. And then there's tranquility. Colossians chapter 3, verse 20 says, children, obey your parents in everything. For this pleases the Lord. And that's our ultimate goal, to please the Lord. Please the Lord. So all of these things, it's just interesting to me that they're repeated throughout the Bible, from the Old Testament to the New Testament, that we should obey our parents. And that's not always easy to do. No. I would say that, you know, Ed mentioned the Torah. It's all about living honorably. But God gave us in Deuteronomy chapter 6 a very key passage of Scripture for parents.

9:09 I think about the groups of people that are here in this place today or in Frisco, Dallas, Fort Worth, Lassa Ranch, and you're watching and listening and you're saying, well, I don't have a great relationship with my parents. It's hard for me to honor them. In fact, I would say there's three groups of people here. There's students or children, and you are living under your parents' roof right now. If that's you, lift your hand. Yep. If you live with your parents. Yeah, all right. That's awesome. And so you're figuring out, honoring your parents on a daily basis. You're with them up close and personal. And then you have another group of people who are adult kids, and you don't live with your parents, but you have a relationship. Adult kids. Adult kids, yeah. Adult children, yeah. Hopefully everybody's raising their hand. Somebody's got a parent somewhere. That's true.

10:00 Mine are in heaven. Yes. One of yours is in heaven. But that's another type of. But I have a blended family now. I know his dad has remarried he's gonna yeah anyway so So that's the second group. You're an adult child dealing with your parents. You're not under their roof, so you're not obeying them necessarily, like discipline or whatever, but they're very much in your mind. And then you have the third group of people, and your parents live rent-free in your mind because of parental pain. Now that is a brilliant insight. I cannot tell you how many people I meet, and I'm sure you're the same. and you meet them and you realize that they're struggling and they're dealing with parental pain. So this verse kind of rubs a little different. This verse, this commandment, it's like, well, wait a minute, I don't understand why God would put this in there when he knows that we're being raised and reared by imperfect people who have failed us, who have maybe abused us or done terrible things and they have not been the example that God would have for them.

11:10 Well, Deuteronomy 6 is the focal point for us as parents. What should we be about? It's about teaching and training our children. It's about how we should live and how they should live. So what I would challenge you right now with listening to this verse and the applications of it is parents, we need to start now making it easy for our children to honor us. Start now being honorable so that it's easy for you to be honored. And I will tell you that those instructions are found in Deuteronomy 6. See, we've gotten way away as far as the goal of parenting. We want our children to be successful. I just want them to be raised up and have a financial security. I want them to be talented. I want them to have, perhaps be involved in sports or whatever. And we have lost sight of the mark.

12:07 The mark is to raise children who will live first honorably for the Lord, the first four commandments, and then to live ethically with other human beings because of the family structure. It's God first, not family first. Say that again, because we live in a culture. It's family first, family first. No, no, no. You just said it's God first. God first, then family. But if you get God first, all these other things will fall into place. And I've talked to so many people who have a lot of different priorities. And you may say that God is first, but just look at your calendar. Look at what you fill your time with. And it may give you a different answer. And Lisa, this was written though, too. The context is this was written in and for community. As I mentioned last time about honoring the Sabbath and keeping the Sabbath holy, large groups of people in the Old Testament met together weekly for worship. And obviously this segued, or you say the gear shifted into the New Testament where you have a beautiful transition of believers gathering together physically in the church. And the word is koinonia in the Greek. And koinonia simply means sharing what's in common. It means communion.

13:33 I have this question all the time. People ask me this around the community and when I travel. Okay, can I be a Christian and not go to church? I always quote my good friend Cliff Connectley. Not a good one. wait a minute I I watch online can I be a Christian I mean a really good Christian and and my my church is online not a good one now if you physically can't make it I get it but most of us can that's right so so honey this is this commandment I love it so much It's individually for the individual family cell, and it's for the community and the culture. And as we've said, and we were having dinner with some friends a couple of nights ago, we told them without the church, we would not be where we are today.

14:31 No way. Our marriage wouldn't, and our family wouldn't. I always say, I know you expect to hear that from the pastor. Yeah, oh yeah, of course you say that. But I'm the product of that as a child. I mean, I grew up in a home that there were some struggles. My mom struggled with depression. Their marriage struggled because of that. And if it had not been for the local church, and I was just a church kid. I wasn't a pastor's wife at that time. I was just a little kid whose parents leaned into the church. And it absolutely saved our family. So it's not just that, you know, because of being pastors, we say this, right? Exactly. It just works. Tell them about your jacket. This jacket is cool. Isn't that a cool jacket? But it has meaning. It's just not, yeah, you're going to go, oh, yeah, that's not, but tell them about it. Well, a friend of mine told me, she posted something about fashion, and she said that pins were kind of in, you know, put pins on your coat or whatever.

15:27 So this jacket, I've had it for years, but I added pins that belong to Ed's mother and to my mom. And I often wear jewelry that belong to them that they've handed down to me. And I do that just, I do like jewelry. I'll just be honest. I do, but it means something to me because it belonged to them. And I, and it causes me to reflect on great memories that I had with them. Were there some difficult ones? Yeah, absolutely. But it helps me to think of them in a very positive way. So yeah, I'm all, I'm all pinned up and they represent something. Well, Lisa, transitioning from this fifth commandment, people ask, and I know you're thinking, okay, this is interesting, Ed, fifth commandment, Lisa. well, okay, and you put yourself in one of those three categories, how can I apply this? I mean, how about where does the rubber meet the road? Well, let's go back to the Ferrari, five gears.

16:23 I want to talk to you about the five gears that we can apply right where we are today to begin to live out these directives. Number one, number one, sound effect, it's me, mine, Love. Love is the first one. Love, love, love. That's the first gear, love. And love is a decision. Someone asked me last week, it was a doctor I was speaking with out of state, and he said, he's a really great leader. And he asked me, he goes, what's your secret? I mean, I've met you and your wife. What's your secret? And I said, love. But I said, doctor, listen to me. Love is commitment. And that means pledging yourself to a position no matter what the cost.

17:15 So I can say to Lisa, I love you. But as we know, sometimes talk is cheap, especially in marriage. I need to boldly back it up. And that's what our great God has done for us, has he not? Not only did God say, I love you. Think about it, he gave us the Torah. And ultimately he gave us his precious son, Jesus. So love is a verb. I know that sounds cliche, but love is a verb. Did you just make that up? Yes, of course. It's totally original. Love is a verb. It's about action. It's about doing. And I think about my mom and some of the things that my sister and I dealt with with her when she got older. And my sister and I took care of her, my sister being in South Carolina, and she did the most parts. But toward the end of my mom's life, I was able to fly over and see her more, you know, like every six weeks or so.

18:14 And my mom was failing in health. And basically, my sister and I were doing for my mom what she did for us as infants. It's an interesting thing, the aging process. And so I was in my mom's memory care center in her room and just helping with some stuff. And it was laborious. and my daughter Laurie called and she goes, mom, what are you doing? And I said, well, do you really want to know? And she was like, well, what? And so I told her just, you know, as tactfully as possible. And she hesitated and there was a silence on the phone. And she said, are Lander and I going to have to do that with you?

18:56 And I said, well, prayerfully not, but if so, I'm, I'm counting on you, you know, but that is, it's, it's interesting that my, my sister and I, it was kind of turned and, and that was one of the ways that we demonstrated love and respect for our parent. That's great. Yeah. It's just part of it. I mean, there's different ways, but that you can show love. Let's change gears now from love to, oh, this is a tough one. The real F word, I call it forgiveness. And this is the one that's so difficult, especially if you've grown up with painful memories, painful experiences with a mother or father or both. But there's not a caveat to honor your father and mother. It doesn't say honor your father and mother if they were good parents. Honor your father and mother if they just went over the top with you and you have happy memories all the time.

19:54 It doesn't say that. It says, honor your father and mother, and then this will be the result. So this is a command that doesn't hinge on any behavior from your mom and dad. It is their position as your parents. Forgiveness has to be in play. And forgiveness is commanded. Yeah. But forgiveness has to be in play. And I'm going to use another illustration with my mom. My mom grew up in an abusive home. My grandfather was a very, very tough individual. He was a police officer. And I mean, let's think about the circumstances. It was the Great Depression. They didn't have food to put on the table. My mom had one pair of shoes that were falling apart. And I remember later in life, my mom would go shopping and she was able to buy a pair of shoes. She would buy two of the same pair just because that was a privilege for her based on how she grew up.

20:50 So it was very tough circumstances, but there was verbal abuse, possibly some physical abuse. And yet later in life with my grandfather, who lived to be 103. Longevity. Longevity. And long after my father passed away, my mom was the primary caretaker for her abusive father. Now the story goes that my mom and dad prayed for my grandfather. They prayed hard for my grandfather and grandmother. And there was a pivotal point in my grandfather's life where my mom was able to lead him to the Lord. And I mean, I get emotional about it because it changed the course of his life for eternity. And my mom loved him enough and had forgiven him, not because he had asked for it, but because it was what God commanded of her. She forgave him and their relationship was restored, not totally amicable, but she definitely had healing because of forgiveness.

21:52 And this word forgiveness means to release. I met a guy a while back that owned a very interesting real estate company. His company focused on cleaning up toxic areas of large tracts of land. And he told me this process they would go through and how they would find the toxicity and how they would take it out before the land was utilized. And that really kind of tripped something in my mind because so many of us have tracts of land, don't we? And we have toxicity from our families in different ways. Some have a lot of toxic land. And I just pray that we allow the Holy Spirit to give us the ability to release that land because we don't want the enemy to live rent free in our brains. And so often he does that through what we experienced. That's why in Ephesians chapter four, verse 27, it says, and do not give the devil a foothold because he gets a foothold, then a toehold, then all of a sudden he's choking us out.

23:08 and we don't want that. So from forgiveness, Lisa, there's a third gear. I want you to talk about this one. I can't wait. Cooperation. Cooperation. Do the sound effect. It's good. Which one? Ferrari? You know. Okay, that's cooperation. Okay, stop right there because you can do four and five in a minute. And people ask me this. Do you practice your sound effects? Heck no. It just, I'm just a sound effect person. Part of his vocabulary. It's part of my, if I can't say it, all just, but cooperation. Now, if you're an adult child, you're not living under the discipline of your mom and dad in their home. If you are living there, this is something I'll tell students and young people. Your mom and dad, for the most part, are providing for you, and your job is to love them, to forgive them, to cooperate. And Lisa, let me say this for a second. I know I'm interrupting Think about this.

24:08 I want to talk to the kids who are living with their families. Your parents are smarter than you. your parents are smarter than you and i know this is smart you're very smart you're smart i'm not saying it and then listen just just take a look just just look very quickly if you can at your mom or dad they used to be cool i promise you they used to be cool for the most part for the most part i mean they look like sam you know with the scoop now you see sam up there on the video that It was nice. With a chain and everything. They used to look like that. But you made them uncool.

24:51 So cooperate with them. Cooperate. But an attitude of cooperation brings peace to the household. And so that's another one. And then the fourth gear is value. You want to do a sound effect for that one? No. Okay. So value. Remember, this is about value. Honor and value go hand in hand. The weightiness. you would not be here if it weren't for your parents. So that is something that you can be thankful for. And that leads us to the fifth gear, which is appreciation. Have you, if you have the opportunity. You remember, I just thought about something. You were the guy that I used to work with. It's the sweetest guy. His name was R.C. Smith. And I worked with him and he was over discipleship in our church. And he would sometimes open the door of my office. they go, Ed, I just want to tell you, I appreciate you. He would say that so often. I nicknamed him Appreciation Smith, Pastor Appreciation Smith. So appreciation, I still remember that. Isn't that funny? That's good. That's the power of appreciation. Maybe we need to take the opportunity. If your parents are still alive, it's just to make a phone call and say, I appreciate you. Write the letters, write the letters, send the text, but say, I appreciate you. There's nothing. I recall the kids, actually, Laurie and Landra, you know, they're now parents and they have children in school. And Laurie, I think it was, called me and I think, or maybe texted me and Landra joined in and she goes, mom, I never knew what you gave us when you made breakfast before school. Because you know what? They were now realizing that's not easy. You're trying to get people out the door and you actually, I mean, they even were appreciative if I put a bowl out, cereal, milk, a spoon, and they didn't have to do that. They just said, thank you. I appreciate you doing that for us, mom.

26:49 And it meant the world to me. We can always find something, honey, to show appreciation about with our family, even if it's, as you said, hey, you brought me into the world. I appreciate you. That's right. Appreciate you. That's good. I want to tell you a story. I've never told this before. It's going to sound a little braggy, but. It's not. You know, I'm 64 years old. I can brag a little bit. When I was. And I'm 65. Yeah. When I was. Yeah. Cougar. Three months. So.

27:24 And we're happy. Only for three months. Only for three. And I'm glad to be 64. And I know Lisa's glad to be 65. I don't wish I was 35 again. Well, the alternative, besides being younger, is not great. Yeah, I mean, it will be great. So, yeah, when I was in the eighth grade, I was a really good basketball player. I was so good. I was a part, and just work with me here. I was a part of the largest school system in South Carolina. So some of the coaches saw me play in the seventh grade, and they're like, man, you need to skip all of junior high basketball. You need to go straight to Spring Valley High School, the largest school in the state.

28:09 So here I am. I mean, in the eighth grade, my mother would pick me up after school and drive me to this massive high school. And I'm playing with these guys that are shaving. i mean it was intimidating but i was good i haven't started but i remember the first several practices they were just kind of assessing my abilities against these men and i i was nervous i really was i was i was uh intimidated you know you get you know like And I remember one of the practices, I was standing there just really feeling inadequate. And I was just kind of looking around the gym. And I saw a door that leads to the gym. And it had a little window.

29:04 And as I looked, I saw the silhouette of my father. and that just empowered me with confidence and strength and assurance because one of the great things about dad as a father he spent untold hours hours with us playing and especially dad and i playing basketball so at least it drew me to this commandment that god our heavenly father is always watching, always encouraging. He's watching. He's there. He wants us to reflect his parenting style in our family unit. So church, that is the beauty, isn't it? of that fifth gear, the fifth commandment, honor your father and your mother. Say it with me.

30:10 Honor your father and your mother. Let's pray together. Lisa, why don't you lead us? Absolutely. Lord, we just thank you so much for the opportunity to gather in church, to worship, to praise your holy name, to sit under teaching and learn so that we can live better. That's why we're here, Lord. And I just pray, Father, as we're gathered here today, if there's someone at the sound of my voice that doesn't have a relationship with you, they know about you, they know things that they've heard perhaps and read, but Lord, they don't have a personal relationship with you. and this is not about religion. This is about a relationship. All you have to do if that's you is just say, Jesus, I admit that I'm a sinner. I've messed up.

31:01 I've failed. And I know you are a perfect and holy God. But you sent Jesus Christ. And I believe that he came, lived a perfect life, died a sacrificial death, and rose again so that I could have a relationship with you, that he would forgive me so that I could turn from my sin and follow you. And I commit this day to live for you by the power of your name. That's the greatest prayer that you would ever pray because God is welcoming you into his arms. Your perfect heavenly father has just welcomed you into the family. God, there are others here who are struggling with their painful parenting memories. Help us to forgive, to live fresh, not to be a victim, but to be a victor as you have designed for us to be.

32:05 We can do great things for you, Lord, but we don't want to be trapped in the past. We want to walk forward with the power that you give us to forgive. Thank you for the commandments, Lord, that they just make sense for us to live for you. In Jesus' name, amen.