Love That Last | Love, Actually | Chad Veach

0:00 Hey, what's going on, everybody? Thank you so much for listening to this week's message from Zoe Church. We are starting a brand new series today called Love Actually, God's Plan for Real Love. We're going to jump in in just a moment to 1 Corinthians 13, verse 4. Before we do, I want to thank everybody that gives to and through our church. We are able to help through fire relief so many people because of your generosity. If you'd like to give, go to our website, zoechurch.org, and you can give right there. Thank you for your continued faithfulness in making a difference in L.A., around our country, and around the world. Let's jump into this week's message called, Love That Lasts. 1 Corinthians chapter 13, we're starting a brand new series today called Love Actually, God's Plan for Real Love. Real love, not the fake stuff.

0:57 And when we talk about love, I first want to just let everybody know that the type of love that we want to aspire to is the love that we receive from God. God is the standard of love. The Bible says that God doesn't do love. He is love. This is who he is. And I'm thankful today. I love that we're singing that song, He Loves Us. Anybody grateful today for the love of God being poured out into your life right now? This is so fun. I'm going to use these guys all day long. This is so much fun.

1:38 And so love, we get the definition, we get the understanding from God himself. So if you're like, I don't know what love looks like because I grew up in a home that was broken, or I've gone through a lot of pain, a lot of trauma in my own life. The perfect love that we aspire to is the perfect love we receive, and that is the love of God. So I'm talking about real love for the next few weeks. we're going to dive into this subject. If you're dating, you're going to want to take notes. If you're married, you are going to want to take notes. If you are single, which is the majority of you, you are going to want to take notes. Because we want to learn from God's Word what real love is. Let's go to the Bible. 1 Corinthians chapter 13, verse 4. It says, love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It does not dishonor others. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs.

2:43 Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. I love this little rant that he goes on right here. Love always protects, always trusts, always hope, always perseveres, and love never, what's the last word there? Love never fails. It never fails. Love never fails. I want to preach a message today. Write down the title. It's called A Love That Lasts. I want to talk together about a love that lasts, not a love that's like here today, gone tomorrow, a love that lasts for maybe two years, five years. No, I want to talk to you about a love that will last for a long time, a love that can go through storms and tragedies and trials and tribulations. That's just what we experienced in the last four weeks in LA. But a love that will last. And when I was growing up, I used to think that love was like the movie, The Notebook. I used to think that love was like the Titanic, the movie, or like Mariah Carey lyrics. I didn't know what love was, but I got married, Julia and I got married on September 21st. We got married. Do you remember the 21st night of September? That's when we got married. We got married September 21st. Can I show you a photo? This is from our wedding reception. This is me and Julia. Just put it up on the screen.

4:05 This is your boy and Julia. Look at her. Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah. Come on. You don't think I can get that air today? You're kidding yourself. You don't think I could jump that high today. Look at that. I didn't wear glasses to my wedding because I didn't think I'd be wearing them in the future. Boy, was I wrong. And there's Julia. Julia looks more beautiful today than she even did on our wedding night. Clap for Julia, my beautiful wife. We just celebrated our 17th Valentine's Day. Let me show you one more photo. This is from our rehearsal. This is, oh yeah, look at that. And notice, to all the men of God, all the Brotherhood Breakfast guys, we were not married, so notice the two fingers, very spiritual, was not ready to touch yet because I didn't have the vowels exchanged, so two fingers, that's a man of God. That's a man of God right there.

4:58 That's knowing my limits right there. Two fingers. Just, yeah, we'll get married tomorrow. Okay. But you know what's really cool? I don't know if you guys know our story. my parents got married on the same day, same year, same hour as Julia's parents. They both got married in the month of June over four decades ago, and their firstborns would end up getting married. And I'm happy that we have not only celebrated 16 years of marriage, but we had our 17th Valentine's Day together. And we don't want to be a couple that's just like here today and gone tomorrow. We've got to figure out how do you make love last? Because love is not an emotion. Love is a decision. Love is a commitment. And we learn love because God is committed to his love for us. It helps me to receive that and to give committed love to my family and especially to my spouse. I'll give you four things to write down today. Here's the first thing that love is. Number one, love is selfless. Love is selfless. It is not a me monster. It is not a user. It is not out for its own gain. Look at what it says in verse five. It does not dishonor others. It is not self-seeking. I love that. If you're going to have a great relationship, if you're going to have a great marriage, you've got to get the selfishness out of you and the selflessness into you.

6:32 All marital bliss is rooted in selflessness and all marital problems are rooted in selfishness. If you want to have a great marriage, married people, if you want to have a great marriage, let me just see your hand real fast. Let me just see all the married people. You want to have a great marriage? Serve each other. Choose the highest good for the other person, not for yourself. Love is not self-seeking. I said it before, let me say it again. You were born selfish, but you are born again generous. And the kingdom of God is all about generosity. But guess what? Marriage is all about. Marriage is all about generosity. In other words, guys, put your Xbox controller down, serve your lady. That was a word for somebody. Some guy in the back is like, I hate this place.

7:21 I hate this church. Why you drag me here? Why are they always talking about me? Okay, Ted, chill out We're not talking about you All marital bliss is rooted in selflessness. All marital angst, trial, struggle is rooted in selfishness. Nothing will beat the selfishness out of you like marriage. Where are the parents at? Any parents here? Nothing will beat the selfishness out of you like kids. We should have just had one. But when you sign up for a covenant committed relationship, you are signed up to put the other person's needs in front of your own. So love is. Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not rude. It is not proud. It is not easily provoked to anger. Love keeps no record of wrongdoing.

8:15 It always trusts, always hopes, always protects. Love never fails. And true love is selfless. I want to put this down. Put it up on the screen. I love this. The difference between an ordinary marriage and an extraordinary marriage is in giving just a little extra every day as often as possible for as long as we both shall live. I'll never forget. We're standing there on our wedding day, September 21st, and we're holding hands, and our dads did our wedding. Both of our dads are preachers, and I'm standing there like this. And Julia's standing there, you know, just... Wow. And you exchange these covenants, right? In sickness and in health, in rich or for poor. I was the poor. She was the richer. And you make these commitments till death do us part.

9:12 You know what you sign up in a committed, lasting relationship is I'm going to go the extra mile for you as much as possible as daily approaches to the best of my ability as long as we both shall live. And the problem for a lot of us is we get selfish. We start thinking about our own needs and our own agendas and our own priorities and what we want. And I wonder what your relationship would look like. What would your marriage look like if you started to get up in the morning going, I'm here to serve you. I want to make your life easy and I want to make your life better. How can I help you? What do you need? It's kind of like the number one question I ask in my house. I walk around my house and I ask Julia, how can I help? What do you need? She's like, stop asking me that and just look around and do. Yep, I apologize.

10:03 But what would your relationship look like? And instead of being a taker, you were a giver. You got to be careful. Do not be a taker in your relationship. Live to give and live to serve one another. Come on, clap if you want to make that your prayer. Love is selfless. Write down the next one. Love is mutual respect. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Find out what it means to me. You got to respect each other. Mutual respect. Mutual submission. And there was a book that came out years ago. This author wrote a book called Love and Respect. And his whole premise was that women, girls, want to be loved and men want to be respected. This was his whole premise, that ladies want to be cherished and valued and pursued. By the way, men that are coming to Brotherhood Breakfast, let me just tell you, date your wife.

11:00 If you don't date her, somebody else will. So hello, church. But you've got to pursue her. Just because Julie and I got married doesn't mean I stopped pursuing her. Somebody give me a good amen for that one. So I'm pursuing her. So his whole thought was women want to be loved and men want to be respected. Put some respect on my name. You know, we want to be respected. We want to be, you know, because ain't nothing worse than a spouse that disrespects their significant other. And men want to be respected. By the way, ladies, let me just tell you this. Your man does not want the respect of his coworkers and the outside world as much as he wants your respect. It is your opinion that matters more than anybody else's opinion. So I know what he was trying to say. women want to be loved and men want to be respected, but I think both want to have both. Like all men want to be loved and respected just as ladies want to be loved and respected. And when you have a long-lasting relationship, it's because there's mutual respect. We respect one another. We prefer one another and we submit to one another. Oh, I love this scripture, Ephesians 5. Watch as it comes on the screen. Wives, submit yourself to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, his body, to which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. So to me, what we're learning is mutual submission. I gladly submit my life to Julia, and she gladly submits to me. And it's not, it's not, I don't walk around my house going, hey, how you guys doing? I'm the man of God at my house. And what I say goes around here. And we're going to spend whatever I say and do whatever I say and go wherever we go. No, we listen to each other and we lean into each other and we understand each other and we respect each other. Remember the foundation of all relationships is trust, respect, and communication.

13:03 You've got to have trust, respect, and communication. I trust Julia, and I try and earn and deserve her trust. I respect Julia. I respect what she wants and her wishes. Unless she's trying to stick her cold feet against my feet in the bed during the winter months, you better go. But other than that, I respect your wishes. And so I respect it. You need to respect me. Don't you put them things. Don't put them icicles on me. But I respect and communication. And when you have that, you have mutual respect and mutual submission. All the single people, just listen up real fast. If you're single, just listen to a little Matthew McConaughey. Green light. A little green light. Single people, hear me. If you're interested in somebody and you're dating them and you don't see that they can submit to God, what makes you think they're going to submit to you?

14:01 If it's hard for them to submit to God's Word and God's truths and God's principles, why would you think they're going to submit to you? No, the way that I know I am even a candidate to date them is the way that they submit to God. And their submission to God tells me we could end up having a great marriage. Come on, somebody. So it's a reflection. By the way, the way that I make it easy to submit to Julia is I make it easy to submit to Jesus. and when I have submission in my lifestyle, I'm submitted to God, I'm submitted to our board, I'm submitted to my wife. I live a life under authority and some of us, we struggle in relationships because we don't want to submit to nobody. Ain't nobody going to tell me what to do. Well, have fun being single.

14:47 Take that. Because for a marriage to last, it takes mutual submission. We've got to submit together. Amen? By the way, just to all the single people, remember when you're dating somebody, you date them, you put them under a magnifying glass. You watch everything about them. See if they're crazy or not. but when you're married to stay married you got to just walk with your eyes kind of dim like I didn't see that. I didn't hear that. I don't care about that. You didn't just put your icicle feet on me. Praise God.

15:31 See the difference? Do you see the difference? So love is selfless, but love has mutual respect. There ain't nothing worse than somebody that tries to make a joke at their spouse's expense. And you got to be careful because our culture loves disrespect. Oh, dude, we love disrespect. Got him. Oh, we love disrespect. Watch any show. Any show, the dad is the brunt of every joke because we love disrespect. Watch the Super Bowl halftime show. Super Bowl halftime show, everybody's just watching it like this. All right. But the last song came on, everybody's like, oh, they are not like us at all. Oh, got him. It's like, okay, calm down, Ted.

16:23 Chill out. We cannot let disrespect enter into our marriage. We love each other. We trust each other. We communicate to each other and we respect each other. Love is selfless. Love is mutual respect. Write down number three, love is unified.

16:45 In fact, I love this scripture. Watch what Jesus says. Look here in Mark chapter three, verse 25. If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. Division, what's Jesus talking about? If a house is divided, a divided house, half USC, half UCLA, half Clippers, half Lakers, it's not going to stand. A house divided, what is that word division? It's division, multiple visions. You see this happen in couples where they were once united, once on the same team, once on the same purpose, same mind, same mission. And one goes off in another direction towards career or money or fill in the blank. And those two visions will not be fulfilled. We got to fight to keep unified. Fight for a unified vision. This is what our house is going to be about. As for me and my house, we're going to serve the Lord. We're going to be in the house of God.

17:39 We're going to worship God. We're going to follow God. We're going to be united about our finances. We're going to be united about our decisions. We're going to be united about our friendships. By the way, couples, just hear me. Don't ever let anybody into your marriage that you both haven't together decided you've invited them in. Because that will bring division. And what the enemy wants to do to every relationship is bring division. It's kind of like when I was growing up on Saturdays, my dad used to take us out to cut wood. I grew up cutting firewood Saturday mornings. And my dad would take us out and my dad ran the chainsaw. and my brother loaded up all the wood into our truck and your boy, because of the physique, worked the ax. You guys have seen me. And so it was my job to cut all the firewood up, split it, you know, throw it to my brother, he'll put it on the truck.

18:36 And every once in a while you get to a stubborn piece of wood that for some reason just wouldn't submit. And so we would use this little tool, this little tool called a wedge where you kind of start it in the piece of wood and then use like a big hammer and you put it into this stubborn piece of wood and that which was together and unified and unbreakable, if you use the wedge right, you could split the most stubborn piece of wood, split it in half. And the enemy is always trying to put a wedge in your marriage, a wedge in your relationships so he can split you up and say, you know what, you go this way and they go that way, and we find our indifference. Now, I want to encourage you, fight for unity. Fight for your marriage. A love that lasts. Watch what Jesus says. He's quoting the book of Genesis here. Watch Matthew chapter 19. For this reason, a man will leave his father and his mother. That means get out of your parents' basement and be united to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but they are one flesh. Therefore, Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate.

19:53 Let nobody separate you. Why? Why does God need to quote all the way back to the first book of the Bible? Because there's going to be some things that try and separate you and your spouse. There's going to be some people that try and get in the way of your marriage. And you've got to fight for unity. What God has joined together, let no man separate. When I was in Bible college my freshman year, I was in a class, big class for our Bible college, like 60-something people. And the professor got up and she said, who here believes that there is one person out there on the earth for you to find? And they are God's plan for you to marry. And you're supposed to find them and spend the rest of your life with them. And there's that one person out there on the earth that God wants you to marry. Raise your hand if you believe that. And I was the only man that raised a hand in the whole class. You ever raise your hand and you'd be like. Well, forgive me for believing the notebook. so sue me. And the teacher went on to explain, no, no, no, love is a decision.

20:57 Love is a choice. You find somebody. Julia and I grew up our whole lives together, our whole lives together, but she's younger than me. And when we were growing up, Julia was always playing with my little sister. So when I was growing up, I just thought, you know, there's Julia. But I moved to LA in 1998, and I moved back to Washington in the year 2004. I moved from LA back to Washington in 2004. And our families celebrated Thanksgiving together every single year, every year, even while I was down here in LA for all those years. I missed Thanksgiving for a number of years. For a number of years, I would go back for Christmas, but I would miss Thanksgiving. So my first Thanksgiving back, after all those years, my first Thanksgiving back, her parents were hosting it, and we went to her house, and they sat me across the table from Julia. And when I sat down, I looked across the table. I said, dang, little Julia done grown up. My God. My God, what is that? I said, pass them potatoes, sweetheart.

22:01 And so the next Thanksgiving, we were sitting there married. Holler at your boy. You know what I'm saying? Hey, hey, when you find something good, you better... If you like it, then you should have put a ring on it. You don't have to tell me twice. I went fishing in my own pond, okay? I couldn't wait to tell you that part. This is so fun, by the way. I feel so... Like, this is a TED Talk. You guys are so sweet. But we got married, and we made the decision, and my eyes were opened to see the glory of the living God. And the Bible says, he who finds a wife finds a good thing. But you got to find that person.

22:54 Again, put them under a magnifying glass before that. Show me your dental records and your tithing records and your 401K. But when you commit, when you commit, we fight for unity. We're going to be on the same page. Heard someone say one time, a family that never meets together will never score a touchdown together. So how do I stay unified with Julia? We sit and we talk and we get on the same page. We get on the same page about things we need to fix, things that we need to change, things that are broken, things that are working, things that we're excited about. and we are not just in love with each other. We are in committed to each other. We're trying to be unified. What God has joined together and I got a sense from God, God, please blind her to not see my calf muscles until after we're married.

23:54 And thank you, God, that she will say yes. The first time I told Julia, I love you. She said, thank you. The first time I gave her a hug, she patted me on the back. I had to pursue her. I had to pursue her. And when I won her, it didn't mean it was over. It means we begin a life of unity together. You understand the difference? Some people get married, it's like, I don't have to work no more. We're married. It's over. No, nobody. Buckle up. You're just getting started. Love is selfless.

24:34 Love is mutual respect. Love is, what's the next one? Say it again. It's unified. And write down number four. Love is forgiving. Ruth Graham, the wife of the great evangelist Billy Graham, she said one time, a great marriage is made up of two great givers and forgivers. And I believe that with all my heart. The person you should be most generous to is your spouse, and the person you're going to have to forgive the most is your spouse, because nobody's going to hurt you like the person that you love. Nobody's going to let you down more than yourself and the one that you're hitched to for the rest of your life. So you've got to give and forgive like crazy. And if you stop forgiving, by the way, don't you like that the word give is in the word forgiveness? Why? Because it's a gift I give to Julia, or better said, it's a gift she gives to me. And we have to forgive each other.

25:31 Some of us, you don't know how to give forgiveness because you've never forgiven yourself. And you struggle with forgiving you for your bad decisions, for your mistakes, for the way you've acted. And because you can't forgive you, how could you forgive? You cannot give away what you do not have. So that's why when I pray, Jesus said what? Father, forgive me of my sins as I forgive those that have sinned against me. Look at Colossians 3. I love this scripture right here. Colossians 3, it says this. Bear with each other and forgive one another. If any of you has a grievance against someone, forgive as the Lord forgave you. So in other words, it's easy for me to forgive Julia or to forgive others because I understand how much God forgave me. Is anybody thankful that God has forgiven you of your sins? Come on, clap and thank God. Thank you, Jesus.

26:27 So watch this. Could you imagine you receive forgiveness and God's like, I want you to forgive them. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Because Lord, you heard what they said, right? Forgive them. Let's wait a couple of weeks and then let's circle back. Ping me in two weeks God. Father, forgive me of my sins as I simultaneously forgive those that have sinned against me. Do you think that the person that's going to hurt you the most is some comment person on social media or some co-worker? Probably the deepest wounds will be from the one that you spend the most time with. Because in a marriage, you see the good, the bad, and the ugly. And that's why the Bible says love covers a multitude of sins. And I require forgiveness, but how dare I be a person that doesn't give forgiveness?

27:25 This whole thing runs on mercy. This whole thing runs on forgiveness. And so as I receive forgiveness, I'm happy to go give forgiveness. There's nobody that I ask for for more forgiveness than my spouse. I have to constantly ask Julia, hey, I'm so sorry. You know, will you forgive me? And she's like, I'll think about it. but isn't forgiveness hard when the person doesn't acknowledge what they did and doesn't desire to change? So it's not just that I want forgiveness. I want forgiveness, and I want to do my best to be a great spouse to my wife. Amen? Come on, clap if that's your prayer today. Worship team, come join me. So I'm a person of forgiveness. I'm a person of forgiveness. Love, love is selfless.

28:19 Love, also, what I love, it's mutual respect. Love is unified and love is forgiving. Why don't you today make a decision? I'm gonna forgive the ones that have hurt me. I'm gonna forgive the ones that have mistreated me. I'm gonna forgive the one that means the most to me. You know, on your wedding day, when you're standing there, you didn't think about how much you'd have to forgive that person. But now that you're a few years into marriage, you understand, man, you see all my inadequacies. You see all my insecurities. You see all my fears. You know all my tendencies. You know when I'm lonely and tired. And you know when I'm hungry. And you know when I'm afraid. And yet you love me. Thank you for your love. Will you forgive me for my bad attitude? Will you forgive me for the way I misspoke? Will you forgive me for the way that I've been acting? I want to be great to you. Is that your prayer? That's what creates a love that lasts. It's not how good your wedding is. In fact, I saw a study recently that said people that spend the most amount of money on these huge, lavish weddings have a higher propensity to get divorced.

29:19 I said, thank God we only spent 30 bucks. We got a shot. but I'm telling you it's going to require a lot of forgiveness a lot of forgiveness, a lot of grace a lot of forgiveness, a lot of forgiveness I'm praying for you I'm praying that your marriage will last I'm praying that you will do well I'm praying if you're single you find somebody great you find somebody great like win the lottery great amen If you're dating and you're like, I don't know if this is the one and I can't quite tell, let's pray for discernment. Let's ask God to speak to you and show you. Open up your eyes to see what you can't see. This stuff is so real because, in my opinion, there's not a greater testimony we have to an outside world than our marriages.

30:17 our marriages are what tell the outside world how great and good our God really is I'm praying for us that we'd be people that don't just walk with Jesus but we have strong homes strong families strong marriages amen we started this series because I've just I've really felt led to just talk about love love love talk about real love God's plan for real love he's got a plan for doesn't he? It's all through the scriptures, don't you think? God wants us to do it his way, not our way. Don't listen to the wisdom of the world. Listen to the wisdom of God. Don't worry about what Dr. So-and-so and podcast expert So-and-so is saying. What's God saying?

30:59 I got to go to the scripture. Oh, the scripture says, love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not rude. It is not proud. It is not easily provoked to anger. Love keeps no record of wrongdoing. It always trusts, always hopes, always protects. Love never fails. That's love actually. When we get sold this Disney lie that it's goosebumps and flowers and chocolates,

31:26 maybe it starts that way. Maybe it is that way in the beginning. But after that, your marriage works if you work. but if you stop working on it it stops moving forward so I put down some red flags because I know everybody loves red flags love that doesn't work selfishness instead of sacrifice deceit instead of truth resentment instead of mercy and lust instead of commitment those are red flags you know what lust is lust is demanding today what God has in store for tomorrow lust will not wait because it's impatient but love the first thing it said is love is patient. And if we're going to behold the Father's love, He's going to pour out His love into our life. And with all that love, not in my own strength, but in a supernatural strength, I can love not just my neighbor, but I can love the one that I'm joined together forever. Amen?

32:34 in sickness and in health, in rich or for poor, till death do us part. Amen? Come on, stand to your feet.