FATHER TO THE FATHERLESS

2:47 and while I absolutely believe that if I were honest there were times when I just wanted my dad My name is Derek Donnelly, and I've had the privilege of serving on staff at Fellowship Church for over 16 years. During that time, I've worn a lot of different hats, from serving in our kids' ministry and student ministry to now leading our communications team and helping prepare messages for our weekend services. but that's just part of the story Growing up, we lived in a small town in North Carolina. I had an older brother who's two years older than me. My parents got divorced when I was three years old, and my dad, he was an alcoholic.

3:48 Three years old was really the last time that I had any contact with my father. My mom got remarried when I was five years old to my stepdad, Bob, and they had two additional children who became my brother and sister. Bob was the one who was there. He was the man that was in our lives. He was the one who filled the seat at the table. He filled the seat at the stadiums and in the sporting events. he was the one who showed up. And while he was awesome, a large part of me yearned for that relationship with my biological father. I was in the sixth grade when my biological father was arrested for not paying child support. He was transported to North Carolina where we were living.

4:46 I had an opportunity, if I wanted to, to go and see him, visit him. I really thought about him. I guess I just didn't want my first real memory of him to see him behind bars in jail. in the seventh grade my friend Sean invited me to church he invited me to fill a seat next to him in a Sunday school class and for the first time I heard about who Jesus was how he loved me how in spite of the the mess that I have made the sin and junk in my life he died on a cross for me he rose again. He defeated death so that I could experience new life. And in that moment in seventh grade, I remember vividly walking down front to give my life to Christ. God filled a seat in my heart that nobody else could. We started attending the church together as a family on Sundays.

5:46 My brother ultimately gave his life to Christ. My parents did as well. We were all baptized together in 1997, no doubt that was the most important decision that I ever made in my life. You know, when you give your life to Jesus, He gives you everything that you need, but not necessarily everything that you want. You hear that verse, you know, God is a father to the fatherless, which is absolutely true. But if I were honest, a lot of times I was like, man, I'd love to have my biological father.

6:26 I definitely wrestled with that a lot of, God, why do I still feel an emptiness or a yearning for that relationship with my biological father? About a year later, my biological dad got out of prison, and so he moves in with my grandmother in New York. And while we knew where he was, there was still no contact, no relationship, no phone calls. I was 19 years old, and my brother and I decided, hey, let's go visit our grandma up in New York. This was going to be the first time in 15 years that we saw or talked to our biological dad. We got into New York late at night. He walked in and the first thing he said was, all right, who's Derek and who's Travis? It wasn't like this big like reconciliation and man, the relationships restored and we have this great relationship now. We saw him after After 15 years, no, it was just like,

7:38 it was just a quick trip and that was it. I remember driving home from that trip and just really not knowing what to do with what just took place. It wasn't like, man, I'm angry at this man. It was like I genuinely felt bad for him. like a gentleman you like I wanted to see him well. I mean, I knew that God had forgiven me of all the things that I've done wrong in my life. And I don't know if I would have been able to like see him for the first time if I hadn't forgiven him. So probably because of that, And obviously, the best way for him to be healed and...

8:40 Be Well was a relationship with Jesus, though. I sent him this book, Case for Christ. Wrote a note on the inside today. I hope you read this. Because I genuinely wanted him. Like to find, to find peace. After that trip, started dating my now wife, Candice. I'm Candice Donley, and Derek and I met my senior year of high school, actually at a church camp. And I spotted Derek with a cowboy hat on and his big bright smile and just this joy. And I was like, divs. We dated for four years. And posted Candace in December of 2006.

9:36 I was talking to my biological father. I invited him to the wedding. I'll never forget what he said. He said, if I come to the wedding, do I have to come to the divorce? And I kind of laughed and I was like, got it. We'll be there. Got it. Candace and I were married in August of 2007. About a year later, we found out we were expecting our very first child. Our oldest son, Connor, was born. I remember holding him for the first time and looking down and just wondering, how could any parent not want to have a relationship with their child? Candace and I were living in Florida, attending a church, and I remember just feeling like this call into ministry. So in 2010, we came to C3 Conference, which is a conference we have here at Fellowship Church for pastors and leaders. This is actually where I met Pastor Reddy for the first time. While at C3, I was absolutely blown away. And it was funny, I called my wife and I said, jokingly, hey, if they offer me a job, we're moving. Fast forward a couple months later, my wife and I and our six-month-old baby at the time moved halfway across the country to come on staff here at Fellowship Church. For the next 10 years, we raised our family here.

11:15 And during that time, there was hardly any communication between me and my biological father. Definitely not a relationship. And then in 2021, he called me, letting me know that my grandmother, his mother, has passed away. My brother and I, we go up to New York. The house was a complete disaster. Empty alcohol bottles, dishes stacked, trash everywhere. my father didn't really have anybody else. So my brother and I just kind of just jumped in and helped where it was needed. I could not believe what they were doing for this man who ultimately had done nothing for them. I remember telling him, I'm like, you're being the hands and feet of Jesus to this man that you haven't had a relationship with your whole life.

12:11 I was really taken back at the lengths that they went to take care of him. One of the last nights that we were there, we never really talked about, like, what happened or, like, why he left. I definitely think he realized what he missed out on with me and my brother. There was a moment in the living room where he just kind of hung his head and and just said I'm sorry for the way things were. kind of just brush it off like, you know, it's fine because, I mean, I had forgiven him years ago.

13:14 Doesn't mean that the pain went away or the hurt went away. Forgiveness is not a one-time event. It's a continual process. of recognizing and understanding that God's forgiven me. So who am I to not forgive this guy who wasn't a part of my life for decades that my brother and I are now taken care of, even though he never took care of us. my brother and I were the only ones who could fill the seat that he needed during that time I called him on Father's Day and didn't hear from him and a few days later one of the people who went to check on him periodically gave me a call and they just said Derek Glenn has died Yeah.

14:19 up until that point I'd really like talked to more in that past year and a half than my entire life combined like it would have been easier to have like no relationship do I regret it? no not at all. I don't do it again in a heartbeat. I think my brother and I were able to show him the love of Christ in a way that can only be explained because we have a relationship with Jesus. My hope and prayer is that after one of our talks, a late night by himself, he made a decision to follow Christ. And in the midst of all of that, my mom calls me, lets me know that my stepdad, Bob, has stage four pancreatic cancer. Six months later, Bob passed away. So the span of really six months, I lose my biological father who wasn't there, but had started to get to know and build more relationship with. And I lose my stepfather, the one who was there, the one who did step up, The one who did love us and the one who did provide for us really didn't seem fair.

16:17 The great thing is that God's big enough to handle our questions. While I may not understand, I know that God was with me. and looking back throughout my life, I see that my Heavenly Father has been guiding me, has been there for me, has been putting the right people around me. My Heavenly Father has helped me to be a great husband and to be a great father. this was going to be the breaking of a generational downfall from my father, who's an alcoholic, to his father, who's an alcoholic. Because of who Jesus is and what he's done in my life, I can say with confidence, this is the start of a new generational direction of people who are going to live for God.

17:22 his foundation in Jesus and our foundation that we decided for our family is the only way that I can sit here today and say that we're doing it we're doing things differently I'm so grateful for the seat that Fellowship Church has played in our lives getting to be surrounded by so many godly men who are leading their families strong my boys have grown up here from FC kids to the mix to Elaso ranch. They're constantly around the right people and hearing about how God loves them and has plans for their lives and wants great things for them. And just as someone invited me to Philistia church, Now my sons are inviting their friends to fill seats.

18:23 I remember seeing my dad help other people who've never been in church give their life to Christ. I was like, I want to be like him. I invited all my friends, and now we have a carpool. We all go every Wednesday. One person after another person after another person. People have given their lives to Christ. Those few years back to back, Eric experienced so much loss. And I kept thinking, how much can one person take? And I kept thinking, this is so unfair. But to see him still show up every day. And he had really not an example of how to be an amazing dad. And he is an amazing dad. And in the middle of navigating his own grief, like not missing a practice, not missing a game, he just kept showing up and he keeps showing up and that can only be Jesus like in our in our humanity there's no way because of Jesus the boy who grew up looking at an empty seat became the man who will never leave one empty for his own family Wow. You never know what someone is walking through. And I and Ed and I have both had the Privilege.

20:01 of knowing Candice and Derek for many, many years. Derek has stood on this stage and presented the gospel, preached messages from God's word, and nobody really knew the backstory. And so I'm so thankful that we got to get a glimpse into that, and we want to welcome to the stage Candice and Derek Donnelly.

20:26 That's right. A standing ovation would be very appropriate. Take a seat and let's lighten it up a little bit. Yeah, I'm not a huge crier. Yeah, me either. Man, that was riveting, Derek. I want to ask a question, sort of a follow-up question of what you said. And it has to do with forgiveness.

21:08 What you said was brilliant about it. how have both of you walked through, and I emphasize this word, the process of forgiveness? Because so many of us are in situations like that. And we've been hurt. We've been betrayed.

21:30 Forgiveness is not a one-time thing. How do you do that? You know, it's a unique thing. And, you know, different people have different people in their lives that they need to forgive. And I would say that we've learned so much from you guys and Pastor, your teaching as well. And, you know, one of the things you said is that so often forgiveness is more for the person who needs to forgive than it is for the actual person. And so I think for us, it was a way for me not to become bitter and not to really carry the weight of somebody else's decisions and somebody else's mistakes on my own. So I think for me, that was something that I actively had to do. And like you said, it's a daily basis type thing.

22:27 And Candace, on that note, being the spouse, I mean, you came into the picture later on, but being the spouse and seeing your husband and knowing that he was experiencing pain and stuff, there's a forgiveness level on your part for his dad. I think it was actually harder for me to walk in forgiveness than even for Derek. And that was inspiring to me because I was wrestling with how can he forgive him and just be okay with it. But because Derek was always in process of forgiving, they were able to step into that relationship really with no bitterness. and I think it was just really hard for me because I just knew what his dad was missing out on, our boys and Derek, and they're actually very similar in their humor. And so I really struggled with forgiveness.

23:22 I was a little behind where he was leading the way. And Derek, you did something really funny. The first, well, the first time you saw your dad in years and years and years, you know, when he walked through the door and said, okay, which one is which. Tell us a little bit about what you guys did. Yeah. Humor is a great way to, I think, process pain and hide pain as well. So I don't know why, but we came up with this idea that we were going to give my dad a t-shirt. And so we screen printed a t-shirt with me and my brother's photo on it that said world's greatest dad. And so when he walked through and said, you know, who's Derek and who's Travis made a little easier. Actually, we have a shirt for you as well, but he laughed and he had a great sense of humor. He was really funny too.

24:20 I think also though, as a spouse, seeing Derek process pain with humor was also an adjustment because it was something that would make me want to cry. And he's joking about it. I was like, oh, so this is what we do. Like, we're going to joke about this. So that's kind of what we did. Yeah. Yeah, some of my best jokes were dad jokes for sure.

24:43 But I do believe that's how we process pain in a lot of ways is through humor because it just takes our heart to a little bit lighter level. I mean, even the statement I made when we got up here, let's lighten things up a bit. Nobody wants to just sit in the reality of pain. And speaking of that, you know, there is this reality of your background. How do you talk and process to your children about what you experienced as a child? And even maybe that they missed out on a granddad in that way. Yeah, I think that we are very careful in what we communicated to our boys, even growing up. Something my mom said, she made it very clear. My dad, obviously he was an alcoholic. And so that was kind of her stance of, Derek, he's sick, he's sick.

25:40 And so I think we use that same kind of verbiage with our boys as well. And they have other grandparents on Candice's side who are really great, great grandfathers. So the way I explained it to them, I think was more like, you know, this is my dad who lives in New York and yeah, we just don't have that much of a relationship. He's missing out on a lot. So I think we did a pretty good job in even protecting them as they were even getting older. How though have you and Candace handled the issue of alcohol? Because people ask Lisa and I, that question a good bit, how would you say it? Well, first of all, I knew that we really needed to seek biblical counseling. That was not something that we did before we got married. And Derek was really excited to sit down with a counselor and talk about his feelings.

26:36 But I just- Oh yeah, I'm sure. It's such a delight. As excited as Ed is to sit down with a counselor. I look forward to those moments. I tell people that going to see a therapist or a counselor is like going to the dentist. You dread it up until the point. And then when you walk out of the office, when you go to the dentist, you feel the clean teeth and you go, oh, that wasn't so bad. Well, that's kind of how I look at therapy. We just didn't know a ton about alcoholism and being an adult child of an alcoholic. So we knew we needed professional guidance. And so we did that. And we kept the communication open of what that would look like in our home and the boundaries that we would have to have in place. And as our boys have gotten older, to communicate, you know, this is in our family history, and it's something we're going to have to be really careful and talk about. And just keeping that communication open, I think, has been really important. That's great. That's a great, great, great answer. How about, Lisa, we were talking as we were discussing this interview and watching this video, we were discussing the role of the church, and both of you have done such a fantastic job of leaning into the church, unpack that. Like people say, lean into the church or you have maybe a family history that's difficult or whatever, and you're trying to break that curse. Okay.

27:56 How do you lean into the church? Even bring it back even to when you were a child. Yeah, absolutely. When I gave my life to Christ in seventh grade, really I can look back now and see that the church put the right people around me in my life. They put the right friends around me. they put the right leaders around me as well and and filling a lot of gaps that I think I was missing in my life that would have been way larger had I not been really a part of and so that was that was just showing up I think a lot of times we think it's some some big ornate thing of you have to do this this this and this so many times it's just just showing up that's right just being consistent time after time again and the reality is that you're not going to always feel like it you're not always going to want to show up. Sometimes there are Sundays, even when our boys are like, do we have to go to church? Yes, we're going.

28:47 This is what we do. There are many Sundays I don't want to show up either. Absolutely, absolutely. And so for us, I think it was even from an early age, we saw the benefit of showing up. And once your mom and Bob accepted Christ and got involved in the church, were they big on seeing that value in your life? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, we made church really a priority for us on Sunday nights and Wednesday nights as well with our student program we had at the church and really just kind of building our life around the church starting from seventh, eighth grade. And you can see the effects of it in my life, my brothers and sisters and my mom as well. That's awesome. I think about, you know, Derek, my family. I mean, I grew up, my mom struggled with depression. And there were times, I remember vividly when I was like in the third grade, my dad had a very serious heart condition and they were just going through a lot of stuff. And looking back on that, I know that if it hadn't had not have been for our involvement in the church, the support for our family, my mom actually having some sense of a moral compass, a biblical worldview, how that we survived because of that.

30:09 And so the church indeed is a hospital. It's a place for us to come and receive help. It's a cafeteria where we get nourishment. It's a home where we feel love and comfort. And more than anything, it's a place where we encounter God. And I'm just so thankful that we didn't have to do our parenting alone, that you don't have to do your parenting alone. I'm sure your boys maybe present some challenges at times. I don't know. They're so easy. It was really important for me that our boys heard outside voices, but that were saying the same things that we were saying at home. And there have been times they would come home and say, you would never believe what they talked about at church. We're like, no way. So I think partnering with the church, you're speaking the same language. And it means it carries more weight when it's not coming from mom or dad.

31:06 And so I'm so incredibly thankful for the leaders who have poured into our boys and just raising them how we want them to be raised in the church. And Derek, here's a question for you. Sorry, honey. I had several. But you could easily have a victim mentality. Like, look at my situation where I come and have somewhat of a chip on your shoulder. But just from our experience, just knowing you guys and also working with you, there have been times that you've been challenged with authority. Like, for example, Derek, you need to do, you know, let's think about this. How could you correct this? And you receive authority very well, which is not typical of someone who grew up as you did. What do you think is that?

32:00 What's the secret? What's the linchpin of that? Yeah, that's a great question. I think for me, it's recognizing and just understanding that ultimately God is my authority and he's gonna place the right people in my life and as my authority here on earth that I trust him. And so ultimately I'm gonna trust the leaders that he's put over my life. And I think it's a humility thing as well where I know that I don't have it all figured out, that I'm still learning, still in process. I still mess up and make mistakes even to this day. And so I think it's seeing the grace that God has given to me and what he's done in my life when I've followed him and when I've said, all right, God, I trust you with the authority that you've placed over me and the great things that have happened because of that. I think that's why it's been easier for me to continue to do that.

32:54 I think too many people just really bail before the breakthrough. They get a little pushback and they say, all right, I'm out of here. I'm leaving. but when you really see that this is something that God has called you to and where God has brought you, you trust what he's doing in the process that you're going through. You know what's so amazing too, Lisa, is both Candace and Derek come from, you could call them broken homes. So it's interesting that both of you came from that background, yet you have said, okay, I've learned from the good, the bad, the ugly, and only by God's grace am I here. But what are some things you would tell us to do? Because so many of us come from broken homes. I would say more than 50% of people here come from situations like that.

33:47 What are some take homes you would give us? Well, Derek's really competitive. So he was like, we're staying married. You know what? I love a good challenge. Both of you, both of you. Whatever it takes. We're going to show them. But you know, both of you are very good athletes, just to do a sidebar. Derek's a great athlete. Candice was a power lifter. It's true. It's true. Power lifter. Of things I thought would not come up. Yeah, I mean. It's a couple college athletes up here. Huh? Just a couple college athletes up here. Uh-huh. That's funny, Derek.

34:22 It's really funny. Go back to that question. Yeah, I think I think competitiveness. Yeah, I think it is. I love a good challenge. I think I think it's also we see the hurt that comes from a broken family and the pain that's caused by that. And also, you know, the commitment to saying, hey, like, we're doing things differently. We are beginning something new, a new process moving forward, a new generational direction for the Donnelly family moving forward. And so I think for us, it's been something that we've continued to fight for. And what would you say, knowing that there are a lot of people, there may be some students here who they're having a hard time with Father's Day because they maybe don't respect the character of their dad or the position or I don't know they may not have respect how do you reconcile or give them advice on behavior what how do they how do they need to behave yeah That's it for my own boys, Connor and crew.

35:41 Just kidding. I think there's a difference between respect and honor. I think you don't necessarily have to respect somebody in order to honor them. I think the honor that you show somebody is really because of who God is. And so because this is what God's word says, that I'm to honor my mother, my father, regardless of of what I think of their character even, or what I think of their decisions, I can still honor them and show honor and how I talk to them and how I communicate and the things that I do. Obviously, you know, make sure it aligns with morally and biblically what God wants. But I think the honor side is something that God gives us to show from just a verbal standpoint, from a facial standpoint, and ultimately an action standpoint as well.

36:39 That's beautiful. I wonder if we could bring up... Connor and crew. Cove is in the... Connor, crew, Cove is a little, maybe a little young to be up here right now. Is he here? Not one to bring Cove in here. He's in the great FC kids. Okay. What's up, guys? How are y'all doing? Great. Great. Yeah, just hang out by your mom and dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're cool. Yeah. Very, very cool. Yeah, we're cool, right? Yeah, yeah. Okay, Candice, just pass that on to Connor. Connor, you just watched a film of your dad's life and your mom. What's your reaction? I was kind of surprised. I wasn't expecting it to go as in depth as it was, but it really made me understand how hard it was for my dad, but also how he was able to bounce back and really make our lives better and really just flip the generation where we can do, we're not just gonna be worrying about what my grandfather did.

37:47 We're just gonna go better and move forward and make sure that my kids are gonna do good and my kids are going to be here. Wow. And we're going to do great. I love it. Wow. Do you want to preach next Sunday? Sure. Come on. Oh, my goodness. Okay, crew. You just say whatever you want. Well, no, don't say that. Oh, yeah. That was dangerous. Crew, you're a handsome young guy. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So what were your feelings? I was actually really emotional about it. Like when I first watched it, I just kind of broke into tears because I just felt bad for my dad. Oh. But you have hope now because you see the difference. Yes, ma'am. Yeah, that's so good. Y'all, this is a family that has lived the life victoriously and continues.

38:44 And I mean, I'm just standing here looking at, you know, Derek and Candice, y'all are awesome, but you just wait till these three boys just start living, you know, and leading. Well, they're already leading. I mean, Connor, how many kids do you bring to students? Like, I mean, what's your record? What's your record number? So Unite Night, I think like a year and a half ago, we brought nine people or 10 people and like eight of them got baptized that night. Unbelievable. You know, I'm sorry. I just loved the correlation between, because I knew how Connor is such an inviter to the student, to the mix and everything and their whole family. But when Derek made mention of the friend who invited him to church to fill a seat in that church in North Carolina, I couldn't help but think about how now Connor is doing that very same thing and crew. And I know Coval too. It was really cool. Crew got to see Connor do it. And when we were living it out with Connor, we're like, oh, maybe this is just something special, just like a one-time thing. And then crew, it was almost like the torch was passed.

39:54 They all drive now so they can drive themselves to the mix. But now crew is bringing friends. He saw it modeled. And so it's been really cool to see the ripple effect. And now he's bringing friends. So when Cove comes through, y'all can chaperone Cove. You know, Lisa, what I thought about doing is I was thinking about a standing ovation. We love to give standing ovations at sporting events, concerts. We give standing ovations when really, I mean, we shouldn't. This is a time, church. this is a time to give a standing ovation for the Donleys come on now and all of our campuses everybody because God can do this yes there he is we can do better than that come on awesome oh my god thank you guys so much yes thank you guys thank you to the Donnellys so the next time you see the Donnellys please be seated you'll know the story behind the glory of God that's right and I just want to tell you the next few weeks are going to be absolutely incredible you won't believe the before and the after.

41:26 It's going to, if you think today rocked your world, just wait, it's gonna be amazing. You wait till next Sunday, I can't wait. You realize this is all possible because a young man in the seventh grade said yes to Jesus. And that's what we're about here at Fellowship Church. It's presenting Jesus to every single person so that they too can find peace. They too can find hope. they too can break generational bondage. And so we wanna give you that opportunity. Maybe you're sitting here and this story has resonated with you. Maybe you're harboring some unforgiveness for your father, for someone in authority in your life. Whatever it might be, maybe you're wrestling with a sin of addiction and it's tough, it's tough, but Jesus can change everything.

42:20 so I'm going to invite you to pray a prayer and this prayer is a cataclysmic prayer it's a game changing prayer it is to to give your life to Jesus as a follower of Christ it's a decision followed by a process but first we have to make that decision so if you've made that decision I want you to pray for so many who need to make that decision today at all of our different locations. So would you bow your heads with me, whether you find yourself in Fort Worth or Dallas, whether you find yourself in Frisco or Lazo Ranch or online or at one of our prison locations. If you've never prayed this prayer, just pray this prayer along with me because this is a prayer that I prayed and that Lisa prayed in our lives years ago.

43:22 Just say, God, to the best of my ability, I believe that you are my heavenly father. I want to admit to you, just say that, what you already know, which means to confess, doesn't it? I admit to you that I have sinned, that I've messed up. I believe God that you arranged the wrongdoings of the world my sin, my shame to be transferred to the shoulders of Jesus as he died on the cross for my sins and I believe three days later he rose again so God I admit to you who I am a sinner, I turn from my sins and I receive your gift of forgiveness, of grace, of mercy. I give you everything that I am. By faith, I make this decision. So I give you everything I am and everything I'll ever be. Thank you, God. Thank you for rescuing me. And thank you for giving me a purpose, a plan, and a home in heaven.

44:41 I look forward to seeing Heavenly Father what you're going to do through these decisions that were made today we ask all these things in Christ's name Amen